Monday, November 27, 2006

Just what in the hell is wrong with me?

I had my REAL Christmas template all picked out. Today, when I was going to start working on it, and tweakin it a bit, I couldn't download it! FortheloveofGIjoe. I went to the website and the guy has exceeded his bandwidth. Fart. How dare he? It's almost Christmas man!! I'd like to give him a "boot to the ass" whether he needs it or not, and then hit him with a stick. Maybe I should offer up some cash, but I'm not that desperate. I have a little homemade template in the works, that looks verrry third grade. I need new crayons.

I bought a "blow up Polar Bear" on Saturday. No, I wasn't planning of doing him, I just wanted him for my annual Christmas display on my back deck. (but he could come in handy later). Shit, he was 4 feet tall and had nice cuddly lap. These guys come with a fan to blow them up along with stakes and tethers to hold them down in the snow. Well, my polar bear must have been a "free range" polar bear fresh out of Churchill...he came without any holding down materials.

I took him out on the deck, and tried to sort him out. I noticed the heavy fan part was right on his ass part along with the longest white penis I have ever seen diguised as what would seem to be a cord. I unravilled his peni.. and plugged him in. Fortheloveofgod!! He blew up like a balloon. He startled me. And the dog. And then he started to fly away. Apparently he needed to be tethered. There was not anytime for bonding with (Ed and I) the name I gave him when he was still in the box, and when the wind picked up...so did Ed. But, the good thing was his pee pee was still plugged in. So, I did not loose Ed. Nope. He was trying to do some lift off's, so I starting punching him down..it was just me and the Polar Bear, face to face, woman to bear, I was ...well..bear wrestling. Then I wrastled him to the ground, and gave him the the heimlich manoeuvre and I broke him. Popped his guts. I won.

I'm taking him back to Superstore tomorrow. I hope they can replace him with a bear that has some guts!..and a tether. And his name is Ed. I'm so sorry I had to kill him. But you know how it is out in the wild...kill or be killed. It was dirty job, but I got it done. Man against beast. I am one one brave girl. If I don't win any prizes for blogging every stinking day, I want a prize for bear wrastling. It's not negoiable.

6 comments:

Special K said...

My friends, The Gaylords, have one of those bears. A number of us are going to their house on the 9th, and I wonder if they'll have it up again. It seems they had better luck than you did.

I hear ya on the NaBloMoFo; a month is just a little too damn long.

Joe said...

I think you should get a purple heat for trying girl! :_) Back from the beach! got me a lap-top like some one I no way up north. Couldn't use it with out a wi-fi card? Man I'm dense! Any way no post yet busy week getting ready for our Xmas Party Friday!

Brenda said...

Ha! I've been looking at those and now I know for sure, since I'm not a good bear wrestler, I don't need Ed's redneck cousin!

AndiePandie said...

If it wasn't so early I would have laughed out loud. This entry was hysterical!

Leslie said...

Who knew they had such ginormous knobs? Cool.

Good luck with the new one. Get a she-bear this time.

Joan said...

SK..he was a real stinker. It would have been nice if I would have all his parts.

NaBloMoFo..is making me weary.

........

Hey Joe
A Laptop..good going. yeah you have to have the card. I was on your site today and thought you were still basking in the sun. I expect some really good pic's.

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Brenda.. Ed was a peach, but he needed to be tethered, like most men. I loved his Santa hat and the big scarf around his neck... and he even had a light in him. How many guys show you there sweet spots..I will miss Ed.

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Andie, you never met Ed. He was a hoot, I'm just glad I had the foresight to put a rope on him before I started my magic.
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Leslie - knobs you say HAAAAAA. God you are funny. Yeah, I guess I'll try to look for female. Would that make me gay?