Sunday, March 02, 2008


Without a cherry on top.

Laundry, shovelling snow, preparing salads for next week, bookkeeping, making wine, preparing supper ..Lasagna and salad. Plus slicing strawberries for dessert. Which takes more time than I am prepared to put into a meal. I have done more slicing, dicing, ricing and rock and rolling around this joint today than I care to mention. Oh yeah, I had to go to the store and pick up some green peppers which I had forgot to buy yesterday. THAT, almost threw my whole schedule down the shitter. For some reason my spin cycle was off kilter, and my clothes were wet after the cycle was finished, so I had re-do the bastards on the spin cycle again. Don't tell me I had an uneven load, or I will shoot you. My washer and I have a personal vendetta, and on Sundae's he just wants to do the cha cha.. and I let him go for it. He is evil. One of these days he is going to take the hoses right off the back of the machine and create the "flood of the century." Good! I have insurance. So fuck him. My dryer was moaning and groaning last weekend. It sounded like something was getting it on big time down there. It sounded like a submarine alarm ..ahhhhwhhooohaaa! So, Gord finally fixed that, so now I don't have to kill it.

Did I put you to sleep yet? Well just keep on reading.

I want to go the Bahama's... I really do. I need to get the hell out of here.

My Penny has been having a few leg or back problems of late. I am concerned. She has short legs, and a long back...and with her exuberance chasing down anything that moves outside or inside our stair filled house from either the windows or being outside is of concern. I have been confining her to the upper level, where we actually live with a gate to she can't get run down to the living room, where her she can try to bite the mailman, or anything that moves on the street. Last Sunday I went down to play with her in the backyard, because I thought she was doing so much better, but she just went crazy, wanting to play, and twisting around with happiness, and falling into huge snowdrifts in the back 40. Needless to say, she was a wreck later on in the evening.

So, I am the ever watchful bad guy in her books. NO can be heard resonating through out our palace. No, jumping!...No running! No..sitting pretty..No fricking nothing.. She is sitting on my lazy boy chair with a "what the fuck did I do look." Apparently, none of this hurts her, but I know she isn't up to snuff. God forbid I should have had children, I would have tried to move into their homes, made better food choices for them and their children, and totally made my fears theirs. Unfortunately, I have no one to tell me to back the off. Poor Penny. Make that poor Gordon as well. I can't stop myself from trying to help those that I love. And I always go totally overboard. Last Sunday Gordon took two of his pills in the evingin instead of one. Well, I went ballistic and phoned Poison Control. I made him so worried for nothing. Shit.. They told ME to take a pill, as it wouldn't hurt him at all. Dumbbbbbasss. I got him all worried and concerned and it was only my fears that made him that way.

What is wrong with me? I can't relax for a minute. I think every little concern belongs to me. I own it. It's mine to bear. I watch for any change with Gord or the dog...then manifest it my mind and make myself nuts. Last Thursday, Gord was leaving after lunch and was standing in the hall getting his parka and boots on, and then I noticed he was wasn't making any noises, and immediately I shout out from the kitchen..."what are you doing?" He said, can't I stand still for more than a minute when you aren't asking me ..what am I doing? I was just adjusting my tie (from his uniform) because it got messed up. Things like that make me so embarrassed, I have to step back. I have to. Being the gate keeper is a job with no rewards and only stress. I tell myself that all the time, then I think....what if something happened and I didn't pick up on it and could have changed the outcome I would never forgive myself. It's a no win situation. But I have to because the way I am doing things right now has got to change. And it is totally my fault. Gord and Penny are getting really tired of me mothering them around. I need to set them free. And close my eyes. Right now, they are in Joan Jail.

I want to go the Bahamas. Right the hell now!...checking my Air Miles.

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