Sunday, July 22, 2007

diarrhea she is not so shut the hell up

I think I have food poisoning, because diarrhea is just not in my vocabulary. It's good thing Sheila came around last night for AAjustment hour and I broke open a new bottle of wine. I now have the fresh cork firmly implanted up my ass. However, I seem to be bloating. So I took the opportunity to fly over all those whose have signed my guest map, just like the Goodyear Blimp. Did you see me? I was the one with the cork up her ass, and a T shirt that read, Blimping is so gay!

I have been in very close contact with my porcelain bowl today, more that I would like to be. The dog, however takes every opportunity when she sees me doing taking a dump and sitting down, she will butt head the shitter door, come in and want to play. Sorry "Bud" but this one is not for you! I got bigger fish to fry.

I have no idea how this malady came about, but Saturday morning, OMG. To the shitter did I head. Gord and I have had every meal together and he wasn't sick? So, he suggested maybe my homemade wine got contaminated. Oops, maybe, I have not been very stellar with my sterilization techniques of late. So, I bought "store" wine today. Lets just see.

Finally this afternoon I went to Safeway and bought some Imodium. How embarrassing. I turned the French side of the package around so the people behind me couldn't see what I was buying. I popped two of those babies, and haven't felt my insides pulling themselves apart since. And I'm drinking store bought wine. All, is well. I am still pretty tired from flying all around the world yesterday in my blimpmobile.

People, the temp's here today were 36 degrees C. I couldn't even stick my head out of the patio door without having to go the can..ha..Just kidding, it was one hot MF day. Of course, this was my laundry day, and I didn't want to heat the house up with the dryer going. The A/C was keeping it reasonable. So, being the descendant of Pioneer women, I took the clothes out of the dryer before they were dry. Don't fall on your asses, I really did, and then ... wait..I hung them out to dry! Okay, I slapped them on the deck railing and hoped for the best. Did you know, birds shit on your deck railing? So, some of my T shirts have some shiz on them, but I'm pretty well full of it anyway this weekend, what's a little more!

You could see the heat radiating off the front street. Penny really wanted to go for a walk, but she would have burned her tootsies! Plus, there is no bathroom between my house and the park, and I would have had to use the "doggie bag" crouched between the trees. A nice sight, my big ass would have been perched between the doggie do do garbage container and a tree. I don't want to get banned from that park again:)

One more week, my fellow Canucks and Americans and I off for a week. I surely hope my ass heals by then, it's mighty sore. It's that fucking cheap toilet paper we buy! I may as well have used gritty paper towels soaked in sand. Or better yet, sandpaper! And then used a metal scraper to remove it from the offending area.

It's hour two. No cramping. Maybe I should take a dip in my neighbours pool? heh. I assume they have enough disinfectant in there to choke a horse. I'm willing to pick up my own turds. So, it's all good.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

i want that shirt for my friend pedro ordaz he is my best friend and always has explosive diarria