I am preparing my lap, for my laptop. What! I hear you say, I don't have to put my laptop on my lap? Oh, yes I do. I have wished upon a star for a laptop for many a moon, and I'm going keep it in my lap where I can see it at all times. It will never leave me. I will breast feed it. At night, I will put it in a little baby laptop crib right beside my bed. We will bond.
I have been having some morning sickness, and I have not even had laptop sex yet. I am in the process of conceiving. I guess my hormones are getting out of hand. I don't know who will be the "daddy".. but I'm pretty sure his name will be Dell. And if it is, I will name her Delilah..why, why, Delilah..that was just a Tom Jones fart. Nevermind.
I never knew it would be so tough to be a first time mom. There are things to think about that had never occured to me before. My desktop is a loner, she stays put and never cries at night. She does not long for the lap! So, I have this whole other kettle of fish to fry now. I'm thinking of a laptop swing? A frontal laptop carrier for when we go shopping, a changing table, when she needs her software changed, antibotics when she gets a virus, a carrying case to take her to the doctor, not to speak of a car seat!! Jeez who knew this was going to be so hard. And another thing, the dog will be jealous of her. I have to make sure I give them equal attention, while I caress Delilah...
Okay, then there is the day care issue. I cannot take Deliah to work. Our computers are on a network and frown upon laplubbers. Those who have tried to bring one in, failed, because once they plugged it in....the network went down. They don't like them any upstart's. Nope. And if they can't get the network to go down, they wipe out the printer. Then if you get the printer's going, they wipe out the fax machine. They.are.very.powerful.so.we.don't.mess.with.them. They own us. BIG TIME.
Once Purolator delivers her. I don't know which way to go .. do I have a C section in the back of the truck, or do I invite him in my house and deliver her here? I think I will have her delivered to the house. Then, when I sign her over to me, all I have to do is pry the packing slip off of her face, and she is all mine.
Mat leave..here I come!! I read a lot of mom blogs and am very aware of how the first years of a young one progresses. I am assured, that she will be peaceful and sleep a lot the first year, but heaven help me with the "terrible two's." So, I am prepared for the fact that her technology will be getting a little old by then, and when I give her "time outs" but it won't be her fault if she is giving me crap. Her hard drive will be slowing down. But, with our new technology all we have to do is insert another one and give her a booster shot. I'm sure after she has had all her shots, we will grow old together. My, my Delilah.