Are you getting tired of me yet? Cause it ain't over. I tracked him again today, but only did it 567 times. No sense getting Canada Post mad at me. It still says he is in a sorting station in Mississauga Ontario. Fuck.
What the hell is to sort out? It has my name, address, and next of kin right on it. Send it to me NOW! I would have thought by now it would have said: Your order is just rounding a curve on the #1 Highway from hell in Ontario, near Kenora (dead man's curve) we like to call it. However we must inform you that at least 10 semi drivers have met their fate on that stretch of highway this past year. Now, if you would just have paid that extra postage we could have avoided killing innocent truckers if you would have sent by air.
It's all my fault. I know. It always is.
I have no common sense.
Hopefully it will be coming into the front door of my office tomorrow morning, with my little happy assed postman. He is on notice, so I have a bag of cookies waiting for him if he delivers. If he brings it on Monday, it's an apple with a razor blade in it. I'm serious.
But, I don't think he looks like an apple eatin guy anyway, so I won't kill him. He is a funny looking older man, and has a huge butt on him, you don't see too many men with big butts these days. He sure looks funny in his Canada Post shorts in summer. I watch him waddle back to his truck after he delivers my mail. He makes me smile. And I sorta would like to pinch it and see him squeal. oink.
If he brings the laptop tomorrow, I might just pat his big butt. God, I am so desperate. And no, I won't sleep with him...I don't think there is enough room for the both of us in the back of his Canada Post van......because his butt is sssssssssssso BIG! I'm surprised he has enough room in there for the mail.
This is my fate: