Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Pond mommy blogging (wink)

I had three children yesterday I'm so sorry I didn't tell you I was with ..Bunny and Frogs. I bore them myself. No "C" section for me, like all the movie stars do. Nope. And when my water broke, the pond was still frozen over, so I had them on the kitchen floor. All alone, without any hand maidens. I had triplets, two frogs and a bunny. I don't plan on getting social assistance, because I can still work, and they don't need to be fed anytime soon. They are hard nosed kids.

They have been great, they don't shit their pants, and there isn't any lips trying to reach for my "girls".. and no crying do they make. I must have lucked out. Although I may have had them too soon before spring, but they are getting adjusted. Meet my triplet pond kids....sponsored by ...The Dollar Store.

To your left is "Hidey Ho"...she was my first born, and couldn't leave the placenta behind her, so she is still hiding under it. I have a feeling THIS ONE is never going to college...she will be mom's little "ho" forever. I'm going to have to watch that girl!! But right now she is needy and wants the pond. So every now and again I soak her head...or whatever mothers do.

In the middle is Wrobert the wabbit. Wrobert has been a joy. He sleeps through the night. Other than trying to trap his little plastic "poopballs" from rolling on the floor and the dog eating them, it's been easy. Wrobert the wabbit does come with some weird habits...however, he likes to chew on electrical cords. My oh my does he light up sometimes. I guess I will have bunny proof my house before he takes the big bunny dirt nap. I never thought motherhood would be so ...annoying.

THEN, there is Jeremiah the bully bull frog. Now he will be something to be reckoned with when he grows up. But he is always joyful. I can just imagine my life when he gets older and starts disrespecting ...........singing:


Yeah...well, Joy to you and me buddy.

But he is kind, and has a welcome mat with him always. I have a feeling he won't to college either, I think that welcome mat will attract drug dealers. "Hey, look at me a kindly joyful frog on a welcome mat" will be nothing but TROUBLE. With a big "T" get my drift? Kids these days you just don't know.

So, I have my hands full with a house full of pond kids. I can finally feel what it is like to be part of the mommy blogger community. Oy....I have my hands full! Yesterday Hidey Ho, Wrobert and Jeremiah got dusty sitting on my "what not shelf"..waiting for spring. Damn those kids!! I have better stuff to do than dust my kids. F*ck. I can't wait until they all old enough to go to kindergarten"pond school". But I am thinking maybe I should just home pond school them now before spring and just let them have at it in spring and hope for the best.

I have at least 10 fully grown and college educated pond animals in my shed ready to take their place beside the pond this spring again. So, I am a little worried about the triplets fitting in.

I know, I worry too much. But what is a mothers do? Will the other pond scummers accept them, or are they still too young to "go to the pond?" I will walk them there everyday, and make sure they don't get run over by a ..ummm bird or a twig. What if... the other Ponders start to bully them? ..

Where would they fit in? It's pretty crowded around there it as it is...along with Clive the moose, and his illegitimate offspring Dorothy Douche Bag. For now they are taking up some real estate on my deck, but when spring comes they are going down into the garden along with their other siblings.

It's getting a little crowded around the old pond. This picture only tells half the story. I might have to start eliminating those that aren't cute anymore. Or don't mothers do that? I don't have any reference point. I just fly by the seat of my pants. There are no Pond mothers on google. None.
Every spring, I line them all up like little soldiers and march them to the pond. Last year two plastic ducks fell over..apparently "from the bloat." So, what's a mother to do? I kicked them to the curb. Hey, you have to make room for the newbies.

Note: No real animals were hurt in this post.


Brenda said...

I love all of your little pond "chillins" but my favorite is Jeremiah the Bull frog.

poolie said...

I think Heinous the Clown needs to come visit you!

Sally said...

Thank goodness you won't need public assistance for your large family of pond babies. Lord knows society has enough on its hands already!!

Hey, did I ever tell you I lived two doors down, when I was a kid, from "Joy to the World" Hoyt Axton and his mama who wrote Heartbreak Hotel? Yep, does that make me famous? :)

judemiller1 said...

This is hysterical. I can see you have a bit of "cabin fever" (don't we all). Glad you got through "child birth" all right and I can just imagine your wee pond with all the family gathered around.

JUST A MOM said...

when I get my new house will you come and make me a pond?

Donna said...

And WHY isn't Gord helping out with all those Babies?!!! weekend Joan!hughugs

Joan said...

I ain't birthing no more plastic babies again...yikes those sharp edges.

Nice to see that some people "get me"...Sometimes I get in the zone and can't get back to reality. And sometimes there is nothing to write about I make shit up.