Cleaning up

I have decided to start typing my blogs in Word.  Word gives me the edge I can’t get in blogger, it actually corrects some of  my errors.  And I am error prone.  

The pot roast is simmering on the stove, along with the potatoes and carrots.. it smells heavenly.  It smells like fall.  I feel pretty queenly like sitting on my new leather chair I got for my birthday.  It smells animal like.  Roarrrrrrr…  I feel like purring.  It’s very comfy, I hope I don’t nod off.  



Actually when I sit in it, I feel like  a CEO and want to make some corporate decisions.  Like….”Gord”…clean up the garage..NOW, winter is coming and all your shit is all over the place and we can’t even get a vehicle in it!

Gord:  Whatta talking about, all I have in here is my Lincoln, two motorcycles, a snow blower, a lawn tractor and a trailer!..what is your problem? You should take your bike out of here…huh? ..my little bike!

Joan:  Okay then, just pick up that piece of paper off the floor, and we will have soooo much more room.

Gord:  Well, you don’t have to get huffy.  Huffy?…

Joan: I don’t like that word, only old people get huffy, I am not a huffer and never will be.  I get pissed off, but never “huffy.”  Now I am pissed off however.

Joan:  Okay, I yell out to him in  the backyard, I was going to make French Toast for breakfast, but now it Salami Sandwiches!!..and I knows he doesn’t like Salami.. the ball is back in my court.

Gord:  Sounds good, I’ll be in a sec.

Joan:  ^%%$#$#.. I didn’t want to have Salami Sandwiches, I reaaaaallly wanted French Toast.  Well, I cooked me own goose I guess.

Meanwhile he is out there, trying to empty the garage and put most of the stuff in our sheds for winter.  He has everything running at the same time, to make sure it’s in good condition.  The lawn tractor is running, the snow blower is running, two motorcycles are running intermittently, and finally he starts up the Lincoln.  Our whole neighbourhood is filled with gas fumes.  Of course with his bikes, he has to take both out for a short stint around the block, and rev the crap out of them, thus making this annual tradition is complete.  

This ritual was not complete, without him taking the riding lawnmower ( forgot to say this before, but we don’t use it at the house but only for our properties)  and he was riding around the back yard trying to scare the be Jesus out of the dog!!!


  Then he took the old motorcycle he was going to store in the shed and started to drive it around in the back yard. Poor Penny.  I was inside, making Salami sandwiches when all the hoopla was going on, when I  heard the horn of the old motorcycle beeping and beeping….and then I heard him yelling…JOAN>>>  …holy moly, I thought something had happened, I ran out the front door, and couldn’t find him, I realized he was in the backyard with the old bike.  I ran up to him and asked what was the matter… and he said all he wanted his was his  picture taken on the bike…Lordylovgordie……….. it’s never a dull day.  The only thing he didn’t have running was the rototiller…but the nights not over yet.  

I will give him a rating of a “D” today as in Dink….but he’s my dink…what can I say..I married the guy I must have good taste.

I love the new look

Isn't it pretty? Yes it is. Much easier on the eyes. I think I will keep it for a long time.

I am still recovering from last weekend. I slept in until 10:30 this morning, and woke up just in time to take the dog to the vet for her annual shots. Damn near forgot. The house needs cleaning, laundry is also starting to slither out of the hamper on to the floor. Blah.........I have no energy, I just want to sit and type all day, over and over. But, alas I can't. I have to go to WalMart...triple blah...if I wasn't so cheap I would go elsewhere.

I also have to redo my entire chair rail wall in the kitchen. You know, the one where I put all the floor tiles on the wall. They are still falling off. I resisted putting extra glue on them and put on double sided tape instead...forgitaboutit. They have been falling off, one by one everyday. It looks like a little floor tile graveyard in my kitchen. I just want to smash them. I tried taking a few off that hadn't fallen, and they were a wee bit resistant, so I pulled a little harder and took about 1/2 an inch of drywall with it. The whole wall is fucked. Now I'm going to get out the hairdryer, and heat the "resistant" ones up and take it all down and glue the bastards back on. They will never, ever loosen up again. If they do, by some miracle, I will burn down the house, collect the insurance and move to Turkey.

So, I'm off to tackle a job I am no good at, and I hate with a passion. If the dog starts to bug me, I will glue her on the wall as well. Everything should be quite then. No dog barking, no tiles thumping down on the floor in the middle of the night. Very quite indeed.

LOOSE LIPS SINK SHIPS

Maybe only I know that. I should have scanned the cartoon...I'm still laughing.

My site is under construction, so it may look a little off right now, but I didn't make myself clear to the designer on what I wanted. So, hopefully tomorrow it will look a little better.

So, Jaye...you will be happy, it won't be GREEN anymore!! I was kinda getting sick of it too.

I am still tired, and my f*ing dog kept me up from 4:00AM and on. Our bedroom window faces the backyard, and she must have heard some cats having a "party" in our backyard. She was pacing back and forth on the rug, then she jumped in the waterbed, and out, in the waterbed and out...so, I thought I would get up just in case she really had to go!! .. well, how stupid am I?...how stupid? The moment I let her out, she started to bark..(at 4:00PM)...she bee-lined it out the patio door and barked and barked. I kept the patio door open hoping she would come back in. All I could hear out there was her "snorting", and some critter trying desperately to hop the fence. Finally, I had to get out there at this early hour in the morning .. in my nightgown..cold..barefoot..I didn't even have my glasses on, I don't know how I managed the stairs down from the deck. Finally I found her along the fence..still "snorting" at some critter. I picked her up, took her back up the stairs, plunked her down, and kicked her butt in the house!! Man I was mad. No...I didn't kick her butt... but I encouraged it to get into the house. She kept it up until 6:00PM... I don't know what in the hell was out there, but she wanted a piece of it. Then at 6:30 I guess the paper boy came, and she started up again. I just got up already....there was no use in trying to catch a few more zzzz's.

So, I am still sleep deprived. niterszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Life is back to normal

Yes it is. I must apologize once more for my scattered renderings of the chain of events that went down this week-end. I was way too tired, I should have just gone to bed and saved it for another day.

I just saw the best cartoon in the paper. Picture this: A huge ship at sea. The sea is full of floating "lips" .... The captain puts out a distress call...."The sea is full of lips he says"...you figure it out..........haaaa ...so funny. Or maybe I just find this funny. Or, maybe, I am still too tired..yeah that must be it.

I'm still laughing. Loose lips and all that..

Thanksgiving

Excuse the typo's....I can't keep my eyes open any longer..

Tuesday night addition: I HAVE JUST RE-READ MY BLOG FROM LAST NIGHT...BAD BALONIE....I SHOULD HAVE WAITED UNTIL I WAS MORE RESTED, BUT I JUST WANTED TO GET IT ALL OUT...I promise a better read, next time...I have no patience. I won't go and correct all the errors, because most of you have already seen my lousy spelling and omissions....Lord!!

I guess I'm not as young as I used to be. Don't you just hate when people say that, obviously if I was as young as I used to be, I wouldn't be this old...I don't know..

That said, the weekend was fantastic, and I pulled off the supper, with the help of my SIL Sheila and friend Janis. There were a LOT of little critters here, all six girls. Two of the cousins had never met their Winnipeg cousins before, and it only took ten minutes and they were best of buds.

I spent and exhausting Saturday cleaning the house, grocery shopping, etc. Later on the AAdjustment hour crew came over and it was Sheila's birthday, so we did some celebrating, with wine and cake and endless chattering. I still hear chattering...it never ended from Saturday until Sunday nite when everyone left. Chatter..chatter..chatter. My head hurt.

Sunday morning was prep time. Got out Mr. Turkey Lurkey, slapped him in a roaster about 11:00 AM...and started on ALL the other dishes I had I planned on making. Maybe I was on speed or something during the week, thinking I could possibly make all the stuff I was planning and not get tired, frustrated. The guests were due to arrive at 4:00 and supper would be 6-7ish. At lunch time I had to make the following food stuff ahead of time, because there would be no way I could do it later:

#1. Mashed potatoes for 17 people - A customer of Gord's had given him a huge bag of new (huge) potatoes he had just dug up from his garden, so I saved those for Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, these monsters had 100 "eyes" in each potato. Well, "lordyluvaspud" I was picking, poking the eyes out of these things for hours, or maybe it just seemed that way. Good thing I had long nail on my thumbnail..to get into the craters. Anywho. I only have one big pot for that amount of potatoes, when I realize that step #2 need the same size pot. Just a note: I have a Jen Air stove that only has two burners and they don't both fit on the stove at the same time. So, I had to wait for the potatoes to get done. All finished. Drained, butter, milk, added, and I mashed them (really hard)..cause I was getting jest a little edgy by now. Stuck them in a casserole dish and set them aside until they cooled. It was now 1:00 PM

#2. Sweet Potato casserole - I wanted to throw a little US dish in my typical Canadian fare. Never made it before in my life. I started to peel them, and hey, that was much better than the Canadian counterpart potatoes, they peeled like a dream. BUT, how do you slice them? With an axe? Or a chainsaw? Those babies were like a wood stump, I swear. My hands were already so sore from getting all the eyes out of the potatoes, I did not have the energy to cut them up!!! Finally I remember I had one of those big chopping knives I had ordered from K-Tel a hundred years ago, and decided to do some "chop" "chop" with this pretty boy. I donned my Kung Fu garb..put the yams on my chopping block, picked up the knife over my head and hammered it down...job done. But of course, now you have to find them, they scattered into another room. The dog found them, but before she could partake, I picked them up, rinsed them, and tried again, because they we only in half, and I had get them into small pieces for the pot. I struggled for half an hour. Got them in the pot. Got them all boiled up, they looked kind of funny, being orange and all. Strained them, and mashed em. Then got out my recipe, and followed the instructions. HOW MUCH BUTTER DO YOU USE IN THE USA?...lordyloveayam...eggs, butter, more butter for the topping, and nuts..it looked decadent, but good. I put it aside, because Turkey Lurkey was in the oven, and he wasn't moving for nuttin. Okay, that's two dished on hold. Now it is 2:00 PM

#3. Salad: My mom always make a very special salad we all loved at Xmas or Thanksgiving...which involved "chopping" of more stuff. I chopped and chopped, and chopped. My choppers were weary. Then of course it had a home-made dressing...so I dressed and I dressed and I dressed. All done, I stuck it in the fridge, along with the potatoes and the sweet potatoes. All was cool. Now it was 2:30PM

#4. Dressing: I didn't make real dressing...(no time) I just make a batch of stuff you get from the grocery store..stove top wild rice stuff...but I added my own touch to it. By the time I finished I should have just made it from scratch. I wanted to fool my guests into thinking I had made it myself, and by adding all the extra's it took forfuckingever. Okay. Dressing is done. In the fridge with the rest of the group. Now it was 3:00 PM

#5. Party platter...for beforehand...I in my tiny little brain had conjured up visions of platters of fruit and veggies, along with very nice dips to dunk them in. First the fruits. More dicing and slicing, but they weren't as hard as the yams. Strawberry's, cantaloupe,pineapple, apples, and grapes and some other shit (loved the grapes..no slicing) If I ever do this again..it will ALL grapes...Okay..now I try to be imaginative and put it on a platter....with colour co-ordination..nice and prudy. It pretty well just get shoved wherever!!..and then for my home-made dip...yes internet...I was all about homemade, and I must have had a serious drug problem last week when I made up the menu. Now I had that to contend with my bad choices.

Ohhh, my aching body. Oh no, I didn't stop there, I had to make a Veggie Platter as well, nothing is to good for balonie...not nuthin....chop chop...and chop...I am an asshole for the record!! Now, another dressing...well Kraft helped my out there. I can't believe what I did as I am writing this. It's 3:30, and the turkey is still in the oven just ready to come out ( I wanted to make it ahead of time so when everyone comes over it's not such a hassle)..yeah rite. So, Turkey Lurkey, is removed from it's kiln, cooled...only slightly, because of time restraints...and carved, put into platters and refrigerated. Now my fingers are not only bent out of shape from removing 100 potato eyes, etc. they are burned by carving the turkey whilst it's too hot. My oh my. I poured out all the turkey juices into a big container to make the gravy later. Turkey flies back into the fridge. (Can you see how I have saved time)..yess, I be a big time saver huh? My fridge was bulging at the seams...It's now 4:00 PM...I am on target!!

Bring the guests on in...My SIL was making meatballs which is a tradition, and Janis was bringing the dessert....what timesavers they were..LOL ..but I only asked them to bring that, they would have brought anything else...but I thought I was SUPERPERSON.

Oops, forgot to mention setting up of the table, laying out of the napkins, you know, the hard stuff! My house is too small for a "sit" down dinner with so many people, so it was buffet style. There were many more things....but alas I have lost track.

But, after all the stress, and everyone arrived, I started to relax. My nephew and wife and kids came in from Kelowna came over first and I got to meet the newest member Chole. Fortunately we had the most wonderful weather, it was beautiful.. That winter storm had made a wreck of our backyard, but Gord got all that cleaned out whilst I was killing potatoes and such inside. After MY GIRLS helped me out with supper we actually sat outside to eat!!! yes it was sooo nice. Like I said before it wasn't a sit down supper, so everyone parked their ass where they wanted too, and my house is plenty big...except for the kitchen. MY GIRLS, helped me with clean up...and then we all sat and talked, and drank and stuff...Fun was had by all.

I had to laugh at the kids...all six girls ranging from 3-12 having such a great time together. I love that cousin stuff. The baby is only a few weeks old (the 7th cousin)..another girl..so no participation from her...she slept right thru thanksgiving!!! But she will probably climbing my stairs next year..they all have.

We had a great time out on the deck last night, teasing with the guys, trying to find out why the couldn't make "boys"....all these girls, it's unreal....My nephew Chris has already quit the game..and had a vasc. but Damon my other nephew, might be willing to try once more for a boy. His wife loves kids, so that's not a problem.

I guess I have been going on too long here... but I should say with the help my good friends supper went off without a hitch....(they put a bag over my head)...and ..YES everyone liked it...I didn't kill any one...that's the best part...no food poisoning or such.

The kids were such a treat..Auntie Balonie has a chart on her kitchen wall with all their height measurements from year to year at Xmas...and this year being was first for my nephews Chris's kids. I yelled out to the other kids...it's time for measuring.......and all the kids streamed in the kitchen for their measurements..it was so cute. (they knew the balonie meant business) Then, Uncle Gordon...brought out some fireworks and delighted them another treat...but we almost gave the dog a coniption..is that a word? well..she was scared... So, all and all it turned out good, but I is one tired little Canuck Chick...but I can't sleep, I tried this afternoon, but didn't happen. Too much shit going on my head.

Just a few pics:


All those little girl critters in a row.

Those damn yams.............



Emerson..tooth fairy just came


Lynnae - the oldest of the cousins (11)..and a sweetie pie.




Mackenna...Spiderman...She's got an attitude going on here. I can't believe this kid, she really, really thinks she is spiderman...her whole world revolves around it, therefore the PJ's she has got on... her Dad was thinking she might be gay...unless there is a spiderwomen...is there?


Chloe from Vancouver(3)....a Barbie girl...she is so beautiful. My nephew and his wife lived in Costa Rica with the kids until a year ago, and they was telling us, that the locals in the area would always try to touch her head for good luck. She has such a wonderful personality and has no idea how pretty she is.


Jamie (9)..another neice, she is sooo sweet. She is total love with the new baby in the family. She held her for most of the evening. I love her hat.




This is Chloe's sister from Vancouver..Jessica(5) She is the sweetest little thing you could ever meet. She is such a nature lover at her young age. I caught the flash in her glasses..dang...she has the most amazing huge hazel eyes I have ever seen, they just suck you right in. And she too, is missing her two front teeth..



This is the guy responsible...for my name..balonie....my nephew Chris from Vancouver..little turd..For some reason he thinks he looks better without hair, dumb-ass. He has such beautiful hair..and he's not even going bald...maybe he anticipating it and trying out the look. He was my fishing buddy for many a year when he was young..He and my other nephew Damon told me last night how much the appreciated the "balonies" efforts to take them fishing every week-end. That was nice.


This is Chris's wife Melody..we call her "Tunes"...mother of Chloe and Jessica..she is such a nice person...and guess what...she is starting to scrapbook...now she will my best friend forever!


I was trying to find a pic of Damon..that is him in the background, when he was letting his daughter Emerson pour herself a rum and coke at the bar LOL...


This is Jennifer, wife of Damon and mother of that little new baby we saw in the first picture...our new addition to the family ...little Tarlyn.

It's always about the weather isn't it?

Well, it finally stopped snowing this morning. My "big horking van" was laden with heavy snow." Snow that had so much moisture in it you could have made a snowman in about three minutes. It's good for that when it all sticks together. When we get the dry cold...snowmen don't have a chance..they are just snowdust, with a carrot on the ground.

This was so unusual, I fear for what the rest of winter will bring. Good news is some of my plants outside survived. Mind you, they have taken a beating, and I can't believe the perennials around the pond were perky, after the sun came out today for awhile and took the snow off of them, but they are pretty hardy. Even some of my annuals that were covered with snow this morning, are doing fine. I guess the temp didn't go down far enough to kill them. It's funny, you would think a delicate little flower laden with snow would freeze up when it's covered with snow!!

So, now on to the weekend..THANKSGIVING (CANADA)weekend. I just got a call from Gord that he and his sister have met our nephew Chris and family at the airport. The family will all be together..

Where do you ask? hmmmm I whisper... at my house..7 children, 12 adults for dinner. Auntie Balonie is mighty worried, can she pull this off? I do the dinners at Christmas..but not with quite so many people and kids...can I do it again? I don't know. I was really hoping for better weather so the kid's could go outside, but I don't think that will be an option.

If I can pull this off, it will be a miracle. We have kids with peanut allergies, and a few vegetarians in the group...oy vey.... Hey, where all the good old days when everyone ate what was served them...where are they?...dagnabit.

So, it should be interesting., I have a people bringing stuff too, so that will lighten the load.

I have been looking for different recipes lately, just to make it more interesting, but I think I should just stick to what everyone is expecting. I would really like to taste a "sweet potato" pie or casserole I always hear people in the states talking about. I have never made it, but it seems a staple in the US.

A customer of Gord's just dug up his potatoes from the garden and gave us a whole bunch, so I will have nice fresh spuds for mashed taters on Sunday. Hippy girlfriend is making the dessert...and she is so talented along with her daughter who is a baker..so it should be good. But, I just remembered, I forgot to tell them about the nut allergies, etc...

Well, time to gear up...it's gonna be a rocky road...

Blizzard..

This is what it looks like outside my office. Sheeeit. The wind must be about 70mph and the whole building is creaking. I had to lock the front door, because the wind kept opening it and setting off the alarm. Unfunckingbelievable.

Just the day before yesterday I was sitting out on the deck! By Jimminie Cricket, I hope the snow melts. I am sure it will. This was some freaky storm that came out of Colorado USA (boo)..you mericans ...keep your weather on the other side of the border..K? Balonie. I can take a joke, but this sucks very large onions.

Brrrr baby..it's cold out here

Snow has been predicted for tomorrow. So what! you might say, well then you interneters can "blow it out your ass." Balonie is not impressed..uh uh. You see I am still..STILL..driving the big horking conversion van, suitable only to those retired old farts who want to go to Arizona and play cards, and swat flies. Conversion vans are not icy road friendly...they like dry road filled with cacti and such.

Why did we buy it? I have no idea, we must have been drunk. It's bad enough to be 60, and worse being seen driving a conversion van. Everywhere I drive, I see the look in the other motorists eyes.."hey, a snowbird"... "they should be leaving for Arizona anytime soon." They don't even fucking cut me off. I am treated with respect. None of which I deserve. None. Maybe I should open the windows and crank the speakers up, and play a ABBA CD..LOL..and then they will know I'm cool. Maybe not. Well, I still have Hendrix.

This here getting old stuff is wearing on my last nerve.. where are my old bell bottoms, my tye dye shirts, most of all my - no fear attitude!! I want that back the most. I used to always give my parents a hard time about worrying about every stinking little thing..and look at me now..fudge. I'm gettin weak. Yup, the time's are a changing for me, but only if I let them. Maybe it's because I have a 6 in front of my age instead of a 5, I don't know...But I have decided to live through another decade with an attitude. I already have one, but I intend to givershit..this time round. I don't know why, but some cloud lifted off over my head today and I just felt damn good.

Sixty, schmichky...who gives a whoot in hell. I'm back. I won't dwell on it anymore. Gonzo.

I sure hope Mary Lou, knows, I write these blogs only because she gave me some inspiration to do so about a year ago. If I wouldn't have found her by some circumstance I would never be blogging.

Well, I'm off to start my 60th. year with hope in my heart and shit for brains...let's just see how that all works out!!

And with that..a little ole age humour

Just when you have lost faith in human kindness:

This letter was sent to the principal's office after an
Elementary school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.

An old lady had received a new radio at the lunch as a
door prize, and was writing to say thank you. This story
is a credit to all human kind.


Dear Faculty and Students:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent
Senior Citizens' luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at
an Assisted Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed
away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know someone is
thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old
forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio. Before I
received this one, she would never let me listen to hers,
even when she was napping. The other day, her radio fell
off the night stand and broke. It was awful and she was
in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I
said fuck you. Thank you for that opportunity.

Yours truly, Agnes.

Joan: Agnes, that took a lot of guts!!

Agnes: Yes, Joan it did. She is still trying to hear my radio..but since then I got a serious I Pod ..not going to happen.

The day after the night before

It's finally over. I'm not one to have people fussing over me and being the centre of attention. I don't like it. So, I am breathing a sense of relief. I understand they all want to express their good wishes, but man I find it hard to accept. On Friday night my boss and his wife took us out for supper at Tony Roma's. It was delicious. I have to tell you that my boss and his wife are very devout Christians and like to VISIT. I had visions of VISITING for hours on end after the meal. I gave Gord strick instructions that when we were finished eating...NOT under any circumstance to order coffee, because coffee makes VISITING type people even want to VISIT more. Mennonites love to visit and do small talk for hours on end. Dinner went off with out a hitch. We were all so stuffed as my boss ordered two different appetizers, so by the time the entree arrived, it was a little hard getting it all down. The server had just finished carrying our "bone laden" rib plates away, and came back in a few moments and asked ...the question.."does anyone want coffee and dessert?" My boss said NO..his wife said NO..I said NO, guess who said YES...just friggin guess...fortheloveofariblet...I don't know how much clearer I could have made it, but Gord said YES! I kicked his leg so hard, I am sure he still has a bruise. Sometimes I just want to take one my dog's chew bones..and gnaw on it. You know what I mean.

We got home remarkably early..10:00PM or so. The night was but yet a pup, so we sat outside on the deck and had a few drinks and shot the shit. I apologized for kicking so hard, but I said...what part of having coffee after dinner..didn't you hear?" he was clueless, and just said all I wanted was a cup of coffee..sue me!! He unlike me likes to talk everyone's head off, and just had more to say..and say!..groan. Next morning we had an appointment with the bank to renegotiate our mortgage at 11:00 AM. Being the lazy asses we are, we woke up at 10:00 and had to start hustling. I had a million things to do, clean the house, get groceries etc. as I knew people would be dropping by in the evening.

We made our 11:00AM appointment at the Credit Union with the 'loanarranger' he-he. Gord normally does all the banking stuff, so I don't really know the staff there that well. We were met by this woman, who had obviously been taking "crack"..or perhaps had forgot to put her rice crispies in her breakfast bowl, and just added sugar and milk. I duunoo. PERKY..doesn't describe her..and it's 11:00 in the morning. Gord introduces me to her, and she almost took my arm off shaking my hand in friendship. She seriously wanted to be my best friend and get our money in her bank. We went into her office, and started the negotiations of the mortgage for this year. Gord does negotiations, I look on..bored. Just get to the part where I have to sign, and I want to get the hell out of there. They talk rates, smates...I wait..when do I sign?...it goes on, it's now 11:15..my feet are starting to twitch, along with my left eye. Finally an interest rate has been reached!! Thank you Lord. I sign all my papers as fast as me finger can go. Yes, it's done I think. No, Gord has more questions to ask about totally unrelated business that I am not involved in. I am pretty sure I had a "tick" happening in other eye, when the "loanarranger" asked if I was bored. HAAA... Jeez, I didn't think it was that obvious!! I apologized and said no, I was not bored, but could I be excused because none of this required my signature and I had to get going. More small talk about my business at hand...groceries...etc. She was still on her "crack" high, and was totally relating to me blah blah...but she already had my signature, so she was willing to let me go. She was still yelling Happy Birthday to me...as I was speeding down the street. Never tell them it's your birthday..never.

The day wore on, I cleaned up the house because I knew my Attitude Adjustment friends were coming over in the evening. I had one huge fear,however that Gord might have set me up and invited hundreds of people to the house. My heart was going thumpitie thump all day. I had made if very clear to him the week before that I just wanted our regular Sat. friends over, and I didn't want any fan fare..no hoopla..after all it was just a BDay. Of course the fact that he had coffee the night before when I specifically asked him not to, made me mighty worried. I had visions of him inviting long lost friends, street people etc.

Finally around 6:00PM my girlfriends show up...with cakes and prezzies, and it put my mind to rest..they said they had planned to order in ribs from Tony Roma's, but seeing as my boss took me out, it was just going to be a Sat. night as usual. Yessss!! A bit later Gord and his bro came back from their motorcycle ride, which they do every Sat. afternoon, and we settled in to our normal routine.

Gord, didn't buy me the laptop, which I knew he wouldn't, but he bought me a 6-49 lottery ticket with Dell written all over it!! No Luck. BUT..I did get my new and improved computer chair. He said I would have to go to Office Depot and pick one out..one that fits my tushie...that's important in a chair methinks..and I will do that tomorrow..I was happy. Sheila got me covers for my new lawn chairs I bought this summer. Now, if it rains I won't have to take them off and dry them out for two days!! Lovely..just what I needed. She must have heard me bitching about that, and kept it in mind. Janis got me a wonderful ornament type thing to hang in a tree, and it spins around and around in the wind. It's beautiful, and has a blue crystal ball in it. She also baked an awesome cake for me.. it was great.

We all had drinks and snacks...and a lot of joking about my advanced age. I was about to cut up the cake and serve it, when there was a knock at the door and it was my neice LISA!! I never expected her!! She is my brother's (who is sick) daughter. I don't know what happened, but I just started to cry. I guess all the tension I have been feeling about him, just came out. She calmed me down, we had cake, and partied on. She is only 19 for heavens sake, and she's patting the ole auntie on the back. I guess at her age, even if her dad is sick, she doesn't know or think about the inventiable...God love her. I smootched her up and down.

So, that was my 60th birthday...and I don't want to think about it again. At least the age part. I have been having such weird thoughts about my mortality lately, sometimes it paralizes me. But, I think with the new computer chair, things can only get better. I can go UP..and DOWN.. anytime I want...I plan on going UP...and getting the bad thoughts out of my head. Poor Gord, after everyone left last night, he asked me what was wrong. I never have had PMS..nor do I ever show my emotions..so this was new to him.. I could tell he was a little scared. I explained, that the thought of my brother dying was more than I could handle, because then I wouldn't have any family other than his wife and kids, and it was scarey. So he ordered me my fav pizza...that's how I know he loves me..LOL...and he cleaned up the house after everyone left...and did I mention the 12 roses he gave me... that all makes up for the coffee incident.

Here is a few pic's of the days events..none with me in them, but my SIL took some, so I will post those next time round.


My next door neighbour Trish came over and brought me some lovely Autumn flowers



Gord serving Champagne with a dirty little dish rag on his arm..lord


BDay cake

12 Red Roses for a blue lady...from Gordon

Spiral thing I got from Janis..it's awesome when the wind gets it going

Chair covers from SIL

I'm turning LX

Well Garry's doing much better. (so far)

He is still very weak, but I am sure it will take awhile to get back on his feet. Thanks for all your prayers and good wishes.

I'm blogging at work today (I know..bad me), but I won't have time tonight because my boss and his wife are taking me & Gord out for supper tonight!! Whoohoo!! Because tomorrow I am turning LX. You figure it out. It hasn't been easy living this long. I have to admit it's been a hell of ride. I have chosen Tony Roma's as my restaurant of choice. I love ribs. I love Tony Roma ribs. Ribs, ribs, and more ribbets. Normally when we have ribs, I order in.. because, well, I am very messy and don't like to embarrass those around me. Tonight with the bossman there and all I will have to have show some decorum whilst I scarf them down.

Gord asked me this morning what I wanted for my birthday. I asked why he asking a full day ahead of time, ususally he asks me the day of my birthday. He totally caught me off guard because I thought I had till tomorrow to come up with something. I told him to come back in an hour and I would think about it. So, I thought and thought and came up with a new computer chair. I told him, and he looked at me like I had two heads. What's the matter with a new chair? He reminded me that he had got me one three years ago...oh yeah,now I remember..but it doesn't have a lever to make it go up and down I protest. I want one of those damit. You can never have too many computer chairs. What he didn't notice was I had the "Dell" flyer pasted to my forehead. A laptop is on the top of my wish list, but I know it's not in the budget, so he just ignored my futile attempt to once again try to get one. It must have looked kind of funny when he had to keep lifting the flyer off my face to talk to me. I don't think anyone should reach the ripe old age of LX and never had a laptop. It's unheard of. I am sure he is at Canadian Tire right now picking out a Turkey Smoker or something. He has an appliance fetish. I still haven't used my George Foreman Turkey Rotessiere he bought two Christmas's ago. All things turkey with that guy. He doesn't even like turkey...go figure. But, I am sure he only wants to make my Thanksgiving dinner(with 100 of his relatives) less stressful. He is always thinking about me.

I think I will treat myself tomorrow and actually BUY a bottle of wine. Real wine, like from the liquor store, not my homemade ripple. Yes, that will be a treat.

I guess I better get going and close the office down. So, if I get a laptop (just supposing) I will sit down Saturday night, open up a real bottle of wine and blog-drunk. I will be that happy! If I get the Turkey Smoker...you might never see me again...unless you want to bail me out of jail. The party's on!!!

Bebby Bro

Well that sucker is in the hospital again, GOD.DAM.IT!!

I am so mad, He was short of breath again yesterday and was going to hop in the car with his wife and go to emergency...but when he got shorter of breath...Joan (his wife) called 911 again (this is the third time)...when the paramedics got there, Garry was waiting for them on the front steps...he told them he didn't want them to have to walk all the way inside, because all the neighbor's already know when the ambulance comes down the street, they are coming for him!! All his friends were there, cheering him on...yelling..give him some oxygen... It was mayhem... The Ambulance driver knew him on a first name basis already, and as soon as he had the oxygen, he was fine...and then he does his schtick with them ..always the joker..(hmmm do you think it runs in the family). So, they bring him back in the Health Science Centre. He is stabilized...again, but this time they didn't just drain his lungs, and send him home, they ACTUALLY TOOK SOME TESTS..believe it or not. I shouldn't be so hard on the system, because sometimes he is his own worst enemy in relaying information to the doctors.

So, I got this news at lunch today, when he had already been there since last night. I freaked. My niece called me and gave me the news. She said she would get back to me later today. I waited. I waited some more. I finally called their house tonight and I got my SIL ...and she said he had emergency surgery this afternoon, that she didn't even know about, until she visited later this afternoon. Now, he had a blockage in his heart...WTF. They told us he didn't have any blockages after the heart attack, and it was only diabetes related. Damn...I don't know who and what to believe anymore. I know he has been so tired and depressed since this whole thing started.

He should be shining in the dark by now, with all the xrays and shit he has had since this all started, and today they found a blockage..well fuckme. I say that in a gentle way...because I don't want to come across as being crude. I'm not. But I don't know how else to express myself.

The operation was about two hours, and he could watch it from a screen in front of him. He loved it. He said it was like a little pac man biting out bad stuff from his arteries..bit by bit. They inserted a catheter from his leg that went to his heart and chewed up crap..welllordyluvpacman...

I can only hope that this will solve some of his on going problems. Did I mention he suddenly developed Siatica in the meantime..he can hardly walk. fudge. And he is only 57 years old.

Till tomorrow then...who knows what lies ahead, but I can't wait to plant a big ole balonie kiss on his once chubby cheeks.

balonie

Up and Up and Away

My poor little Penny, was so scart..yes scart..not scared..scart is worse. This is the season for the hot air balloons to come over our house. Usually she is in "medium alert for them", but today took her by surprise...not just one..but three, poor little critter almost pissed her drawers. She was in the back "forty" head in the air trying to bring them down..so she could take a bite outta them...





That was not ..a good thing.

And the geese came back! and I'm an auntie balonie again!

This is the new babykins in the family. In the pic is my SIL Sheila the Grandma (one of the members of Sat. nite AA hour.my best friend:)..She is the one that had cancer and is doing very well.
And it's a baby girl..Tarlyn Jade. I don't know where these mothers get the names from...don't get me going on that. Doesn't anyone name there kid Joan anymore..lord!! Taryln..tear what?? Tara I could understand, I luv that name, think of Gone with the Wind...but why do they have to end every kids name with lyn. Fudge...if I was born in this day and age, my name would be Joanlyn...how sexy is that?

See below for details...I couldn't get the pic to match the details.....but I know why now....blogger is a bitch..but she's my bitch.

Back to the geese...Yes they did come back ah huh!! Not as many as before, but I guess they will keep on coming. I heard them this morning..when I was sleeping...damn them! But by the time I got up and such and got to the lake, most of them were gone, except for the shit. Good luck to the kids that play soccer on that field tomorrow..ewwww. I'm pretty well over the goose thing, actually I can hear another batch coming over the house now. Do they have headlights? How can they see in the dark?

I was just out sitting on the deck, it was so peaceful. I had my pump going in my little pond and was just sitting there thinking good thoughts.....until I encountered strange odours. One nieghbour was probably making a steak, which smelled good, I could smell burned stubble coming off the fields about a mile down, best of all I could smell my roasted chicken gettin roasted in the oven. Wonderful smells, until you add "Bounce" into the mix. It seems both neighbours on each side of me, were drying there laundry. I know this is a Sunday nite ritual for those of us who have to work, but lordyluvasnarkysmell...steak, chicken, stubble, and bounce? It overpowered my senses, I had to leave.

Holy shit, another gaggle are coming over the house, it is LOUD. I always timed their arrival with my mom's passing which was on Sept 19th.1999 and her birthday..which would have been today. So, it's pretty well right on. I don't know why I was expecting anything different. I did my annual visit to Mom and Dad's gravesite last week, and found much to my surprise, a huge fence separating the grounds. On the other side is a huge housing development!! I saw something happening there when I went in spring, but I didn't know what the extent of it was going to be. Now there is huge monsterous houses 20 feet from their plot!! I shit you not. They could shake hands. When I walked up to their plot, I looked around checked out the houses on the OTHER side, and it didn't seem like anyone was living in them just yet. It is obvious the developer has squeezed as many house in one development as possible, as the back yards are barely 12 feet to the fence from the house. Who would wany to live in a place backing on to a grave yard? WHO?

I was pretty uncomfortable whilst I was sitting there, having a talk with my folks...was anybody listening to me and watching me while I shed a tear or two? I was always checking my back. I told Gord later, that maybe we should buy that house that is directly in line with my folks gravesite...and we could have coffee with them in the morning. He didn't think it was a great idea...because he didn't want to have coffee with the rest of them!!...poor sport.

I am a great Auntie again!!.. (see above) My nephew Damon and his wife Jen just had another baby girl...that makes three girls. This is getting boring. We need a wee baby that has a schlong...yaknow what I mean...boyish.. New babe is cute and all, but doesn't have a schlong. Both my nephews have not produced a boy yet...just whining pink barbie doll girls!! Hey, they need a MAN cousin damit, named KEN. He would kick ass.

Which brings me to Thanksgiving again,,,, they will all be here...all those little critters...7 of them...along with their parents of course..GOD I HOPE SO...where can I store them?....maybe the crawl space..I dunno..or maybe I can put them in a Thanksgiving Day Care Centre...do they have stuff like that?? Probably:) My dog will go balistic... It should be interesting...and that is only a few weeks away!!! (Canadian Thanksgiving) for my American friends

I have three sets of stairs in our wonderful house, and the kids love going up an down them... up and down, and up an down again with much speed..that never happened in the days when my neices were young...I had a cat...who managed the situation. FLOWER...was her name...and you didn't want to piss her off. Nope. She stalked every kid on every stairwell...and smacked them on the way up and on the way down. I loved that cat. I didn't have to disiplne anyone...FLOWER did it for me. I have to get another tabby like that with an attitude. She demanded respect..and got it. You know, it was really funny, all the kids wanted to be able to tame her ..in a way...it was a challenge, they couldn't figure out why she didn't like them, and tried over..and over..to make her their friend...and Flower, made it clear... over and over...that she did not want them for friends, she wanted them out of our house...and gone..gone.

Time for me to hit the hay, I have been writing this in shifts today...supper was wonderfull...we had roasted chicken, broccoli/carrot/cauliflower, stuffing, gravey, and potatoes. And I just finished it all of with a Drumstick...the icecream kind. I like theme meals. Yeah rite. Like I'm pickey.

Evil Evil Lawnmowers

I came home from work, made a pot of "good" soup for supper, to be served later with fresh crusty rolls, then went downstairs and started a batch of wine for the holidays. Played ball with the dog. And all the while I was evading the unavoidable, "mowing the stinking lawn." It's Thursday lawn mowing nite, and I knew that sucker wouldn't start. Last Thursday when I tried to start the lawnmower from hell,(with no luck) and it actually spoke to me, and said balonie, I am tired, and need to go to lawnmower heaven. I patted his greasy little face, and said "go my child." ...because I can't stand this shit anymore....Go..Go..git!! Skidaddle...whatever. Gord comes home 5 minutes later as I was mowing the lawn with my handy dandy little electric lawnmower. He asks why I'm not using the "Devil lawnmower". I explain, I pulled the cord twice, and it tried to suck me in with it..into a place called mower "hell." Have ever pulled the lawnmower cord, and it stops short and yanks you down to it's greasy face. Then you know the devil is at work, and it's time to shut her down. Gord is now on the offensive..."what did you do to it?" ...well fuckme..WHAT DID I DO TO IT?..."I tried having sex with it, but it wasn't in the mood"! fortheloveofmike. He suggested I may have flooded it...well I would have flooded it if I had the water hose near by, by damn. So, he takes it the shop next day, and starts working on it, gets it working, shows it off to me, and says that all it takes is this and that he had adjusted to make her go. He even made me pull the cord, and mow part of the lawn. And by golly, I thought he had removed the demons..by exorcism..but alas, they came back this Thursday. They must have just been waiting for him to try to start it.

Gord came home tonight, with confidence showing in his face, smiling and all. He got out the leaf blower, (he does that first) and took all the leaves off the deck and patio ... and damn near gassed us out of the house, but that is all part of our summer game. First he makes the dog bark at the leaf blower, and then follows her around for a few minutes and gets her crazy. Then, I have to break them up, and he goes about his job...to make us sick of the gas smell coming off the blower. I close all the windows and patio doors, while he does his manly thing.

Then it is time to get out evil lawnmower, I hear him pull the cord..once..and lordy..be. it's a running. Life is good. I get the dog up in the house, and sit down at the computer...and I hear him mowing away in the front yard...and then..nothing..nadda. I peek over my office window to the front yard, and see him take the evil one to the garage. I'm thinking, do I really want to go out there and ask what happened..or just stay here blogging about nuttin. I take my chances, he tells me the evil guy is flooded to hell. Whatever he did last time did not work.. I felt sorry for him, he has tried so hard to keep it going. But, I am a female, I don't have that need for gas powered stuff. I am perfectly happy with my electric lawnmower, and would very happy with an electric leaf blower too. Must be a guy thing, it has to have a friggin motor!! So, I heard him pathetically trying to start the evil one, time after time. He finally gave up. As mechanically inclined as he is, he admitted tonite....it's over. I'ts not to soon for me.

Mother Goose

This is starting out to be a blog of no consequence …nadda…but as my fingers keep going something will spring into my brain.  

Not yet…hold on

Maybe now…nope

Okay now…well I have milked the geese stuff  long enough…they are still in Alaska  Dammit..or wherever they live.  If I wasn’t such a lazy asshole I would try to track their  flight path.  Let them come, when they may.  I am done waiting.  

Joan:  Hey geese…what’s shakin’?...coming my way anytime soon?

Mother Goose:  What’s your hurry “grasshopper”…we have miles to travel and sights  to see.

Joan:  Hey there muther…been waiting for you and the youngin’s to fly over my house,  what’s the happ’s….?

Mother Goose:  If my radar is correct they should be over your house in about 5 minutes..

Joan:  Muther….don’t shit me….

Mother Goose:  “What part of that didn’t you understand”?  I said we would be there in 5 momento’s…do you speaka a engais?? …pig latin?…what is it that you speak?

Joan:  Whoooooa.. Muther Goose don’t go off on me, I was asking a simple question, fortheloveof a goose…jeezzz..

Mother Goose:  We have our flight plan in order…Godfrey the Goose is coordinating the geese and if you have any problems with that..please email him at Godfree.goose@downquilts.com and he will address you concerns.  And should he not answer your email…you will know that he is now a part of your down quilt  you are sleeping under….sometimes you win…and sometimes you lose.    Life sometimes jests kicks a goose’s  butt feathers.

Joan:  OMG..WTF…Muther Goose….I need’s those geese to fly over my house, and shit on my head…it’s a fall tradition…please use your GPS devices to lead them to a safe place over my house…I’m in Winnipeg..I promise I won’t hurt them or try to pull out their “down” for my quilt… I’m totally into man made crap for my comforter and my pillows…   tell em…balonie told you so…..paleese!!...  Just so they know I won’t hurt the little critters… “K”?

Mother Goose:  Joan, lighten up, we have done this for 100 years…we really don’t need your whining.. We will get to you…when we get to you….so just cut it out!!

Joan:  Okay Mother Goose…over and out.

Geez Louise...don't get your knickers tied in a knot....I just asked a simple question. ...nevermind then.

The weekends almost over

The weekends almost over.  Thank you Lord, now I can go back to work and relax.  I have been busy, busy, busy cleaning, laundry, cooking, walking the mutt,  blah blah blah  It never frikin ends…nevar.  Got the old meatloaf in the oven,  have the veggies and potatoes cooking, plus a surprise desert…Apple Crisp with some French (yes French Vanilla Ice-cream).  

It was a typical wonderful fall day here today.  But, I wonder where the geese are..I am still waiting.  I found a very small gaggle of them on the lake today, where are their buddies?  If you “Mericans see my geese, ask em why they by-passed by house…I think maybe I am little to impatient for fall, only because I love this time of the year best.  I will include a pic of the few geese I encountered today, no thanks to Penny, who, when was asked to “stay” was breathing so heavily that my camera which was in the same hand as her leash was just vibrating!  







Just after that occurred,  a couple snuck up behind us on the path, unbeknownst to me..I guess my doggie radar was off because I always keep one eye in the back of my head for another DOG…as Penny has a problem with anyone of her own species.  There they were 10 feet behind us. I was holding the dog, my camera and a bag of dog shit.  I didn’t know what to let go of first, because I knew she was going to get hyper, and when she does that, all I do it pick her up, turn her around and tell her she is a good dog, and all is well…cough…sometimes.  Well of course I let the bag of shit go first, kept the camera on my wrist band, swaying all over the place hitting the dog in the face.  No wonder she is hyper….who do you think she gets it from?  

We had a great AA hour last night!  Every one was in fine form.  We laughed our pants off!!  Sometimes they are good, and sometimes not so much.  

I will be having guests here next month for Thanksgiving.  My nephew, wife and kids are coming out from Vancouver.  So, it will be Turkey at balonies house.  I am expecting  about 18 relatives….kill me now.  What have I done.  Why do I always raise my hand, when asked…who wants to do supper?  You know why, because I am an idiot!  Plain and simple.  It’s a good thing I cleaned up my house last month, now all those little “rug rats” will have ample space to scamper around.  

Just a thought, I was making my Apple Crisp earlier on, when I took out a measuring cup to measure my brown sugar.  I noticed all the measuring markers were almost invisible…WTF…you see the lesson in this story is…do not buy plastic measuring cups from the “dollar store”…..after one stint in the dishwasher…it’s all erased…dirt bags!!

Well, that’s it for Sunday night…

PS..does anyone know how to get my "talk to me" sidebar back? I don't know what happened to it...somebody hacked it ..yes that's it..buggers.

Family Matters

Yesterday, I emailed my niece Cheri and her sister Lisa, inquiring about my bro and stuff, because sometimes I get more information from the kids than I do from HIM.  Mr. Denial.  Cheri wrote back to me today…and it was so funny..she is definitely my blood relative!!

This is the email I sent her.

Called Garry yesterday only to find he was in the hospital again.  NO ONE TOLD AUNTIE JOAN! ..what am I, chopped liver? 
 
He sounded fine, but that is what he does.  I sure hope they make sure that doesn't happen again.  Dang it, my bebby bro...having to go through all this.  It's just not fair.  I would take his place in a nano second.  It should happen to the oldest in the family ME, not to a youngin like him.  I am sure he will be okay, everything just has to be worked out.  But I am a worrywort, as my mom used to call me.
 
I am starting to think about my own mortality...lordy...I still feel like I'm ten years old, and I act it too.  I guess you never know when something could go wrong at our age...I'm hitting the big 6-0 in October. 
 
Which brings me to one request...of the two of you...if something should ever happen to me, could you notify my blog?  I know this sounds stupid, but its my journal, and you are the only two I have shared it with. I have made some super friends there that I don't have in real life.  They would be wondering where I stayed and all.  My ID is xxxxx password is xxxx.  Go into google and into blogs.
 
And, if I am ever on my death bed, please have somebody shave my upper lip... I don't want to go out looking like a man..LOL......
 
I should have had children, but now I am putting the onus on you...my darling nieces ...is sucking up working?
 
Luv xxxxxauntie joanie

This is the email I got back today

Hiya Auntie Joan,I've never had notifying a blog as a final request...but whateverfloats yer boat....lol.  No one called you because no one wanted to worry you.  If it makes you feel any better no one called us either...I only found out the following night.  We never even went to the hospital to visit him because he was basically only there overnight.  Lisa tried calling you on Tuesday night but just got your machine...and who wants to leave a message, "Yeah, the old fart took another joyride in an ambulance.."  But for what it's worth, sorry about that.  :-(  He's just getting more and more tired out and depressed lately, not interested in anything...has no hobbies.  Pretty bored, really.  He's stopped drinking (so much, anyways, due to my mom's stomping on his beer), he's not smoking as much (tho he shouldn't be at all).  And so he's a big fat grouch.  (Not literally,of course)

If you're on your deathbed, don't worry about your moustache.  What do you want us to do about the rest of your face?Oooh ouch...hee hee.  You know how people have angels and devils on their shoulders when they have to make a choice?  My devil IS my father...:-)   I mean that in the nicest, homer simpson kinda way of course.  Blame him for THAT joke.  It's his genes.Love,Cheri

Now, you see why I love them…they are just like me…”.WHAT DO WANT US TO DO WITH THE REST OF YOUR FACE”…lordy….I almost spit out my wine.  

That’s almost better then the joke..when a horse comes in the bar..sits down and orders and drink….and the bartender says…why the long face??  We love that  joke in our family…it makes us laugh and laugh and laugh.  And now Cheri made another face joke…ohhhh my!!

I have to tell it to my bro next week he will love it.  Maybe it will pull him out of his slump.

Tuesday and Wednesday ...coming down

My boss was out all afternoon, which leaves me with not much to do but answer the phone.  I got all my work done in the morning, and if he leaves and doesn’t have more stuff for me to do…it’s over.   I noticed the little young chickie that was here whilst I was gone on my holidays really cleaned up the place.  My boss got her to wipe it all down.  Thank you Lord.  We don’t have cleaning staff, so sometimes with all the guys (11) of them coming in from the shop to the office on a daily basis, usually in the morning before I get there; it gets pretty grungy.  However, there is no excuse for my desk.  It’s neat.  But dusty.  After awhile you don’t notice the dust until it gone……..and when I came back, everything was all “Pledge like”…my phone was slippery, I could actually read the numbers on it…Wow…My computer keyboard was shining…she got out all the crumbs out and everything.  She cleaned up the guys meeting room, it was a sight to behold.  I want her back!!  She was student who was going back to school this fall, so I don’t think I will see her again, but man…I miss her already.  

I went to McDonalds at lunch today to pick up a burger to take home.  I only live 5 minutes away from work, so I usually eat at home, but today I didn’t have any left-overs, so I thought I would treat myself..ahem.. Yes..I know..McDonald’s! . I never usually do this…Why am I explaining…anyway…nevermind, I will get to my story.  I was just leaving with burger in hand, and starting to go through the side door.  There were two adults and a little girl about 4 years old just coming in.  So, I waited for them. The little girl was in front of them, and the mother starts to pull the door open, and bumps the little critter right in the face..ohhh my…she got the bottom part of the door opener right on her nose!!  Mother, then pushes her aside to get the door open.  Meanwhile little girl, has her mouth wide open….you know the look, when they are so hurt and can’t get the crying out!!..The Mom has not yet realized she has hurt the youngin..and starts coming in towards me…and suddenly the kid finally gets her breath and start screaming… the mom and what appeared to be the gramma….took note…and gave her a once over, and  said “ it’s okay…no blood..it’s all good”!!  Then they whisked her off to the restroom.  She was quite, but she was taking that next breath like kids do before the ….AWWWWWWWWWWW…  There really was no blood, I think it was just the shock of getting a door in your face when you are only 3 feet tall and not expecting it.

I was  on one of my fav sites the other day, and came across something that made me laugh and wanted to eat at the same time.  It was a recipe for “Pig Candy”….I think everyone should indulge in this gourmet delight.  

Seriously….pig candayyyy…and you too, can make this in your own home.. Vegan’s get out my site now…or ya gonna puke.

1. Take 1 pig…okay make that 1 lb. of bacon


2. Lay it out strip by strip in a cookie sheet or I might suggest a pan that has sides


3. Take some brown sugar and cover  the slabs of bacon to your liking.


4. Bake at about 350 to get crispy, drain and let cool.


5. Walaaaaaa Pig Candy…..

We had a lot of animal stories in the news today in Winnipeg.  The first one was there was a half grown MOOSE, right in the city limits.  It was about a mile from here, in a shopping centre.  Animal services were there and did the dart gun thing on the poor little guy.  I heard on the news tonight that he was safely brought back out into the wild.  Then there was a bear sighting on the other side of town in a residential district.  And last but not least and little pig was running around in a ditch near the city limits, apparently it was thrown from a truck hauling piggies to market..poor little piggy.   They managed to corral it and  animal services would take care of it………….ohhh yeah…they are probably having “pig candy” ..as we speak.   Now I don’t think I want to make that recipe anymore.




I called my bro tonight to see how he was doing. I try to phone him a least once a week, but he isn't a phoney kind of guy and only lets me get away with about 3 minutes of conversation. You have to know, he is the funniest guy in the world, and I love talking to him, but not on the phone. We have to be together face to face, to have our funny conversations, to insult each other, to talk our native language which no else understands (actually we poke fun at those around us) LOL...and they don't have a clue!!! We have such fun. We are kindred spirits.

But, he told me a scarey story today. He had another heart problem on Sunday night, and couldn't breath properly. He was ambulanced to the hospital, and they found he had water around his heart. Appparently, it was caused by the pace maker they put on him when he had his heart attack, and water drifted in the opening after they took it out. Fuck...I am so scared for him. His heart attack was attributed to hypertension from diabetes...He is always so upbeat with me, but I know he must be going through a lot of turmoil. He is only 57 years old, why does this shit have to happen to him!

We always had a dream in the old days at home. I was going to be a hairdresser and he was going to by a disc jockey. I was good at doing peoples hair in town (for free) no training... and he was good at doing announcing stuff at socials etc. He has the voice of a radio guy, and should have persued his dream. I prodded him to go to broadcasting school after Mom and Dad and he moved to the city. He did, but they needed a grade 12 education, which he didn't have. Later on in life he did go on to get it thru GED, but he took up a different job. So, both of us have never fulfilled our original dreams, but I can still cut a head of hair, and he still sounds like a disc Jockey when he answers the phone. So, not all is lost. I worry so much about him. He is my only family left.

Jamming

Apparently on Saturday I deleted my Friday post, it probably should have stayed in the garbage. I was messing around with a new post on Saturday and deleted my Friday's post instead. After reading it again, I am wondering if I was drinking fortified plum juice that night. I don't know. For anyone that has already made your way through it..."nevermind"...but I am keeping it for posterity, because every time I read it, I will know, drinking and blogging don't mix. If you look for the definition of asshole in the dictionary...I am sure you will see balonie written all over it.

Jam… Who doesn’t like homemade jam? I have had a plan to make Plum Jam with all the plums I have falling off my trees.  I have my mother’s recipes, but alas, it takes ummm work.  On Wednesday I heard on the radio that “Plum Jam” was coming to Winnipeg.  Yes, the rock group.  Well, the balonie brain starts a thinkin.  I got me 4 big pails of plums that need a home, maybe if I went to the concert I could give them to their namesake.  

I spent 80.00 bucks on tickets, loaded them up in the big horking van and was concert bound last night.  I wasn’t quite sure what kind of music they played, but I was pretty confident they were a “gay” band, with the fruit name and all. When I got downtown to the MTS Centre, looking for a parking spot, I noticed the Marquee flashing up a sign saying “Pearl Jam”…playing here tonight.  Hmm..Pearl?   Typical stupid Winnipegers can’t even get the name of the band straight.  I had to park about 15 miles away from the centre, as my big horking van would not fit in  underground parking; thus making the trek there a little laborious whilst carrying 4 pails of plums.  

I managed, with two pails in each hand.  Got to the ticket counter and was asked by security about the plum pails I was totting.  I said, I’m here to give “Plum Jam” a treat.  Before I could say “Jack Sprat”, I was in handcuffs.  Well, lordyluvarockstar…I was doing these guys a favour, and I’m being punished!  They frisked me, made me stand with my hands against the wall, and were going through all my pockets.  Unfortunately for them, I had some plums tucked away in my pocket, for my rocking night out snack …which I had plumb forgot about ..and  that’s when the cops got some squishy plum nectar on them.  The buggers called the bomb squad….oh my…  They questioned my bic lighter in my pocket along with the plums, and I explained to them…everyone who goes to a rock concert has one, because if you like the band…you light your lighter and sway to the music.  They were having none of that.  Gol Dam It…now I was getting mad.  The pails of plums were getting warm and all the fruit flies were coming out and flying all around my face while I was waiting for the bomb squad.  Finally they show up,  they make me lie down flat on the floor and frisk me again!!  Hey, balonie don’t mind a little friskin…but these guys don’t’ know the meaning for foreplay…nope, they don’t.  After about an hour of interrogation and plum jokes, I was let go.  I asked if I could go in and see the rest of the show, and they said I could, but I couldn’t bring in the plums, as they were holding them until they could be tested .  I was plumb out of luck.

I walked back into the MTS Centre, and heard such a racket….who were these people?  ..screaming and a yelling?  Apparently, it was Plum Jam.  I walked up to the front, just to get a better view of my heroes, and was suddenly  picked up by 20-30 people and they had me sliding around in their arms  and over the audience…chanting Plum, Plum.Plum….How did they know I was the plum lady?  They carried me around for 10 minutes, until I asked to be put down.  I wanted to meet my heroes.  But, alas the concert was over, they walked off the stage, the lights went up and it was all over.  

I walked out dejectedly, holding on to nothing, as my plum pails were confiscated …and walked to my big horking van.  I got my keys out, and was just about to open the door, when someone tapped me on the shoulder.  It was Eddie Vedder, he saw me in the crowd and wanted me to know that the police had informed him of the plums I wanted to give and was so grateful.  I thanked him, and asked him why he named his group “Peal Jam” instead of “Plum Jam” ..and you know what he said….get this…”It was just the Grunge talking when we started.”  Now that I have met you “balonie”, I think we will start doing more good old rock and roll, and forget all that yelling we do on stage that you can’t hear, and rename the group “Plum Jam”……….well glory be!!!

I looked at him in shock, then I says to him, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, …for you I will make a 100 jars of jam next year..AND… if the police give me back my plums, maybe a  I can  rock up a jar or two for ya ta go.. I’m cool.

Eddie gave me a peck on the cheek to say goodbye  (which one I’m not telling)…

So it goes in the grunge world.

Who woulda thought I would be a groupie at my age…….but I am…

Well, I’m all plumb tuckered out….of punning…

A Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood

Today was one of the most gorgeous days of the year.  A hint of fall, and warm temperatures.  Perfect for diddling around the back yard, doing a little of this and a little of that.  The squirrels are just nuts...they feel the need to store stuff already.  I have the big fat grey squirrels and the red one's in my backyard.  They were in a constant battle with each other, along with the blue jays…and the DOG.  It was a cockfight.  I added a plate  of peanuts to the mix, and lordy be…I thought I had started a war.  

It was great in the shade, but the sun was way to intense to do any doggie walking on the pavement today, so I have one dejected lookin little critter sitting beside me.  I don’t know about where anyone else lives, but when the autumn sun shines…it is intense and bright, you can’t see a foot ahead of yourself.  I would love to live in Vancouver, where they have misty days…I can’t stand that glaring ole sun.  It makes me crabby, yes, balonie gets crabby…especially when I got the sun in my eyes.  I have a pair of clip on sunglasses I got from the optometrist, but the sun sneaks in over the top of them when I’m walking, and they are good for shit.  

The weekend was uneventful, we had AA hour last night, .but the guys …hubby and his bro Ron.. went on a motorcycle ride and had problems with Ron’s bike and didn’t get back here until 8:00PM.  Gord’s bro built a bike…all bys himself, the guy is a genius….and yes, he had a glitch last night with a bolt that came flying out from somewhere….at the cost of $800.00 to repair…but the guys a millionaire, so I’m not crying a lot of tears. I can’t believe how cleaver he is….he builds computers, bikes, sound systems …you name it.  That is his talent, plus he is a renowned architect in Winnipeg.  He is sooo smart, but doesn’t really have people skills.. a total capitalist, no children, big house on the river…no real friends.  But he likes it that way, so why should I care.  He loves animals, so that is his one redeeming quality, plus he luves his bebby bro Gordon.

Did I mention, he was my first evar boyfriend, yes, he was.  We went out for about a year when I was fifteen years old, and then he dumped me.  Prick.  After that humiliating episode I hooked up with Larry a guy from Neche North Dakota.  Our towns were very close together.  Altona  was only 7 miles from the American Border.  So I had a lot of friends ..on the other side.  We went out for about a year…and he dumped me…fertheloveofatwobyfour…was it my breath???  …nahhh, I know what it was….he wanted IT….and I wasn’t supplying..IT…I wasn’t even sure at that age…what IT, was!!  I had an idea, but didn’t have any information from my piers….none..nadda..and only tidbits supplied from my friends.   I used to read True Story, a  magazine that was out at the time that depicted teenagers etc. in compromising situations, and tried to figure out what happened after they kissed and groped …but, the story always ended in the girl getting pregnant………..BUT HOW..FOR THE LOVE OF GOD..TELL ME.  

Then I met Gord, Ron’s brother after Larry dumped me.  He was a sly devil, he was, he knew the correct amount of Lemon Gin to give me, before I took me panties off!!...and be damned if I didn’t figure it all out after that.  They don’t call it panty remover for nothing.  Hey, it tasted like lemonade…but better. He didn’t hijack me, or anything, I was a willing participant …and got lucky!!...and I haven’t been dumped since!...Mind you there was ups and downs…oy vey…a lot of those…but we made it through.  

I can’t even remember my point of writing the blog…stuff just started running through my fingers….

Okay then, a few pics of today in the back yard…..don’t turn off your computer just yet…I know I even bore myself with this stuff……bear with me…(bear and bore in one sentence.. too cool).   My grammar need work.










I'm on my pretend cell phone

Freshly made Freezer Plum Jam


Mo Jam

Some flowers I haven't killed yet

Some more Balonie

Yesterday Penny took me for a walk. I thought I would share this wonderful experience with the internet. I took my camera with me for a change; I always seem to forget it. I was hoping the geese would be on the lakes, but they seem to be a little tardy this year.

The Park


The Lake


Other side of the lake

Penny's personal bathroom


There's that bitch from next door!

Last night was very very scary. I woke up about 2:00AM and heard the thunder rumbling way out in the west. I thought I should get up and close the patio umbrella. That thought lasted for about a second long, and I fell back to sleep. About ten minutes later I woke up with a start after hearing something banging in the kitchen. I realized it was those frickin tiles still falling off the wall. Lord. I fell right back to sleep. About half an hour later, Gord is jumping out of bed yelling, did you close the umbrella, it storming out there? “No, I yelled…I fell asleep and forgot.” We both raced to the kitchen patio doors and it started to hail like a SOB, the thunder was so loud we practically jumped out of our skins. The winds had picked up and the trees in the back were flattening. When we got to the door, the umbrella was gone. There is a huge tree that overhangs on to the patio, and I cannot believe that the umbrella somehow got airborne, flew through the trees and landed on the lawn below. We could see it laying there, all in one piece.

How did it manage to fly through those trees?

The lightning never stopped; there was a constant light show for about 5 minutes, then an almighty CRACK…when it struck something not far from the house. It was wild!! We heard the fire trucks about 5 minutes later, but I didn’t appear to be that close to us. All my begonias got ripped off their plants stands and were scattered all over the deck. Miraculously, I was able to save 4 of them. We spent the entire morning picking up downed tree branches and leaves. The umbrella remained unscathed; it simply landed on the ground intact and stayed there. We still can’t figure how it got through the trees!!


Poor flowers

I was thinking about this today, and wondering that perhaps my dad is mad at me. (Remember what my mom did?) Think about it, all the tiles falling off the wall, a violent storm hmmm. You see while I was cleaning out the living room on Friday, I removed his chair. I have had it since he died. The chair is old, but comfy and it always reminded me of him. Unfortunately, when Penny was in her “teething” stage some years back, she ate a large hole in one of the arms. Every since then I have had it covered up with one thing or another. Well, on Friday I decided it was time for it to go to “Good Will.” I had valiantly held on to it for long enough. My living room was looking all spiffy so I put it out beside the garage.

No room for Mr. chair

I couldn’t get it inside because SOMEBODY around here has it cluttered up with motorcycles, a vintage car and a utility trailer, along with a lot of other junk. Maybe, he didn’t like it sitting out there all alone? Now it’s all wet. I will try to shuffle some of the junk around and set in a corner along side Gord’s dads chair. Somehow we both acquired our dad’s chairs after they died. Weird. Maybe they can talk over the old days if they are in there together. I don’t need anymore haunting, nor old chairs.

Poor lonely chair
This is a day long blog...reporting to you live..as I go along, feel free to click the X...before you fall asleep.

Just got back in from picking plums in the back yard...two huge ice-cream pails full. Anyone want some plums? This tree was just a volunteer I let grow after we pulled out our old tree three years ago. I have never seen so many plums!! The old tree never produced, my mom and I used to joke when she and dad had the garden here, that whoever saw the one or two plums that used to grow would win "two bits". We always bet "two bits" on everything, from the person who caught the first fish, when we went fishing and to sports.. baseball, football..you name it. When we were out fishing we would have to pay the "two bits" up front, but later in years when we phoned each other and bet "two bits" on a game..sometimes we forgot to pay up when we saw each other. That didn't really matter, it was just the fun of the challenge. Later we would argue who owed who what. My dad and I lied our faces off and ususally my brother got stuck with paying up!

It's getting damn dark out there again, the humidity is high. Something is abrewing, and I can hear thunder way out to the west again. Looks like another thunder banger. I took the umbrella down!! Brought what is left over from my flowers closer to the door, so they won't be blown to kingdom come. I sure hope Gord gets his little ass home soon, I don't like the looks of it. It is too quiet. Last night when the storm became violent, I had made a fast plan to get to the basement just in case it was tornado. I put his wallet and cell phone in my handbag, kept my eye on the dog..so if we had to go down we would have something left. I guess I have been watching CNN too much, but a plan is better than none. the humidity is getting stifling. I will sign off and get back later. Gord just got home...okay then.

The holiday is over

And so it ends, two weeks of no alarm clock to shock my system awake.  Tomorrow is still a holiday, but not mine..it belongs to some guy named labour.  If that’s the case I should have two more weeks of holidays, because all I did was labour, but in a good way.  My home is once again presentable after two years of neglect.  Sorry house, but you see I had me a problem in the tummy and became unbendy.  In those two years I only had a cleaning lady in once, because I couldn’t stand it anymore, after that I devised ways of cleaning that would put “Molly Maid” to shame.  Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way a “clean freak,” I just need a sense of order and the dust bunnies hidden.  The junk is  gone, and hopefully I will stop acquiring it.  BTW does anyone need a huge mural of dog’s playing poker, I still have one in the rec room that I forgot to give away.  

I  have an incident to report…my floor tiles are sliding off my kitchen wall in record numbers..buggers.  I guess I should have primed the wall before I put them up.  They just seem to want to rest on the bottom.  I have to keep repositioning them every hour for theloveof mike.  Tomorrow I will have to take them all down and do it over. blah  

Last night after the AA crowd went home, I had me a hankerin’ for KFC.  I had it so bad I would have grabbed a chicken out of a coup and ate em alive, providing he had the right  spices on him.  Forget the feathers.  I just wanted something greasy, carazzy huh?  I never eat greasy crap. I even wanted to eat the skin.  I never the eat the chicken skin on chicken, but I was ravenous, I just wanted the skin, a little chicken and maybe a big box of breaded chicken  “tenders” to go with that, plus greasy fries and GRAVY.  Lord, I had me a craving.  As luck would have it, I had a “Coupon”…now, this was even better.  I had twenty bucks in my wallet, with KFC written all over it.  I PHONED, and I phoned, and I phoned, all lines were busy.  I was starting to get the heby jebies…I need my fix.  No one answered the phones, I was on hold for 30 minutes!!!  Who in the hell in calling for KFC on labour day weekend, I thought the whole city had vacated and were >>at the lake>>apparently that was not the case.  Our KFC is a block from the University and of course all of those snot nosed little twits are now on campus, and ordering food on their parents dime.  Jiminy Cricket!!..was I pissed.  I never do fast food almost evar…now that I wanted it…I couldn’t have it..unless I wanted to wait .  Screw em.  So, “fudge”, I made grilled ham, cheese and tomato sandwiches..and threw a few pickles on the table…I was so pissed and so totally unfulfilled.   After supper?,  we started to watch the horror on CNN, in Mississippi.. then I brought out two huge bowls of ice-cream…big mothers!!!..with strawberries……I just wanted to eat more than I needed….strange…maybe I was watching too much CNN coverage all weekend.  When you see hunger and thirst maybe it primes your need for it.  I don’t know.  It was very strange.  

I  am making a big roaster full of baby back ribs, with rice and salad for supper.  I am still hungry.  There seems a void I must fill.  I really think that is the past three days I have had CNN on constantly, weather I’m watching it or just going about the house doing things, I really think it has affected me a lot.  

I was very surprised at my hippy girlfriend last night, I shouldn’t have been, but I was.  I mentioned the plight of those in Mississippi, and my concern for the welfare of the residents.  I may not have said this before, but she works with refugees that come to Canada from other countries that have fled for their lives for injustices inflicted upon them.  She pointed out several earthquakes, flooding, famine, that we can’t even imagine in those countries that we don’t even think about.  We read it in the paper and then forget about it.  And you know she is right.  CNN reports a blurb and it’s gone.  It’s different when we see it in our own back yards.  

Hmmm balonie is getting all serious tonight…probably because  I haven’t had my grease fix yet…..Gord just came home….I got the bibs ready, and we are going to have a greasy dinner…and get down and dirty.   I’ll probably have to take a shower to wipe off all the rib sauce off my face……


Ma belly is full, and just having some fruit for dessert.   The dog licked off the sauce from my face…jest kidding…I licked it off her face after I gave her some!  It was that good.   And the Oriental Salad was soooo the best.



I’m done….hope to get back on schedule next week and check up on my fav bloggers and do some of my own.
Balonie..niters