Sunday, July 02, 2006

I have no pictures today


So, I will have to be very creative with my words. Fuck.

We slept in with visions of bacon, eggs and hash brown for breakfast dancing in our heads. Gord got up first had his shower, and I followed suit. As I was in the shower I heard such a clatter, I jumped out to see what was the matter! Apparently the kitchen sink was plugged. All I heard was.."what the F"..this and "what the F" that. I could tell this was not going to be the quite Sunday morning I was anticipating.

When I emerged, a second time, I was mentally prepared for what was about to be the day from hell. Or so I thought. I forgot I had yet another day off on Monday, and it could possibly fly out the window as well.

When I arrived (again) after getting dressed. "Plunger Man" was furiously pumping the sink. "WTF's" were wafting through the air, like sweet nothings they met my ears. Apparently, with all the plunging, a leak developed under the sink. But, did I care? Nope, it was but a trickle of a waterfall in my eyes. I wasn't about to give up on my GD stinking long weekend with shit like this. But once all the contents under the sink, started to float, I became a little alarmed. I ran for towels, and told my dearest, that a little mopping up might be needed. But, he didn't seem to hear me, he was still singing those sweet nothings.

He plunged, and would have made a great porno movie. Finally, he was spent. I tried several times to tell him, "lets get a plumber here and make it a three some, but he would not hear of it. It was obvious this was something he had to do by himself.

There was scum everywhere!! We have a double sink, and when you put the plunger in one sink, it blows out the other!! Mute point. Anyway, he finally but the sink stopper over the first sink before plunging the other one. At one point I even recognized some salad fixings from the night before.

Then I mentioned he might want go to the store and buy some Draino. "Draino".. he replied so loudly, I almost lost me balance. Once I recovered my composure, I said "Draino" in my smaller voice. He, now, being totally frustrated at pumping this stupid plunger and getting nowhere, retorted, oh, you mean "Mr. Plumber." Okay, yes I says, I must have made a mistake.. Fortheloveofallthingsclogged!! Get a GD plumber you arse!! Ahhh,no...that is not what he did. He did however go the Canadian Tire and get some Draino AND Mr. Plumber.

So we are once again at the kitchen sink.."together"...I read the instructions on the Draino can (I cannot tell you folks, how much it pisses me off when major companies use the #0 font with there instructions) Do you know how small that is? You would have to be a midget to read it! The warnings on the can are so scary you wonder why you bought it at all. Just get a big MF firecracker stick it the hole and wish for the best. Your chances would be about the same. As I was reading the instructions (over and over), Gord's face was turning shades of purple, he said..just throw a pile of it in the sink and let's get this done!! No, but not me.."Ms. read directions first," IN ORDER NOT TO KILL EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE HOUSE. We did it by the book, and then threw in about 4 more tablespoons than was directed, only because we live a little on the wild side.

It didn't help. Not one bit. He finally gave up and left. I however, set up shop in my bathroom. I had a dishwasher full of stinky dishes that needed cleaning. I washed them all in there. It was very cozy. I had all but forgotten how to dry a large glass. I remembered after I dug into it with the dish towel and broke it.


I barely woke up, and heard some more clattering in my kitchen. Plumber Boy, was at it again. I should really come across more often. And once more his sweet voice came wafting across the bedroom singing his GDam's.

He left, and said he had a plan. OMG. When he came back he brought the air compressor from the shop with lots of tubing. His plan was to put air in the lines and blow the obstruction away. I agreed, yes, this was a plan, but perhaps you may put too much pressure on the plumbing and blow them apart. He gave the look, you know the one, when someone thinks you just fell off a turnip truck. All he needed was for me to hold down the two stoppers in the double sink so they wouldn't blow off when he blew in the air!!! I could see by his determination, that either this was going to work, or he really, really wanted to be widower. What better explanation to the police could he have...."I was blowing air in my sewer system to relieve a blockage and she wouldn't take here hands off the sink stoppers." CSI stuff for sure.

He blew it in once, twice, and the third time he thought something changed. Meanwhile I am standing there waiting for my big fat ass to blow sky high. We heard a gurgle, and then...THE WATER STARTED GO DOWN THE DRAIN. Being the skeptic that I am, I said, you blew out one of the plumbing pipes.... and now it's all draining in the walls!! He he..I had him going there for awhile, because he did have a moment of indecisiveness for just a second. NO WAY, he shouted from the roof tops, while trying to explain his method of madness to me. However, just after that he did go downstairs and check to see if any water had exploded in our walls.

So, here it is, Monday night..after a weekend of hell. It seems so anticlimatic.

I forgot about Sunday Night Supper:

Baby Back Ribs grilled(in honey garlic sauce)
Baked Taters with Sour Cream, chives and bacon bits
broccoli, cauliflower and carrots, in a cheese sauce.

Tonight: Grilled Chicken Breasts in Mesquite marinade
Wild rice

I'm pooped...see in a few days.

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