It was a morning like most others, until Gord woke up. He said, "soldier", get your ass out of bed as we have a shit load of work to do in the back 40. I turned over, and said "Major General"..kiss this. He ignored my generous offer.
Striped of my blankets, I was forced to get up. I haven't been up before 11:00 AM for a whole week, and I felt a little addled. I got up and brushed my toes and then my teeth...and stumbled into the shower. Then I remembered today, was the day we were going to lift 100 patio stones each weighing more than the Titanic!! A strange peace enveloped me, I thought, okay, if I must leave this world today at the least, I'm going out clean.
We worked our asses off. The patio stones have to come off because they are sinking, and we believe that is the reason we have water in our basement every spring. So, the reasoning is, to build them up, with sand etc. until we are dead. Dead like door knobs. Originally we were only going to take off half of them, and put sand under them, until "Hitler" saw a flaw in his plan, and now has decided to pull up all of them. Und zen, nu we haften to pullen zhem all oops. Schweinfucker.
This is how the morning went:
We pulled up some the offending patio stones
And this is where we stacked them:
It looks like a graveyard doesn't it. We couldn't find Penny for about twenty minutes, and started to do an inscription on one of the stones.
I was so tired, after that, I started to demcompress. I had me no more jam. All I could hear was the strains of music coming from the deck, and it was "Kumbya"
...it saved my life!! No kidding. Peter, Paul and Mary have amazing life saving techniques. I would recommend them to anyone one on life support.
But, even Peter Paul and Mary couldn't get me back to life for the first 20 minutes, I was a tuckered brick unlayer.
.... Someone's Crying Lord, Kumbya, Someone's Crying Lord Kumbya...
Yes, that is me. No life left in that once pristine body of mine. My life juices were drained out. Flat as a pancake in the dirt.
....Someone's Praying Lord, Kumbya, Someone's Praying Lord Kumbya...
And that folks, is my fav pair of sweats with a big hole in the butt, and my Christmas sweatshirt.
I made my way to the pond for some water, I was dehydrated, hot and had bad hair. All I wanted was a drink and get my body back...
.... Someone's drinking Lord, Kumbya, someone's drinking Lord Kumbya...
Someone's hanging Lord, Kumbya, Someone's hanging Lord, Kumbya...
I just need me a little airing out, so Gord gave me a breather ... geez . I'm wearing my hat backwards like the cool girls do.
Someone died here Kumbya..Someone died here Kumbya.
Okay, then...Mein Herr asked me to get on the ladder and start taking all the leaves out of the eaves. Opps, that damn west wind.
Someone's drinking here, Kumbya, someone's drinking here..Kumbya
I couldn't take it anymore, I had to go up to the deck and have a glass of wine.
Someone's making an ass of herself here, Kumbya, someone's making an ass of herself here, Kumbya...
Suddenly I felt much better about myself, it was coming back to life, I felt so rehydrated. Everyone should do shots of Miracle Grow on the weekends.
The Gestapo was adamant that I pick all the apples from our apple tree. I did the best I could, but golly gee some of the apples were way to high for me to reach, and it was hard not having a body and all. So he hung me.
Kumbya...are you still singing?
And then I fell down, and my dog ate me. THE END
Someone's sleeping here, Kumbya, Someone's sleeping here Kumbya...zzzzzzzzzzzz
You gotta love PP&Mary