Thursday, May 15, 2008

Bullets.. the blogger kind.

My week stunk.....whatever it was will be in list form. If I could put all my grievances in here on a excel spreadsheet and also formulate my mood swings on a graph chart ... I would. It would save a lot of swear words and unneeded typing of the words. You could just see the chart, and resume your lives. But, I won't be that kind. I will make you go through it piece by piece.

I think I will use bullets...only because I didn't have a gun this week. Heh
Okay blogger wouldn't let me use bullets today..but pretend they are there.

The first bullet goes to the lady/man who didn't take care of their dog on Tuesday. I found this little ugly pug thing running down my street on my way home for lunch. Of course, I can't let a dog run unattended..even if it has a pushed in face. And the rest of him would have been pushed it if he wouldn't have missed my front wheel by an inch! He ran off down the street. I sat in my truck thanking the dog gods that I didn't run over this ugly dog. Gathered my thoughts, drove home (1/2 a block away) and ran into the house and got a leash so I could catch the ugly son of a bitch who was taking up to much time of my lunch hour.

Gord was home already, and I told him...I'm going to rescue a lost dog....be back in a flash. I was really wondering if he could actually heat the Chili up himself before I got back, plus make toast. Two things...I didn't know... It was a lot to ask. I ran back to my truck, and went down the street, and I couldn't find the ugly dog. I finally turned around and was going to go back home when I saw him in the front of our cul de sac. I got out of the truck, leash in hand...unlike dog catchers who have lasso's or something like that. I called "ugly" and he wouldn't come, he just kept on running around me trying to let me catch him. He was starting to piss me off big time. We played this game about 4567 times, until I got fed up and was about to get in my truck and say "enough", and if he got run over ..to bad..so sad, because most of his face was already pushed in.

Just as I was ready to call it quits a lady pulls up from the back lane, jumps out of her car and tried to help me. SHE WAS GOOD! She gave the dog every command a dog might have learned. But, alas that flat faced little bitch, just ran circles around her too. Just as we were about to give up, the dog spotted an open fence across the road and ran into the yard. The lady yelled at me "now we got him", he has nowhere to go.! She ran after him really fast, and I was still standing on the street, hungry for my Chili...after all ...my lunch hour was getting smaller by the second. But, hey she had a point, so we left both our vehicles standing in the middle of the street ...with the doors wide open...our purses in them.....and ran after that flat faced bitch. After she ran in the yard, I went in next...and closed the gate. This dog was never ever getting out. We were a dog SWAT team. It took her about 5 minutes to tire that guy out, and she had him by the collar. She carried him out, and I put the leash on him, and she was about to give him to me...........until I said, I'm on my lunch hour...I don't know what I will do with the dog. No, problem said SWAT lady...she has tags, and I will phone the number on them. I almost kissed her, but hey, I'm not that gay. (yet). She asked me where she could return the leash, and I told her....and off she went with flat face. To her, I will be forever grateful for. I couldn't let a dog run loose on the streets. It could be mine.

Later that night, I went over the scenario in my head...and something jumped out at me. The dog obviously got out when someone left the gate open, I found the dog about 5 feet from the gate, he went back into after we were chasing him. OMG...we stole the dog from his own back yard!! I remember going into the back yard and seeing a lot of shit by the gate and also further in, but NO dog. I still don't know whose dog it was. I only know
SWAT lady lives a few blocks down from my place, so I don't know how she found the owner. She left the leash on my front steps the next day so I know it was all good.

It's a good thing I don't try to save the planet. It would all go to shit. You guys would be living in a dump. Common sense doesn't kick in until about 7 hours later.....and then it would be to late. And you would have to kiss your fat asses goodbye.

The second bullet goes to ...my husband gordie good guy. Thanks for waiting for me while I was rescuing a dog from his own back yard, while you were waiting for me to nuke the chili and make some toast for lunch. When I finally got back, you had figured out how to heat the chili up in the microwave, and you had the bread set up in the toaster. But, my dearest...you took this opportunity to take out the necessary utensils out of the drawers only to find.... OMG.. there was a "greeby" on a spoon that the dishwasher hadn't got...call 911. Also, there was a bowl that had some crap on it. How the hell did you pick those two.... out of 56788 dishes and utensils I have!! You did. To my defense, the bowl had been put in the dishwasher 4 times before, why you ask? because if you microwave scrambled eggs, it sticks on the bowls, and I don't have time to bend down, open the cupboard door under the sink, and find the scrubber. I tried to get it off with my fingernails, but I thought if I put in the dishwasher enough times that bastard would get that shit off. I want Kitchen Aid!! I hate this crap we have. I will have to make sure I never get home for lunch after you...because if you knew ..what you don't...you would never eat here again. heh... Hey, if you drop something on the floor...I use the 2 second time limit before it's inedible...and pick it up and put it back in the pot. Unless the dog gets it first.

I have some more bullets, but it's getting late. But I have a question???

Have you ever thrown something out because the dishwasher hasn't cleaned it? I have. I admit it. And my name in Joan.

3 comments:

Dorie said...

Good for you for saving Pugsley! It wasn't like he could tell you he lived there-at least he didn't get squished.
Love the new theme- all those flashy lightning pictures over there on the right!

Brenda said...

Damn that was good! I'm still laughing. Not many folks are that good at dog nabbing.

Scientists did actual tests about the "food on the floor" time rule and you have a whole 10 seconds before any wooly bogger attaches to it. (this was great news for my household especially with the food prices).

Mary Lou said...

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL THat was a HOOT!!!