Sunday, January 27, 2013

Don't know?

You caught me on a bad night.  I don't like living here.  Again.  It's dark and lonely.  The house is so well insulated that you can't even hear a car go by.  I can hear the garbage trucks because they are loud.  That is about it.  When we lived at the other house...the city was alive...and I could hear air planes...ambulances, fire trucks ... trains...cars...trucks ...everything.  I could hear the school buzzer buzzing accross the street when school started. None of it ever bothered me... I was so used to the noise.....and made me feel safe.  Not that I don't feel safe here...but I miss the NOISE. 

I met an old friend at the store yesterday and she asked me how I liked living where we are....and I told her it was like living in a vacumn..... nothing happens here....deer roam freely... so fucking what...you see one...you have seen them all.  Maybe once spring comes around and I can work outside this might change my mind.

Penny's lump...Lipoma has grown larger again.... it always seems to do that around December.  I am so stressed out about taking her to the vet.  If they have to do an operation it might kill her....because I have left it for so long hoping it would stop growing.  It was for a year or two...but now it's getting in her way of walking.  She still runs...but it's on her shoulder and had gone down to her right leg.

I cannot imagine living in this huge house without her.  She is my pal.  We read each others minds...Strange as that seems.  I have never felt more connected to anyone.  It will be a very sad day when we have to part ways.  Then I will have to make some hard core decisions on how I will decide to spent the rest of my life. Gord is never home....and is still doing  his thing....with the business....and his brother....all the time.... 

I thought retirement meant .... having a good time at the end of your life cycle... I guess it takes two to tango. 



10 comments:

cocoabean said...

I agree with you: I love the noise and the hustle and bustle of living in the city. It makes life a bit more interesting!

Kathy Hauck said...

Do you think, maybe, it's the winter blues? The short days. Cold weather? I know I'm having a tough time this winter and you can hear everything through my windows!

Captain Poolie said...

Thinking of you. Sending you what I can.

Donna said...

Oh gosh Joan...wish I could say something profound to help you. All I know is that all the things we want to do or to be, comes from us, alone. What I would do...you probably would hate it. SOOOO.
I'm just going to send the "I Wish Fairy" your way!Hahaaa...She's SO much better at these things than I am.
I also DO know what you're feeling about Miss Penny...((((HUG))))

Nicole said...

I wish I had something to say that would help. I find that this month has me feeling more 'down' than anything else. Gone are the holidays and now the bleak winter days stare at me. I need something to plan for! If my dog was not feeling well and a vet visit was in order I think it would make the feeling worse.
All I can say is to wait a little longer. When sunny days start peaking through prehaps you'll feel better. Plus, you'll have outside things to do and you can make plans for yourself. Find something or several somethings that you love to do. Write more. Even if you think you have nothing to say. We all come here to read your words.
Hang in there! Many healing and healthy thoughts coming Penny's way.

Joan said...

Ahhh you guys are the best..sorry to have dumped on you .. Sundays and retirement seem to be the worst. I don't know...especially in winter. Penny will be fine .. one day at a time... and I have to quit making a mountain out of her molehill. I'm going to call a few old girlfriends and we are going out for lunch. I just need to get the hell out of here and have some girl time:)

Sally said...

Ah, I'm sorry to just be seeing this, Joan. Penny, bless her little heart. I know you'll do what's best for her, but hope it won't be anytime soon.

I have no advice at all. Retirement was for me at first, great, but later I went back to work for 3 years. I'm thinking that might be something for you to think about at least parttime,
or maybe volunteering somewhere. Every time I think about volunteering at an olds folk's home, I stop and remember that I might be older than they are. :)

xoxo

JUST A MOM said...

you need to FIND something to do with your free time lady,,,,, a hobby a craft, volunteer, DO SOMETHING!!! poor Penny I truly hope she will be ok. When I lost my Pepe I had him 14 years THAT SUCKED..

judemiller1 said...

February is a nasty, grey month and effects our feelings. I don't know if you have ever lived in the country before--if not--it will be strange for you--too quiet. I lived in the country all my life, until 10 years ago, so the noise where I live now drives me nuts. Maybe we could trade places? Nah--your house is way too big for me. I won't give advice--your mood will lift in awhile.

Brenda said...

Big hugs Miz Joan. I'm sorry suburbs are too quiet out there. I'm pretty much totally opposite. I've lived in the cities and my youngest sister does, but I'm on edge if I have to spend the night at her new place which is right in the middle of down town. I hope you find a way for the quiet to soothe you too.