I guess that means, walks are out for awhile, there will be loud noises that scare me, paint smells that make me throw up, and just general chaos. What about my needs? I need attention every single minute she is at home, I demand it and am going to get it one way or the other. Usually I just walk between her feet and knock her down if I’m feeling a little left out, but I’m thinking she’s on to me, I will have to devise another plan.
- Shit on the rug
- Bark, until her ears bleed
- Feign having to pee every 15 minutes
- Walk around all forlorn looking with my ball in my mouth
- Best of all, hide under the covers until she gets worried where I am, when she come looking for me I give her my most pathetic look, and then I get cookies.
We just came back from a Double U A El K. I do believe she doesn’t think I can spell. Anyway it was lame, she doesn’t call it a walk, she calls it Dog Dodging. I admit I have a wee bit of a problem meeting other dogs on the street. Every time she spots a dog a mile away we have to turn around and go back the way we came. It gets redundant. I know damn well there is a dog ahead of us somewhere, but she whips me around so fast I’m spinning on my ass, and then I have to go back and smell my own piss all the way back. Today we had three of those episodes. Finally, she took me down a dirty back lane. Hey, it wasn’t so bad, I got to smell stacks of garbage, I had a huge row with two fenced in Jack Russell terriers, one of them damn near cleared the fence trying to get a piece of me. Instead of biting me they started biting each other…I’m barking DOG FIGHT, DOG FIGHT..and they are all crying and shit. Wimps. Their owner came out so Joan got me the hell out of there. Finally we were on our way home, but I was still pumped after the dog fight, so I went after a guy on bike. Lucky for him he still has his legs, I didn’t like the looks of him. He was wearing a hat.
It’s true, you can’t make shit like that up!
Remember that pond Joan put in the garden this spring?
I don’t like it.
She keeps throwing my ball in it and then turns on the pump. I pretended to be scared the first 15 times she did it, but now I am just totally annoyed. What’s so funny about getting a snoot full of water? Small things amuse small minds.
It’s going to be a tough two weeks, trying to impede her every move. I’m going to keep watching her, stalking her, and loose as much hair as I can. I can hardly wait.
Sumabitch…she moved the couch from the window, just as I was doing the 100 mile dash to bark at a leaf blowing in the front yard. I think I broke my nose.