Sunday, February 12, 2006

Sunday at the ole homestead

I've had a very productive week-end, by that I mean I have done all me Suzie Homemaker duties, and I am beat. The clothing is all laundered and is DONE. The bedding, and comforters are all washed. The scatter rugs are washed. Everything that was not moving in the house is washed. All the pots and pans I was hiding in the stove over the week, are washed. I can hear an "echo" in our abode.

The morning started out with me giving Gord a haircut, I even clipped a bunch of nose hairs out his nostrils ... and he had some eyebrow hairs that were pointing South, so I clipped them off too. I probably shouldn't have been using a sharp object so early in the day,.. after two cups of strong coffee! But it's really not a problem, he still has one eye that works, but his nose could have used a few stitches, but as a homemaker I have a first aid kit on hand, and I stopped the flow of blood with my handy dandy kit. He wouldn't be advised to "blow" for a few days, but by Tuesday the swelling should go down. Just to make sure I hadn't missed any first aid techniques, I gave him the Heimlich maneuver and then did some CPR. By lunch he was good to go. It was better than sex because I did it my way!! Maybe now he will get his haircut and reputable Salon, and I won't have to butcher his head.

Then it was time to tackle the laundry as I mentioned above. I started the process, and then emptied the dishwasher, put away the dishes, made some lunch, without any enthusiasm because I have been cooking "grease free" lately, and everything tastes like cardboard. We had had "fat free" press board sandwiches for lunch. They were divine. I especially loved the side dish of sliced "on the vine" tomatoes, that were probably grown in Timbucktoo, then shipped green, to my Safeway.. and someone put them under a heat lamp to ripen them. They were chewy. Tomatoes aren't supposed to be chewy. A Eat-More bar is supposed to be chewy not a tomato.

So, after lunch Gord took the Bronco out and started snow clearing, we had a foot or so of the stuff fall this week. I gave him a Tylenol 3 from my Medical Kit, and he thought he could handle the job, even after I damn near killed him. I put some salve on his nose where I extricated the nose hair..and it seemed to work.

Next, I had to walk the DOG. Nothing went right this afternoon, and I mean nothing. I put on her halter, as ususal, before we left..and never thought anymore about it. She bounded out the front door, and away we went to the park. I forgot about the last snowfall, and it was tough going, but we managed. I was so beautiful in the afternoon and I was just walking and walking not paying to much attention to Penny, who always pulls at the leash, because she has more dog pee and shit to sniff. Finally on our last leg to go home, I saw her limping. Yikes, I checked her paw and there wasn't a snow build up in there, which sometimes happens. And off we went again, and she kept on walking on three legs!! I stopped. Checked out the halter, and realized I had but it on backwards!! fortheloveofaleash...well not exactly backwards, but I had forgotten to put her right paw through the halter before I locked in the the part that goes under her belly. So the strap that was usually under her was locked across her two front legs. I was wondering why she wasn't running as fast as ususal!! God. I guess she started limping when she was getting tired of running while being bound up in the front. I is a bad mom.. After I saw this I sat down in a snow bank, and tried to get it off of her, and it was so tight, I had to get the "jaws of life" to get her our of it. I guess at the beginning it was still loose and it tightened up as we were going. I felt so bad.

So I went to WalMart and bought her a doggie bed. She has never had that luxury, but she has now. It's made of Brocade. Like my mom's old drapes and a few bridesmaid gowns I was forced to wear. It's lovely, and Penny took to it right away. I should have never gone to Walmart...never ever...I ended up buying a new Suzie Homemaker Corelle Dish set. Hmmm.. make that two. They were on sale for 25.00 for a set, and I had 50.00 bucks in my hot little hands, because my hippy dippy chick friend bought my old flat screen monitor. Justification, yes. Lets not forget the new pair of jeans, and the old lady sweatshirt with a picture of a cat on it that I bought. has a little glitter on it. Nevermind.

Got back home, finished up folding the laundry etc. ....then remembered I had to start a new batch of wine!! I am damn near out. Time was of the essence. Step one of the process is fairly easy, it only takes about 1/2 an hour. I got that done, then realized I had not washed Gord's housecoat. The only thing left unwashed in the house except the dog!! Did that. It's drying as we speak.

After that, I started supper. I bought an anorexic chicken at Safeway Saturday, make that two, for some reason you can't only buy one, you have to buy a pack of two...because no one fed them..for the loveofmike. If you want to buy ONE..they charge you the price of two. Chickenasses they be. So, I froze the other poor soul and we might get a sandwich out of it..I'd like to call her Helen. So when we get to eating Helen hopefully we won't be very hungry. Helen's bro, Brad..who is in the oven right now will serve us well, as I have added (as a homemaker would) some Stove Top Stuffing to the menu (for a filler) plus some spuds, veggies and gravy. Did I miss any food groups? Okay later we will have NO FAT YOGURT, with some strawberries and banana. And wine...oppps could be a food group if you put it in the fruit catergory.

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