Sunday, July 13, 2008

The wedding.. my cousins daugher got married.

Okay, granted that I am old fart, some of this didn't make sense to me. Maybe the youngsters who read my blog...ahhahhaaaa like that happens, would say..hey grandma...whatinthehellisyourproblem? And to them I would say, stick your head up your ass, and put a picture of it on facebook.

This was supposed to be wedding/social. Now, I know most of you don't know what a "Social" is...I will explain. In Manitoba (Canada) I'm not speaking for the other Provinces...we have Socials for the bride and groom before the wedding. Their friends put it on, and everyone buys tickets to go to it. It is a sort of fund raiser for the new couple. Cash Bar, tickets are sold for prizes that are donated by the community etc. With very loud music. A big ole party is what it is. But that that is what we do here, and I'm okay with that. We had one given to us when we got married and so did everyone else I know. It's a tradition. But totally apart from your wedding, and your reception.

The wedding was, in this case, in the same hall they rented for the social. No church. That's okay. But this was a hotel/bar with rooms to rent for special occasions. Are you still with me on this! It was a "all in one deal." Wedding/Social. You don't get to have supper. The wedding was to supposed to start a 5:00 PM.

As we sitting on some really hard chairs..cheek to cheek...the MC informed us at 5:15that the bride was going to be about 30 minutes late. Fudge. Now what were we supposed to do? We kicked back our too closely seated chairs and started to mingle. I started schmoozing with the cousins, plus going out for a well deserved smoke break. The wedding was now in a holding pattern. So, I will tell you what happened before we even got in the the hotel.

Follow me............ to laaaaa la land

We were early, and there was a horrible wind and thunderstorm happening. So we found a parking spot behind the hotel, we were waiting for my bro and family to show up so could all go in together. We only waited about 5 minutes and my niece Lisa pulled up with her mom because they had already let dad (my bro) off at the front door. Apparently they don't have handicapped parking. Okay.. We had hurricane winds and rain and were trying to find a way into this building from the back of it. As we were filling our boots, sandals, or high fricken heels .. I'm looking at you Lisa Loo.. we managed to find the back door of the hotel instead of going all the way around to the front. Now that I think of it the sign on the door said "Cheaters"..or something like that. I didn't really give it a thought. We were getting soaked. Just as we were about to make a run for it...we asked a few guys that were going that way, if we could get into main part of the building from there.

These two good ole boys said.."sure" but you will have to close your eyes. We were already soaked and didn't give them much mind. So the four of us ran into this dark building..and then we all stopped our tracks.. the two guys who we met tried to butt ahead of us...and said ..we warned you... and we let them go in first because we had no idea where we were. was a stripper bar...and it was stripper time. Once our eyes adjusted to the bar which was pretty dark, we saw a huge nakid butt rolling around in roped off area that looked like a boxing ring.. Then we saw more than butt..we saw it all..Hey, I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination, but this caught me off guard. My niece Lisa was just going.."lets get out of here"...We were all standing there with our mouths open, trying not to look, but we did. It was so dark in there we couldn't figure a way around THIS WOMAN..without blocking the view of 20 horny men. Gord on the other hand was in no hurry. Ahem. I finally found a way around THIS WOMAN that would not incur the wrath of aforementioned horny men. We had to go back several times to get Gordon and show him the WAY. Bastard.

Once we found the room we were supposed to go to ... it didn't get much better as I mentioned above.

So we waited and waited, until 6:00 PM and finally the wedding party showed up to get married. The DJ started the music, and because this was such a small wedding I assumed their would only be one attendant for each of them. Nope, I think I counted six bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen or whatthehellevertheyarecalled. No wonder they were late, those bad ass groomsmen, were probably in the stripper bar. I don't know. It was more than unusual. They were married by a Justice of the Peace.. and the vows included her daughter from a previous relationship ... and how the new guy would love her...and they presented her with a ring .. binding that relationship. That was really sweet. It was. Then when they repeated their vows, it was more about...I promise to take you umm.. Hubby.. for better or worse and to take you to the ER every time you fall off your dirt bike...etc. I know, you think it's cleaver when you are twenty something, but it sounds soo so dumb when you are 60 and listening to this stuff. I think I have become a jaded old fart. But its fun laughing at stuff I probably would have done given half the chance.

I should have never been seated beside my bro at the ceremony. We have no shame. When we saw the groom (who we had never seen before)....we were taken by surprise. Here was this geeky looking guy who didn't look a day over 20. And his hair...oh my how we laughed. It was one of those sweep up things on both sides ...and he sort of looked like a cone head. My niece who was beside us had to nudge me in the ribs, because we were laughing so hard. When Garry gets me going...or I get him going... it has no end. He was crying, he was laughing so hard. It wasn't really funny, as in ha ha, but it was this mental picture we both conjured up that broke us up. For some reason we thought this guy was going to look much different. After all he rode dirt bikes. Garry wouldn't stop laughing, and we kept on whispering shit to each other and he would start laughing some more...finally we regained our shit...and did those sort of silent laughing "snorts"... and tried to cover them up with a cough. We should never be together in a room with serious shit happening. I hope no one else other than my family noticed. I could.not.stop.laughing.

We didn't stay for the social. Loud music, no food (unless you went out for supper after the wedding.) And then come back to the hall for the social. Call me old fashioned .. but I am just not interested. Garry had to go home because he still isn't up to par, and without him by my side I really didn't care about the rest of the relatives....we already had our good times. Strippers and mocking the groom.

So, Gord and I got back in the truck and started for home, in hurricane conditions...that wind damn near blew us off the road. I have never seen winds like that before. On Sunday we had to clean up the whole back 40. It was a mess.

So, I don't really have any pictures, because it was so weird.... I should have taken one of that stripper...I bet my viewer stats would have gone crazy. I'm looking at you Curtis...heh..I think you are my only guy reader. And just in case you are interested, the strippers in the Kildonen Hotel start at 5:00 PM on Saturdays... heh. And the one I saw..had a really big bum.

The end.

Just a note ...I know nobody give a hairy rats ass...but this template is an old one, and is temporary, and don't give me any grief if I change it. I don't want to hear one word. Got it! Lets just call it a transition to a better place. Or places if the next one doesn't work out. Not a peep.


Susan said...

Sounds like a great time, wish I could have been a fly on the wall!
Did you wear your new outfit to celebrate the special day. The orange shoes and blue pants topped by the Manitoba Moose jersey? So then who would be better dressed? You or the stripper at the end of her act? Ok, Ill shut up now!

Donna said...

OH..My..Word..Hahahahahaha...I wouldn't have been able to keep a straight face either...and I Promise to Not Say One Word...LOLHahaha...I'm here for the stories, not the room...Hahaha...Happy day sweetie!hughugs

Brenda said...

Only you would be headed to a wedding and end up in a stripper bar.
Sounds like you and brother made the event as painless as possible. Glad you didn't get blown away.

Joan said...

I think I could have done what she was doing (the stripper)... but I think I would have taken it up a notch, and stripped wallpaper off a wall while being nakid. Time management I call it. yeah...