Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Tech Talk

We got a new laser combination/ colour printer/copier/fax machine/scanner/scans to email, at work last week. State of the art. It's brand new, which is something in our office, because we usually get the left overs from our head office. I have named her "Wannabee." We had an old "all in one" HP Ink Jet which ground out faxes at such a slow rate, I had to take a nap at least 30 times a day. She printed off wonderful colour print outs for our brochures etc. but sometimes her head hurt, and I had give her a Tylenol. So we put her out of her misery, and she is now sitting on death row in the warehouse. Our old "huge" photo copier (the boy) which must be 987 years old "fortheloveoftechnology", still sits on the office floor silently, taking up an enormous amount of room, but he has not met his maker just yet, because he can still make bigger copies than "Wannabee. So, the old meets the new.

I think they fight at night. Serious!..and the old HP in the warehouse gets her shots in too!

Today, when I got to work there was a automated message on her screen "Phone Service," "I have been violated" . I looked over at "the boy," and he looked very innocent. I checked the HP in the warehouse, and she looked very despondent. I started to press "Wannabees" buttons to reset her message. She responded by saying she had a piece of paper jammed up her ass! Well, fortheloveofpete, how did that get up there? I gave the "Mister" another dirty look and he started to cry, and said he didn't do nothing. Then I went back to the warehouse to see the HP but she dead as a doornail, so who was lying to me?

I opened up Wannabee's em..doors, and did a visual. I am used to opening up "Mister," because I know all his parts, but Wannabee's were totally different. Mister had more manly stuff, and with a little effort I could get him back in action, but with ms.Wannabee, I could not take that paper off her ass. She held it tight. Now, it was me against the machine!!! My heart was racing, because it was 4:30 and I wanted to get the hell out of there. I managed to get half a sheet of paper out of her. So, I said, if you want a tug of war, it's on you bitch!! And, then I ripped the paper apart, and half was still in her belly, and half of it was in my hand.....and the monitor was beeping and telling me PHONE SERVICE YOU ASSHOLE!!

Okay, then, I did. gawwd. The tech told me how to take out the laser cartridge and look below to see if I could see the bottom of the tray and dislodge the offending crap! I found it. Dislodged it. It was quarter to 5:00 and I was pissed off, so I slammed her parts down. She must have got the message, because her message after that was "please continue" and then displayed the normal message. sigh... Who the hell is running this world? I wanted to take a piece out of her so bad. But, I can scan anything I want to email in PDF file...how lucky am I?

So, I guess I'm her bitch.

But, I will be watching her, and if she is screwing with the "Mister," who is still my old friend, I'll get her!!

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