Friday, February 19, 2010

Dumb and Dumber

I went with Gord for the assessment training session. In the letter they sent us they strongly suggested that he bring the "complainent" along. That would be me. The "snorehearer." He doesn't really snore that loud, but when I hear him in the mornings I can tell he doesn't breath between snores at times. So, this was the concern.

I sleep like the dead between 11:00 PM and 4:00 AM, so he could be gasping for breath between those hours. Anyway, we went to this training session where he would wear a whole bunch of computer equipment on his face, neck and chest for the night to see why he choses not to breath. Personally I think he just is sick and tired of sleeping next to me. I just don't think he's into me anymore...but thanks for the diamond at Christmas pal.

Our appointment was at 11:00 AM and when we got there the waiting room was full of people...and I'm feaking out...WTF, they were so specific that we be there 15 minutes early to do some paperwork and we would be attended to pronto. What I didn't realize is that we all had to go in as a group for the training session.

I was pissed off. But once Gord came back from some measuring assessment he told me all these people were part of our group. Well, okay then...I put my gun back in my purse.

We had to wait about 13.5 minutes after that, yes, I was timing it. While we were waiting I was looking at all the ugly crap he might have to wear on his head to sleep with. It's not attractive. Big hoses everywhere. This could be another set back in our love life.

...Honey, do you want to do it? ummmmm not with you elephant man. "Which hose are you using tonight?

So, anyway as I was sitting in the waiting room, I assessed all the people in our group. I didn't stare at them. I just glanced at them; and formed a opinion about them. It made the time go faster.

Guy #1: Looked very very tired. He looked like a construction worker, I wanted to give him a hug. He had bags under his eyes and looked a little grey. He seemed to need a little oxygen.

Guy #2: Well dressed executive....playing around with the blackberry. I didn't want to judge him right away, so I put him on hold.

Girl #3: An older Aborginal woman with her husband (she was the only one who brought a spouse other than Gord). She looked very nervous and had her hand on her husbands knee, patting it as if to either comfort him or herself.

Guy # 4 and Girl #5 were there because their assessments from the day before "were off the wall" and they needed attention right away. Scary.

So we went through the training session. And when we got home, we tried to remember some of it. You know the part when they ask you ..."do you have any questions?" WE SAID NO, WE ARE NOT STUPID?

So, when Gord went to bed that night and we set up all the equipment ..we found we were stupid. Does that surprise you? I think not.

It's a good thing I am computer savvy ...sort we got the monitor and all it devices set up. Except for one. The finger oxygen sensor was not working, and the machine kept yelling at us. Finally at 11:45 PM we figured it out. He had put it on backwards.

And you know, I woke up at 4:00 PM as usual and he wasn't even snoring, nor loosing a breath. I heard him snorting a bit at 6:00Am but nothing like he used to do.

THIS IS GOING TO BITE ME IN THE ASS ..if he doesn't have sleep apnea. I made him go to the clinic. Better safe than sorry I guess.

We will get the results in about two weeks.

balonie...making low fat egg rolls with sweet and sour sauce for supper.

Any bets it them now.

Excuse me while I take the 3,000 ellipses from the post... opps just did it again. I can't help myself.


Sally said...

This is really going to be interesting. Let us know! I was just talking with my s-i-l today, and she wants my brother to go because she thinks he has sleep apnea also, and that he does stop breathing.

Good luck with all of it.

judemiller1 said...

i love ellipses---use them and dashes all the time...can you tell? Anyway--hope all goes well and he doesn't need the C-Pap machine. Isn't getting older romantic?

Donna said...

Can't wait for the results here! Guess you could have put a clothes pin on his nose...??Hahaa...

Email Me said...

My hubby was concerned I might not find him too attractive in the bedroom once he started using his c-pap machine. I told him that with it on, he reminds me of Darth Vader. SexY.
Also, although I'm sure you'll figure this out for yourself, Joan -- he doesn't have to wear the mask and hose while you two are romping!