Sunday, November 12, 2006

A day off, and time to take lappy for a spin

I was exhausted after cleaning the house yesterday. I have never in my whole born life seen so much dog hair! I knew it was there for the last two weeks, it was on top of my "to do" list, but it just kept on getting left (unchecked) as there were more pressing things to get done around here. Like, eating, going to work and staring off into space. So, I took a BIG BRUSH to the canine yesterday, and got every hair that seemed loose, off of her. Yes, there was some yelping, but she is a sissy. She looks like she lost 5 pounds! Next week I will have her nails clipped and that should make it 6 pounds. (I would clip her nails, but she is a super beotch and gets all bendy, wiggles, turns upside down then bites and groans until you want to clip her nose!) I don't want to do that because she needs that nose when she is on fart patrol. Therefore I let the professionals get bit. It worth the 13.00 bucks.

So, today was supposed to be a day of relaxation. If you have ever read my blog in fall, you will know it's time for Gord to put his toys to bed, and run them one last time. Once again, we had:

1. A snowblower that we don't even need (remember! we have a snowblade now), running on the driveway.

2.) The stinking Lincoln, running on all 8 cylinders with emissions coming out of it's two tail pipes that would make Arnold S., come running all the way down from California to kill him.

3.) His leaf blower. I can't believe he did.not.gas himself! I finally ran to the back of the garage and opened the side door, it was lethal! But, he only coughs when I smoke.

4.) The motorcycle. Rum Rum Rum...Rum Rum Rum...till I thought I would loose my mind. Then he drove it through the gate into the back yard and parked in our shed. Can you imagine my surprise when I looked out the kitchen window and saw him riding his bike in the backyard!! At least this time he didn't try running over the dog. Not like last year.

5.) After all his babies we safe and sound and their batteries were taken care of, (whatever he does with them). THEN he got in my Explorer, attached the snowblade, and decided to grade our driveway. (we have no snow) people! I ran outside and I expressed my absolute disbelief that he was going to use a snowblade for leveling gravel. My last words were, "if you wreck that thing, don't come crying to me arsehole." He continued on. It was like my words were swept away with the wind.

God, if you are up there, tell him to just to cut it out already!!

So, then we had lunch. No, I did not poison him. The fumes will do that. After he left for the shop, I had the whole afternoon to myself and my new laptop that I haven't had any time to use. I wanted to put all my software on it, and just caress it in general. BUT, first the dang dog wanted to go for a walk! Crikey, can't anyone leave me heck alone! I did that. Came back home. My internet was gone! Poof!Wellfortheloveofpete, can't I catch a break? My new wireless router seemed to be a little cranky all weekend. I was shaking, I was so mad...this is the second router I have installed and I am still having problems!! So, I grabbed him by his two funny looking antenna's, shook him, turned him off, then spit on him. Whoa he seemed to like the rough stuff, I plugged him back in and I was back online. I guess they just have to know "who is the boss."

So, then I decided to take lappy for a spin around the house, after all she doesn't know where I may want to use her. After all it's been a month since I adopted her.

The bathroom: This was a chance for a little R&R and just some you and me time for lappy. So, Lappy, do you like the towels?
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The kitchen table: We will spend a lot of time here, so I can keep an eye on the neighbor's and your half sister Penny when she goes out to make her business.
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The bedroom: You and I will have cyber sex here, so don't be surprised.
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By the fireplace: Don't be all scared if there is a lot of smoke in the house, because sometimes your mom forgets to open the damper.
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Then I started back up the stairs and O' Lordy, I'm not as nimble as I once was, sorry Lappy, I'm going to have to get a hard hat for you.
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oops I went boom all the way down

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Penny was watching all my antics and this is what she thought about it:

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You can tell by the bored look on her face, she has no sense of humour. Dink.

I live with two Dinks. I am the only sane person here. Well I'm not really sane, but closer than those two!!

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