Monday, February 19, 2007

The case of the "glove that healed itself"

I have a pair of gloves I love more than my dog.

Last spring after it got warmer, I put my gloves away in a secret place.

This winter I could not find my gloves.

Then one day, I found one of them on top of the freezer in the laundry room. Just the one!!! Was I expecting to loose an arm over the winter? I don't know. I left the glove there hoping that the other one would somehow find it's mate when I wasn't looking. It never happened. So, one day while I was doing laundry down there, I felt sorry for glove, and I threw him in my laundry basket and took him upstairs. I never saw him again after that.

Last weekend, I bought a new laundry hamper, and when I emptied out the old one, I found "glove." .. in the bottom corner of the old hamper. There was much rejoicing!! So in order to keep track of "glove" I put him in the closet on a shelf where I could see him at all times. His partner was still at large.

On Sunday, as I was trying to get all bundled up to take Penny for a walk, I found his mate on a shelf of the closet in the foyer. Again, with the rejoicing.

But, when I matched the two of them up, there was not so much rejoicing, because they were in pretty bad shape. The thumb parts had holes in them, and some of the finger things were coming apart! AWW!! But because I loved them so much, I took thread to a needle and sewed them back up. It wasn't perfect, but it would take me into spring until I could find another pair of gloves this cozy.

This morning, as I was stumbling around trying to get ready to head out the door for work, I grabbed my precious old gloves off the table by the door. And as I was driving into work, I noticed that there was nary a seam out of place. I was positive that I had mended them, and I don't mean that in a good way, because I just closed up the holes!! was a hack job. But, these gloves had no indication of being treated unfairly. I could hardly drive, I kept on looking at them .. and going "what the hell." When I hit a red light, I even took them off to see if I had mended them from the inside out so the hack job didn't show. Nope, they were clean as, all I could think of was, that they were so happy to see each other,....they healed themselves.

I thought about it all morning, and couldn't figure it out.

Later, when I came home for lunch I noticed another pair of the same gloves sitting on the floor by the railing near where the other ones were. Well, sumamabitch...they were, my two wounded ones.

Okay, so, who's gloves am I wearing? Then a little light went on...Hippychick gave those gloves to me for Christmas two years ago, and she had bought a pair for herself!!

So, when she left here (in all her sobriety on Saturday), she left HER gloves behind, when she put them down on the the table by the door!!

The reason she never called me to retrieve her missing gloves, probably was.. she was flying out to Cancun Mexico at 2:00 AM after leaving here, for a two week vacation ..lovely, and I'm guessing she didn't think she needed them.

Fuck her, she is Cancun and I'm sitting here in Winnipeg freezing my vagina off... I'm wearing her gloves!! ...Mine look like shit!!

I am wondering how the hell my gloves look like such shit while hers still look like new?

Probably because she spends most of her winter in Cancun and I'm here in Manitoba... in the cold, trying to rebuild my transmission in my unheated garage. It's hard when you only have the cheap gloves she gave me for Christmas. That's why.

I wore her gloves tonight, when I split and chopped up an acre of trees. Now, her gloves will have a story to tell when she gets them back, and they will have a few holes of their own to show for it. I'm in stage 5 of self pity...I really want to be in Cancun.


Bitter Betty said...


I'm so stealing that vagina line.

And it's less than 70 degrees here in Southern California. People are calling the government for assistance.

Brenda said...

I'm enjoying the hell out of these 65+ temps here this week. I'd make Hippy Chick take me to Cancun with her next year!

JUST A MOM said...

hahahhd well Joan,, i am thinking that if you had some undies and jeans on your vagina would not be freezing. BUT hey that would give you yet ANOTHER GREAT POST HUH why I am going barre assed in the freezing winabeg weather. LOVE YA GIRL AND IF IT WERE YOU I WOULD DO THE SAME FOR YOU!

NJ said...

Very interesting story. I've had some mysteriesfrom time to time. Things appear and disappear from my laundry, some never to be explained. At least you found an explanation.