I was witness to a very unsettling scene in Super Store on Saturday. I was browsing in the linen section, touching stuff and sometimes smelling it.
Actually I wasn't really browsing, I was looking for a bargain, after all it was a week after Christmas and everything was 50-75% off. What a better time to buy something you don't need. I encountered two men about ...maybe 30 years old, discussing their children. I HEARD .. Man #1 tell Man #2 that, he and his wife had just spent Christmas in England and Poland (not your normal Christmas destination I thought) anywho, Man #1 said, he was fed up and disappointed with the trip. Apparently, his son's potty training went south during the trip. Tell me this isn't so!! My ears perked up, as this was good blog fodder.
I sidled up to the two young men, and became extremely interested in a rack of cookie cutters they were brushing up against. As I was reaching for the very last one in the rack, making my time there seem reasonable, Man #2 said, Oh my god, I totally know what it's like, my son had the SAME problem when we went on vacation when he was two. Man #1 said, the hotel they were staying in in England was not in close proximity of his editor, and had to spend 2 hours a days commuting from one location to the next, and as he was doing this his wife was feeding the kid chocolates in their room. (or did he say my wife locked him up in the room)..it was loud in the store, sometime I don't hear so good. He continued on, telling #2 that the child who would not go potty, now would not go to sleep, and he was up every hour on the hour!!....BLAME IT ON ENGLAND ARSEHOLE..AND the 9000 hour plane ride home had been a nightmare. Man #2 was quick to give advise, telling him that his first child was just like that, but their second child was a saint, and soon would be the pope. He encouraged his poor man to have another child so he and his sleep deprived wife could have a second child who would certainly be a nun.
By this time, I had pretty well seen all the cookie cutters they had in stock, so I moved on to placemats, just to the left of them. First I had to take a round out of a Chinese lady who would not let go of the one I wanted. God, these people!! Finally I let her have it when I realized they didn't have the whole set. She was so happy she high 5'd me, but I missed her hand, because she was so short! Damn near slapped one of those yuppies in the face!
So, I was still in ear shot of these two loosers, when Man #1 said to Man #2, ... at this rate my wife and I will never finish our thesis, AND she just came back from Thailand a week before we left for England finishing up her reseach work. It is so stressful. Well for the loveofagoat, no wonder your kid shits his pants and can't sleep, the little bugger is HOME ALONE! Man #2 says yes, it's hard juggling school, children and still trying to keep up with our pilates workouts. HA..I made the pilates part up. Birkenstock Bastards!! How do people like this even get married..did they have a "play-date" and then tied the knot? I'd love to see their student loans...I don't know, pretentious stupid people just make me wanna hurl.