Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Doing what I have to do

It’s been an interesting first three days of my holidays; I haven’t come up for air yet.  I am cleaning out the house of old and unused items.  I started downstairs with the back two bedrooms.  No one lives in these bedrooms and they have become a haven for junk.  As of today the junk is gone, and they once again look respectable.  One bedroom however, does not look bedroomie…it looks like an office and  a distillery.  I have all my wine making supplies in there, plus old computers, plus files etc. for Gord’s business.  I have cleaned up all the closets, taken out a multitude of clothing we have not worn since the 80’s.  Gone, gone, gone.  

The most difficult part was the “other” bedroom, that is where I  had stored all my Mother’s stuff after she died.  It was a mausoleum.  A place I knew one day I had to empty, but didn’t want to.  I did today.  I  spent the entire morning going over  all the stuff from her China Cabinet.  It was all mismatched tea cups she got as gifts from somebody.  I kept the 50th. Anniversary cups and saucers, plus the plaques we had given my parents, plus a  oval plate  that was left from a wedding gift from her mother.  

There was an entire lifetime of greeting cards from all their friends, children and grandchildren.  I didn’t read them  this time, but I did a week after she died 6 years ago in September.  It took me 4 hours  then, and way too many tears remembering the good days.  I put them in a box .  I didn’t want to think about it anymore.  I went through all the suitcases I had stored her memorabilia in.  I took all the pictures that used to  hang in her living room out of their frames and put them away.  The frames were old and the pictures were starting to stick to them.  I had a whole suitcase of Christmas ornaments that I haven’t had the heart to look at.  I sat on the floor in the bedroom, and I could smell her house, I could smell her.  I cried again.  But, I knew I had to do this, because this room needed to be lived in, and the past had to go.  The China cabinet that housed all the cups and saucers etc. will become a bookcase.  Now on to my special drawer where I kept all her “soft” sweaters and stuff.  They too must go, including her wallet, I.D. and all the stuff I was keeping.  I cannot keep holding on to this stuff.  I rarely ever look at it, but I guess in my mind I know it’s there and it sort of gives me a good feeling.  

Yesterday was weird, I have 4 of her plants that I have kept alive (well sorta)..and they were not doing well at all.  I put one in the hallway, thinking that I will have to garbage it.  Ten minutes later I hear a loud bang, and the plant had mysteriously fallen to the floor leaving a huge mess.   Was she mad at me?  If I would have been Catholic I would have done some of that “crossing” stuff, but being Mennonite I didn’t have a way to ward off bad omens…other than to make some Verenki  with very rich cream gravy to soothe the spirit.  As usual I didn’t have any of the ingredients in my pantry.  So I picked up the poor ole plant and took some cuttings off of it to start a new one….and I guess she was happy as I didn’t hear a peep atta her after that.  

Today I have started in on my office, I have two garbage bags of paper and crap that I was “saving”…no… I'ts not true I'm just too lazy to sort out and throw away stuff… I also have 9000 cookbooks I never read, which I will give to the Diabetes foundation.  But on this journey I have found so many little treasures that I had forgotten about …Two short stories I had written when I was taking a creative writing course some 30 years ago!!  One was finished, the other was still a draft.  I got a good mark with the first one too, but the other was never submitted, I guess I ran out of time, or did I do my usual cop-out whenever I started courses and lost interest?  I will post it tomorrow for your jocularity.  I actually remember typing it up in my new “Commodore 64”…I guess I never saved it, or if I did, do you think XP could read it…he.  Dat der floppy was so big you could wear it as a hat!!  

Tomorrow I will tackle the living room and family room.  I have a teak wall unit that runs the length of the room, full of junk, nik naks..patty know the stuff people give you that you feel you cannot throw away.  They are history.  You know, I was reading a blog the other day, I  think it was “Fussy”..(sorry will learn linking soon) who was in a dilemma about tossing out her beloved T shirts…they were her“history”, but she didn't need them to take up space any longer, as she was moving on.   What she did was take pictures of each and everyone of them for posterity ….and you know, that is what is making my project a little easier, I am taking pictures of the junk, and it only takes a teenie weenie bit of my HD…and I can see it anytime I want to.  

I’m moving on up…all this stuff has been a burden…including my shit, not just my mom and dad’s.  

I  think I’m a big girl now!!...

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