Sunday, March 12, 2006

Humliation you are my friend

As I have said before, Gord and I aren't real movie buffs.

I thought I could change that this weekend. If I am anything, I am always optomistic which always leads to my downfall. I should know by now..sigh..

You see, there was a pesty little cloud hanging over balonies head this weekend. Call it fate, or sheer stupidity but I managed to make myself look like a horse's ass at Blockbuster Video on Friday. Things were looking good for the weekend, my boss let me off early, I was wearing my luck blue sweater, and I had a hankering to watch a real movie. Not one on TV...I mean A REAL RENTED MOVIE! We got a DVD player for Christmas and had not tried it out yet. My BIL set it all up and gave me the low down on how to operate in my mind, I was GOOD TO GO.

I left work on Friday, and went straight to Blockbuster to rent movies.

I have been there ..hmmm, let me think, sometime in 2002, so I had a Blockbuster card. I was prepared. I walked in the store, and was just blown away by the assortment of movies one could aquire if one so desired. But, I had made a list of 4 movies I wanted to see.

1. Trailer Park Boys
2. Crash
3. Meet the Folkers
4. Cold Mountain

As you can see, I wasn't looking for much substance...pure entertainment was my goal.

I started to "browse" though the store, and to my amazement I found all 4 movies!! K'CHING. It took me about an hour because I wasn't to familiar where all this shit was. I seen huge lineups at the check out counter, and was amazed at all the people coming in on a Friday night, renting movies. So, I thought I would just browse somemore, and let the lineup die down.

Two people beside me were bitching that the movies they wanted were rented out. I thought...hey Mr. and Mrs. Stupid.. I have them right in my hot little hands, and you can't get them..that was before I went to the check out.

As I approached, an over zealous sales clerk, said...HI, CAN I HELP YOU. I said yes, but it seems (as I was fumbling in my wallet, I could not find my Blockbuster card from 2002).. I cannot find my card! He said, no problem all we need is some kind of ID. Okay, I said ..trying to keep all my DVD stash balanced in my arms, along with the contents of my purse. Once, I was directly in front of him, I unloaded all my DVD's on the counter, he suddenly had a frown on his face. He said, not only haven't you been here for a long time (dumbhead), but you have taken all the display DVD packages off the shelf. Hey.. Say What?

Well the way I heard him say it, you have to take the DVD movie BEHIND the display model. Fortheloveoafolkerdvd!! But, he was all smiles after that, and treated me like a 5 year old, and said, let's just go and put all of these back and see if you have acutually picked any movies that are in stock. Fudge. I tried to follow him, but he was fast, and I had picked a DVD from every end of the store. So I finally just gave up and went to the counter. Mr Cheery, came back and said, you are in luck, we have Meet the Folkers, and Cold Mountain. I wept. I wanted Trailer Park Boys! So, when I paid for the movies, I went in my wallet to get out my ID, and I found my Blockbuster Card tucked in a corner! His reply was, well something went right for ya tonight!! ...fuckhead.~!

I took the movies home, and later when Gord got in, we ordered pizza. I asked him if he wanted to watch one of the movies, and he said NO... because it's was getting late and he had to get up early on Saturday. Okay then! (good thing that was, because I didn't even know how to use the DVD player.)

My plan for Saturday night was after everyone had left our AAhour ritual, to make a light supper and watch movies. So, I practised my DVD skills during the afternoon while I was doing housecleaning and shit. I aced it.

Saturday night came around, all the people left. I made some snacks and turned on the DVD PLAYER. I was sorta showing off.. I put on Meet the Fockers. Mistake number one.

You see, Gord has this thing, every fricking time I want to watch a movie on TV or rent one albeit from 2002, HE HAS SEEN IT ALREADY!! How, in the hell, can that be? It's just not possible, all he watches is the news!!

The movie started, and I was waiting for him to say something. Nope, we watched, and we laughed..I started thinking ... maybe he hasn't seen this one in his dreams. Suddenly a scene come's on with Jinx the cat who is pissing it the toliet..and all I hear is WE SEEN THIS MOVIE BEFORE..wellfuckme! I exhaled. I knew it was coming, but I didn't know when. I got up from my reclinder, went to the bathroom, where I had conviently placed a noose over the showerhead...and hung myself.

You see, if he has seen a "trailer"...he has seen the movie! ahhhhhhhhhhh!!

So, after he took the noose off my neck and did some CPR, (this is as close as I have got to sex in a long time) I asked him, if he could he tell me what was coming up next on the movie?...and he did..and he was right..and it couldn't have been on the "trailer"...

I think, we must have seen it on TV and at the time I was making His Highness his supper and got distracted...or I was smoking crack. What do you think?

On another topic, I was going through some computer junk I had stored away, and I found my old web cam I had when my last comupter pulled the plug. I installed it again today, and have been looking at myself at length. Vain? looking at my flabby face, making obsence hand gestures, and then coxing the dog to get on my lap...and saying..Penny..who's that pretty girl?..

Ahhh, I live a full life. Nothing wrong here.
You think?

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