Thursday, May 22, 2008

My dance card is full. More whining

If you know me at all, you will know, I don't like going around visiting and shit. After my work day is finished, I just want unwind, and when the weekend comes, I want to sleep late and clean up the house, do the laundry, get groceries ... play with Penny Loafer... take my time making a good supper and then I want everything to be quite. I just don't have anymore jam. Then Monday morning rolls around...when it starts all over again. And thank you summertime.. you have added, mowing the lawn, planting flowers, cleaning up the deck ... after all the trees have shed 7,890 pounds of crap on it. I especially like those sticky things that fall from the poplar tree over our deck, that stick to our feet, the entire dog (who rolls in it) and bites me if I try to take them off. I love when all the crap gets tracked in my kitchen from the deck. It's always something! I tell you. Every year it seems a little harder to do. A little more irritating, and I get a little more nuts. Yeah, are you saying I am already nuts...well just wait ..you ain't seen nothing yet. Wait until I turn into "balonie"...then it's over my friends. whine whine...whine...I know..

Summer has come, and so have my weekend busters. 4 invites so far. Oy! There is only one I look forward to, and that is my hippychicks birthday which she is celebrating Sat. June 21 . She has finally retired to the countryside this month and we will be going out to the ranch and party our asses off. Good times.

Then comes the rest...............

Sunday June 1....Wedding shower for my cousins kid.

Saturday July 12.... the wedding.

And in between this:

Sat. June 14th. Gord's Auntie and Uncles 60th Anniversary.

And...at our age it won't be over...I am sure there will be some funerals to attend.

My house will look like a pig sty by the end of July, with all these weekend stealer's.

And don't be telling me to do some stuff during the week, I do! But I leave the heavy stuff for the weekends. Plus my sanity. And trust me I'm not fussy, I only do what is needed.

I just finished mowing the back 40 with our newer lawn mower "Sane Jane." "Jake the Snake" was in the other shed, and I could hear him rumbling in there getting all pissed off. Now that Gord has got him all fixed up, he is feeling his oats...and thinks he's the man and has balls. He is mistaken. Jane has a vagina...a very big one that she uses as a bagger of de grass. How convenient. I mow, she sucks it up in her humongous vagina bag, and I dump it out. Simple. Jake used to just spit it out, even if we attached a ball bag. Macho bastard. I love Jane. Jake, you are one little piece of crap. What we haven't told you yet, is we put you up for sale, you sick bastard. You are in the "Buy and Sell" as of today. I can't wait. If you decide not to start the day we show you off to the new seller I will personally take you out. Just so you know.

Don't start pissing gas again...it's to expensive, and that is getting old. I'm not afraid of you, but the next time you do that I will throw a match on you. Oh, by the way, the hissy fit you had in the shed while I was taking Jane for a spin, was very immature ..plus when I engage her in "self propel" ....she listens and moves forward and doesn't go backwards like you did ...dink.

I will never get another male lawnmower.

6 comments:

Brenda said...

I wish my lawn mower had a vagina, now I'm feeling deprived here.

Donna said...

That's all I need is another damn orifice...LOL...night girl!!hughugs

Joan said...

Yeah, Brenda this one has a big ole ho ho. Jake on the other hand has nothing. He's just of big ole man wagging something that ain't good for nothing at all. heh

Joan said...

Yeah, Brenda this one has a big ole ho ho. Jake on the other hand has nothing. He's just of big ole man wagging something that ain't good for nothing at all. heh

Joan said...

oop's I said that twice...nevermind!!

Sally said...

I LOVE my lawnmower - she's a she, and her name is PEACHES!!! Hey, thanks for stopping by my place, Joan; it was nice to see you and yes I am pretty happy these days.

Can you skip some of those invites?? :)