Wednesday, March 30, 2005

I'm not a hugger & growing up

I was reading a blog not too long ago, and she was discussing hugging. It really interested me, because I have a very difficult time "hugging." My mom always said I was never was one of those huggie, kissy kinda kids and always pushed everyone away. However, my brother is just the opposite, he is a touchy feelie kinda guy...ewww..but I hug him anyway, he can't help it. (I'm thinking that's why "Mom always liked him best")...anywho.. I got to thinking about that today, when an old friend dropped in the office , and immediately had me in a wrestling hold. Whoa...nice to see you too, but lemme go!!!..I needs my space... and your crushin my important parts, you are!! We had a nice chat, and when she was leaving, I could tell she was coming for me again, I tried the ole duck and roll over, but she caught me before I could do the move.. so I got crushed again.

I wonder whatever made me this way, I see people hugging, slobbering, kissing, rubbing noses, etc. and I can't do that. I like a nice handshake...or a wave that's even better.

I remember when my parents got older and I would leave to go home from whatever occasion was at hand, and I would try to kiss them good-bye (because they were old I thought I might never see them again, so I made the effort)....and they pulled back...I was pretty hurt, but I think I know now where I got it from. We were never huggers as a family either, except my brother. I remember my mom always complaining about my Uncle Frank (the Italian)...he was always hugging and a kissing everyone, and she thought is was stupid, but she was probably just uncomfortable.

I come from a Mennonite background and there was not too much outward displays of affection given. Hard work, church, school, and community were the Mennonite way, and kissing and hugging that time...were frowned least publicly. It was hard growing up in that environment, it was stifling. I was lucky however, to have had the parents I had. They had broken out of the old style Mennonite stereotype. While most of the town frowned upon us, my dad bought a TV...yes a real TV..and all the town knew, because we had to put an antennae on top of our roof. My dad bucked the system..he actually went to the "beer parlour" as they called that in the old days...and had a brew or two. He smoked, but so did most of the Mennonites, but they only did that at home...when god wasn't looking. My parents let us go to the "show-hall" to see the movies.... which was frowned upon by most of the elders in town...but we got to go. The show hall was my home away from home. I went to every (weekend) movie that was shown in the hall from the age of 10 years until I left Altona at 18.. twice!! You could could get in for a quarter on Friday nights and get in free on Saturday if you had your Friday night ticket stub. You don't know how many times I watched "newsreel" which preempted the movie...which showed all the news events of the world in living black and white ..LOL..and of course by the time it got to our theatre, the new was pretty old...but it was news and I loved it. We didn't have a TV and only listened to the news on the radio or read it in the newspaper.

When I was about 13, our next door neighbour Abie Zacharias gave me a old turntable he had sitting around. I was in sheer heaven, because was I was just getting interested in music, and I could order 78 rpm records from the Eaton's catalogue in Winnipeg. My first record I ever bought was called..."Young Love" Sonnie James I, that was a long time ago.

I see I am getting away from the hugging issue here and going back in time, but sometimes that's where it stems. My hubby isn't a hugger I guess that's why I picked him..huh?
...he was a pretty good "necker" in the old days...hehe..we steamed up many a car window in Lover's Lane..(where we got caught with American booze we smuggled across the border, which was only 7 miles away from our town)...but that is another story...and a fucking long one!!!

I have so many stories in my head about the ole days...the days when there was no were young and nothing could stop you from doing what you wanted to do. I am constantly kicking my ass these days as I am getting older for being a little so up tight about everything that I could not have given a shit about before.....I think I need to lighten up and live my life like I did before, not fearing the future and living life as if I had never heard about all the pitfalls of growning older. BUT...that's why I got my fadder's sense of humour....and sometimes I can jest say...screw it...and make the future be my own...well I'm trying....

Whew...been trying to write this for a long time......sorry for the ramblings.....

he he...that was my dad's pet name for me...I don't know why...I guess it was close to Joan

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