Friday, February 27, 2009

I have a message to

The prick who stole my parking spot.

Hello Prick: You saw me coming, you knew I was about to turn into the space, but you pulled in before in before I did. I was giving you the benefit of the doubt, thinking you were just waiting for another spot. Prick, you disappointed me. I always try to be polite while driving or parking. And what really blew my mind was, once I found a space, I saw you dart out and find one even closer to the store. Oh my, you really are a prick. I forgave you, and thought...okay..I will just backup the truck and turn around and get MY space back again. Well shit. Just as I was going to turn into it....a Vagina ( I didn't use the "C" word) in a rusted out Pinto (do they still make them) whipped in. So, I'm sitting in my SUV whatshamcallit...Explorer, thinking....hmmm I could ram her ass because I got the power, or I could just be the better person like I was when the Prick stole my spot. I guess I was sitting there a little too long thinking about my revenge, when cars behind me began blowing their horns. Now, I was getting mad.

I have had been inhaling paint fumes for two fucking weeks, and those horns just put me over the top! Plus it was Friday and I just wanted to pick up a few crusty buns from Safeway...just.a.few.crusty.buns! And go home, have a glass of wine, and try to ignore the MESS I call home. Plus have a little down time with my Penny.

So, when the honking started, I put on my four way flashers, indicating I had trouble. And just fucking sat there. Because, I swear to God, someone was going to get hurt. Yeah, road rage. They could get around me, but I thought, I'm sitting HERE until someone close to the store leaves and I am going to get the spot. Did I mention it was 100 degrees below zero? With a wind chill of 200 degrees below zero. Yes, I exagerate, but when you walk across that parking lot with your flared, low rise jeans the wind finds it's way to the bottom of the jeans to the top of your neck in no time flat. It like a tornado in your pants. Now that is a wind chill you don't what to ever endure. It's tiresome come the end of February, thus the road rage.

I sat there for about 2 minutes. Nobody was moving, so I took a swig of the wine I had just bought at the liquor store, and cooled my heels. heh...okay that's not true, but I was sooooooo tempted. Finally an older couple came out of the store, and pulled out. I was in there, tickety boo.

As I was leaving the truck, I was a handicapped stall. I slumped... I really did... shoulders down, eyes crossed. ALL I WANTED WAS SOME CRUSTY BUNS! I didn't move the truck, I ran in and got the stinking buns, which I was not hungry for anyMORE.

I came home. Gord's truck was in the driveway. He had backed it up to the house. Trouble. He went shopping........I almost lost my shit. Our whole house is in disarray....and he goes shopping, I don't even know where my toothbrush is!! He went for a toilet paper run. It was on sale. So, that was okay, because I'm probably going to shit myself 13 times over before this mess is cleaned up. I forgave him. Unlike the prick who started my bad mood. Gord left after that to do other stuff, so I started to clean up around here and indulge myself in some wine and some blogging.

He just came home and said he could see part of the moon in the sky and a bright star...then I remembered Venus was supposed to show her girly parts tonight. We can see it so clearly, it's a little surreal.

So, off to make some Philly beef sammiches....yummers.


Poolie said...

Sometimes, only crusty buns will do......

Sally said...

Lordy mercy. I don't know what else to say. :)

Have a good weekend? hahaha

Brenda said...

You have more patience than I do, they'da had wonder bread for supper at my house. :-)

judemiller1 said...

I just love this!!! You made me laugh so hard because...hasn't this happened to me to? But I never thought to put on the four-ways and just sit and wait. Of course I don't have a BMF truck and someone would surely ram the hell out of me.

I so love this blog!!!

Donna said...

When you want a want it NOW!!!Hahaaa....SO glad you stayed IN THE CAR!!!Hahaa...hughugs