I left work today at 4:30PM, and aimlessly drove down Pembina Highway, and wishy washy thoughts were tumbling through my head. Do I go for groceries at Safeway, or do I get my hair cut? Wish, wash, wish, wash...until I found myself in front of "Magic Cuts." Okay, then I guess I will get that much needed haircut. By much needed, is an understatement. I have been growing me tresses for about 3 months now, I wanted so much to be able to put my hair UP, in with of those combs I see all the ladies wear. I really, really, wanted that, because there is no way I would have grown out my hair for any other reason. But, in the last few weeks it has become clear to me why I have never done that before. I have naturally wavy hair, which has it's own agenda when it gets longer. I have moussed and douched it in every possible way..and it still sticks out of my head in every direction. Now, you youngins are probably thinking, that is a good thing, because you like it all sticking out and shit. Apparently that look is for you, but for me it looks like I have just had an incident with electricity.
I'm going to pull an Andie Pandie here and do a rant, because my "stylist"...and I use that word lightly, had either just come back from re-hab or had a problem with .. well..everything. I didn't have an appointment. This is one of these fast haircut places, which is good by me, because I like it fast. Have I ever told you about my lack of patience? Okay then. I have none. The stylist, saw me come in, and mind you there were only two of them at the shop, and met me at the counter. I told her my name, and yes, I had been there before (5689 times) and I would like a haircut. She estimated the time would be about 30 minutes...yes, I said that would be good by me. That would give me time to peruse all the hairstyling books in the shop and chose one that would impossible for her to recreate with my tresses. I love to make them squirm. Meanwhile, while I was sitting and waiting I took notice that everytime the phone rang, she had to answer it, because the other lone "stylist" was schmoozing, and I mean schmoozing one of her reg's. The caller was obviously asking if a so and so was available for a cut...and she was not happy with that..because I guess she was the new girl on the block, and told them that they could come in anytime and get the stylist that was at hand.
So, she went about her business and finished up cutting the other ladies hair, and talked her head off...that poor ladies head was in heap with her hair on the floor by the time it was over. Lordyluvahaircut. She talked her head OFF. So, I'm thinking, who do I get, her or the other one who is orgasming over her client. I pretty well didn't want anyone of the two. But, just as I was about to make my decision to leave...it was my turn..and I got the HER.
I was trembling when I went up to her station...but I brought a picture I had found in Canadian Living as I was sitting there. It was a picture of a girl (about 19) with her head back..and her short hair sort of looking the way I thought mine should. If she could cut my hair like this, then in my mind I could look like her was my thinking. But, of course I knew that not to be true, I was sober for god's sake. I showed her the picture and she didn't have a problem with that at all. She didn't even mention that I was sooo much older that the chick in the pic. and it was impossible to do. Nope, she thought it was all possible. But then again, that was before she talked ...my head off all way through the haircut.....over and over and over...God...she was still pissed at people that come up to the counter and want a hair cut and want a certain stylist....and she NEVER AND NEVER stopped talking about it...NEVER. At one point she told me that she was different than other people and needed to find a special place to work, one where she fit in. (do you think)? She was just mad as hell, because she was the new there and the clients were looking for their old stylists..and on it went.
I was getting kinda scart...I told her my hair didn't have to look ..QUITE like the picture...but just close. She started cuttin away. The fucking phone rang again, she excused herself and answered it...and again, the client was asking when so and so would be able to cut their hair..she came back a little madder...she was actually steaming. So, I said, you know, I think what you have done with my hair looks really nice, and I don't think you need to anything further. Then she asked me if I wanted to see the back...ohhhhhh yes I really wanted to see the back, because I do not like my hair short over a certain section of the back of me head...uh uh...I have a crease back there that the hair must cross..if it's showing...I'm not a happy camper..noooo. So, she showed it to me, and I thought, wow, it's great. Then she asked if she could use the clipper thingie to do my neck hair, and foolishly I said yes.
She told me that she was only going to do some kind of clipping job that would not make the hairline jagged after it grew out, she said did always did this because other stylists never thought to do it. I told her I liked the first viewing I didn't need any more shaving, but she went on and on ...just getting the ends off and all she said. So, as she was still bitching and talking about clients that don't know the difference of a walk in shop as opposed to a appointment type shop...then .....she buzzed off all my neck hair up to the middle of my head! Well, it feels that way, I can feel the sharp hairs of my neck poking into my skin...AND THE BACK OF MY NECK LOOKS LIKE A STUMP. I needed to get out of there,and fast. All I wanted to do is hop in my big horking van and try to repair it, glue it back on, anything!
As she removed my bib or that thing they throw over you to catch the hair, I saw just how much hair was cut as it fell to the floor, Oh Lord. Meanwhile she was still talking, but had changed the subject to: how mothers name there children regular names but spell them differently. She had just watched a TV reality show where this was an issue (go figure) and proceeded to get out a piece of paper and write down the spelling...one was Vernonika and other was Monika. She could not get over the fact they had changed the "c" into a "k"...meanwhile I am dyin. Finally she rang up my bill, and pointed out where on the bill the "tip" portion was for me to fill out. I just whispered to myself.."Honorable kamikaze pilot"...are you otta yo fukin mind?!!! A TIP!, for driving me absolutely nuts and shaving all the hair off my head, I think not. I paid for the cut and left. She was still talking as I bolted out the door.
And that my friends is my Andie Pandy rant for the month. I came home and dealt with what was left of my hair as best I could. My ears and neck are cold. I can even feel people breathing around me, that is how short my hair is. I know, get over it...it will grow back. It will, but I hope I live that long.
So, some bad things happen but then good things happen to cancel them out. That evening I got a call from her Specialness. Yes, Ms. SK. She took that frown right off my face...We had a nice chat. AND, I talked her head off again! I have head theme going on here, don't I?
Well, that was the good thing, but then a bad thing had to happen after I got off the phone with her, I got a call from my cousin back home and found my uncle had died. Nuts! Now, I am waiting for another good thing to happen to cancel that one out. It never ends. Oh, yes actually another good thing did happen, I almost forgot the kindly Ms. Brenda sent me some blinkies!!! Check em out over...up there.
Okay, everything has evened up. I hope it stays that way. I will be going to my uncle's funeral tomorrow. I wasn't very close to him, but it will be nice to see all my cousins (on my dad's side) of the family again.
Oh, BTW..here are the answers to yesterdays quiz:
Answers To Quiz:
1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants
know the score or the leader until the contest ends . . . boxing
2. North American landmark constantly moving backward . . . Niagara
Falls (The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year
because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every
3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons . . asparagus and rhubarb.
4. The only sport in which the ball is always in possession of the
team on defense, and the offensive team can score without touching the ball .
. . baseball.
5. The fruit with its seeds on the outside . strawberry.
6. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the
bottle. (The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small,
and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for
the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped
off at the stems.)
7. Three English words beginning with dw . dwarf, dwell and dwindle.
8. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar . . . period, comma,
colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark,
exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses. (my personal fav)
9. The original lakes referred to in Lakers . . in Minnesota. (The
team was originally known as the Minneapolis Lakers, and kept the
name when they moved west.)
10. Seven ways a baseball player can legally reach first base without
getting a hit . . . taking a base on balls (a walk) . . batter hit by
a pitch, passed ball, catcher interference, catcher drops third
strike, fielder's choice, and being designated as a pinch-runner.
11. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed,
cooked, or in any other form but fresh . lettuce.
12. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with "s" .
shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes,