My Living Will

Last night Gord and I were sitting in the
living room and I said to him, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.

"If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

He got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine. He's such a bastard.

Hippy Chick sent this to me and I just changed the names. She knows me! Too funny.

I will probably put it on facebook too....I'm still laughing.

Another week closer to retirement. Two more months and the world will be my oyster. I better not say that out loud, because then shit will happen. I just touched wood, to offset that remark.

I set a balloon free today. On Sunday when we went to Gord's nieces "sweet 16" birthday party I forgot to give her the helium BDay balloon I had in the back of the truck. That piece of shit has been bobbing around in the back for about a week, and I couldn't see out the back window. So, this afternoon when I came home for lunch I decided to set it free. It was pretty obvious when I let it go that it didn't want to go out in the cold and liked it in the back of my truck. Mind you, I never fed it or anything. And we weren't on a first name basis or anything. But I think balloon was happy in the back of my truck.

I thought I was doing it a favour by letting it fly free. But it hung back, and then flew up to the top of our house, took a turn to the left and headed for our neighbours house. It danced around for a bit, and then a small shift in the wind took it right into their huge evergreen tree. There she sits now...nine feet up tangled in the evergreens. We are house sitting our neighbours house for the winter. I don't know how I will explain this when they get home. Ummm...you have a very shiny Happy Birthday balloon sitting in your tree....some asshole must have let it go. We have no idea who did it....and by the way we didn't mean to over water all your plants. Love Joan.

Most of our neighbours have gone to warmer climates in February. I can tell they all have timers on their lights every night. Like that would fool a burglar. Stupid.

I bought a food processor today. Yes, just one more thing I can't fit in my cupboards. I'm sick and tired of chopping and slicing and dicing my veggies...and we eat a lot of them. I have fine line of time to do it at supper because I work...no shit Sherlock...

It was on sale. It might go the way of the rice steamer, and the crock pot. I hope not. The rice steamer only cost me 10.00 so I can give that up to stupidness...the crock pot..maybe 30.00 bucks. What I find with the crock pot ( I may have said this before) but I hate the smell of supper living in the house all day. By the time I eat it, I have smelled it for 14 fucking hours...and I no like. I like to smell my food only..maybe only two hours before we eat it...other than that....I am not longer interested. I'm funny like that.

I bought a set of Puppy Stairs for Penny today. She has been so good lately and has been able to hoist her huge ass on the couch and chairs without help. But I thought I would buy this PUPPY STAIR STEPPER for the bedroom where I have a make shift set of stairs made of cushions from an old love seat we once had. When I introduced her to it.....She gave me the ...WTF look, it was soooo small ... she went around it and jumped on the bed. I think those stairs were made for a miniature domesticated frog. So, I guess that goes back to the store.

Gord just got home, time to have PIZZA....

balonie...over and out and making her way back.

My little man

That damn family newletter always kicks my ass. I already got a compaint that I messed something up. I was cutting and pasting emails and pictures into blogger and I must have cut one entry a leeeeetle to short. But, it's done. Next year I will not have a problem because I will be unemployed and have nothing better to do. Providing I still have a brain. Any bets?



I hope they know it has cut into my Olymipic TV watchingness. Don't groan.

Tonight it's figure skating and I will be right on it. But I still have an obligation to post some crap on here.





I stealing shit from the newsletter, this my cousins kid......





No wonder he made into preschool. He's a player.

I can't talk to you now

I'm doing the famdamly newsletter...and blogger is kicking my ass. Who knew they would send so many pictures?

BBS

Dumb and Dumber

I went with Gord for the assessment training session. In the letter they sent us they strongly suggested that he bring the "complainent" along. That would be me. The "snorehearer." He doesn't really snore that loud, but when I hear him in the mornings I can tell he doesn't breath between snores at times. So, this was the concern.

I sleep like the dead between 11:00 PM and 4:00 AM, so he could be gasping for breath between those hours. Anyway, we went to this training session where he would wear a whole bunch of computer equipment on his face, neck and chest for the night to see why he choses not to breath. Personally I think he just is sick and tired of sleeping next to me. I just don't think he's into me anymore...but thanks for the diamond at Christmas pal.

Our appointment was at 11:00 AM and when we got there the waiting room was full of people...and I'm feaking out...WTF, they were so specific that we be there 15 minutes early to do some paperwork and we would be attended to pronto. What I didn't realize is that we all had to go in as a group for the training session.

I was pissed off. But once Gord came back from some measuring assessment he told me all these people were part of our group. Well, okay then...I put my gun back in my purse.

We had to wait about 13.5 minutes after that, yes, I was timing it. While we were waiting I was looking at all the ugly crap he might have to wear on his head to sleep with. It's not attractive. Big hoses everywhere. This could be another set back in our love life.

...Honey, do you want to do it? ummmmm not with you elephant man. "Which hose are you using tonight?

So, anyway as I was sitting in the waiting room, I assessed all the people in our group. I didn't stare at them. I just glanced at them; and formed a opinion about them. It made the time go faster.

Guy #1: Looked very very tired. He looked like a construction worker, I wanted to give him a hug. He had bags under his eyes and looked a little grey. He seemed to need a little oxygen.

Guy #2: Well dressed executive....playing around with the blackberry. I didn't want to judge him right away, so I put him on hold.

Girl #3: An older Aborginal woman with her husband (she was the only one who brought a spouse other than Gord). She looked very nervous and had her hand on her husbands knee, patting it as if to either comfort him or herself.

Guy # 4 and Girl #5 were there because their assessments from the day before "were off the wall" and they needed attention right away. Scary.


So we went through the training session. And when we got home, we tried to remember some of it. You know the part when they ask you ..."do you have any questions?" WE SAID NO, WE ARE NOT STUPID?

So, when Gord went to bed that night and we set up all the equipment ..we found we were stupid. Does that surprise you? I think not.

It's a good thing I am computer savvy ...sort of..so we got the monitor and all it devices set up. Except for one. The finger oxygen sensor was not working, and the machine kept yelling at us. Finally at 11:45 PM we figured it out. He had put it on backwards.

And you know, I woke up at 4:00 PM as usual and he wasn't even snoring, nor loosing a breath. I heard him snorting a bit at 6:00Am but nothing like he used to do.

THIS IS GOING TO BITE ME IN THE ASS ..if he doesn't have sleep apnea. I made him go to the clinic. Better safe than sorry I guess.

We will get the results in about two weeks.

balonie...making low fat egg rolls with sweet and sour sauce for supper.

Any bets it stinks......place them now.

Excuse me while I take the 3,000 ellipses from the post... opps just did it again. I can't help myself.

We are off to the sleep clinic tomorrow

For Gord's assessment.

They are going to give us a machine for a home sleep study on Thursday night.

I think I might have to take myself and the dog to the spare bedroom for that. Because the dog likes to lick his pillow. And wakes him up in the wee hours of the morning. Personally I would never lick his pillow. I would rather lick my own ass if I could reach it.

So, that's something to look forward to.

Balonie.....trying to reach her goals.

Air Wickedness

Can stink you out of your home.

This might be a long and somewhat disjointed post, because I think I am suffering from Air Wickedness.

It all started on Friday night. Some time ago I bought one of those plug in Air Wick Fresheners for our home. I plugged it in to an outlet by our front door. An hour later, I smelled this horrible odor in the house. Supposedly it was to smell like Lavender and Chamomile, but it ended up smelling like a dirty turd. Fragrant yes.. but you just couldn't put your head around the smell. And it was making my eyes water. So, at that time I unplugged it. I set on the table by the door and left it. UNTIL Friday night.

When Gord got home and after we had dinner and were watching the Olympics...I said to him, doesn't it smell strong in here? He agreed. I went downstairs to the front door where it seemed to be coming from and couldn't find anything wrong.

I have a normal air freshener upstairs, and thought maybe it took a dive and was making the house smell. So, I took it outside and thew it in the snow. That was the end of it because we were just going to bed.

On Saturday morning....the house was wreaking of Air Wick Lavender and Chamomile. What the hell? I thought I thew it out? Then I noticed that the container I had left on the the front door table was overturned. Gord must have thrown his keys down ... or something and overturned it. It had leaked on my lovely bamboo table....under the lamp....on to the a place mat underneath it. IT STANK. I was getting a headache. So......

I grabbed the offending Air Wick container and put it upright. No more leaking I thought. Wrong. Wrong Wrong. I brought it into the kitchen, thinking I would throw it in the garbage. But before that I put it down on the counter, beside the phone, then I picked it up again, and put it on the other side of the counter....BECAUSE I HAVE NO BRAINS.. then apparently from the all the smell, I must have walked 3,000 miles around the house with this MF'r in my hands. Then I threw it in the inside garbage can which was a big mistake and that started to smell..lordyloveaduck it stank. By this time my hands, my pants, and everything I touched smelled like air freshener. I finally took it outside and threw in the garbage bin.

THE SMELL IN THE HOUSE WOULD NOT GO AWAY. It followed me around. I finally took a shower to get it off of me. But, nay even after the shower the house wreaked of cheap air freshener.

I had to throw out the front table where it spilled, I nearly had to throw our phone because I had it laying on the counter (it was out of it's base) but we have two and I interchanged them because there was no way you could answer the phone with STANK. And I had to air out a bunch of forms I had laying on the counter to send in. Like who would want to smell that when they opened the envelopes at the other end... Sonofabitch I was mad. In every room I went to there it was... I guess even after I threw it away before my shower I stunk. It is surprising how many things you touch in your house in a period of ...maybe 5 minutes. I almost forgot I had to throw out my lamp that sat on the front table...that crap leaked underneath it too.

Today I was doing some paperwork for the business, and wouldn't you know...I must have waltzed into the office too. WTF

Let this be a life lesson. Let air smell like air....even during the winter months when you can't open the windows.

Balonie.... even after 60 you can still keep on learning. OR...just maybe you might be ready for the ummmm "home."

On building a new house

We just got our first quote.

Then as Gord and I passed around the brown paper bags to breath in..

We decided we didn't really need a roof. Perhaps a tarp.

Windows are for sissies.

The front porch I have always dreamed about.... might be porch less. Just a door.

I am leaning towards dirt floors....because all that hardwood flooring pricing is making me cringe.

Do we really need trusses? They are expensive! who knew? But they actually hold up the house, so I have no problem with that if we really need it.

The quote was...way over the top...but we have two more to go. It's going to be a fucking bumpy ride my friends.

I will take you along for the ride...because I'm sure I will be pissing my pampers all the way through it.

Stay tuned.

balonie.... checking for her blood pressure. ohhhhh..that doesn't look good.

I'm seriously late in posting

You know how it is in the middle of fricking winter. We just cleaned up after yet another storm that came this weekend. I no like. I am giving the big guy upstairs a "what the heck are trying to do to us look."

I broke my kitchen broom trying to get all the snow off my truck on Monday. Just as well, I hate sweeping the floors. From now on I'm letting the dog search for crumbs on the kitchen floor and she can clean it up. My own swiffer sniffer girl. She loves pieces of old macaroni or the odd peas or corn that have slipped down to the floor. My doggie vacuum.

So yeah, it's cold and it is annoying. I'm looking forward to this weekend... the winter Olympics (which will be held in BC Canada this year). I love the opening ceremonies and that will be Friday night. THEN..we get a long weekend to boot. I see a lot of sleep in my future. Much needed because....

Gord is going to a sleep clinic next week. He snores and forgets to breath. It's unfortunate that I sleep like the dead until about 4:00 AM ... he could be doing this all night long....but then I hear it later ..with him snoring..... and I wait.... then I jiggle the water bed...and he starts breathing again. Sometime I don't jiggle, I just wait...and finally he draws a breath. It's scary. I know it's sleep Apnea. So we are going to fix this next week.

He gets so mad at me for kicking him in the balls...or just gently kicking his legs to wake him up and try to turn him over. It starts in the early morning and goes on until I have to get up. I am a tired balonie. So we get the sleep testing machine next Thursday. In home. Which is good.

I will sleep in the downstairs bedroom with the zombies. So I don't disturb him. I am not fond of that bed. It has a mattress.... and I am not used to a mattress.... I need me a waterbed. But I can overcome it for one night. I will have to take the dog down there with me, because she has a weak bladder and wakes him up all the time for pee pee at 3:00 AM. When I am snoring.

Anyone out there that knows about Sleep Apnea......what should I ask the the consultants when we go in?

Peanuts

Attract the squirrels..

This is my friend Meryl the Squirrel. A fluffy grey squirrel. We have a relationship. He's kinda shy, but he is a warrior when the little red squirrels that try to steal his peanuts. He waits for me every day on the highest bough of the tree. He thinks he is hiding, but I know where he is because he make little noises and his feet start moving which bring snow down to the deck.

Swerving Merv I call him sometimes ....he can dash so fast it makes your head spin.

Then he watches me from the door, eating his loot.

Sometimes the grey squirrels and the little red one's duke it out. The red one's are so noisy and chatter chatter....the big grey guys are silent and just go about their business and try to out manoeuvre them.

We have lumpy type stucco walls on the siding of our house....and when a real fight between the squirrel Mafia gets heated ... the chase begins... they run up and down the side of the house. It looks really cool when you see a squirrel running up a wall of your house. Just hanging there! All for a peanut.

Maybe I should do that to Gord....if you want supper ... or a peanut...or something else? climb some walls. You need to lose a few inches.... let's see you climb the stucco. Make mamma proud.

That's all I got. Time to go and eat a chicken. Not squirrel ... can't catch that bastard.

balonie .... a squirrels best friend.

Collecting feces from a different species

Yes, just collecting my thoughts on a Friday night.


It's really hard typing with one hand, because Penny knows it's the weekend too. Pat..pat.. pat..the dog. I should have named her Pat.



I think I will let my inner meme flow, because it's February and there ain't a lot going on.


What is your name: Joanie Balonie


What is your real name: I SAID Joanie Balonie!..okay it's Joanie Balonie full of macaroni...are you happy now meme? jeez.


Do you shave your legs in winter: Yes I do. I live in a very cold climate and every morning I go outside and rub my legs up on very sharp crusty snowbanks. It's my way of saving the planet, so I don't have to use those BIC throw away shavers. I like doing my part. Mind you, this has cost our health care system a few bucks for all the times I come in to the ER with freezer burn. "Come see come saw."

What are you making for supper: Hello, it's not Pizza, I fooled you again...suckers! I am making a recipe I found today on one of my fav web sites "Mennonite Girls Can Cook" and it's not even Mennonite. I love it when they change the recipes up to different foods like Jewish food. It just proves we are good people. We can get along. I have had a long time distaste for bagels. I found them tough, hard to digest and I don't understand a hole in the middle of bread unless it's a doughnut. So tonite I made some baked sandwiches for supper. We have not tried them out yet....but they are waiting until Gord gets back.

3 Bagels cut in half..that makes 6...3 halves for each person...in case you are drunk.

Put them in a cookie sheet. Warning...do not take the cookie sheet out from the other muffin tins in the cupboard, then they will all tumble down and scare the dog. Man it was loud.

Clatter clatter... oops. Dog goes into hiding.

Okay then....put the bagels on the cookie sheet after you have cleaned it up... It was at this point that I had forgotten how they made the bagels...because I was at work when I read the recipe... and decided to make it my own. This is usually my down fall. I think I will remember it....

So, what I could remember from the recipe was.... put cream cheese on each sliced bagel,then topped it off with a slice of deli smoked ham and a slice of smoked turkey. Then I thinly sliced some green pepper and put that on top. After that I reheated some already cooked bacon...and
let it cool. Placed that on top...sliced some tomatoes....and topped that off with some mozz.. cheese.

Meme: Balonie, you are the bomb. I like the way you handle the cooking. We need more people like you.

Balonie: One hour later....it tasted like ASS again! I am never trying new recipes for Friday night. We ended up eating toasted rye bread with cheese whiz..... our comfort food. Bagels taste like butt. We.no.like. Whe like whole grain bread and sometimes fluffy white bread...with a crispty crust.

balonie....cooking up a big batch of nothing.

I broke my old template

I started to blog about it and hit publish by mistake. So, if stuff comes up crazy you know why. I also took off the snow effect...sometimes it bugs some computers. I'm pretty well over snow anyway.

I did break my template, but I have to admit I was farting around with the code. I just can't keep my mitts out of the code. heh. So I went back to Pyzam they are user friendly and a little tweaking never breaks the template.

Back to work Monday.....3 months to retirement! I will have to get a counter gadget to count the days down until then. That sort of freaks me out because I will might be jinxing myself.

Well ladies ...unless JimBob is still in the loop....I finally made a Sunday supper that did not taste like ass. I go through these periods when I just don't know what the hell to make for supper, during the week or weekends. Sometimes I go to the store after work and try to find something that interests me. This usually happens this time of year when it's so cold and you get sick of winter comfort food.

I didn't make anything spectacular, it was only Lasagna. But this time I didn't make it calorie wise. I went full bore. It was real Italian Lasagna with lots of cottage cheese, mozz cheese, a rich beef filling with mushrooms and onions and tomato sauce. Topped off with a Caesar salad and garlic toast. It was good. It hit the spot. Sometimes you just need to break the rules and have a meal where you don't worry about the fat. We had leftovers for lunch. We broke the rules twice, someone spank us.

Gord just got home and found a flyer in our mail box. YOGA PILATE'S CLASSES IN YOUR AREA. Hey... I looked at it because that could be a thing I might want to do after I retire. Providing my bones will only do the things they are used to: like walking, sitting, and running up and down the stairs slowly.

After reading the flyer Yoga might be a little more than I can handle. I don't see Yoga in my future.

They have: Zumba with Stephanie, Bosu Box with Craig, Yin Yoga with Aly and Power Yoga with Dana.Vinyasa Flow with Wendy. Then, Mind over Matter with Debbie, or HEY here we go...yoga beginner with Sam or Sari. I'm wondering if Sam or Sari could contort my legs into a yoga position before I get a cramp and scream so loud that they might consider giving me my money back. Last AND least Cardio Kickbox with Melissa. Ahhh Melissa I so don't want to kick your box, so I think I will do you a favour and bow out of this class.

Okay, this night is not going as planned. I wanted to make more fun of Yoga, I made a small attempt.

Gord came home while I was writing my post, and decided to go for short nap until supper was ready. THE DOG...who likes to "herd" people out of the bed has been watching me and waiting for me to say...."Gord..time for supper" She cannot wait to jump in the bed and get him out! She is so funny. She has been in and out of the bedroom for about 20 minutes waiting for me to say the magic words. I just went into there and she is sitting on the floor on his side of the bed.....waiting. Looking at me....all she needs to get ballistic is for me to say "Gord time for supper"and the roof will raise a few feet.

Then I burned my fingers getting my baked sliced up taters out of the stove. I used a towel instead of oven mitts. My life is sucking big donkey balls. Now we shall eat.

Break time....I'm going to make the dog crazy and make dinner. With large band aids on my burned fingers.


Much later


I'm back. Supper was pretty good. Breaded chicken breasts, oven roasted taters with carrots and peas.

When I told Gord to get up, all hell broke loose. I told Penny "it's time for supper" she jumped on the bed "barking" and got behind him and started nudging him out of the bed. She means business when she is in herding mode. "Move along you lazy ass." heh. In the morning when I am ready to get up, I tell her "time to get up." ... and she jumps off the bed barking her face off and herds me into the bathroom. We are her sheep. She loves to work.

Back to Yoga. There was another class I forgot to tell you about I might be interested in "beginner yoga mat sitting." Yep, first I will have to learn to sit on it...then maybe they can take my long langy frame and try to twist it to suit the flow, the bosu, the zumba, the vinyasa, the boot camp kickbox, the yin, the mind over matter and the Hatha. I don't even know what language I am speaking anymore. I think they have me brain washed. Don't let them sign me up.........help.

balonie...I'm beggin you.

Full Moon Friday

My blogger friend Chatty Kathy with a K

http://kitschinlogic.wordpress.com/



Has been diagnosed with breast cancer. Yup, shit happens. But I have never met a girl who is more enthusiastic to get her breasts lopped off and get on with her life. Go Kathy. Who needs them anyway... they are just two lumps made to attract the male species. Or feed your children...( sorry I almost forgot about that part because I don't have any.) Once you are over that hump, you may as well remove them. I think every woman should do that after the age of 40. Get those knockers knocked off. It would save me so much money at Safeway when they are asking for a 2.00 donation for breast cancer every dang day. I jest.

I remember 14 years ago or so when my "hippy chick" was diagnosed with breast cancer. She, being who she is (much like Kathy) took a different road. She rode the road she wanted to travel. When they took her breast and after she got out of the hospital...she made a statement. She wore no bra. She also wore hippy T shirts that showed that one of her girls were gone. She was so brave. And such a hippy chick. Eventually she got a prosthetic bra. Then as the years went on the bra kept on moving up an down and making her tits lopsided. She got pissed off and had reconstruction surgery. They took her belly and back fat and made her a new tit.
(Janis if you are reading this...correct me) because it's Friday and I'm drinking wine.)

So Kathy if you are reading this ....get some comfort because that bitch is still alive after all these years.....and she drew up the plans for out new house and is still kicking ass. I love her.

balonie......making pizza and hoping it doesn't taste like ass like last week.

It couldn't get any worse..butt

Our next door neighbours did it to us again. They left this morning for the "land of old farts" Palm Springs California for two months and we are stuck looking after their house AGAIN. This will be three years in a row. Apparently we don't know how to say NO. My big mouth flaps at the best of times, and I am opinionated ... and partly a bitch. But can I say NO? no i can't, then I turn into a teeny weeny little wimp.

Last year after looking after their house for two months, I put my foot down. I told Gord, this is enough! Gord was in agreement so we both put all four of our foots (feet)down. Well, you can see how long that lasted. Until they asked us again. And we said SURE NO PROBLEM! Glad to help a rich neighbour who can afford to go away for the winter to Palm Springs and mingle with the likes of Jerry Lewis and misc. dead movie stars.

So, as it stands now we are using those four feet we put down, to kick our asses. For two months we will ... on a consistent basis kick each others butt on the day we have to INSPECT the house, which will be three times a week.

On inspection day, Gord will open the door of the house, I will follow and kick him in the ass. On leaving the house Gord will follow me and kick me in the ass. Fair.

Saturday will be INSPECTION day, and I am getting prepared. I'm not looking forward to getting my ass kicked, so I have a plan. I found a little pillow, which I will name "my ass pillow" MAP for short that I can safely tuck under my pants. He, on the other hand is never prepared for anything, so I'm thinking I will come out the winner.

So, by the time they come home we should be dead. Or have giant hemorrhoids. Hey, it's all on them. They didn't know we couldn't say "NO"...and try to kick our asses to death.

So what I'm saying here is: Don't be afraid to say NO because if you don't, it might feel like a Toyota with major factory issues rammed up your ass. And there is no warranty for this. I suspect we will both be wearing our air bags on our hips...to collect all the fecal matter once this is all over.

Truly, "It's Always Something."

balonie..taking some time to do some butt exercises.

Snow day..yesterday's post

When I got up this morning the winds were 'ahowling...and snow was a'drifting. It was a mess. And they were closing all the highways out of the city.



The radio stations were telling everyone to stay put, and not drive. Well "shit" I have lived here all my life and have gone to work in much worse conditions. Yes, the highways might be bad, but I only live 10 minutes from work. I'm going...because it's payroll Monday and my men need to get paid at the end of the week.



I put on my "big girl" boots, scarves, mittens and tucked in a flask of whiskey, should I get stranded. Okay, it was coffee. And went out the door. Ooops..... no step's, just snow banks.

The driveway was clear, but the way that ugly wind was blowing blew up all the snow up on our front stairs. I was up to over my knees when I finally got to my truck. Like I said the driveway was clear so I knew I could put it in 4 wheel drive to get off of it. And I did. But for some reason ... and I blame my husband of 90 years, he was using my truck to plow our office lots yesterday from another minor storm that came through... all the inside windows of the truck were coated with frost. I couldn't see a damn thing. I think he did too much heavy breathing in there. Or he's got a frosty chick on the side.


Okay, now it's 8:15, I have to be at work by 8:30. I sit and wait while the defrost action starts happening in the truck so I can see where in the hell I have to go.


By 8:45 I was getting pissed and started wiping all the inside windows with whatever I had at hand. My gloves, my hairbrush (yes I have one in the truck) and other junk. By then the frost was getting soft and I could do it with my fingernails. I have never encountered frost on the inside windows of the truck....Gord? Anyhow, to pass the time I drew little pictures on the windows with my fingernails. Stick ladies and stick men. Sometimes I made them do stuff. Like I said I was bored. heh Unfortunately, they were still "doing stuff" after the window dried up. You could see it!



Finally when I could see out all the windows, I put her in 4 wheel drive and left. It was pretty well a white out in the residential area, but when I got to the main road it was fine.



Then I got to work. Nobody was there. The parking lot was empty. I'm going WTF.... this was not a blizzard of momentous proportions, it was a "baby" storm. I realized most of our guys couldn't come in because they live in small communities on the outskirts of town....and the roads were closed....but where was the office manager? My boss is in Hawaii.

Apparently he lost his keys to his truck the night before. Okay. Like I'm buying that.

We have a new office, with new security codes to get into it. I have never had a chance to use it until today. I punched it in. BEEEEEEEP BEEEEP BEEEEpppppppppppppppp.

Apparently my successor ( the guy who is replacing me lives 50 f'n miles from the city and couldn't come in) who was supposed to put in the new security codes either sabotaged mine or fucked it up. All the alarms went off. It rang...and it rang. And then it rang some more. I really didn't give a shit, because I knew eventually they would quit ringing and someone from the security office would show up.



I was pissed off too. Because it's payroll Monday and no one had left their time sheet on my desk. I called head office and told them ....we have a problem here Houston....all our guys are snowed in.


Then, I got an ear full from head office saying....your guys should be emailing in their time sheets because we need it right the fuck now....blah blah blah. And when I told her I was the only one on staff here...and was contemplating going home before it got worse...she flipped her lid and told me no one who didn't have a time sheet by 11:30 AM was NOT going to get paid on pay day.


So, I stayed the day in our stormed in office phoning all the guys and getting their hours so they would get paid.

I did this for my "men" not head office ....you remember them...the guys who put me out to pasture.

The weather cleared up around 3:00 PM a lot of drifting, but nothing I couldn't get through.

You know......April 30th. can not come fast enough. I should have make it earlier.

Next week I'm going to give all my work to the new guy. And let head office yell at him. My work here is done. From now on, I will coast into retirement.

Balonie...making Mennonite farmer sausage soup for her man.. on a very cold winter evening.

I spent some time

taking pictures of my fat face today. The other pic was taken about 4 years ago. So I needed to let you know that I have not aged all that gracefully. I really wanted to show you a picture of my new coat, which I am in love with. But there was nobody at home to take a picture of me, so I had do it all in the mirror. Pictures taken in the mirror with a camera in one hand do not make for lovely pics. But the coat is ubber cool. I need a red scarf to set the coat off. I just cropped some of the pictures to get a head shot for facebook and blogger. I will look at the others later to see if I think I look cool enough to show you. Yeah, it's a girl thing, and it never goes away. I sort of look orange in my screen ....anyway, I am not orange. Deal with the lighting I had to work with on a dreary day.


So, what's new? I have been away for awhile. Mostly reading your blogs at work...and forgive me for not commenting. Because...in this new building we are in now, my desk is a magnet. A fucking magnet. They put the big printer and photocopier behind me. Which means I have to minimize whatever I'm looking at 5,678 times a day. I think you guys are giving me carpal tunnel syndrome. Hey, it's all on you. The copier used to be in the central office before, now they have invaded my personal space. I really, really hate it. Everyone has to come by my desk to pick up a fax or something from the printer. Then of course they look at my screen. Bastards.

Sometimes I'm not fast enough and instead of minimizing it I hit the max button. Damn...Well depending which blog I'm on....either you will see children playing, food, or....goat's mating. My blog roll is diverse.


Here is a girl....Hi Kitch... who is going through some shit waiting for results for a lump in her breast.
http://kitschinlogic.wordpress.com/2010/01/24/from-the-desk-of-the-lump/#comment-942

She sounds brave....but I know ..everyone knows the heartache of waiting for the test results.

Let's cross our toes for her. It even get's better if you cross your fingers and toes while going though an underpass with a train going overhead. It's a sure sign of good things to come. It makes driving a little hazardous, but we must do...what we must do. Let's make the lump a cyst. Sing it to me.

I have no explanation

To why I posted the pics of my nieces twice in one month.

I even scanned them twice.

My life is just a giant post it note these days.

I hope I don't forget to retire.

Tonight I'm making fish for supper

Poor little guy, he looks hungry. So what! We gotta eat don't we? Come on into my kitchen.

I made what I like to call "Stuffed Carp with crap." Don't try this at home, because I have purposely left out some of the ingredients because it's a secret family recipe. Just like KFC.

(the following contains scenes of violence... caution is advised).

1. First of all, you have to train your carp to "sit pretty."

2. Gather...a hammer or a very large cinder block.

3. Say a prayer for him

4. And whack him.

5. Done

6. Dinner is on.

7. No need to sever the head, because you want to stuff him from the top.

8. I use rice with a little soy sauce, mushrooms, onions, lemon juice, and a few old newspapers soaked in chicken broth if I can't fill him up to the top. Add a dash of pepper, and a dash of cooking love.

9. Put the carp in a large baking dish, uncovered.

10. Preheat your oven at 350. Open the window to get the fish stank out of your kitchen.

11. Make a small cup of about 1/4 cup ketchup and 1 tsp. of horseradish and stir it all about.

12. Smear it on the crap...ummm I mean the carp.

13. Bake for 20 minutes if it was dead, or 30 minutes if it was still wiggling. We are talking fresh fish here people.

Serve with oven fried taters, newspaper/rice stuffing, and a nice salad of your choice.

Bon appetite..balonie style.

I really should be a food blogger.

Oh Lordy

My surprise casserole tasted like ASS. Like a donkey's ass. It was edible, but KD and real food should never meet. I should have just made stew. Damit.

Once I retire I will experiment a little more on the cooking side of things. That will either kill us or um ... kill him. Depends on my mood. heh.

I am still practicing retiring. Trying to figure out how I got this freaking old.

Balonie.... taking another step forward into her golden ears. Yes, I said ears.

Trying to squeeze it in all in one weekend.

Clean the house
Get the dog's nails clipped
Groceries
Play with Penny
Bookwork for the business
Laundry
Personal Hygiene
Make meals
Make a new batch of wine
Water the plants (this could be part of "clean the house." If you are picky.
Ingest just enough wine after the day is done to relax.

I made Shepperd's Pie for tonights supper with left over beef from a pot roast. But I didn't have enough potatoes...to make mashed potatoes to cover it. Well fuck. There was no way I was going to the store for potatoes, so I winged it. With...guess what? wrong...wrong again... Kraft dinner! Call me genius if you will.

I put a layer of cooked Kraft dinner on the bottom of a small casserole dish, topped it off with my mixture of roast beef, onions, magic mushrooms, frozen mixed veggies, a few squirts of ketchup, a little sauce, left over gravy, some garlic powder and pepper and some low fat parm cheese mixed in. I made three layers of it. And topped it off with some low fat mozz cheese. The Shepperd's will be leading their flock by night...right to my house. It smells really good. Ahhh casseroles...it doesn't get better than that when you run out of time. But...this took me much longer than I anticipated, because I was inventing a recipe. My last load of laundry was pretty crisp by the time I got it out of the dryer.

I just happened on a new channel on our TV last night. Let's just say first of all ...every time I find a new channel that I like, our service takes it away the moment you want to watch it. Assholes. But, since last night, it's still there. They play a lot of the movies from the 1950's to today. It's always a surprise. Last night there was a lot of oldies I remember seeing at the show hall in our small Mennonite town. Yes, I know...we who watched those movies, will never get to heaven. Although the Mennonites that went to the big city to watch them will.. because God is only watching you in your own town. Makes perfect sense to me. I'm not jaded at all.

......... let me see if I can find youse guys a few pictures, because I don't have sweet "f" all... and don't want to start a Mennonite rant.

This is my grandniece Jaymie. She just turned 13.


This is Lynnae she will 16 in a few days.

Way too cute.. I love them.


Hold on...I just found the post I didn't post on Friday... It was getting late and I didn't finish it.. It was a Mennonite rant....well so be it....

I was reading a blog this afternoon.....yes on company time! And this chick was making fun of Mennonites, and it got me thinking how misinformed most people are. I'm not going to go into the logistics of it all, but for some reason they like to bundle in the Amish with the Mennonites. Yes, there might be still some old order of Mennonites out there, but not too many.

I have never seen a Mennonite drive a buggy...evar.

Yes, I grew up in a small Mennonite town and we had more churches than houses, but not all the people (Mennonites) were strict with religion. My parents were not. It was sort of a town divided. Sometimes it was hard, because we were just normal everyday people like THEM, without the Church Key. Our little town had a Beer Parlour as they called it, (men only) and we had a movie theatre. The stanch Mennonites could chose what they wanted to do and those that were more progressive could chose to drink beer and watch movies. It was not the best of worlds because as a kid you always were judged which side you were on. What friends you could make.

I didn't really notice the difference until I got older. You were judged when you put up a TV Antenna on your roof, because then the town knew YOU HAD A TV. The Christians, had their TV's in their basements and were trying to get reception from their rabbit ears. The Christians didn't go to our little movie theatre, instead they went to the big city to see movies. Apparently if you drive 75 miles it's no longer a sin.

You know, that Movie Theatre (Show Hall) as we called it then, was the best part of my life. We didn't have TV before I was about 13 years old, so movies were my life before that.

Nothing better than going to the show hall with a friend or your brother...but he was usually an asshole so I would have to ditch him and find someone else. He liked to sit in the front row. Who does that?

We paid our .25 cents for admission and .10 cents for a bag of popcorn. AND if we kept the half of the admission ticket after they tore it up....we could come back the next day and see the movie again for FREE.

I think I saw every movie made from 1955 to 1960. All the old classics....to Elvis, and Gidget...you name it ... I saw it twice. No wonder my grades were .....let's say, not as good as they could be if you would have studied instead of watching movies. Plus buying every movie magazine and cutting out all the pictures and pasting them to the walls of your room.

I found an old flyer that I saved from years ago in my trunk of memories....It was the flyer they gave us at the show hall for the up coming shows.

You will notice on top it says ED MARTIN BEST IN TV AND RADIO SERVICE.....he was much later to become my father in law.

You will see Harry's Cafe at the bottom. Every Mennonite town had a Chinese cafe. It was there forever. My mom went to Harry's Cafe before I was born and after. Harry and many more, immigrated to Canada in the late 40's and left their wives and children in China in search of a better life in the bible belt.

When I was a teenager...Harry's was the place to go and meet friends. Almost as it was in my mother's day. We only had one restaurant at the time. I have so many good memories sitting in the booths yakking it up...talking about boys with my girlfriends over a coke and a smoke.

That is what I wrote on Friday, but never finished. It is what it is. I have to go and eat my Kraft Dinner surprise.

Balonie.. you can take this to the bank.

Carry on.