Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I had to park my Harley

It's raining "biker chicks" out there. Time to get out the Farking Ark....fortheloveofmike.

Gord has been giving me the gears lately about not wanting to ride with him on his bike. He thinks this is the year I should ... at the least...go for a spin around the block. Yeah... well I been been spinning around his block for 40 years and I don't trust him. I'm pretty sure I don't want to have fun on the open road. He drives faster than I do. YES...over 60 miles per hour. He, unlike me has no fears about driving, he just cranks it up and lets all three of his hairs fly in the wind. (well they would if he wasn't wearing the helmet). Anyhoodle.. I have at least 10,568 hairs I would like to preserve for a later date instead of getting knocked off a bike, and smearing my skull on a pile of gravel beside the road. I have to think about my nieces. And when the time comes when they take a husband and marry. I must look nice for the weddings. A face transplant and a wig aren't doing it for me.

So far, the nieces aren't playing fair. Yes, they have each "captured" somewhat suitable "live ins", but as far as weddings go...I can't see it yet. So, perhaps I shouldn't worry about my hair and getting "thee ole raisin perm"just yet... for the event. My mom got a perm before every wedding so this is what is interred in my bones.

So, I got to thinking tonight perhaps it's not my time to get the "raisin perm" just yet... I think the girls are just giving me enough time to "hop on a bike" .... fall off of it...and get healed before they take a husband.

I don't have any "leathers" a good biker should have. I have a nice leather winter parka. Would I look out of place on that? It doesn't have "gang" signs on it, but it has a nice hoodie. Perhaps that might be a little warm in summer. Other than that all I have is jeans and hoddie sweat shirts and pants. I NEED a suit of Armour All. Gord could just spray me down before we go, and I would be invincible. I would live to see my nieces weddings!

I was talking to my niece on Facefuckingbook last night just after she posted a poem by Rudyard Kipling.."If". I told her I had recited the same poem in high school at a Speech Arts Festival and I came in third because the judges said they didn't think I "grasped" the poem. Well hell no, I YELLED "IF" after every paragraph...god I am still so embarrassed. Then I went on to tell her that I only got the poem much later in life. Today she posted a message which said
"Life is too short to worry about the small shit. He just says it better! ;-)"

Like I didn't know that!...I hope she never takes a husband, that will be just one less "raisin perm" I will have to endure. Damn kids. Way to smart for their "thongs."

So, it comes back down to this, will I ride this summer or not? Last year when I decided not to go I made Gord a tee shirt....just so people would know why he was riding alone.

The year before I made this shirt I found one on the internet...but it said "If you can read this ..the bitch fell off"..and I laughed until I peed my old lady panties.. but people were upset with me..I thought it was so much funnier than the "wife." Anyway, Gord never wore it last year, but if I'm not going to ride this year...HE IS GOING TO WEAR IT. It took a lot of ironing to put those letters on there. I slaved away at a hot ironing board and want to get satisfaction of people laughing at him when he's having a good time. The "Irony."

See, it should say Bitch on that tee shirt!


Brenda said...

I do not blame you for not riding the big boy bikes. I rode with James twice and I got hurt twice, that was over 35 years ago.

"he just cranks it up and lets all three of his hairs fly in the wind"

I made it to there before I cracked up this time.

JUST A MOM said...

NOW THAT is some funny shit,,, checkin in ,, I can not get the video to play,,, hey thanks by the way for stoppin in and checkin on me.

Donna said...

HAhahaaa...Hubby and I each had our own bikes years ago. Mine was electric start bike...loved it till I spun out on a gravel road and couldn't pick it back up...that Ended my biker days...Just tell him to go get two 20's...that'll keep him busy..Hahaa...happy day sweetie!hughugs

Mary Lou said...

I tried learning to ride, I wanted a harley trike, but I failed the class and the instructer told me to stay off the bikes. ASSHOLE!

Anonymous said...

I googled "raisin perm" and got this image.

Hope you can see it!

im2qt2kr said...

Hi! I received your email. Thank you so much. I'm not sure if you have to be on Dland or not. It's free though. Poolie's sister has an account, although she doesn't write any entries, just to be able to read diaries. Glad you were able to get the email through. I've been enjoying your entries. Ya gotta bit of a dry wit like me. I love that in a blogger!

Joan said...

poolie I can see it, but it's not even see because I'm not a BOY...

My friend Katerina..who since has stopped posting on her blog, called all us older bloggers...raisins..that bitch. She is about 35. You would have loved her, she was and still is someone you don't want to piss off. We were blog buddies for years and I met her last summer when she came to my house. We both happened to come from the same city where her parents live.

Therefore ... the OLD raisin Perm..came about. Picture an old lady perm... on a raisin face. God I hate her. heh nah..I loves her.

Joan said...

Im2..hey glad you wrote back. I really thought it was so funny ...I will try to comment again and see if it works. I can get into most of the others.

Anonymous said...

What happened to the fish farts?