Friday, May 01, 2009

It's all about farting and when will I ever grow up

I making two little square pizza's tonight..pannini pizza's but in the the oven. Philly Cheese Steak Pizza's. Steak pieces with, mushrooms, green pepper and onion. Topped with provolone, mozzarella and white cheddar. Don't try this at home, because I am still in the experimental stages. The base is mushroom soup. Don't throw up just yet. It may work. It's all low let's just see if I can pull a low fat Philly Cheese Steak Pizza off. We used to order them all the time, when we were plumper. And this is one thing I really missed. The rest I can live without. I never have been to fond of the tomato sauce in most pizza's...most were very harsh. I loved the white sauce in the Philly cheese we used to order, but didn't know how to replicate it. I know I could just make a boring ole white sauce and try to flavour it up..but being the lazy ass I am, I went and Campbelled it up and mixed in a little low fat Parmesan cheese, oregano, basil and garlic powder.

It's only a matter of time before I break down and order a real's been two years, two month's and 4 days. But who's counting.

I had the most unusual experience today at "Giant Tiger" favorite junk store. As you might know I am fond of "pond ornaments" or as I call them my "pond people" ...and yes, I likes my little gnomes. WELL, today when I went into Giant Tiger what did to my eyes appear.....Farting Garden Gnomes!! I shit you not! I could not believe my eyes. They were all lined up in boxes each one different from the other with little "press me hear me fart" signs. Well, I pressed them all! would think some little dinky noise would come out of their tiny gnome asses, but those little bastards just stunk up the place, they were LOUD...I was so embarrassed I had to leave and walk around the display to the other side in case someone was thinking I was responsible for ripping them off. So, I wandered around the store for awhile, and could not get my mind off of them. Yeah, I put a few things in my cart that I needed...but I was still very...very compelled to go back to the farting gnomes and press the "fart me" sign again.

So I did. My Lord.....this one gnome... just kept on farting....and finally I had STOP IT AND GO HOME...because I was killing him ....either he:

..didn't have any gas left in him
..or his battery went kaput

I don't want to kill any gnomes, that wouldn't be fair. And I feel very, very sad tonight, because I didn't pull out 14.99 cents to take him home with me. It was obvious to me NOW, that he was putting on a show for me and wanted to be one of my Pond People. What never occurred to me before I left him on the shelf, was he could scare off all those MF'ng crows in my backyard with one big ole long and loud greasy fart. The store opens tomorrow at 9:00. I will be there to pick him up and bring him home to the pond with all the pond rats.

What should I name him?

Fart Face
Air that wouldn't work...hmm..wrong end
Flat U lence
I'm liking Poot.

What do you think.?

That little fart will be sitting at my pond tomorrow...I'm so sorry I had to leave him on the shelf for one more night.

It's Friday night and am just so happy for the weekend. And pizza. And getting poot home tomorrow. He is very musical.


Brenda said...

Poot will be so happy to have a home!!

The pizzas look delicious!

Anonymous said...

We need pictures of Poot! You are so off the wall, woman! I just LOVE that!

Anonymous said...

After all the pocks/pox the other..

"Ulterior Borborygmous" - just to class it up a little ;-)


Mary Lou said...

poot works!

Dorie said...


Judy said...

Yeah--Poot is good. Do you pull his finger to make him "work"?