Thursday, September 27, 2007

Warning



I found this really neat site that let's you put shit like this up on your blog or sidebar and add you own text. As you can see I took advantage of it. I still haven't fixed my side bar with all my links and stuff. There was a widget that lets you the viewer click on it and it will add your link to my list. I know this is old news, but old news, is always new news to me. Say that fast 30 times. My thinking was....(which is not that thinkingissh) most days, I wouldn't have to put up a link list, and HAVE IT DESTROYED, by blogger when I put up a new template, and have to do it ALL over. I'm using the ole "noggin"..huh? Or maybe, just maybe I don't get it and that in fact this widget won't do what I think it will. It won't be the first time I have been fooled ..

My "Stinking Lincoln"..has been giving me some grief this week. For three days, the ole girl was displaying signs of dementia. She couldn't remember to start when I turned on the ignition, and once I got her going, she pissed a cloud of smoke through her notsomuch enviromentally friendly sidepipes. Birds were falling out of the trees...squirrels hid in their nuts, the sun disappeared, and GOD shook his finger at her.

I knew it was time to get some help. I called Dr. Gordygoodguy to giver the once over. He took off her air cleaner...I was embarrased for her, because that is a girly thing, and what happens in your air cleaner stays in your air cleaner.

Then Doc Gord made her lay down and put her feet up in the stirrips, and proceeded to check the coil to her distributor. From my vantage point is was very much like my doctor putting in an IUD and taking it out to check it if I had enough spark left for more sex. After some pushing and pulling, Gord deemed her coil was not reaching the contacts (youknowhere). Menopause I suspect. But, with all the pulling and pushing, the coil (girl) made contact with the (boy)contacts in the distributor..which makes more baby Lincolns, and she rallied. Then she quit stalling and acting like a old fart. Now we just have to get a bigger penis for the boy part. Problem solved.

I find it troubling these days with all the new cars. They don't have any common sense. Everything is computerized and they have an engine light that goes on and says, "check engine" when they feel like it. Okay. Now we have to take it to the dealer and find out what is wrong. "WTF"...F3 means you have a squirrel in your engine...F4 means your timing is out of whack F5 means you are fucked....etc,. Nobody can fix their own car anymore. Gord bought the Computer Sensor Device Analizer so he can usually figure out what is wrong with our Explorer before we go to the garage and they take our first born dogs.

Gord and I have been looking for Conversion Vans high and low in Canada and the US on the internet this week. Hopefully he can find one soon, so I don't have to drive the the big FATKAT STINKING LINCOLN ..anymore. If you have a Black Ford or GMC with beige leather interior fancy assed van that meets with Canada's strict standard of importing them to Canada let me know...Explorers are good, Eclipes are good, Regency are good..I want this over with....you hear!! I beg you...I can't take it anymore.........I am on my knees. USED if possible.

6 comments:

Brenda said...

I've only got a Ford Pickup but I'll sell it to ya if you want?

They've got us by the short hairs with these new vehicles and their "we've got to plug it in to the machine to find the problem" to the tune of $100 bucks a diagnoses. James took his to the shop last week cause it was missing, the list was long but what ended up fixing it was SPARK PLUGS! $134 SPARK PLUGS!

Bobbie said...

This post is hilarious! You have such a way with words!

Have a great weekend.

AndiePandie said...

I loved that you said, "Analizer". *snort* That cracked me right up.

katerina said...

Nice billboard in the sidebar, asshole.

(Kidding! You knows I lurves you.)

(But I'll still kill you.)

Mary Lou said...

LOLOLOLOLOLOL I LOVE the sidebar....has Kat seen it yet? oh yeah, there she is...LOLOLOLOLOL

JimBob said...

I noticed that as your birthday approaches that thoughts of incontinence occupy your mind.... ;-) ;-)