Friday, December 30, 2005

Pot-Head speaks

I had an urgent request for advise from a blogger:

Dear Pot-Head,

My left thumb won't bend without instense pain, my knees creak and lock up on me, my back pains me turrible, my legs ache, I pee on myself when I laugh too hard while reading Joan's blog, does this mean I'm getting old and onary? Will I grow out of this?


Over the Hill and having to climb down the other side

Dear Over the Hill etc.

I am so happy that you requested advise to a problem that can be totally resolved with drugs, after all that is my expertise.... And so "grasshopper" I will kindly ask you to relax .. and take a pill...HO no Pot-Head is only joking!! From what I see your problems go much deeper than that, and I must summon some of Pot Head spirits for a consultation.

Okay then, spirits have been partaken of, and I can get down to your problems.

#1.) You say, you left thumb in not bendy, and causes you much pain? My only recommendation, would be "NO MORE HITCHHIKING"...leave that to Pot-Head's hippy friends. You my friend have "Carpal Thumb Syndrome, which was very prevelent in the 70's. My only suggestion is to get your truck fixed so you will be able to ride to your destination in comfort, and your thumb will get a chance to heal. In the time being, bathe it in Epsom salts, and take two aspirin with diet 7-up. No point in it getting fat.

#2.) Blogger, you have a lot of questions for the pot-head, you know of course I take Pay Pal once you go over four. Just a friendly reminder. I know the American Medical System "she is a bitch" and you have to use all the free advise you can get. So on to question #2. My knees creak and lock up on me. Blogger, blogger, blogger, that is why God made WD-40. Go to your nearest hardware store and pick up a can. I would however caution you to use it with some discretion. My advise to you would be to squirt it behind your knee caps twice a day. However, and I must repeat "however" this product might turn on the male species. A little WD-40 goes a long way...yaknowhatimean?? Don't say pot-head didn't warn ya.

#3.) Your back pains you turrible....well get off of it for change!! Backs were made for sittin...not layin about all day complaining!! Reminder...pot-head only calls like he/she see's it.

#4) Peeing yourself is normal, if you are on the toilet, but once off I would hazard a guess that you should not be laughing in all the wrong places. A adult diaper may be in order, this of course could cause some embarrassment on your part, and should only be used in the privacy of you and your computer. A remedy I may suggest to alleviate the problem would be drinking a cup of Turpentine with your evening meal. Turpentine is an old remedy my father used to use, to cleanse the blood. It is also useful for removing paint, therefore, making it a very useful product.

And to sum it up blogger, no you are not getting old and onary, you have been that way get over it.

Disclaimer: The advise given by Pot-Head are not necessarily the views of the owner of the blog.

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