Wednesday, July 12, 2006

It's a new day

And of course what better to come with a new day is a new look. I needed to cheer myself up. So, I don't know how much longer I can keep up the cheery new look, because it might be pretty obvious by now, I like a darker blog.

Where am I going here? I have no idea.

Okay, let's get the funeral part out of the way. 1,245 people tried to hug me. In the heat. Cousins from long ago accosted me in the graveyard. Some cousins I longed to meet treated me like I didn't exist. It was weird. I hugged awkwardly, only thinking of the smell of my breath and my armpits. Not feeling any love at all. I guess I am a very self conscious person, and my mind does not stop running for one single second when I am confronted with virtual strangers, who keep running at me at speeds clocking 6000 miles an hour. That's the way it felt.

I never had to much to do with the cousins of my dad's side of the family except for my Auntie Helen and Uncle Henry, and their two children Brian (who died) and his sister Phyllis. I love them very much. I hugged the crap outta her. But the rest were people and other cousins of my past. And in those days we didn't hug. We made eye contact, said hello, and went on our way. Now they want to hug...fudge.

The upside was I got tapped on the shoulder (instead of hugged) by many an old friend. The best one was my old friend Anne was there. She, myself and hippychick were inseparable in the day. Actually Hippychick was there, because she grew up in this village and lived right next door to Brian. It was a bit of a reunion.

Next...a lady came up to me and said "I bet you don't know who I am?" I said, yes I do, your name is Gladys, and I was your "flower girl" at your wedding when I was 5 years old!!! She was flabbergasted!! How cool is that!! I haven't seen her in 40 years I bet. But, she looked as lovely as I remembered her at the wedding. A few more lines in her face, but she has such a great spirit. We talked a long time about my family, so it was good to hear someone who was so genuine in her interests. And the best part was, she said I looked so cute in my pink flower girl dress. I can remember a lot of her wedding even tho I was five. I was so excited. My mom said I had to go pee every three miles on our way to take pictures in another town. I have the picture downstairs, I will try to scan it one of these days, it is still in the old time cardboard frames they used to have.

I am still in some shock with Brian's passing. I discovered that his blood disorder that I was told about was actually sickle cell anemia.

I was always led to believe that this disease happened to much younger people, and those of black persuasion. But, once I got on the internet I discovered it could happen to anyone one who had both parents carrying the gene. How odd, that this could happen to him. Now I am worrying about Phyllis, could she be next? That would be catastrophic, with both her parents and her brother dying in one year.

How in the hell did I get this old?

Our Saturday nite AA hour topics are more and more leaning to: guess who died? Fuck that. This weekend, I'm taking my old record player out on the deck and blast out some Janis J. and Jimmy H. and all my old rocker albums ..let's not forget Melanie...(candles in the rain) ... if I have to get old I'm going the way I want to.

I'll leave the disco to you guys ... he he..

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