Saturday, August 08, 2009

Oh so there you are

I have just been hanging around with my favourite friends...

Then I got the challenge from Poolie to put a bucket on my head and take a picture. It really doesn't seem like a grown up thing to do, does it? Is this the legacy we will leave our children ..or nieces and nephews? I pondered upon that for about two seconds and then I grabbed my camera.

I couldn't find a bucket. So, if you have ever watched "Keeping up Appearances" an English Sit Com you will know it is pronounced "Bouquet." I could not find a Bouquet. Hyacinth Bucket (Keeping Up Appearances) So I did the next best thing. I am Hyacinth's Canadian sista. Joanie Balonie Bucket/Bouquet. And I put a bag on my head. Yeah, you figure that one out. I think I must have bought fish that day...oy it was stinky.

Then, I said "what the hay"...why not wear a lamp shade, you wine soaked piece of cake? So I did. I'm not too handy with the camera in the bathroom mirror mind you. But if you look closely I think I look like La Toya Jackson.

On another note, I have a next door neighbour. Yes, she is nice, and yes she is annoying as hell.
We have been neighbours for twenty some years now, and I know her schedule. Every night at exactly 7:15 PM she comes out to her yard and starts puttering around. (she knows I'm up on my deck just after playing with the dog or walking her on her good days) . I can see her working down there. And I know what is to come:

At 7:18 she will siddle up to my side of the she is

Little miss happy face leaning over the fence. She is retired, and much younger than me, for shit's sake. I just hate people who make good decisions for their retirement.

So, miss happy face starts talking to me on my deck...and half the time I can't hear her, because either the dog is barking or someone is mowing their lawn, but that does not stop her from talking.

Over the years, I have come to know what she is going to say anyway, so I just wing it.

1. She will comment on our raspberry bushes, which have moved from my garden to if she points to the right when she is talking, I know she is talking about the raspberries. I respond and say "'s been a bad year with all the rain, but they are starting to come in now"..then the dog barks...and she is talking again, and I can't hear her. But I smile, and say ..yes!

2. Her next comment will be about some creeping vines she planted right next to our fence..which are coming through to our side. She is so worried the will crowd out my ferns. Every day we talk about this, and every day I can't really hear her concerns from my deck But when she points down from her vantage point I know she is talking about the vines. Sometimes I know she can't hear me especially if the dog is barking at her...and I give her the "forgetabout moves" with my hands. And she laughs...and I laugh... and I hope she goes away. But most times, she does not.

Apparently I have not had the low down on all her Grandchildren, and what all the other neighbours do when I am away at fucking WORK.

I had fun on the deck on Thursday. To the left of our fence...she and her son and law were building a shed on their property. Two of her daughters kids were left alone on their immaculate lawn to play while they were working. There was a gate separating them. They could hear them and were only a few feet away.

It was funny as hell, these kids come from a family of four and roughhouse all the time. Nothing is sacred. Plus they had a new puppy. A lot of running was done, while Grammy and SIL were putting up the shed. Suddenly the oldest ..about 8 years old told her younger bro...about 6...Look!!! Grandma has a pear tree? It took the young one about 2 seconds to climb it and start ripping out the little baby pears. Finally when he couldn't reach them anymore he came down, and his sister started to jump up and grab the branches. They worked those branches, until finally a big one broke. They looked at each other, and they knew..THIS WAS NOT GOOD.

The older girl, told her little bro...."oh man, we have to hide this from grandma" and off they went and put it away back in her yard.

About 10 minutes later, neighbour lady comes into the backyard and sees the carnage...little baby pears everywhere, plus the new puppy was eating them!!!! Both children were sat down by their dad and asked...WHO DID THIS? Fingers pointed from one to the other....And everyone was sad, Daddy wasn't buying it.

When neighbour lady started to talk about this, I told her I saw the whole thing, she got a little defensive, but I couldn't hear her, all I saw was her hands reaching for heaven. I got the picture.

Or maybe she was infected with rabies.


Sally said...

Oh my gosh, Joan, you are a riot!! Love your pictures, and I have a neighbor just like yours. She's very nice, but I seldom can hear what she's saying! :)

The flowers are beautiful!

JUST A MOM said...

we have very tall brick walls around our yards.... can't see a thing AND sadly people do not talk much around here.

Hope you had a great weekend.

Nicole said...

I love the pictures! Can't beat a lampshade on the head! Have a funny story about wearing one as a hat while crossing the Canadian border...
I love your hanging plants. How do you get them looking so great? Mine look terrible.

Poolie said...

Oh my God! I am thrilled! It will be posted tomorrow! You crack my shit up, Latoya!

judemiller1 said...

I have a neighbor just like yours--except mine cusses every other word--it seems sometimes (with my dog barking in the background) all I heard are the cuss words, which makes a truly funny conversation.

Brenda said...

Hahaha, did the kids get their tiny tails spanked for their destruction? I love Keeping Up Appearances and love your photos and stories!

herstory07 said...

I have a neighbor like that, sort of. On one side, the pigstiers... the other side, the driveby gardener... I'm surrounded by idiots!
So, what to do...? I avoid eye contact and stay out of their eyeline.

Donna said...

Hahahaaaa....what a neighbor!! I stole plums, as a ones but never broke anything...Hahahaha....Fun post Joan!!hughugs

Donna said...



Joan said...

Those are fighting words Donna, wanna go out back, I think I can kick your ass!

Herstory, Hi, welcome nice to hear your side of it. Sorry you had to see me kick my friends ass, but she started it.