Sunday, June 11, 2006

Gas be gone

I took "Gas be gone"..and it just disappeared into thin air. If I would have had a brian or is that brain in my head, I would have aimed it at the gas tank of my truck. Apparently I have bought a gas guzzler. There is no end to her thirst. I must admit I am somewhat disappointed. It uses as much as the big horking van! I could still be riding in style, intimidating all those little termites in the lane next to me, and watching TV at the same time. Now all I hear is a slurping noise, and my pocketbook getting emptier and emptier. So, to off set the costs, I didn't mow the lawn this week. Hey, gas is expensive, and I am lazy so this just seemed the right time to economize.

I've been gardening for two days. I have come to realize that this just isn't my forte. I got the little pond going, and have planted a multitude of pereninals, in probably all the wrong spots. Last night just before A.Adjustment hour I had just finished screwing something up, and had to climb up the back deck on my hands and knees, ...I had no juice left in me. I tried to get the back deck all ready for the season, scrubbing and sweeping me heart out, putting out the rest of the patio furniture etc. Dognabit, I was tired.

Today, I was still was not happy with the garden. I went to Wal Mart and bought some phony patio stones. No, I didn't..I bought large pancakes. I don't know why they didn't just call them "pancakes that went wrong" and we will sell them to you a low low prices.....because now as they sit in my tiny garden, it looks like "jack in the bean stock" barfed in my garden. I could have probably saved a lot of money just by sodding it over with grass, and feck it I need to get creative and hurt myself in the meantime. SOMEONE STOP ME. I'm serious, I need and intervention. I haven't even dug some of the big plants into the ground that I have bought, it's getting too mind boggling. Oh, and while I was at it at Walmart I bought some of those solar lights for the garden. Good luck to me, I can't remember when I have sat out on the deck after dark. Either it's too cold, mosquitoes, or I'm in bed. Summer is so overrated. I'm putting a stop to it today. Whatever I have left to do will be the end. I mean it. Don't make fun of me. Because I would rather be "bunged" up than kneeling in the dirt with the neighbor's laughing and pointing at me.

Just look at this mess. I will never be on the cover of Home and Garden

It looks like a prison courtyard.

I can't wait for winter, when all this shit will be covered with snow. I'm not kidding. I love winter.

Penny and I went for a walk today. She was on her best behavior, only because there wasn't another dog in sight!! As we got to the corner of our street, a crow started dive bomb us. It was down right scary!! I guess he/she had a nest in the big poplar trees that line the street. That crow should be recruited to the US Army, in Iraq. He had our every move blocked. I think I saw a birdie machine gun under one of his wings. His only problem was that he kept crowing, so we knew his position. Penny and I being well versed army tactics, were dressed in camouflage, and when he advanced, we immediately took refuge in a neighbor's open garage. Finally the crow left. I didn't know what tactical move to make next. I knew I had to get across the street to the park. So we slid on our bellies, down low, right across the kiddy crosswalk to the park. We were a little cut up, but the crow didn't know what happened to us. We lost that sucker. However, on the way back, we had to go past the same tree. So we had a meeting, Penny suggested we go to the next block, then come home down the back lane. We obviously belong to the Canadian Army.

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