Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Sweet smells of Christmas

Well, my Penis Plant as Ms. Special K puts it, now has a head on it as big as Mount Peacock. Mount Peacock is a hill Gord made all by his little self in our Cul de sac. More of that later. Anyhow, this plant has 8 buds now, and they cluster in 4's. The cluster is massive. It's a cluster *f* if I do say so myself. I wasn't going to swear, in the spirit of Christmas, so I have done the next best thing and alluded to swearing.

I wanted to my house smell sweet today, so I thought I would try Ms. Special K's recipe for, well, making the bad smells go away...so I took me out about 10 balls of allspice, threw in half a lemon, boiled it up and let er simmer!! Smells pretty good. Eventually it started to smell kinda strong of cloves, so I added some cinnamon to the fray, and it smells yummy. Ten bucks says, I leave it simmering on the stove overnight and burn down the house. Soooo, to protect myself I put part of it in my potpourri burner. Now I have enough for the whole season. I was thinking of throwing some pine needles in it from my Christmas tree. I will try that tomorrow.

Getting back to Mount Peacock..(Peacock is the name of our street, I didn't just make that up to be dirty). Anywho, Gord has been taking all the snow from our driveway and putting in the centre of the Cul de sac. and it's getting pretty big because the friggin City cannot be bothered cleaning our street! So far our neighbours have not complained, and kids are loving it because they can slide on it, but I want to see the faces of the snowplow dudes, when they see Mount Peacock. If it wasn't so dark out there I would take a pic.

I'm getting closer to getting all my Yuletide business done. Still haven't got anything for Gord!! I was thinking of getting him a real motorcycle jacket, not the old fart kind he wears now, but that is something personal he will have to do himself, I don't know what kind he would like. So, instead I'm getting him a cell phone holder. Do you know, how many times he has dropped his phone out his shirt pocket? Why, you must wonder is he putting it in his "handyman" shirt pocket? Because it always falls out of the cell phone holder which is attached to his favorite belt on his pants. That belt has to be 576 years old. He loves that belt, because it never shows that he has gained weight. Everytime I tell him he has to loose weight, he says " WELL, I haven't moved the notch in my belt for 40 years." No, he hasn't because the belt has streched to such proportions that it broke on Sunday. He was devastated. Now, I will get him a new belt, a cell phone holder, some new gautch, jeans that don't have his asshole riding down to his knees, and a very smart shirt (without the pencil, cell phone holder pockets that drag him down). He will thank me. As it is right now, he has so much stuff in his shirt pockets, he could tip at any time. Maybe I should add a backpack. Ya think?

It's smelling kinda funky in here. It's a cross between cloves, the mushroom meatballs I am making and and an old ladies crotch...whewwwwwww.. it's a might strong.

BTW, I solved my Christmas Tree problem. I was saying earlier it looked so bland and all. Well, I FORGOT THE TINSEL!! How stupid am I? Now she's a real Christmas tree, sweet smelling and sparkling.

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