Tuesday, June 20, 2006
I need a Tampon
I have decided that the method I will use at Hippychicks B.Day is to put a tampon on top of a really big firecracker, and blow it sky high... my dilemma is...do I go to Safeway and buy a box of tampons (which would be a real big waste of money) or do I steal it. All these years I have been getting "free" tampons, and pads of all sizes dropped in my mail box by a very red faced adult carrier. Now nothing?
Who told them I went into Menopause. Some shitbag did.
Big Brother has been watching me. I resent that. It was probably that fucking Census thing I sent in to the government this year.
As luck would have it, I found a bag of firecrackers in the closest. Gord must have been saving them up for the day I kicked the bucket! Love is strange.
Therefore, there will be a firecracker in the mailbox next time the Adult Ad carrier sticks his/her bony little fingers in my mailbox. Snap, crackle, pop...you are history my friend, and if you land without any injury, don't forget my Sears Catalogue next time..asswipe. I know, I know, I shouldn't shoot the messenger, but it's much easier than phoning the government and asking them to get their nose outta my bidness.
Let me see what I got here: ( really!! I have them sitting right here on my desk)
Firecracker #1 - Venus Flytrap "warning it erupts throwing stars and flaming balls".. hmmm I like that one you can never get tired of flaming balls!!
Firecracker #2 - Rainbow Mine - Multi Colour Star Mine - with flash crackers. Nah, not so much.
Firecracker #3 - (it's very tall) Tarantula - shoots up multicolour with 7 loud detonations (sounds like the one I will put my tampon on...I would like to go out with 7 loud bangs..if you know what I mean).
Firecracker #4-5-6 are weenies..at least the look that way, they are called Screaming Thunder - "use only with the supervision of adults." I guess I should leave them at home. I don't know if we can even find anyone older than us to supervise. I might have to take them to a seniors home, but then of course the noise might just kill some of them off. Not a good plan.
Okay then, where do I get a tampon? Short of stealing a box from Safeway. I'm thinking of going to a public washroom and buying one. Or, last resort finding an old one. I know that's an ewwwww. But, it might just be the impact I am looking for.
Time to get going, and put the fireworks away...before I accidentally blow myself up. I had a candle on my desk and moved it about 10 times, ooppps too late........
ALL I CAN SEE IS FLAMING BALLS. CALL 911