Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Halloween is frightening me

My whole neighbourhood has suddenly changed from a peaceful little community to a phony balonie, blood and guts horror hole. This has been going on since the beginning of October! I find the fake graveyard next door very disturbing... I know it's fake, but I don't like it...no I don't. I'm thinking of going out late at night and dig up some sod in their yard beside the phony headstones...(that would surprise them) ya think? Throw a little ketchup around it, and let them SCREAM in the morning when they go out to work!!! The lady next door on the other side has really scary witches in her front porch. Not just little witches...oh no...larger than life ..huge MF.. Witches made out of ..umm probably something recycled...because that's what everyone here does with a passion. I don't mind recycling normal stuff, but these desperate housewives always seem to take it a step further and make me look like a loser. They would recycle their dog if it died. Anyway, I'm getting off topic, these witches are probably filled with old pancakes they couldn't get down the garburator. I don't know. They look bloated. They were fat witches, mean looking, and dirty little witches with pointy dirty hats. Oy.. they look like a girl in 3rd. grade that I knew.

Let's go up the road a house or two. Probably a home with children..lots of them, and their mother is on crack. 10,000 cutouts of pumpkins, witches, and spiders IN EVERY WINDOW. Hey, mother on crack, I have a question..how the hell are you going to get all that glue off your windows in time for you to put up another 10,000 Christmas decorations...just tell me how? I can't even get my dog's nose prints off my windows cause it's all gluey like, how do you do that? But maybe you have more time on your hands, than I do. And another thing, these Halloween decorations don't come for free, how in the hell can anyone afford to buy them and then in another month or so buy 35 plastic Reindeer for their front lawn..along with the plastic poop. How is that? Wait a minute, I haven't got to the part where you buy all the costumes for the kids, treats for the trick and treaters, and the hospital bills when someone slips them a razor blade. Then comes Christmas... no wonder we all have to see the "lonearranger."

I don't know, I am being a little cynical tonight, but from what I see out my living room window, it looks a little desperate...a little tooooo much for one night of what once was a night of innocent trick or treating and kids having a little fun. Why does everyone make something into a major WalMart holiday...and spend so much money, I don't get it.

You knew where I was going with this, didn't you.......when I was young we didn't have all the hoopla. It was Halloween and I would dress up in my dad's clothes and my brother would dress up in my Mom's clothes..and we would laugh and laugh...at each other. That is just what you did. I remember one year my mom gave me frames from her glasses that had long lost their lenses and I thought I was so cool. I was wearing my dad's old Co-op Service Station uniform, all rolled up to fit, and glasses with no lenses, there was nothing funnier. My brother wore my mom's old housedress and he wore lipstick, mannnn we were in stitches. When that got old, we switched and I wore mom's dress and he wore the uniform. But, it never lost it funnyness. Mom would give us a pillowcase for the goodies and off we would go after supper.

In our town, there was always a division between the have a lots, the have a little, and the have nots. We were sort of the have a little, but wanted more, especially on Halloween, so we headed out for the houses of the have a lot. That meant going straight over to the only Doctor's house in town. We would get a real store bought chocolate bar. Score. The rest was mostly chewy candy wrapped up in wax paper, apples, and homemade popcorn balls. But we loved it all. You have to consider I lived in a Mennonite town, so of course many of the houses were dark on Halloween, because it was considered a pagan holiday, so you had to trek many a mile to get to all the houses that had a light on.

I have to admit we were a little naughty as we got older and tipped a few outhouses, soaped a few windows, egged a few cars, and even knocked on people's window's and ran away. THAT was such a rush. We only had one day a year to be bad asses. I have this nagging notion in my head as I am writing this, I remember my dad being really pissed at me one Halloween, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was. I know guys would take stuff from behind shops around town and drag them on the middle of Main Street late at night (the only main drag in town) and it would cause such a ruckus in town the next morning. Yeah like a traffic jam could happen LOL... The town council would post a letter in our newspaper the next week and scold the culprits and say that such behavior would not be tolerated.

The world sure has waggled in a different direction today. But, y'know, if I could find a outhouse, I would tip the sucker!!

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