Okay, as long as I am here.
I have something niggling in the back of my mind. Just a niggle.
I don't usually post about my work, because I'm not sure who is reading it. But I am sure after all these years on line they probably would have got bored and went to greener pastures. And, if not, this is what is on my mind.
Our company is moving...just down the street mind you, not far away. We are going to rent a 5,000 sq. ft. building that is being built especially for us.
On Friday my boss informed me that a "new girl" would be starting on Monday (today) and she was going to co-ordinate the move. Meaning we will need to do a lot of stuff with the phones, new furniture, blah blah blah...all the shit the needs to be done to make a smooth transition. Also she would be available to help around the office if need be. "Bells started to ring in my head"....opp's is this my successor? After all I am 64 years old and she is about 9. And very pretty and smart. Plus she has ties with his family. I think I am doomed.
On my birthday last week he was kidding me about being ahem..old...and he went on to ask what my plans were after I reached 65. You know 65..the year you are supposed to spend your winters in Arizona and your summers in your motor home travelling throughout the US, and parking in trailer parks with ole folks of the same ilk. Playing horse shoes? I said I wasn't there yet, and probably would make a decision on that when I felt I needed to.
So, I don't know. I don't feel comfortable. At all.
I have been in this situation once before where family members and friends needed a job and I was the victim and let go. But, I am hoping this won't be the case. I have been there for 13 years.
I really was going to retire next year, but just didn't want to make the commitment just yet. Because I don't get retirement.
I don't get it at all. It all seems so final. I don't want to sit and crochet in front of the TV and chase kids off my front lawn. I don't want to motor home (ever).
I should have called this the "Old Farts Lament"......
How do you get older but feel the same as you did when you were 20? Nothing really changes except the hormones, plus you are a whole lot wiser. But you are still who you were and are....that never changes..but your body does, and people can't see beyond that . They think in numbers...numbers is the key. We all have been taught to think in numbers.. like "how old is that bread on the shelf?...how much do I weigh? How much money do I make? What day is it? When is my Mastercard payment due?...........numbers. And as we age...we are seen as numbers, by the well deserved lines on our faces. I would appreciate not being called a senior citizen. First I was called a teenager, then I was called a newly wed, then I was called someone who was in mid life, after that I was a baby boomer, then I was called someone who was approaching her golden years and now a fucking senior citizen. Good Grief. Stop with the labels... My name is Joan for shit's sake. Can you see me?
But guess what...I have a whole lotta shit left in me. I gotta whole lot of life left in me..
And that girl ain't taking my job. Like I said it was just a "niggle" but if niggle comes to shove ..someone should take cover. I still have some ammo in my pants.
I have probably over reacted to the grey hair I found in my eyebrow. Who knew your eyebrows got grey?