Sunday, January 30, 2005

You know who you are/vacations


When I was reading the comics this morning I came across this cartoon, and it reminded me of some of the blogs I read. I guess living in Winnipeg Canada makes me "smirk" a bit when I hear people actually stay home when there is a little freezing rain. I'm still smirkin...LOL.. Hey, let's play "dodge the snowflake"...okay, I'm wiping off the smirk on my face. I have a lot of friends that have moved to British Colombia. Suddenly, when they move to a warmer climate they become wierd, and always want to talk about the weather. They never talked about the weather when they lived here...it was JUST weather. Now, because it's jest a teenie weenie little milder where they now reside, they tend to FLAUNT it...over and over..They make a point of calling or emailing me in February, and saying shit like...ohhhh my daffodils are up...(yeah, well stick them up your nose)

Ya..well, I'm just getting ready to go curling. Not only do I enjoy driving and walking on ice all day, I enjoy meaningless sports that require the same agility to stay upright for my nightime entertainment. At least with curling you can always count on your broom to sweep away any debris left by ole folks hitting their heads on the ice and leaving a trail of cracked dentures. Actually I love Vancouver. I flew there last March. When I left, it was about -25 Celsius, when I got there two hours later it was +15. And the f*n daffodils were blooming..

I don't fly very often, so this was pretty exciting. We were on our way to visit my nephew Chris and his wife...who by the way are the biggest offenders with the weather thingie. The trip was pretty crazy. It wasn't even half an hour into the flight, when I knew there was going to be trouble. There was a guy on the other side of the isle, who immediately upon his arrival, tried to make everyone in the section...HIS BEST FRIEND. Apparently, he had been "up North" at a jobsite for 3 months and was going home for a little RNR. He had two very nice people seated beside him and he was on the third seat on the isle side. (cocktail cart side). When the flight attendant passed by the first time with the liquor cart, he immediately took ..not one..but two beers. And each time she came around again, he took two beers!..and in between the two beer run he proceeded to get very friendly with all the passengers, especially the poor buggers beside him. He was regaling tales of his adventures UP NORTH...and generally makin stuff up. On the third beer run..he got another two, and put them on his tray, and as he was talking (with his hands) he spilled them on both of the passengers beside him. You know how apologetic drunks can be, and this guy was just apologizing ..on and on. The lady beside "was not amused." She suggested to him that once we got to Vancouver, there was "lots more beer"...and he didn't have to drink the world's supply on the airplane. OOPs...Mr. Loggerhead took offence..like drunks do!
He called the attendant and explained how mifted he was at the RUDE person he was sitting with. He must have said RUDE a trillion times. Finally, between all the attendants they decided on mediation. That did not work. So they yanked him from his seat and asked a very nice man about 3 seats down if he would mind trading places. Mr. Loggerhead moved and took his indignity with him. I was watching all of this stuff, and was getting a little scared, hoping the guy didn't have a chisel or something on him from his "jobsite". He finally calmed down, but occasionally turn around and "glare" at the poor lady he spilled all the beer on.

I haven't been on an airplane for 20 years, and with all the excitement I had to pee really bad...and no..I didn't have any beer, unlike Mr. Loggerhead, because I knew there was a ton of it in Vancouver. With some urging from my bladder, I finally got up and check out the facilities. The bathroom door looked like vault, which gave me a bit of the willies. I figured out the code to get in by yelling I AM NOT A TERRORIST.. and .. poof..it opened.

Actually the flight attendant had to give me a hand.

Hey, it's nice and cozy in here, I can sit here a spell. I did my business, and was in the midst of pulling up my pants.............When the door opened!!!! A man was standing there, mouth agape, I am fumbling away trying to get my jeans up...Toilet paper hanging from my ass...he shut the door with such a bang...it scared the shit out of me...hence more toilet paper work. Mannn, I can't believe how dumb I was. I was so embarrassed, I didn't lock the door!!!! I don't know why I didn't lock the door, I mean after all there are about 100 people that could have been using the facilities!!! Red faced I went back to my seat and told Gord what had happened...Mr. Plowperson, thought it very amusing. I saw the guy again, coming back past our seat to try it again, he didn't look at me, I didn't look at him... I couldn't keep my eyes off of him after that. Was he smirkin'...???? and sure enough when we were getting off the plane looked and me and laughed!! I laughed back....it was over phewwww....

We went down to the baggage check area, where we met our nephew Chris. We also met the lady that had dissed Mr. Loggerhead. I asked her if she wasn't afraid he would come after her. She said NO....I don't put up with shit... so there! Mr. Loggerhead..ya messed with the wrong lady. AND...When we got to Vancouver....the daffodils WERE blooming...

I'm such an ass..

4 comments:

Idgie @ the "Dew" said...

Are you making fun of me and my ice storm? :) Kidding. People around here are pretty neurotic about the weather - of course we're always dodging tornadoes and such. But I have a lot of Family in Prince George, Alberta and Kelowna and they all make fun of me!

Joan said...

No, I wasn't pickin on you..well yes, I was...sorta he he..

I couldn't figure out who you were at first, but if I'm right you are the "Southern Housewife" ...the map maker!! Your name came up "Call me Scarlett"...so I wasn't sure. I've been putting my foot in my very large mouth of late...so didn't want to go makin another mistake. Hope I'm right..still new to this gig. I just about fell off my chair with the map making stuff...that is way way too funny. Unfortantely, my hubby..."plow guy" is having problems at this time of his life..when I draw the map...and clearly mark the territory he can't seem to find his way home... nuttin a little Viagra can't cure.

Thanks for stoppin by!! careful not to slip on that snowflake.

Prop Turns said...

LOL - I couldn't stop giggling during your story and that says something after my rather trying week.... I would have loved to seen Mr. Logger dude... Just because I'm one of those poeple that don't talk to strangers. It would have been amusing!

Idgie @ the "Dew" said...

I am indeed the Wacky Southern chick. When making my blog I wasn't sure what I was doing either and I gave it a title but then it wanted to know what I would be "called" Best I could come up with was "Ummmm, call me Scarlett!" I didn't realize that was what showed. So, it's me!

Yah, the map-making in my house sucks lately! 3 kids and not one self sufficient enough to change the channel on their own! I told my eldest son Daddy and I were going to have a "private talk" and he says, "Why, it's no one's birthday or Christmas coming up?" (My usual excuse for ALONE time). Sigh!

Enjoying your blog!