Saturday, May 14, 2005


D A M N I T O L Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ,resulting in enjoyment of country music & pickup trucks.

F L I P I T O R Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. Can we get naked now?

BUYAGR A Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree

J A C K A S S P I R I N Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toiletseat.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

N A GA M E N T When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.

I took a few Jackasspirin's this morning, it didn't help so I gave Gord a Nagament, and low and behold it werked!! He was out the door lickity- split pretending he had work to do.

I should have sprayed him with some Antitalksident yesterday....mannn he couldn't quit talking while I was watching a movie...I just sat there clenching my teeth, my eyes were starting to twitch forpittiesake... and over and over in my head I was thinkin..."ohmygodmakehimstop"!!!
He did. When the movie was over! He didn't have a damn thing to say.. he fell asleep..Oy Vey

Well, I guess I'll just take a Damnitol, and call it a day.

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