Freeway speak

I don't know, I haven't got on the scale YET...but I think I am gaining a little bit of weight. The clothes all fit, but I feel fat, yet I don't look fat. I lost all this weight so I'm hoping it's just gas..heh.... I seriously don't want to go back from where I came from. I haven't gone out for a hamburger or a pizza for over a year. I'm eating well, but maybe last nights chicken chili ....and I had it again at lunch today.... may have been expanding in my pants...and has not yet left my ass. I might have to get a GPS system installed in my colon to show the food where to go once it is digested. I know the stomach intestine looks like a maze but how in god's green earth does the food know where to go? GPS my friends. I'm in favour of having one of those bad boys installed.

So, for tonights supper.............
....Green beans..Take the first turn on the I-( I don't know where I am going) go to the left, then take a right at the first twenty curves and then hang another left. It should take you right to her asshole. If not, she wasn't ready for you. Park. Wait for the rest of the stuff to come down...and get in the que. The chicken might take precedent... sometimes it gets just a little bossy. But, chicken if you are listening, I would suggest, you go to the right on the I-(I hope you know where you are going)...then take the I-(I think I see her asshole)...slow down if there is too much traffic.... because the beans may just have made their move, and personally I don't want to see both of you at once.

... now on to the rice. Go straight down to the I (I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel)...check both lanes, because the beans and chicken could be making a run for it. If they are coming through...duck... and I will see you later on. It's a date. My boss is out of town, I can sit on the shitter all day if I have to.

I hope you have enjoyed reading about my supper going in my mouth and out my ass. It was a journey, and thanks so much for traveling down this road with me. What are friends for?

Oh, and the mosquitoes.............don't get me started, I couldn't even sit outside tonight. Summer in over...and it just started. I need a screened in porch...RIGHT NOW.

I found my moth

I was watching TV tonight and when the news came on, people were commenting on the beautiful moths they have seen lately. Then when they showed a picture of it I knew it was the same one I saw in my bathroom. It's called a Cecropia moth.

Now if this subject is making you sleepy ...just press the X on the upper right hand corner and you will be out of your misery.

Here she is

The wing span is supposed to be about 4 to 5 inches. You will never see a more lovely moth. The one I saw had even more intricate markings..it almost looked like Aztec symbols. The web site said once you see one of these you will never forget it..and I haven't. I think my moth was bigger. It was a least 100 feet my 200 feet. But I have been know too exaggerate.

I am out on the deck, and this has not turned out to be the down time I imagined. A train is thundering down the tracks a mile away, and the wind is in the right direction to make it sound like it's right in my front door. Those fucking crows are getting on my last nerve. They are trying to get the babes out and about, and making me crazy...and to top it off, there is a soccer game going on in the community centre with 5,698 soccer mom's yelling at their kids...."Kick his ass"..."Trip him".. and then after that the soccer mom's and dad's assault the coaches and barbecue him. I love how parents these days teach there children well. Let's not forget my (over the fence) neighbour...he has started his Harley, his Corvette, and his lawn mower in the last hour. He never drives any of them, he just keeps on starting them, to be cool. HE DOES THIS EVERY NIGHT. I hate that asshole.

I'm going to phone the city to see if I can stop the ssssheezit. I used to like the froggie pond next door, but with all this other shit going on...I'm ready to eat me some frogs legs, make me a crow pie, and take the air out of all the soccer mom's vans in the Community Centre. Let's get serious, all those kids never wanted to pay soccer anyway...

I used to walk my dog in the park when the games were going on...and it was pathetic. The poor little tykes have to get on the field by 6:00 PM. Well, their parents only get home from work by 5:30...and stick a hot dog down their pie holes and rush out to the soccer field. All the while as the game is going on they are yelling...Justin...pull up your pants...Derek .. your shirt is on backwards...Jerome.. you are scoring between your own goal posts...it doesn't count bud! Some one else yells Shausa.. and I expect to see a large dog, but no, it's someones kid...geezzz... give the kid a real name!

GET ME TO WINERY!

It is too loud in summer....

Or I'm becoming a old fart bitch.......what say you?

Pecker Paradise

It's been one very long day. It was time to get all the summer stuff in gear. I may have been a little too optimistic because yesterday I tried a number of times, between thundershowers, and made no head way. But, today it was beautiful, I got the lawn mowed...and hey you guys.... remember "Jake the Snake" the lawnmower from hell, we sold him to some unsuspecting person today, as I was mowing the lawn with his girlfriend. She didn't notice him leaving. I hope she doesn't try going after him. I locked her in the shed. He.was.evil. and you know how it goes with the ladies, they always like the dangerous ones.

I have been dilly dallying with fencing around my little garden, I put up some decorative fencing, and then I thought it looked like crap, and put up some other stuff, and then I thought that look like crap....it all looked like crapolla. Until today, when I actually followed the instructions that come with it. Hey, you have connect them all together instead of putting them in separately. Now, it really looks like a shrine. Black fencing. So, today I decided it would be a shrine, because my bird "Pecker"...yes "Pecker"... is buried along the back fence. Pecker died about 10 years ago. He was the smartest budgie in the world. I taught him to talk, sing, and just be an ass hole like me. We were a pair! I could never hold a tune when I sang, and he would copy me and sing the songs out of tune. I couldn't whistle either, and budgies love whistling. So, I started to whistle the theme song from a Bridge on the River Kwai. And little Pecker copied me...it was sad, but so funny. I loved that little guy. Hey Brenda... you know. I bet you miss your bird too. So, today I have named my garden....Pecker Paradise. I know where he is buried in his little tupperware container behind the ferns by the fence. He used to nibble on my ears and sit on my head. Remember the 80's when we all had big perms...well Pecker would get right in my curls ... he loved it. It tickled.

I haven't finished everything yet, but I made some good headway. I got all the fencing done, I took the old wooden patio table off the deck, because it was rotten and replaced it with another one we had years ago. It looks pretty good...maybe a little dated, but I didn't want to spend a whole shit load of money if we aren't going to stay here. It's amazing the stuff you can find around the house to compliment what you are doing.

We got out our patio tables and chairs this morning. It was so dirty, normally we have it in a shed, but we had run out of space last fall. I took forever to clean it.

Later in the day I decided to make a little place Penny Loafer I can sit and look at the pond and the wild life around it. Years ago I bought some huge green lawn chairs, and Penny loved them. So, I made a little section on the lawn in front of the pond where we can sit with a little table. Picture below.

Here is a bunch of pic's....and once summer EVER really arrives it should get better.........but right now I am so tired............goodnite. Don't forget to click on the pics, it makes them look so much more uglier.

The first one's are my favs..Regier Begionas


Do you see Clive? Remember he was found on my doorstep at Christmas.

Fryday

Now that I have renegotiated my contract with blogger, I decided to put up my favourite template of the all those millions I have tried. Now, all is well with the world. heh...I know.

My boss had a major meltdown this morning. He lost his "calender" in his desktop computer. He uploads his stuff from his Palm Pilot to it everyday. Today when he went into it, all his info was gone except for birthday notices.....every meeting and event for the next three months had gone to "boot hill." But....he wasn't worried, he still had everything on the Palm Pilot. So, he plugged it in and ...what do you think he did?......come on...guess?

If you guessed he transferred all the info from the desktop to the Palm, you would be right....he did it backwards, so now it is really gone to "boot hill." I tried everything today to retrieve it, but nothing worked. Finally I did a system restore to the day before, but nadda. Also, I found his virus protection was gone too. We had a guy from head office installing a new program in his computer yesterday, and I think something went asunder.

I just got back for our annual Golf Tournament. No, I didn't play golf, I worked in the office until 4:30 and went up to the course out of town for dinner. I don't golf, so I didn't see any point in loosing a days pay for wrapping a piece of iron around my thick skull. The dinner was good, but was very rushed because everyone wants to get in and out on a Friday night. I have been organizing this all week with boss and I was a little tired of it all already. So, when I got home, it felt good just to relax on the deck, with my Penny, my laptop and my glass of wine.

I am overlooking my flower garden right now, and finding a million things better I could do with it. I have great plans for tomorrow, and am going to build more flower beds. If it fricking kills me!! I built one, and it's so pretty, so in my mind 4678 more couldn't hurt. It's addicting. But I must start pruning, our trees have gone wild.....another task for another day. And lets not forget the lawn is starting to look like shit........ahhhhh

Time to go in, the mosquitoes are coming out. I hate to go in. I gotta get up early I have a million chores to do.

Oh... wait a minute, I have to tell you about this moth? butterfly? I found in my bathroom last night. It has a wing span of about 6 inches, it was beige with beautiful markings...it was huge. I had just stepped out after 10:00 PM for a breath of air and forgot to close the patio door...and went to the bathroom, when this thing flew in. I panicked ... I thought it was a bird, but after I shit myself (good thing I was on the toilet) I managed to clean myself off .. and got a big Tupperware container and caught it while it was sitting and nibbling on my toothpaste tube by the sink. I brought him out and he tried to scamper back in, but I was too fast for him. I have never seen anything like that before. He/she was stunning.

We have been having a nesting problem

In the last few weeks our bathroom fan wasn't taking out any air...and the humidity levels were rising at an alarming rate, setting off our smoke alarms and making me run out the shower and waving my panties in the air. Not a sight anyone would care to see. A naked older woman waving her panties in the air. But it did happen on more than one occasion, so in order not to scare the dog and Gord in the mornings anymore with my bare ass shaking around the hallway I (we)decided to find the culprit. Our bathroom fan vent is located......waaaaaaaaaaaaay up high outside the house, because who ever built this house was on crack; but if you look at it logically, that is where the bathroom is. We have a vent on the outside of the house, and it has a little flapper in it for the fan to take out all the unbelievable odours we produce in the bathroom, plus the steam from the showers etc.

The birds have figured a way to flip the little vent "thing a ma jig" open with their pointy little beaks and get into the venting. Bastards! I could hear them chirping in there. So, on Sunday when the fan was not taking anything out at all and all the putrid smells kept wafting back into our living quarters......action had to be taken.

Gord got the longest ladder God ever invented and set it up beside the house. He was on a "De nesting" mission. Being who I am, I started nattering. I hate ladders and was scared he was going to fall off of it. We created a small skirmish on the side yard, but I don't think the neighbours heard us.

Joan: Make sure the ladder is seated right in the ground before you climb up it.

Gordon: Yeah, just get me a flashlight, and a broomstick and shut the "f" up.

Joan: Huh? I don't think I will need a flashlight after I stick this broomstick up your ass!

Gord: Just get the stuff, and I will see whats up there.

Joan: Okay, but I don't have a good feeling about this.

Gord: You never do.... just go and GET it...I forgot to mention he was up the ladder facing the vent at this time.

Joan: Here is the flashlight and the broomstick, which would you like first?

Gord: Just throw up the flashlight and I can get the broomstick when you reach it up to me.

I threw up the flashlight and he caught it, and started to peer in the vent hole. It was totally blocked.

Gord: Give me the broomstick..heh...I did, but I didn't put it where I wanted it. Anway. He started poking around and pulled out ... not one, but two nests from the venting. The first nest was an older one, and the last one had eggs in it....awwwwww... and just as he was finishing he saw the mommy bird at the very back of the vent. She must have been sitting on them. I felt so bad, but it had to be done. Everything was plugged up solid. He came back down the ladder with the vent and left the vent hole open until he could fix it and let the little momma bird out.

This morning he came into my office at work (his business is in the same building as mine) and said he had solved the problem, he made three little bars over the vent cover so the birds couldn't get in, yet it would still be functional and let the air out of the house.

So, I thought I would screw with his brain a bit...and said " I have the answer to our problem with birds in our vents". He was all like...how?

Take the down the ladder!

Haaaaaaa, I killed myself laughing.. I couldn't stop seeing little birdies climbing the ladder......

I know, I'm sick.

But I'm sad for the Momma bird who lost her nest.

When I came home from work, I could hear a lot of chirping going on in there from the bathroom, word must of spread there was a vacancy. We gotta close that up soon. They don't pay rent.

A garage full of Lutherans

We had a great time at Gord's Auntie and Uncles anniversary. They held it at there house, but in their garage to be honest. They had the whole garage decked out in party style, with a picture wall of their lifetime together, and had tables set up for a party. Fortunately they removed their cars. That would have been kinda..um intrusive. We had a unusual supper, it was brought in by a Italian caterer, and I was all........lasagne..spaghetti....but no. They made the Italians try to make German food. With little success. Instead of pasta, we had scalloped potatoes, the chicken was good and had a wonderful sauce, meat balls...in a gravy sauce, (German) ribs in sauce ( Italian), and ...heh..cabbage rolls. German/Italian...it was interesting. Side dishes were "herring" and coleslaw..und das herrinks mit dem Koleslaw ...made this ole lady take some unlady like shits next day. It was unusual and kinda greasy, so I guess on a scale of 1-10 I would give it ..3. But, so what... After supper everyone started talking, and the acoustics in the garage was starting to fail, and I couldn't hear a word anyone was saying.....yet, all these old farts could hear each other. .....they were screaming... I had to get out.



I sort of stayed to myself, and let Gord, my SIL Sheila and BIL Ron enjoy reuniting with their relatives. I know who they are, but it's not like they are close to me. They had a large patio outside where we could sit and umm (smoke) if we wanted to. I was amazed at the amount of non smokers I attracted.... who needed a fix. Plus there was two puppies, who became my best friends.



I didn't take any digital pics during the ceremony after supper, I had my little video/digital camera with me, but once they started to speak, I decided to go video, and I am glad I did. It was the best. Auntie Hedy is 77 and Uncle Eddy is 83. They told the best stories. Their wedding cake was soaked with homebrew, and then iced. Auntie Hedy said Gordon couldn't get enough of it, and he was only 8. Yeah, now I now why he loves his booze a little to much. There was so many stories that were told from the old days, but guess if I were to tell my stories from my youth to my nieces they would seem a little crazy too. Oy..I would never tell it all. I am sure they didn't either. I will try to take some of the video out and get pic's from it. But the video was 30 minutes long and I am sure you wouldn't want to hear a bunch of drunk Lutherans talking, clapping and burping at the same time.



On Sunday, I was bright and chipper, and started to work in my garden again after lunch. I worked my little heart out and finally got it to the stage that I wanted it three years ago. I'm getting closer. You have no idea how many times I have re-arranged everything, I am getting so tired of second guessing myself, but this may be the last year at this house and I'm going to make it the best I can. It was 6:00 pm already and I just couldn't get it right, so I got out the lawn mower and mowed the lawn, so I could get a better perspective on what it would look like, by the time I was finished I was geput. Talk about assholeishness. But, I was on a mission and wanted to finish it. But, I have come to realize, a garden is never finished, their is always one more thing to do. So, today I am drinking Ben Gay. And paying for my foolishness. But, I have a plan for this weekend and am getting the material together for Phase Two.



I hope they have wireless Internet in the ER.

Fryday the 13th.

Boo! Nothing bad happened to me yet. There I go testing the God's of the thirteenth planet to reign havoc opon me and my loved ones. Come and get me. I will regret this. Shit follows me around.

I went shopping after work, and bought the necessities. First I went to the vet's and bought a huge muttha bottle of Glucosamine for the canine species, and will start to give this to the Penny Loafer on a on going basis. She is having such a hard time, it's time I take this in my own hands and make some changes. When Penny was diagnosed with arthoarthertis (don't trust that spelling) ...he said we could follow up with the Glucosamine, but even with the med's it is getting worse, so I took it upon myself to go there and get some. This is not my peppy little Penny anymore, and it's so sad. She wants to run, and when she does, her poor little right leg goes to shit. So, we do everything we can to keep her warm and safe and not bounding down the stairs when she hears a leaf fall. Lately, she has not even cared about the that...she seems to know her boundaries, and listens to me when I say my famous words UH UH! when she is about to run down the deck steps to tree a squirrel. I guess you know by now how much I loves that girl. Anyway, we do what we have to do...and I could regale with tales of how I have taught her hand signals and she follows my lead with a pointed finger. We are a team....sigh.... it will get better.

Busy weekend ahead, we have a 60th. Anniversary to go tomorrow for Gord's Auntie and Uncle, it should be fun to see all the old people again...yeah...like I'm not. But seriously Gord's family has good genes and they live forfucking ever. One of his uncles is 98. And still driving. Heh...I don't know, but from what I can gather from his son, he only drives to the Community Centre which is only two blocks from his house...in a tiny town. He still lives in his own house and has people coming over to help him with meals and laundry and stuff.. but the guy is as bright as the day I met him. Uncle Albert. Nice man.

So, tomorrow I'm going to go and harass the ole folks. Gord's Tante Tina will be there, she is 92 and I will try to out drink her. Not that is possible. But, I have been in training for a month now, and I have been trying to drink a litre of wine every day. Before we go tomorrow I will eat 30 pounds of pasta, a leg of lamb, and a shank of beef. I'm going to drink her under the table. That old broad is not going to get the better of me. And in between she will have some riveting stories to tell me. I just love her. Then we will have dessert and coffee.. with some Kahlua in it. She is such a mensch.

Business as usual

I'm not posting the picture of that horse, donkey or mule today. However, just to clarify when I went into Google and clearly asked for a picture of a horse's ass, that one came up. So, one of us doesn't know our "ass" from a hole in the ground.

Nothing much new here, still trying to dodge social obligations, the dog still walks funny, Gord is still trying to sell 4,576 lawnmowers that we have accumulated throughout our friendship..heh...over 35 years. He starts them all up on Sunday morning, just in case someone from the "Buy and Sell" will call. The cul de sac..she is blue. This Sunday, he decided to be my little helper and help me mow the back 40. I didn't need any help, but I wanted him to use the leaf blower to get all the seeds and crap off the back patio, and use his weed eater to get the edges where the lawnmower could not reach.

Well, fortheloveofoldbrokendowncrap....he couldn't start the gas leaf blower, nor the weed eater. All I heard was..."these 2 cylinder bastards aren't worth shit". Over, and over as he kept on pulling the pulley string thing on them....a gazillion times. I think if I pulled that pulley string more than two times, I would give up. I don't have the patience for gas crap that either floods or has a mind of it's own, and laughs at you in the process. I have an electric leaf blower, but butt head won't use it. I like to PLUG and GO. He finally got them started shortly after the smoke cleared off from all the lawnmower crap and made some more smoke.... and whole lot of noise. I buried my head in my Petunia's. That's all a woman can do these days. Stick your head in a Petunia patch and wait for it to be over. After lunch he told me he was going back to the shop and tar the roof of one of our buildings. Huh? It's 22 ft. high. He just had the "incident" a little over a year ago? Apparently some tenants were complaining the roof was leaking. I suggested we might phone some "tar" people and let them come and do it. You would have thought I asked him to cut off his balls and eat them!...how ridiculous could I be? Apparently, he has a 22 ft. ladder and has tarred it in the past. I must forgotten about that. He said it was an easy job, and I should just the calm the hell down ... then he mentioned he was going to Home Depot to buy the tar and if the weather was right he was going to do it.

I shook my "mother" like finger at him...but he took off anyway. So I spent the rest of the day listening for sirens coming from an ambulance (the shop is close to us)... I heard a few, but blocked them out because I was already in denial. I love denial...it's just such a safe place to be.

When he came home, YES, he had tarred the spots on the roof where the water was coming in, BUT after he had done it he realized he had bought the wrong stuff at Home Depot....and now he has to do it again. For fucks sake, can't anything ever go right around here. It's always something... it really is... Somebody didn't take their reading glasses to Home Depot. The same guy who won't get REAL glasses ... because he only needs them to read. Duh...

Oh boy, it's fun to be me.

Day 2

I am still doing penance. ... is this a horse or a donkey? But I am really attracted to his blue balls. Thanks Brenda to bringing that to my attention.

I think this says it all. I'm a horses ass.

I will wear this badge for a month, while I sit on my naughty seat.

It's time I get busy telling you tales of "what is"...instead of dinking around with the computer, even if the "what is" is not all that inspiring or even that interesting.

So, let's start with today. It rained. Lovely rain... my back yard looks like a forest. June is always the rainy month here in Manitoba. Yesterday I put all the outdoor carpeting on the deck and started to fix it up for the up coming summer. Today when I came home from work, it looked like shit. The winds and rain, brought down all the seeds from the trees and it's u.g.l.y.

I put up a doggy fence yesterday as well, so Penny won't be able to "tear" down the back deck, down the stairs, and into the back yard and chase squirrels and rabbits at will. This is not a high fence, it's a decorative fence around the patio that will get her attention. I don't think she can jump over it. She is really smart and found the opening to the back yard, to do her business, but if she just runs down on a whim, I think it will stop her. If it doesn't, I like the look of it anyway. It's really cute. It's still raining or I would have taken a picture. It looks like black rot iron, and after I put it up around the patio it looked like a shrine or something. Or maybe a cemetary..heh..it's different alright. I'm thinking of putting it around my flower garden ... which someone... who shall remain nameless damn near ripped out all my plants with HIS weed eater. I need a barrier, because a man with a gas powered weed eater.. sees no boundaries.

Monday night supper:

Pounded chicken breasts (the store did that part) ...breaded with flour, egg and cornflakes crumbs, with added garlic, Parmesan cheese, pepper, fried in a small amount of extra light olive oil. Side of wild rice, and a garden salad. Yummers..

There have been a few funnel clouds spotted on the outskirts of the city today..which have given me some concern. We never have tornadoes as a rule, but all the rules seem to be broken in the weather world these days.

Now, that was pretty boring, and I could have put it up a notch...but I'm still sitting on my naughty seat...and doing my penance. It's going to be a rough month.

Good Grief

It's so good to be home. What was I thinking.
I'm addled.
If you are pissed off with my antics, please don't feel bad just take your favourite foot, and boot this blogsite goodbye. I certainly deserve it...but .. really don't...I loves youse guys.

Hi..blogger you bastard, I missed you, balonie has had a few issues, and she took them out on you. Ummm..not to say you had a few of your own. But, I took it to
another level.

As you may have noticed over the years, when I get a bean in my bonnet and when you won't do what I want you to, I'm a total bitch. ...but I was especially vulnerable these last few weeks "mit what wit the hormonolization of what is left of my reproductive system. Who knew it could get that hot in the house...but that is not really an excuse...I was just a total bitch after I spent two hours tying to get my post up I and should have just rolled with the punches, and sent it off the next day. What did I do instead? Made a big ass of myself...so..what is new.?

Am I still in the loop? ....man I'm a jerk.

I have moved.

It's Always Something has moved to Word Press.

It's a short trip....... I'll make it worth the ride.

This will be my last post on blogger

It's Always Something will be my new address.

I am tired of fighting with it. Yesterday took the cake. I have been through all the crap since 2004, and it's time to move on.

I know some will disagree, but I almost put a hole through the wall yesterday with my mouse.

So, bye bye blogger, and to those that pop in here from time to time I hope you will come and sit a spell with me in Word Press. I will bring over "cooking with balonie" when I get myself all settled in.

Awww..I almost feel like crying...but it takes a lot to get me mad, and yesterday it was over.

Bookmark me...it's just a click away......and it will be like the ole days.

Joanie Balonie

Colour me old

Holy moly, I have been gardening since the break of dawn.... and I am tired. Okay, it wasn't the break of dawn but it was the the break of the afternoon. I think God forgot to oil my joints. I was tempted to take some of Penny's medicine to get through the afternoon.

I spread the whole flower/whatever garden with cedar mulch. Oh my! the smell is to die for. It smells like you are living in Vancouver. It was a big job and every bone in my body took part. Some, I did not know existed.

I didn't go the shower I was invited to today, even after all my agonizing about it. I just had to get this done. I hope they understand, but there is only so much I can do. I am still not finished, half my bedding plants aren't in, because ...hey... I slept in and started all this crap after lunch. I wouldn't have been able to do it all in one day anyway, it's just way to much. I got the base work done, and now I can do a little bit every evening and take my time planting the rest. This will probably be the last year in this house and I want to enjoy the view of my stuff for the last time. So, I am taking a lot of pictures, so I don't forget what I left. Bittersweet. But, I am looking forward to moving on.

The exciting part is where to place all the plants to make it look good. Penny loved the cedar mulch, it is so soft and fragrant and laid around in the garden all day. Her coat in copper coloured and sometimes you couldn't tell where she was because she blended in with the cedar mulch.

Gord actually stayed home the entire afternoon, and helped around the yard. Well his help, is a little different than my interpretation of what help is. Mind you, he power washed the bottom cement deck which really needed it. But, man......he is perfectionist...I am sure he stripped the concrete off the patio blocks. Is that possible? Remember those? Oy...the one's we almost killed ourselves with. If you don't ...we did. Then, instead of helping me cover the flower/whatever garden with cedar mulch. He decided to work on our upper deck, which has been sagging of late. When you come out of the kitchen on to the deck, there is a large gap between the house and the floor of the deck. And each year it gets larger. This year is was somewhat alarming. The dog could have fallen through it. heh. Okay, so I exaggerate. Normally we just put our deck rug over it in spring, and try to ignore it, but for some reason it has shifted considerably this winter. So....Gord had a plan. God I hate it when he has a plan.

Okay, the deck is being held up by a beam..which you can see in the centre, behind the bush and there is a tele post on the far right. Now, this is the little guy that is that is giving us all the grief. Well maybe not, this is the little guy who is keeping us from falling to the ground. As you can see we already shimmed it up with on 2x4 so our deck doesn't rock and roll when we walk on it. So, Gord was going to try to fix it today while I was flowering and cedering. What you don't see beside the tele post is a big mother tree...I mean big and it's right beside the tele post. So, Gord decided to use a small jack and a long with a piece of wood ..whatever 2x4 190x457 .. I don't know..and placing the jack on the tree truck horizontally using it as a brace along with this piece of wood to reach the bottom of the deck Are you still with me?

To keep this short, he tried this about 4589 times...he never gives up. And at one point he asked me to go up the stairs to see if it was stable. I could hear the stairs creaking and shit as he was doing this, and I was a little scared to walk up them, because when he asked the first time, the deck let loose and his 2x4 blew out of the jack and damn near put his eye out. and went down a few inches. But after that he took the sledge hammer to the centre beam and moved it up a few inches and ..got the jack and stuff in place and then made me walk the plank again............and low and behold ... she held, and it's almost back against the the wall of the house. I guess I wouldn't have of got killed ... it's only 6 feet. I would have been well enough to get supper on the table. :)

THIS. while I am trying to put in my summer flowers. We don't work well together. Somehow, when we do, his projects overtake mine and I get sucked into his. All and all it was a great day, I loved working outside. That smell of cedar just blows me away, I have to move to the West Coast.

And you know what, forget it I have so many pictures but by the time I get blogger to do any of this shit, it's not worth the effort. For heavens sakes it 2008, lets get with the program....or am I just stupid.

Picture this......

This is a blog of few words...don't start clapping yet you bastards. This is a blog of some serious picture taking I have done lately...some might call it photography, I call my talent..picture taking...with a cheap camera. None of the pictures have been photoshoped..is that a word? It will become quite apparent. Is photoshoped with one pee or two pees.? Don't know. Piss on it.. lets get atter.





Now isn't this interesting ... my bedding plants. They still aren't in the ground because of the FROST warnings that abound. Were you expecting porn?....sorry .... I failed you again.




This is a bigger picture of the Impatiens I bought today...take a good hard look, because they will never look this good again. I think "Flower Family Services" should be called and remove them from my home. Apparently they need to be taken care of by a responsible gardener...and the soil should never dry up, so I must put watering on my list, ...the directions say...needs feeding...fertilizer every two weeks, fuck that, I can hardly find the time to make supper when I get home, and now I have to feed plants. Can't say I'm in for that.

I'm not cut out for this.

THIS, is what I like, plants that grow from year to year..perennials. This one is just starting to grow around my pond. My pond is so small it would only fit three frogs. Just the way I like it. A Ha! ...You don't want to hear my rendition of "Froggy Went a Courting"... I could tape it if anyone wants to hear it ...heh


These guys have taken a life of their own, without my help, and by the time fall came around last year, my pond was invisible. So, I chopped them off, but that didn't stop these aliens from springing up again. Penny finally had to sit on them every night to get them in check and smother them. Everyone should have a dog who has a big fat ass.

The ferns are springing up. Don't they look like "plastic?" Hey, they are real, no thanks to me. If I had anything to do with it they would be toast. Are you getting sick of this yet? ...you will be.

Two trees in bloom, the plum tree and the chokecherry tree. Yeah like you never saw this before. I have to get something more exciting for youse guys to look at.

Let me muddle through my pic's...there has got to be something in there........stay tuned don't go away, I have to figure out how to put in on my blog ....so hush... while I put my "thinking hat on."

I'm not finished.....so keep your shorts on...I'm trying to do a video.

Gord was being a jerk, and mowing the lawn with his dad's old tractor lawn mower we are getting ready to sell. And he spent most of the time going backwards...oy Turn on your speakers.


My own little Shriner from Joan on Vimeo.

The Stinking Lincoln finally has a purpose

I bought all my bedding plants on Sunday but Mother Nature was not ready for them yet, as there was frost warnings three days in a row. I put them in the garage...and lined them up over that lazy "Stinkin Lincoln" (Fat Kat) who has been languishing in the garage all winter. You see she has hydraulic covers on her headlights and once spring comes around they pop open once the weather gets warm. They were open alright, but no I did not see any remorse for what she put me through last fall. I certainly will not be driving the bitch this year, because she will piss out her brake fluid as soon as look at me. We have gone our own ways since then. I will let Gord take over his baby from this day forth. I.will.never.drive.it.again. Done.


She looks like a girly window planter.... too bad it's pay back time.






Don't look at the snow plow, new lawn mower still in the box, riding lawn mower in the background that is for sale...and garage crappola.

My heart is still thumping....

I saw something today, I have never seen before. Road rage!!!! At it's worst.

I was driving home from work, minding my bidness, and heard someone honk their horn, and my normal response is to check the rear view mirror, and wonder what the fuck did I do now!! (I won't dispute the fact that I have been the culprit in some minor infractions.) But this time it was not me. It was the guy two car lengths behind me. I was stopped because traffic was moving very slowly as it does on a Monday drive home. So, as I was checking my rear view mirror, the scenario played itself out. A guy was walking around the car and started kicking it, really hard, he went all around the car and kept on kicking. The driver of the car did not come out. They had a brief conversation when the driver opened his window, and the then the guy went over the passenger side kicked his leg up and shattered the window....just blew it out! I was getting scared, I didn't know if this was person was crazy and was coming for the rest of us next.

When the guy smashed his window, I watched the owner of the car get out. He was calm, he was big, and looked like a US state trooper with the sun glasses and the slow gait. Not like our weenie cops in Canada...this guy was definitely someone to be reckoned with.

He walked to the front of his car, and took out a bicycle from the front of his car (which I couldn't see from my vantage point)...picked it up like a barbie toy and tossed to the curb. From what I could gather, the bicycle rider must have zipped in ... in front of him .. and wanted to change lanes. The guy in the car blew his horn...and the guy went ballistic, and threw down his bike in front of his car and started to go nuts.

The guy in the car never started to punch or that kind of stuff ... nor did bicycle guy...there was a lot of arms raised and yelling which I couldn't hear.

After that, as the traffic started to flow again, then all I could see was other guys were hopping out of their cars to help with the situation.

There has always been a love hate relationship with bicycles on our roads. It's so dangerous, trying to avoid them in the curb lane. But they are a breed of their own, and really, really take their lives in their own hands everyday driving in the city. The city has already been giving them a blind eye, to the "no driving bikes on the sidewalks"... especially along busy roads. Last summer cyclists who wanted their rights to our road ways, demonstrated, and slowed down traffic every day for a week by slowing down traffic downtown. Pricks.

Yes, I believe we should have a bike paths for those that want to travel on their bikes, and the city is trying to do that, but it's impossible to it with our infrastructure as it sits now. And bike riders have to take into consideration, that they don't pay 1 lousy cent into the road infrastructure , like motorists do with our insurance and gas taxes. But they want all of us to look out for their safety. Most of them are all...GREEN...go GREEN...get fit...you know the drill. Yes, in a perfect world that would be good. First of all, Mr. Go Green
Earth Friendly Fred, when you are ready to put your share into taxes and insurance for riding your bike on the road I PAID FOR...I will give you the right of way...which I do anyway, because I don't want to see you under the tire of my car squealing like a stuck pig. And of course I don't want your death on my conscience.

Hey, I'm all crazy tonight. This just blew me away today. I sure wish I knew how that incident ended up. I will watch the news tonight.

Other than this, nothing much new, except it's colder that a whore's heart over here. I bought all my bedding plants on Sunday, and they are in the garage.............frost warning for tonight!! Plus we had tornadoes on Sunday, about 100 miles from the city. Oy......we never have tornadoes, and we don't even have warning systems like the US.

I have been laughing my pantaloons off lately, the crows around here are starting to mate and building nests and the squirrels are either trying to steal their eggs or just being a pain in the ass. I see crows chasing squirrels...they hover over them with their huge wings and chase them all over the yard. I have never seen that before...it's too funny. They never hurt the squirrel, ....so far........but I see them eating road kill....so if I was a squirrel, I would cut it out already.

You know..I'm a bit of a prick

I just re-read my last post, and thought...these people just wanted to include us in their celebration of life with..weddings, showers, anniveraries, funerals etc. I should be honoured, instead of feeling put out about it screwing up my weekend. How selfish is that. If I could reach my ass with my foot, I would kick it. I am embarassed that I wrote that. I think I just need some time off work, so everything doesn't overwhelm me so much. I try to cram all the stuff I have to do into a weekend, and it's getting more difficult by the year. Poor poor pitiful me. Well, that's over... I have seen the light.

It was insensitive.

I am sorry.

Joan

My dance card is full. More whining

If you know me at all, you will know, I don't like going around visiting and shit. After my work day is finished, I just want unwind, and when the weekend comes, I want to sleep late and clean up the house, do the laundry, get groceries ... play with Penny Loafer... take my time making a good supper and then I want everything to be quite. I just don't have anymore jam. Then Monday morning rolls around...when it starts all over again. And thank you summertime.. you have added, mowing the lawn, planting flowers, cleaning up the deck ... after all the trees have shed 7,890 pounds of crap on it. I especially like those sticky things that fall from the poplar tree over our deck, that stick to our feet, the entire dog (who rolls in it) and bites me if I try to take them off. I love when all the crap gets tracked in my kitchen from the deck. It's always something! I tell you. Every year it seems a little harder to do. A little more irritating, and I get a little more nuts. Yeah, are you saying I am already nuts...well just wait ..you ain't seen nothing yet. Wait until I turn into "balonie"...then it's over my friends. whine whine...whine...I know..

Summer has come, and so have my weekend busters. 4 invites so far. Oy! There is only one I look forward to, and that is my hippychicks birthday which she is celebrating Sat. June 21 . She has finally retired to the countryside this month and we will be going out to the ranch and party our asses off. Good times.

Then comes the rest...............

Sunday June 1....Wedding shower for my cousins kid.

Saturday July 12.... the wedding.

And in between this:

Sat. June 14th. Gord's Auntie and Uncles 60th Anniversary.

And...at our age it won't be over...I am sure there will be some funerals to attend.

My house will look like a pig sty by the end of July, with all these weekend stealer's.

And don't be telling me to do some stuff during the week, I do! But I leave the heavy stuff for the weekends. Plus my sanity. And trust me I'm not fussy, I only do what is needed.

I just finished mowing the back 40 with our newer lawn mower "Sane Jane." "Jake the Snake" was in the other shed, and I could hear him rumbling in there getting all pissed off. Now that Gord has got him all fixed up, he is feeling his oats...and thinks he's the man and has balls. He is mistaken. Jane has a vagina...a very big one that she uses as a bagger of de grass. How convenient. I mow, she sucks it up in her humongous vagina bag, and I dump it out. Simple. Jake used to just spit it out, even if we attached a ball bag. Macho bastard. I love Jane. Jake, you are one little piece of crap. What we haven't told you yet, is we put you up for sale, you sick bastard. You are in the "Buy and Sell" as of today. I can't wait. If you decide not to start the day we show you off to the new seller I will personally take you out. Just so you know.

Don't start pissing gas again...it's to expensive, and that is getting old. I'm not afraid of you, but the next time you do that I will throw a match on you. Oh, by the way, the hissy fit you had in the shed while I was taking Jane for a spin, was very immature ..plus when I engage her in "self propel" ....she listens and moves forward and doesn't go backwards like you did ...dink.

I will never get another male lawnmower.

Duh!

I didn't know if you screwed around with the header on your blog when you were doing a new post AND IF YOU DID NOT SAVE IT.. the new header would show up anyway. Well, fortheloveofgildaradner...I blew that ... my post looked like I just funnyfarmed myself....what you see is a picture of Gilda Radner and here I am telling you folks it's a picture of baby me giving the world the finger. Okay, for those who missed it:

Apparently this is not the one. I can't find it. I only have 10,456 pics on my hard drive.

To you, that had to experience this uncomfortable event, I want to give you a prize for the hardship this has caused you. Unlike Pioneer Woman, I don't have sponsors with the big ticket items to give you.

Please choose from the following items: Photo's available upon request.

• A HP Office Desk Jet K60 ...with an extra ink cartridge. Might need some work.


• A Canon JH045086 Photo copier. Works fine here, but can't guarantee it will after shipping.


• A Canon Scanner, works just fine. I just upgraded to a new one. It is slow, so if you have a lot of time on your hands, this one is for you. It would be good for the little woman at home, who has children to raise, and has all the time in the world to scan pic's slowly while she is changing diapers, getting spit up on, sleep deprived, looking at what once was her slender belly, becoming a looming pile ugly wrinkles, ....then this is the scanner for you. It will scan your baby's pic's by the time you get the kid bathed, deshitted, depuked, and deburped and in college. It's amazing how long it will take. Seriously, this will take the stress out of your life.

Email me your address, and I will send anyone of these items to you...shipping cost are extra...especially with the photo copier, it must weigh....hmmm...1000 pounds, they don't make them like that anymore! (Paper and toner included.)

I have more stuff, but I want to save the rest for the next time I screw up. Please don't send more than one entry, because .."hey" my server!...I live in Canada and we still use tin cans with wires attached to it. You wouldn't want all your entries to take down the whole network. So, go easy peesy.

Anyone offering anything over 5.00 bucks gets a 100% discount.

Look at me....

I was giving the finger before it was invented. I was way ahead of my time.

Brenda and Donna asked me to show you shiny things on Friday, but I only got to my computer tonight, so here are the things I love shiny. I hope that was the theme....

My engagement ring. That diamond would put Liz Taylor's to shame. See how reflects off the arborite of my kitchen counter top...this is a serious diamond. I haven't taken it off for 20 years, it was always just there. Today when I went to take it off I noticed my knuckles must of grown. I had to pry that sucker off, and after my photo shoot, I could not get it back over that fricking knuckle...... after a long struggle it's back where it belongs. I hope a mugger doesn't try to pry that humongous diamond off my finger, because he is going to have to chop my finger off .

Penny's nose, very shiny...and a little intimidating. The more you piss her off the shining comes through.

My Friday night wine glass ... it makes my soul shine.

My BIL's new motorcycle ..it makes his ego shine .. as an aside my house is to the right , I would never paint my garage door like that. What were they thinking?

That is one mean machine...oy....

All shiny stuff is done. Next time ask me for dull stuff.... I have a ton of that.

I am so enjoying the long weekend. But I still wake up at 7:30 AM....as usual, and give my alarm clock the finger. See!! I was way ahead of my time. Then I reclaim my covers from Gord and the dog, and snuggle down for a few more hours of weird dreams. Damit... I just want to sleep, but sleep had come and gone, and all that was left is ...lists of what to do on my days off. This morning I saved Gord about 30 times from falling in a hole. It was starting to get old, and I woke myself up, and made a mental note to not to dream again.....then I started with the lists again.. it was time to get my ass out of bed.

I did something I have never done since Gord has his incident....we had ham and eggs w/ toast, sliced tomatoes, and pickles for breakfast, it was actually lunch because it was late. Normally we don't do breakfast... just some fruit and toast. But today I let my guard down...and also on Friday, I bought a frozen Pizza for supper, it was just a little one with thin crust, but man did that taste good. I prefer to make my own Friday night supper, but because I work full time, I need a break. Just this once...it's a long weekend....let's live a little. Actually I like our Friday night Taco night better, I love the veggies and the taste of the taco shells.

Spent the afternoon working in the back 40. Almost got all the winter kill taken care of. I found all the crap out in the sheds to get my pond running again. That was nuts!! Gord always takes the stuff in the sheds for winter, and when spring comes, I have no idea where my stuff is.. but after checking it all out ..guess who I see!!! Jake the fucking Snake....the lawn mower from hell, who still resides in one of our sheds. I gave that bastard the "evil eye." Because I knew I had to get past him in the shed to get my stuff. He wasn't moving, he looked like he was still hibernating. So, I tippy toed around him to fetch my umbrella and stuff for my patio table. I know I shouldn't be scared of him anymore because Gord claims he tamed him last fall, and he wouldn't just start moving around the yard at will. I don't know, that lawn mower is evil. Gord said one of his spark plugs was off, and it made him a little..how you say...flippy. Sorry, I don't buy that shit, I saw that lawn mover moving around the lawn all by itself years ago. I hope I didn't wake Jake up this afternoon, I will spend all night waiting for him to break out our shed.

Bullets.. the blogger kind.

My week stunk.....whatever it was will be in list form. If I could put all my grievances in here on a excel spreadsheet and also formulate my mood swings on a graph chart ... I would. It would save a lot of swear words and unneeded typing of the words. You could just see the chart, and resume your lives. But, I won't be that kind. I will make you go through it piece by piece.

I think I will use bullets...only because I didn't have a gun this week. Heh
Okay blogger wouldn't let me use bullets today..but pretend they are there.

The first bullet goes to the lady/man who didn't take care of their dog on Tuesday. I found this little ugly pug thing running down my street on my way home for lunch. Of course, I can't let a dog run unattended..even if it has a pushed in face. And the rest of him would have been pushed it if he wouldn't have missed my front wheel by an inch! He ran off down the street. I sat in my truck thanking the dog gods that I didn't run over this ugly dog. Gathered my thoughts, drove home (1/2 a block away) and ran into the house and got a leash so I could catch the ugly son of a bitch who was taking up to much time of my lunch hour.

Gord was home already, and I told him...I'm going to rescue a lost dog....be back in a flash. I was really wondering if he could actually heat the Chili up himself before I got back, plus make toast. Two things...I didn't know... It was a lot to ask. I ran back to my truck, and went down the street, and I couldn't find the ugly dog. I finally turned around and was going to go back home when I saw him in the front of our cul de sac. I got out of the truck, leash in hand...unlike dog catchers who have lasso's or something like that. I called "ugly" and he wouldn't come, he just kept on running around me trying to let me catch him. He was starting to piss me off big time. We played this game about 4567 times, until I got fed up and was about to get in my truck and say "enough", and if he got run over ..to bad..so sad, because most of his face was already pushed in.

Just as I was ready to call it quits a lady pulls up from the back lane, jumps out of her car and tried to help me. SHE WAS GOOD! She gave the dog every command a dog might have learned. But, alas that flat faced little bitch, just ran circles around her too. Just as we were about to give up, the dog spotted an open fence across the road and ran into the yard. The lady yelled at me "now we got him", he has nowhere to go.! She ran after him really fast, and I was still standing on the street, hungry for my Chili...after all ...my lunch hour was getting smaller by the second. But, hey she had a point, so we left both our vehicles standing in the middle of the street ...with the doors wide open...our purses in them.....and ran after that flat faced bitch. After she ran in the yard, I went in next...and closed the gate. This dog was never ever getting out. We were a dog SWAT team. It took her about 5 minutes to tire that guy out, and she had him by the collar. She carried him out, and I put the leash on him, and she was about to give him to me...........until I said, I'm on my lunch hour...I don't know what I will do with the dog. No, problem said SWAT lady...she has tags, and I will phone the number on them. I almost kissed her, but hey, I'm not that gay. (yet). She asked me where she could return the leash, and I told her....and off she went with flat face. To her, I will be forever grateful for. I couldn't let a dog run loose on the streets. It could be mine.

Later that night, I went over the scenario in my head...and something jumped out at me. The dog obviously got out when someone left the gate open, I found the dog about 5 feet from the gate, he went back into after we were chasing him. OMG...we stole the dog from his own back yard!! I remember going into the back yard and seeing a lot of shit by the gate and also further in, but NO dog. I still don't know whose dog it was. I only know
SWAT lady lives a few blocks down from my place, so I don't know how she found the owner. She left the leash on my front steps the next day so I know it was all good.

It's a good thing I don't try to save the planet. It would all go to shit. You guys would be living in a dump. Common sense doesn't kick in until about 7 hours later.....and then it would be to late. And you would have to kiss your fat asses goodbye.

The second bullet goes to ...my husband gordie good guy. Thanks for waiting for me while I was rescuing a dog from his own back yard, while you were waiting for me to nuke the chili and make some toast for lunch. When I finally got back, you had figured out how to heat the chili up in the microwave, and you had the bread set up in the toaster. But, my dearest...you took this opportunity to take out the necessary utensils out of the drawers only to find.... OMG.. there was a "greeby" on a spoon that the dishwasher hadn't got...call 911. Also, there was a bowl that had some crap on it. How the hell did you pick those two.... out of 56788 dishes and utensils I have!! You did. To my defense, the bowl had been put in the dishwasher 4 times before, why you ask? because if you microwave scrambled eggs, it sticks on the bowls, and I don't have time to bend down, open the cupboard door under the sink, and find the scrubber. I tried to get it off with my fingernails, but I thought if I put in the dishwasher enough times that bastard would get that shit off. I want Kitchen Aid!! I hate this crap we have. I will have to make sure I never get home for lunch after you...because if you knew ..what you don't...you would never eat here again. heh... Hey, if you drop something on the floor...I use the 2 second time limit before it's inedible...and pick it up and put it back in the pot. Unless the dog gets it first.

I have some more bullets, but it's getting late. But I have a question???

Have you ever thrown something out because the dishwasher hasn't cleaned it? I have. I admit it. And my name in Joan.

Just trying to save your eyes

Be back tomorrow.

Sunday night Pot Roast just like my mom's

Thanks Brenda. keep on looking, I know you will find a better one than this. No hurry.

My Sunday night pot roasts of late, have been... let's say...a little bit dry and stringy. I know part of the problem is that I am using a very lean cut of beef. Pot roasts need fat in them to make em edible. Today, I bit the bullet, and acutally bought a cut of beef with a little fat in it. I probably won't let Gord eat any of it, because if he has another heart attack, it will be my fault. I will probably just let him smell it, and let him only eat the potatoes and veggies. I am such a bitch.


Nahhhh...I have eased up on the poor bastard, and every now and again, I let him have ham with his bread and mustard sandwich at lunch.


Thanks to you that gave me some information about doggies who suffer with arthertis. I felt so sorry for her today, because this was the first real day we could go outside without freezing our asses off. I could play in the garden, and Gord could start doing stuff with the lawn. She was allowed to come down to the lawn, but all she wanted to do is chase a ball. Well, ball chasing is over for her for now, as it always leads to a lame day the next day. And so it is for Gordon and I. We are lame too.


Hi Mom ... in heaven... please send me down your pot roast recipe. I can't get it right. Give Dad a hug...I love you ...Happy Mother's Day.




Showing off her big tomatoes from the garden.............. and she looks so serious. Look at her skinny legs, no hips...just like me. Now I know where I get it from. But I was never that serious, I have my dad's sense of humour ...as bad as that is.

You know?

All it took was little work to find the right place to change the html. It wasn't that hard. But the blog looks a little too busy anyway. I will have to take off my dangerous pictures on the right hand side and cool my shit. Who is getting tired of this shit? Raise your hand. Well, then I guess my blog is not for you, because I can't see any self improvement seminars in my future.



Brenda offered to look for a template for me...I love her, like she has nothing better to do than help me. I will see what she comes up with, I hope she knows, I am fussy as hell. What if I don't like it? Do I tell her, or make up a story like....I loved your template, but my dog ate it. Seriously, she jumped on my computer table, went to that box thing that holds the hard drive, and took the screws off with her very sharp teeth, pulled off the cover and ate the fucking hard drive. There was no stopping her. I was frightened.



After that when she was walking around in the dark, I could actually see slide shows of all "My Pictures"... shining through her belly. I kid you not! It was kind of scary when I saw a excel spreadsheet from our latest income tax return. I thought I had deleted that; because if the tax man ever commeth, and I say the dog ate the hard drive, all he has to do is watch her walking around in the dark! What a tangled web weave when first we begin to deceive.

So, let this be a lesson to y'all.

On a more serious note. I am still worried about my Penny Loafer. Her arthritis is not getting much better. I have all the tests done, and they say it's in her right knee. All the vet gave me was a pain killer called Metacam. And this drug has to be watched as it is hard on the dog's organs. In this last month I have only had to give it to her about 6 times, but I am being careful only to give it when she is limping. I am trying to keep her calm, but she doesn't realize she is a little lame until she see's a squirrel, and it's all over!!! Chasing it like she is two years old. Then we have to start all over, and she is better in about 3 days. So, I have been scouring the internet to find alternative therapy.

A friend of mine at work adopted a 7 year old lab from the Humane Society, who was very arthritic last year, she could hardly walk and was very over weight. I saw her when he got her, and felt so sorry for her, she could hardly get herself off the floor to get up. I saw her again on Monday, about 15 pounds lighter, and on a therapy of Glucosamine and Chondroitm plus pain relievers only when needed. She was a totally different dog. Active, happy, and has no trouble getting up and about. So, I am going to go that route. I have bought dog food that has Glucosamine and Chondroitm in it, plus a supplement. I have put Penny on a diet, she was a little over weight, but not much.

It is very hard to see such an active dog, barely even being able to walk some days, and she is only eight years old. We have a lot of walks to walk, and a lot of squirrels to catch.

If you have any suggestions on this....I would love to hear them.

Biker Bitch

I fixed it!!!

This should look better. Can you read it now???

It's too much work to fix this template...

So, I will have to hang up my "biker" template. There goes my image. I got a ton of spam emails today, and I was thinking...hmmmm maybe the "Hells Angels" were looking to recruit me, because I was so..."like" over the edge. Bad to the bone. A bad ass. But, apparently, they were trying to sell me Viagra, not drugs. Lord knows I don't have time for that stuff. I took it once and tried to hump my dog. I don't know what they put in that stuff, but maybe I should have read the instructions.......where it clearly indicated on the package.....THIS IS FOR THE MAN IN THE HOUSE. Back up the truck Jake....."what was the ole balonie thinkin?" Time for a check up.

But truly .... flowers and shit just didn't suit me. It's hard reading it after I have just written some really bad words. It's just seems....so wrong. I need youse guys to find me a template that you think suits me. A little off the wall, funny and no flowers.

This is your homework for tonight. Go...........and God speed....because I want this homework done by this weekend. Move... I don't see you moving fast enough...get your Google on.

Yours truly,

Biker Bitch.

Anyone finding my template a little hard to read?

I am. Blogger won't let me tinker with it...those stupid blog people!! No one gives me a stinking break.

Now go about your business and get out of my hair.

Happy days

Supper is in the oven doing it's thang...the dog is fed, run and watered, and best of all was when I got home tonight a crew of 5 guys and 1 girl had just finished cleaning up the back 40. Honestly, I can't believe I did it myself last spring after "the incident." They had a flat bed of leaves and shit from the backyard that was unbelievable, but last spring I guess I was so scared Gord was going to try to do it I just went into overdrive and did it myself when he wasn't looking. I remember being very very very stiff for months after. I think it was my hamstring that was bothering me...I just made that up, because I have no idea where my hamstring is, I just like the sound of it. Makes me feel a little athletic. All I know it felt like something had broken between my butt and my leg. Would the butt part be the Ham? That is how I reason thing out. I could have gone on Google and tried to sound smart about this, but I think you should know how really stupid I am. I like to keep it real.


We had a great time on Sunday. My bro's 60th. Birthday. I had to "old fart him." and I did with his presents.


My nieces threw him a partee at his house. We had a great barbecue; the best burgers I have ever tasted. I loved them. I met my nieces new boyfriends and totally make a fool of myself by just being me. While I was taking pictures of them, ... and I may have given them my phone number, I don't remember, but they were soooo cute. This was when my SIL and her sister and I were sitting at the kitchen table drinking wine from a barrel. Bad asses, I tells you.

Back to Garry's present.

My brother is nosey...always has been...it comes with our Mennonite genes. Over the last few years he hasn't been all that ambulatory....but he is getting better...but he spends a lot of time in the house in the winter. He has a chair in the kitchen overlooking the back yard, where he sits and thinks about a way to get even with me for making him eat rabbit turd when he was 5. I was hoping by this time he would get over that, but from our last discussion, nope...he still wants to kick my ass. Good thing he doesn't have the ass kicking feet he once had, or I'd be "assed kicked."

Anyway, getting back to his voyeuristic ways. I bought him a pair of binoculars so he can look into any one's house and yard in the hood. He could probably start his own blog letting the neighbours know what the fuck is going on the the neighbourhood. Now, he will be able to alert 911 before the alarm goes off in their houses. Hey, it gives him a purpose in life, plus nosiness is is a god given talent. It runs in the family. I, too have had bouts of it. Along with the binoculars, I have gave him a camouflaged hat. After all, I didn't want him to be seen while he was stalking his neighbours. Safety was a concern of mine heh! He loved it!! .... I haven't seen him so animated since he got sick. We laughed our asses off when he put the hat on....and joked around...he was the old Garry!

I had one more gift, after all, I had not made fun of him enough.

Because I couldn't find any fresh rabbit turds in our town, I started looking in the dollar stores for a gift that shouted "GARRY"....I found a remote control for his TV, DVD + all the other electronic crap he owns. It was about 8"x12". HAAAA.. I could hardly fit it in my truck. The lettering on it was huge...and best of all...it glowed in the dark!!! .... and THEN I fell on the floor and laughed some more. It was made for the ultimate old fart. You can't loose this sucker. It can't fall in the cracks of your couch, because it's so fricking big........and funny as hell. You dare not sit on it, because that would be a wedgie you would not forget. But if it happened to get up your ass, a loved one would be able to safely remove it ...because it glows in the dark............I can't stop laughing......

Needless to say, we had a great time.
..okay now Gordon is home, and American Idol is blaring in my ears...time to go into the garage.... and he is bitching about the lawn...fuckit. I'm getting out my laptop and heading on down. I didn't want any noise destroying my creativity tonight.


Whooo....it cold in here. Yes, it smells like gasoline, but I can't believe the shit that's in here.

Oh, and I forgot one more present ...the best of all. A bottle of wine I brought ...called "FAT BASTARD"...

Birthdays don't get any better than this.

I'm Twizzling!!

Oh, sorry... I mean Twittering. I'm a "Twitter Critter." Do I smell a new blog coming on. Not really, I can't even keep up with 2 of them. I've been chirping with AndyPandie today, I'm starting to figure this out. I chirped at Ms. Brenda, but you know her, she is a domestic goddess and sleeps most of the day away.

I am going to try to a post at home tonight, and I hope everyone leaves me the shit alone. No talking, no loud TV, no dog barking, no chewing, no eye blinking, I want silence! How can I be expected to let my creative juices flow with all that distraction?

If all else fails I'm going to take my laptop out to the garage. And if the smell of gasoline from the Stinking Lincoln, 2 lawnmowers, 1 snowblower, a motorcyle and 1 rototiller doesn't kill me....my blog tonight should be a masterpiece. I probably shouldn't smoke in there ..should I? I just thought of that. hum

All tuckered out

Saving all the good stuff until tomorrow.