Ain't she a beaut....
What, you say?..."have you taken leave of your senses girlfriend?" Yup, I have ... I am the proud owner of "The Lean, Mean Grilling Machine." She's all mine.
Yesterday I had this incredible urge to shop. I haven't been out shopping since before Christmas and just....needed something... I couldn't put my finger on it...
So, I checked my wallet to see if I had a credit card that didn't have the black stripe literally swiped off it by now. And to my surprise, there was one which still had a faint black stripe on it.
I hopped into the "tank" and set out to do me some "shoppin"... I thought I would save me some time by going to the biggest store I could find...so I ended up at Superstore. You can buy anything here from groceries to whatever your card will hold. The store takes up nearly an acre of land, so I was thinking there should be something in there that I NEED. And, gosh and by golly there was!!
I parked Mr. Tank as far away from the store as I could, because it was Saturday, and there were a trillion people shopping. Parking and the "tank" don't mix. I need a clearance of...say.. twenty feet on each side of me to properly pull in straight in a parking spot.... and I need 1 mile of clearance behind me to back out. Fortunately, there is a large field behind the store and I parked with my ass facing the field...lots of room. Just when I got all nestled in my space and about to leave, a half ton truck pulls in beside me....wellforgodsake!!...he had the whole friggin parking lot to park in...and he pulls in beside ME!! I thought, it would be okay because I could just pull out the other way when I left. I opened the door of the tank, and.. 3..count them 3 large German shepherds started barking there faces off at me. .... I just about pissed myself. The guy had these dogs in the back of his half ton! I jumped back in the tank so fast, that my purse was still hanging out the door. I sat there for a minute, thinking .... shit... Now I'm gonna have to move because I'm not going out there with those dogs looking at me like I was dinner. Just then I noticed the owner was still in his truck, I thought he had already left....so I opened the door and ran behind him just in case the dogs jumped out of the truck. I made it...I guess he saw what I was doing...I am sure I looked like a wild women who had just been chased by wolves, and he said " the dogs wouldn't hurt anyone".....yeah....sure I said "they better not be there when I get out!"... no...I didn't say that, I just mumbled ...ah yeah..nice dogs you have there mister. I stopped for a moment before I went into the store to see what damage I had done to my purse after I'd squeezed it in the door jam. I could broken my credit cards fortheloveofmike!
Finally, it was time. Just me and credit cards...going for a walk. I didn't know on which side of the store to start in...so the electronics dept. seemed like a good place. I mostly just touched everything. I touched a really nice computer. I rubbed up against a huge plasma TV... we were meant to be together, but it didn't fit in my cart! By the way, out of 342 carts I could have picked, I picked one with a wonky wheel. I thought walking through an acre of store would be good exercise, but the cart actually gave me a cardio work out. Next off the Linens and stuff, I touched a lot of them, dug out the colours I liked from the bottom of the pile and put them back in places they didn't belong. After leaving a trail of destruction behind me, I journeyed on to HOUSEWARES....there had to be something here I needed, that I didn't have room for in my cupboards. I had a brief affair with a coffee maker, but couldn't quite make up my mind between that and a cappicino maker. I reasoned, that after all, I had never tasted a cappacino so this might not be the right choice for me, besides it was really big and complicated looking. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Georgie Baby. I "touched" him and Yup, aha, it just felt right! They had him in 2 different sizes small and family sized, and because of the menu I was now planning in my head, called for the BIG one. I loaded this puppy into in my cart. Okay then, now off to go and buy groceries to cook up in my new George Foreman Grill!
I perused the meat counter, and nothing appealed to me, nothing looked good enough for my Georgie. Most of it looked like "road kill" actually. I had two nice fat tenderloins in mind for supper, so I decided to stop off at the butcher shop on the way home and get them there. I wandered around and bought all the steak dinner fixings, baking potatoes, sour cream, a huge Cesar Salad, garlic toast, and fresh mushroom...nothing was too good for George. I would have bought a lobster tail too, but I cheaped out. Way to expensive this time of the year.
When I got back to the "tank", the half ton was gone..pheww all I would have needed is coming out of the store smelling like road kill to make those dogs crazy. I gently put Georgie in the back of the tank. I put him on the back fold out bed, just so he would have a nice smooth ride home.
Next, off to the butcher shop. They had run out of tenderloin steak...^%$$.. so I had to settle for rib eyes....and they were kinda skinny too. But undeterred, I bought them anyway. The lady at the cashier said..."so your having a Barbeque today, it's a little cold for that, isn't it?"... "Oh no I'm not doing it on the barbeque...I'M DOING IT ON MY NEW GEORGE FOREMAN GRILL."..I replied, with my voice an octave higher than usual. She looked at me in a kindly fashion, and said "well, isn't that nice", I have seen them on TV, but I have never bought one. I repeated to her all the wonderful things it could do..."it can cook meat on both sides at the same time...it's such a time saver, everyone should have one of these!!" She handed me my mastercard receipt, and as I left I thought I saw her "smirking." I don't take kindly to "smirking", but I figured she was probably just jealous.
By the time I got home is was almost 5:00 PM, and I unpacked all my groceries and took George out his box, and admired him. I read all the instructions and the cookbook. All set. Gord got home about 6:00, I showed him George, and explained all the wonderful things he could do. I expected a little more enthusium, but he was willing to give it a try. So, we started with the salad while the potatoes baked and the mushrooms fried and the bread broiled. Then it was time for the unveiling, I seasoned the steaks, read the instructions once more... it said 7 minutes would do it. Okay then.
I put the handy dandy little drip tray in front of him, turned on the grill and we waited. At precisely 7 minutes I opened the lid and the steaks looked wonderful. They were both evenly cooked ON EACH TIME SAVING SIDE. We started eating, and I am anxiously looking at Gord to see what he thinks...he takes a few bites, and says "this tastes like rubber"..."whatyamean rubber" 'I say," spitting out my potato. "It tastes like rubber" he repeats..."yeah I know I heard you the first time" "I yell", "but what do you mean by rubber?" He told me to try it, I did, and I told him I thought it tasted much more like an eraser than rubber. We went back and forth for awhile, while he is explaining that erasers are made from rubber....and finally I got up and gave the rest to the dog. We ate the potato, mushrooms, garlic toast and called it a night.
So, George is back in his box, where I hope he has a nice life on the shelves of Superstore.
Goodbye George...see ya pal...
This is a true story... I hardly embellished anything.........and I spent way to much time writing it...........only because my bloody dsl cut out in the middle of the blog I was going to send today...2 hours up my ass...........and it was a good one...much better than this crap ...now I got to start that one over.