Monday, November 14, 2005

Anyone want a snowjob?

The weather out there is delightful...blah blah...let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Winter is upon us, now it's just me and the big horking van doing suicide missions going to work every d a m n day!

We have an empty office space for rent in the same complex I work in, I'm thinking of asking Gord if we can set up house keeping there for the winter instead of renting it out. All I would have to do in the morning is roll over a snowbank and land at my work's front door. Sound's like a plan to me.

I know, it's always the first snowfall that gits you all stressed out, but Winnipeg drivers are from a different planet, and have no idea what ice means for the first 4 days after a snowfall. (make that 987 days).. no idea at all....none.

I'm getting just a little tired of teaching em lessons too. You don't really want to run into me, no you don't.

#1. I have huge STEEL have iddy biddy pieces of recycled plasic on yours, that crumble when a fly hits it.
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#2. When I'm driving, I'm looking down at you little ants scurring around in your plastic cars ... I'm waiting...yup..just waiting.. I am your worst enemy.

#3. If I am watching TV while I am driving, don't try to cut in front of me, because I WILL TAKE YOU OUT! "All My Children" comes on at 12:00 PM as I am leaving work to come home for lunch. I don't like any interuptions.

#4. Don't play any of that loud music while you are beside me. I can't see your puny little car, and I might just make a sudden lane change to stop the noise.

#5. You might note the size of the tires on my big horking van. They are the width of a very old redwood tree, therefore I have little or no chance of stopping on ice at any given time. Give me a wide berth. This picture is where he had the old tires and rims on it. Gord has since then tried to kill me off with realllllly wide ones. I don't get it. He doesn't want to drive the van, but ...oh I get it ...he really wants to bump me off..okay then.
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#6. If you don't see me at the wheel at all, assume that I have either: dropped my cigarette, am looking for loose change, or adjusting my unmentionables. Dam those thongs..

#7. If you are an observant driver, you will notice that I keep a close schedule. If you prefer not to be on the road at the same time as me, please adjust yours.

There, now I have all the rules of the road established! (mopping my sweaty brow).

.....but shit...I still have to go out there tomorrow and make it happen.


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