I think I have sniffed them out...........

Donna said...

Hahahaaaa....well...WUDDEN ME!!Hahaa...cute! Happy sleep sweetie!hughugs

Sally said...

Not me either. I was looking again at your picture with your brother; you remind me of someone~maybe the little girl who played Laura Ingalls in Little House on the Prairie. I mean that in a nice way, of course you're much prettier. :)

Joan said...

Isn't it funny that both Donna and Sally doth protest a little too much? It's one of them I'm sure of it now.

Notice how Sally was telling me how pretty I was...just to steer me off the path.

Notice how elusive Donna was trying to get me to go to sleep. What's next? A cyber sleeping pill..Donna? I think not.

.........................................

Both of you better be sleeping with one eye open, because I'm on to the both of you.

Teach you for messing with a Canuck. heh

Very funny...okay who sent this?

CONFESS!

Robbing the cradle

American Idol:

Adam Lambert...you little scoundrel...come to mamma! heh

What the hell just happened here? Did some of my long lost hormones find there way back home?

I thought they were in the landfill.

Apparently, one or two made it back out and found their way back home.

All kidding aside..them damn kids did fine and their momma's can be assured I'm not stalking their babies.


These are the bad boys that tripped me up the other day.

I must have been standing on my head to take this picture..I don't know why it turned out this way. I didn't turn the camera around or anything. Anyway, you can see the lips on the manly slippers of doom. We officially broke up. I tried to wear them again yesterday and almost broke my dot com. No one likes a broken link.

Vegans...alert.
What to see something really gross? My supper. I loves me some "Raisin Chicken." I grew up eating it. I may have shown this before....if not this is today's fixings.

It's a whole cut up(skinned) chicken..browned and smothered in raisins and some chicken stock...(salt& Pepper) and left to simmer for about an hour. (covered) I had to put a little more water in it later because it started to get dry when I took the picture. It's makes the most sweetest sauce. I usually serve it with rice or boiled potatoes. Just a mennonite recipe if you are interested. It's really good with creamed corn...ahhhh. And a nice roll to sop up all the juices. My mother never skinned the chicken, we just used to call the raisin sauce drippings (grease gravy).. god it was good. and greasy. But that's the way we used to roll. But the cleaned up non greasy version still tastes very good.

I took my Penny for her first walk since last April tonight. She has been doing so good lately, I just couldn't deny her one anymore. She needs to sniff other dog shit..it's like "crack" to a dog..and she just needs to be outside the perimeter of our back yard, big as it is.

We did a short walk, but she was pretty pooped by the time we got home. I sure hope I didn't mess anything up with her bum leg. I don't care anymore, if she's only got a limited time left, she may as well be happy. But, so far it's all good.

May Long Weekend

Yes, I changed it up again. Shut up.



Thank you Lord! And Queen Victoria...happy birthday to you by the way. Sorry I didn't get you a gift or send a card. Your gift was to me....a day off work! You rock Victoria.

I have spent the major portion of the day falling down. And not on purpose.

Yesterday I went shopping for "slippers"...yeah old lady slippers to wear around the house. My old one's were shot. I went to three ..count them (3) freaking stores and nobody sells slippers (indoor footwear) as I like to call them... in May. In winter the stores have a ton of them. Do people suddenly NOT wear indoor footwear in summer? What's the deal?

When I approached an associate at one of the stores asking for directions to the "indoor footwear" section, she guided me to regular "footwear" section. I had been there 40 times already and had not found a fuzzy slipper anywhere in sight. I dutifully followed her and we went in circles for about 10 minutes. Suddenly she gasped "well where did they go". Got me Sherlock! Finally she found one pair on a end rack. They were a fuzzy high style in pink with polka dots. Size 6.

I declined ...politely, and as we were leaving that area, I saw the men's section had hundreds of indoor footwear displayed. She left me at that point, and I decided to peruse the men's selection of indoor footwear. I still don't get it, why were all the women's indoor footwear GONE..and the men had a shit pile of them? Do more women pad around in ugly slippers than men? Or, did those women not buy their husbands comfortable indoor footwear for Christmas. Those bitches. That is the only conclusion I can come to.

Okay, so I'm in the men's section and desperate because I want a pair of soft slippers, but durable enough to let me walk outside the house or in the back yard. Like, I'm not going to switch shoes for every time I have to go in and out. I just needed slippers that had a rubber sole and were soft. Yes, I said soft, because I have delicate feet.

So, I started looking at the men's slippers...they were quite intimidating, firstly because of their size. I wasn't looking for cute..I was looking for durable and comfortable, and if it meant a man's indoor footwear..so be it. I tried on a few pair, and it was a clown show. Until I found one pair that might of been made for a very little man. You know what they say about the size of men's feet in comparison to there dinks..this pair was made for just that kind of guy...now, no wonder someone didn't buy him these for Christmas!! It would have just added insult to injury.

I tried them on. Well, jeepers creepers if they didn't fit...they were a little manly looking, but hey were black and fairly unobtrusive looking. But what I didn't count on until I took them home is they have the sole of the slipper rounded up along the front of it. In short there is a lip. A lip that makes you trip. That little lip has almost put me in the ER twice today.

I love scatter rugs.. I have them everywhere. Guess where the lip of that slipper met every time I came near one?. I have been doing a balancing act all day. But, hey..did I take them off..NO. About a half hour ago I went into the back yard to play with the dog. You see where this is going? ..... the dog went a little crazy with the playing and all, and my right foot came a little too close to my left foot and I stepped on that little teeny weenie LIP of the the other slipper and down I went like a sack of rocks. So, I guess that's 9.99 up my ass. Ouch.

I thought about giving them to Gord, because he is a man and could use manly slippers, but then that just would mean one more 911 call. He already cut his head this afternoon while cleaning up the back 40. He hit it on a eaves spout (I think he needs glasses) and I had to pour peroxide on it. Then earlier this morning he found his high blood pressure pill in front of the toilet? He asked me...ME..how it got there. Well, hell how would I know? I don't throw his pills in the bathroom and expect him to find them. (maybe I should it might be fun to watch) . I put them in a little pill container with all the dates on it. So, after a lot of "maybe this..maybe that's" We came upon an agreement that he probably dropped it when he was taking his pills. YOU THINK. So, I said...well, eat your pill. He said I'm not eating a pill that's been in front the toilet. I told him he was the only one in the bathroom at the time, and if he pissed beside the toilet, it was only his germs. He cleaned the pill off and ate it. So, I guess he was fairly confident that he didn't piss beside the toilet. I wish his mother was still alive...so I don't have to be her anymore.

Pot roast for supper.....Donna had pot roast yesterday, and it made me hungry for it today. Mine sort of looks a little ugly...but it was in hour one...it had 2 more hours to go.

Some one is looking forward to pot roast. Schlrrrpppp! Little fat ass

Does anyone have some lady slippers for sale or rent..I have 50 cents?

I had to park my Harley

It's raining "biker chicks" out there. Time to get out the Farking Ark....fortheloveofmike.

Gord has been giving me the gears lately about not wanting to ride with him on his bike. He thinks this is the year I should ... at the least...go for a spin around the block. Yeah... well I been been spinning around his block for 40 years and I don't trust him. I'm pretty sure I don't want to have fun on the open road. He drives faster than I do. YES...over 60 miles per hour. He, unlike me has no fears about driving, he just cranks it up and lets all three of his hairs fly in the wind. (well they would if he wasn't wearing the helmet). Anyhoodle.. I have at least 10,568 hairs I would like to preserve for a later date instead of getting knocked off a bike, and smearing my skull on a pile of gravel beside the road. I have to think about my nieces. And when the time comes when they take a husband and marry. I must look nice for the weddings. A face transplant and a wig aren't doing it for me.

So far, the nieces aren't playing fair. Yes, they have each "captured" somewhat suitable "live ins", but as far as weddings go...I can't see it yet. So, perhaps I shouldn't worry about my hair and getting "thee ole raisin perm"just yet... for the event. My mom got a perm before every wedding so this is what is interred in my bones.

So, I got to thinking tonight perhaps it's not my time to get the "raisin perm" just yet... I think the girls are just giving me enough time to "hop on a bike" .... fall off of it...and get healed before they take a husband.

I don't have any "leathers"....like a good biker should have. I have a nice leather winter parka. Would I look out of place on that? It doesn't have "gang" signs on it, but it has a nice hoodie. Perhaps that might be a little warm in summer. Other than that all I have is jeans and hoddie sweat shirts and pants. I NEED a suit of Armour All. Gord could just spray me down before we go, and I would be invincible. I would live to see my nieces weddings!

I was talking to my niece on Facefuckingbook last night just after she posted a poem by Rudyard Kipling.."If". I told her I had recited the same poem in high school at a Speech Arts Festival and I came in third because the judges said they didn't think I "grasped" the poem. Well hell no, I YELLED "IF" after every paragraph...god I am still so embarrassed. Then I went on to tell her that I only got the poem much later in life. Today she posted a message which said
"Life is too short to worry about the small shit. He just says it better! ;-)"

Like I didn't know that!...I hope she never takes a husband, that will be just one less "raisin perm" I will have to endure. Damn kids. Way to smart for their "thongs."

So, it comes back down to this, will I ride this summer or not? Last year when I decided not to go I made Gord a tee shirt....just so people would know why he was riding alone.

The year before I made this shirt I found one on the internet...but it said "If you can read this ..the bitch fell off"..and I laughed until I peed my old lady panties.. but people were upset with me..I thought it was so much funnier than the "wife." Anyway, Gord never wore it last year, but if I'm not going to ride this year...HE IS GOING TO WEAR IT. It took a lot of ironing to put those letters on there. I slaved away at a hot ironing board and want to get satisfaction of people laughing at him when he's having a good time. The "Irony."

See, it should say Bitch on that tee shirt!

I had a problem last night

Workout from Joan on Vimeo.

Vimeo was posting all my videos, and I only wanted to them to post just ONE. I kept on telling them all the rest of them were private...but all the rest kept on coming back up. I tinkered until I was stinkered. There is nothing really private about the others, but they are just junk and just shit I took. I didn't want to bore anyone, so I spent until midnight last night trying to get them off.

Or maybe just I can see all the other one's..........can you?

Finally around midnight, suddenly I had 9,567 windows popping up and I couldn't stop them, it was like a tornado.....and it shut me down. So, I did a reboot, checked Norton in case it was a virus, and it wasn't, so I went back into my blog and just deleted it. My peepers were tired.

So, yeah I made a video. heh.... My staging area was the landing at the front door, and you have to take a step down that leads into the living room. I placed the camera on top of the second level. And be damned it the dog didn't hear me talking to the camera, (she was on the deck) and thought there was someone at the front door.....she totally stole my thunder and lost her cool...that little bitch.

I wore the motorcycle helmet because I perceived beforehand that "no good" could come of this in the first place. I was right. Stepping up and down in a worn pair of slippers is not the best workout plan one could make. So here it is again...and don't watch all the other crap of me taking pictures of birds and talking to them..because you will think I am a bag lady.

Who knew if you deleted a blog, shit would still show up in the readers...or whatever. Nothing is sacred in the internets I guess.

My next workout should be a little bit more organized. I just did this on a dime...and had no time.

I had this really neat idea

Now, you know there is trouble ahead don't you. I'm going to make a weekly or bi-weekly video(depending on time restraints) of my fitness routine. I work out every Saturday. By work out I mean cleaning the house. It's gotta count for something! I don't have all the fancy workout clothes, i pods, yoga mats, etc. but I will improvise.

I didn't pay 125.00 bucks for that little video camera for nothing. Let's put it too good use shall we. But I do have a stair master... meaning all four freaking levels of my house. Think recession people and make do with what you have. Why should I go to the gym and pay them for what I already do. I know what you are thinking... most people go to the gym at least 3 times a week.....yeeeah...but my house only needs cleaning once a week, so what is your point?

I have all my workout gear check list ready to go:

• Find your aerobic santa pants...done

• Get out the boom box ... because I don't own a i pod. I will do my workouts with it perched on my shoulder for a better cardio. Note to self: Watch for the extension cords on the boom box because ..hey..you could trip on it or electrocute yourself. Good thinking... Done.

• Look for a yoga mat. Do bathroom floor mats count?..if so...Done

• Sweatband for the forehead..so you can see what you are doing after all that working out...well it's a funny thing, I don't sweat UP there. My ass sweats. Dogs pant when they sweat, my ass sweats when I'm hot. Ummm.. hot as in doing my workouts...just so's you know. Sooo... I might just have to get a giant Kotex pad for that sweaty crack in my ass. I will be wearing Santa pants so that giant piece of lumber will not show on the video. I hope. Because deep down I am still a lady. I will borrow one (um, I don't think she would want it back) from one from my neighbours who still has hormones...Done.

• Check my life insurance policy ..Done....Gord gets nothing if I kill myself making a video pretending to do aerobics..

• I love these bullets. How come I never noticed them before. Done.
  

Okay, who the hell sent this to me?

I decided to junk this baby up

A underwater theme...sort of. If you will.

The text margins are a little narrow, but I don't know how to widen them without loosing the bubbles. I just couldn't resist playing around with another "free" template.

So, I'm on a roll. I'm BACK!

We just had the back 40 cleaned up. And holy moly, it is lovely. They did a wonderful job.

I was not looking forward to cleaning it all up ... never again will I have to, because I love them. I'm sure it would have killed me this year...it's just too much work.

Forecast for this week: rain tomorrow, rain the day after, and possible snow flurries on Friday, well "fudge" ...seriously ridiculous.

The good news Allison on American Idol stole my heart today with her rendition of Janis Joplin's "Cry Baby".... and here I was just bitching about my aching body and she had me up dancing like the ole days... and I flicked my bic! And I scared the dog. I'm a dancing machine.

I agreed though, she should have done something by Jefferson Airplane..Gracie Slick.."Don't you want somebody to love"...or "White Rabbit" ...she's got the voice for it.

30 minutes later: My left ankle gave out, and I may have set the house on fire by flicking my bic and all the dancing. Call 911.

Nevermind ... Gord came home and found me before the fire department got here. All is well.

I am determined to keep on rocking...maybe in a chair...fortheloveofmike. heh.

Just shitting...I'm still downloading old Jefferson Airplane tunes I forgot about.

I love Grace Slick (as far as I am concerned she WAS Jefferson Airplane.)

Yeah...I'm still an old rocker....in her chair with an ice pack on her ankle.

PS... if I could only move the text part over a wee bit and reduce the blue margins it would look so much better...any suggestions...I know...here I go again!

I was just sitting here editing my blog and listening to the news on TV. Apparently a homeless person saved a kid from drowning after he fell off a bridge. The major of our city was so impressed he gave him seasons tickets to the Goldeyes (our baseball team).

Huh...???the guy probabaly lived under the bridge...wouldn't the logical thing to do is GIVE HIM SOME PLACE TO LIVE??? ..tickets to a baseball game??? WTF?? I'm really pissed off. I will get to the bottom of this news story tomorrow.

Something stinks...

Pooters is fine

He spent a restful night.....after I found the OFF button. He was looking a leeetle bit deflated at one point. After all how much gas can one gnome pass...(say that 50 times really fast)!

He isn't really light sensitive...as it thought..he is sensitive to movement. That makes more sense. I found that out today when I was trying to get him to "fart" while I was taking a video. I really wanted to share...with the internet... the sounds that can come out of a truly fine looking gnome made out of plastic. I put him on the patio table, got out my video gear, and that little bastard would not fart. He was in broad daylight! So, I re-read the instructions and it said he was motion sensitive. Well, pardon me, I guess my bifocals were on the wrong side of my head yesterday. I put them there because I got a haircut from hell and I didn't want to see my sheep shorn head ever AGAIN. Nevertheless, yes, he farts when you walk past him, OR unless you have the movie camera going...then he does not. You have no idea how frustrated I was trying to get him to fart for the movie. I tried moving the table, walking past him...and every freaking time I turned off the camera...he farted. That sonofabitch.

I had him on the kitchen table this morning while he was still in his box, and we were having lunch, and holy moly, he starting making noises...I'm laughing, Gord is gagging...begging me to find the OFF switch. Real farting really bothers me, but fake farting brings out another part of me. It's probably the "no smell factor."

Anyway, he will be a good addition to the rest of the pond people this summer. He has a way about him that will carry him through.

He loves doing the happy dance, so he should liven up the crew of green alligators, and long necked geese. Lets not forget the fake frogs, fish, bunnies and ..yes a fake cat. Fortunately none of these critters poop around my pond, but now I have one that fake farts.

And when the summer winds blow across my back yard, and neighbours have their windows wide open...I have a treat for them.

This is the end of the farting tales...but I did see on the box that his real name is Hans, and you can collect Knees, Boomps and Daisy as well.. the farty foursome ...Awesome.

I have no shame.

It's late

Had friends over tonite...

But just to let you know..Poot... is home! He is still in his carrier...ahem.. because he has problems... and
...just to let you know...he is light sensitive.... I DID NOT KNOW THAT. while I was carrying him out of Giant Tiger.. he farted all the way out to the parking lot. I am not making this up...he really did. I couldn't get in my truck fast enough.

More of this very sad part of my life tomorow...

It's all about farting and when will I ever grow up

I making two little square pizza's tonight..pannini pizza's but in the the oven. Philly Cheese Steak Pizza's. Steak pieces with, mushrooms, green pepper and onion. Topped with provolone, mozzarella and white cheddar. Don't try this at home, because I am still in the experimental stages. The base is mushroom soup. Don't throw up just yet. It may work. It's all low fat..everything....so let's just see if I can pull a low fat Philly Cheese Steak Pizza off. We used to order them all the time, when we were plumper. And this is one thing I really missed. The rest I can live without. I never have been to fond of the tomato sauce in most pizza's...most were very harsh. I loved the white sauce in the Philly cheese we used to order, but didn't know how to replicate it. I know I could just make a boring ole white sauce and try to flavour it up..but being the lazy ass I am, I went and Campbelled it up and mixed in a little low fat Parmesan cheese, oregano, basil and garlic powder.

It's only a matter of time before I break down and order a real pizza..it's been two years, two month's and 4 days. But who's counting.

I had the most unusual experience today at "Giant Tiger"...my favorite junk store. As you might know I am fond of "pond ornaments" or as I call them my "pond people" ...and yes, I likes my little gnomes. WELL, today when I went into Giant Tiger what did to my eyes appear.....Farting Garden Gnomes!! I shit you not! I could not believe my eyes. They were all lined up in boxes each one different from the other with little "press me here..to hear me fart" signs. Well, I pressed them all! OMG...you would think some little dinky noise would come out of their tiny gnome asses, but those little bastards just stunk up the place, they were LOUD...I was so embarrassed I had to leave and walk around the display to the other side in case someone was thinking I was responsible for ripping them off. So, I wandered around the store for awhile, and could not get my mind off of them. Yeah, I put a few things in my cart that I needed...but I was still very...very compelled to go back to the farting gnomes and press the "fart me" sign again.

So I did. My Lord.....this one gnome... just kept on farting....and finally I had STOP IT AND GO HOME...because I was killing him ....either he:

..didn't have any gas left in him
..or his battery went kaput

I don't want to kill any gnomes, that wouldn't be fair. And I feel very, very sad tonight, because I didn't pull out 14.99 cents to take him home with me. It was obvious to me NOW, that he was putting on a show for me and wanted to be one of my Pond People. What never occurred to me before I left him on the shelf, was he could scare off all those MF'ng crows in my backyard with one big ole long and loud greasy fart. The store opens tomorrow at 9:00. I will be there to pick him up and bring him home to the pond with all the pond rats.

What should I name him?

Fart Face
Air head...no that wouldn't work...hmm..wrong end
Flat U lence
Poot
I'm liking Poot.

What do you think.?

That little fart will be sitting at my pond tomorrow...I'm so sorry I had to leave him on the shelf for one more night.

It's Friday night and am just so happy for the weekend. And pizza. And getting poot home tomorrow. He is very musical.

On empty

I am having one of these weeks again.....I keep coming up empty. And with some flatulence I see. heh.. I'm just one big ole flat faced farty ole bitch with nothing to say.

I know what the problem is. I have to change my template. SHUT UP! I have to change it, but this time I have to do it by myself...no help from the professionals. It looks to neat...to organized..to fishy. No fault of the the talented "Jane" who made this one for me. This is what I asked for. I just need to junk it up a bit. I really miss looking around for new templates and screwing around with them. So, be forewarned, I'm out there looking for freebies again...or I might just attempt one of my own.

I'm feeling a little down for my friend hippychick and her sister. Hippychicks sister lost one of her three children.. a son.. a few years ago to an road accident, and today she is saying goodbye to her only daughter after a bout with cancer only diagnosed (40) days ago. She was 45. Hippychicks sister only has one son left. My heart breaks for her. Cancer dances on.

I can't get my mind clear these days, with the cancer dance. Gord's friend died two weeks ago, after being diagnosed two weeks prior....the cancer dances on....and on and takes all those you love to dance with.

Why???...and in such short time???

Now with all the talk about pandemics..when I was young they called them epidemics...

I remember polio very clearly when I was about 8 years old. There was no cure. And it spread very quickly though out the world. We lived in a small little town, and it touched us. Peter our next door got it and it crippled him for life. I can't imagine how scared my parents must have been for me and my brother. My parents talked about it, but not so much that it would scare us. I can't remember any precautions that were taken at that time. But I do remember when my cousin in Winnipeg got sick, they said "she had a touch of polio" I will never forget those words. I'm guessing she had a mild case. A few years later we were give a vaccine at school to prevent polio and TB. Before that there was no vaccines for chicken pocks, measles and the like...we just got them and got over it. I still have some scars. Now kids get inoculated when they are very young. I still remember one of our friends across the street who got whopping cough. You could hear him coughing from his house. It was tough. Mothers only did what they could with what they had.

Then there was "mumps"... "scarlet fever"... I knew kids that had all of that.

Later on in life...we always were told the boys who had the mumps would never be able to have children, and those that had scarlet fever would have heart problems... Small town talk, but I think it was probably close to right.

I remember feeling very sick when I had the chicken pocks. I was so hot, and hurt all over and itchy. My mom would keep on putting rags with cool water over me. I can't imagine how scared she was because I was born two years after she lost her first born daughter Dianna to Meningitis. No vaccine for that then either.

The best part of having the chicken pocks was once you were feeling well enough you had to were sunglasses when you went outside. I don't know why...but that is what my mom was told and she got me SUNGLASSES... I was thrilled!! No kid ever had sunglasses in our town....I don't think I took them off for about a year. Until the arms broke off...and I think I probably wore them on my nose and taped them to my head. I loved them.

So, we should all be grateful for the vaccines we have...and if they can help ward off stuff like the Swine flu...so be it. I was a little skeptical about it at first. But thinking back today, I changed my mind. I have never had the flu ... of any sort ever. I have had some bad colds and got all ached up and shit, but I have never had the flu as I understand some do.

Lets just hope for the best.

So....what the hell just happened here...I was on empty...and I managed to fill half the internet up with my shit.

Go to bed....jeez its late.............

The weekend was busy

I was catching up on my housework, laundry and shopping. The best news is that Penny has done such a turn around with her arthritis problems she is bugging me to play with her outside "all the time." She is even jumping up on the sofa, and climbing the stairs. So, this is so good...I play with her every night outside when I come home from work. I still kind of back off, because I don't want to overdo it. But, she seems to only do what she is capable of. The next step is going for a walk. She hasn't been able to go for a walk since last June when everything went to hell. What I am going to do is drive her to the park a few blocks down and then we will go from there. I think walking on the pavement to the park might be a little hard on her just yet....so I will take it one day at a time. little baby steps.

As you know "It's Always Something" around here........On Wednesday we didn't sleep a wink because our power went off and we had to wait for it to be fixed....so when Saturday morning rolled around we were going to try to catch up on our sleep. Missing a nights sleep catches up with you. Plus I had a very stressful week with taxes etc.

That did.not.happen. Sonofabitch! At the "ass crack" of dawn we get a call from my boss, who is vacationing at a remote cottage telling us that the Alarm company had detected a illegal entry in our building. (note: Gord owns the building). So, boss couldn't come back to check what was going on. So, poor ole Gord had to get his pants on....At the ASS CRACK of dawn, and drive to the shop. It was one of the bosses employees...who at the best of times can't remember his name, never mind the freaking alarm code and kept on punching in codes he thought it might have been the right one who set off the alarm.

I broke his "alarm arm" this morning at our Monday morning safety meeting. He won't be punching in random numbers anymore. Sometimes I just shake my head. He is a electronic genius, but sometimes lives in his own world of electronics. And the poor guy spends more time apologizing for not getting in his time sheets and work sheets in time.

Anyway, I have been away for so long I almost forgot I have a place to complain about my aches and pains...and you are it:

So, here you go: My toenails hurt. I think I have a Mexican toe virus. So, if you are reading this you may have been infected. I'm not trying to be funny...well a little I guess, but I think the media is once again trying to get everyone in the world a little too crazy. It really pisses me off. It's not like we don't have enough to worry about with all the other diseases like cancer, heart disease, diabetes etc. And good grief, you can't even put your TV, or Radio on without getting inundated with warnings about every possible thing that could happen to you. I get it already!

It's really hard to just "Have a Good Day."

So, I solved my toe problem...I bought bigger shoes. I'm fine.

This solved some of my angst ... some good news....my nephew Damon just got a dog for his family ...it's a babee lab and his name is Marshmallow, because he has a little white piece of fur on his head. I think they are going to change his name... I love the name marshmallow, but you know these youngins these days his name will probably be Choen..yeah that's what they chose...it doesn't have any imagination at all. What the hell is Choen? I am surprised they didn't try to put a "Y" in it..Choeyn. Damn kids these days...anyway he is a sweetheart and I can't wait to meet him. They have 3 kids that were just peeing their pants today waiting for him to come home this afternoon. They have never had a dog before, so this is going to an adventure. Damon's wife Jen had labs before they were married so she is familiar with raising dogs so at least it won't be a huge surprise when the dog pisses in her kitchen.



I just want to kiss his face all over.

Let's take a Internet opinion poll...should his name be Marshmallow or Choen? I will let them know what the results are.

When one good thing happens...crap follows right behind it

After my celebration last night. It all went to shit overnight.

Around 2:00 AM I woke up and noticed my alarm clock was off. I thought the power had gone off in our area. I got up and checked outside and all the street lights were on, and lights from neighbouring houses were as well...sowhatthehell?

I poked Gord. Then he farted... and kept on snoring, so I poked him again, this time a little more gently, and he woke up with out passing gas. I told him the power was out in the house but the street lights were lit up! He lay there grumbling for a bit, while I got up again and tried to turn on the bedroom lights...nope..no lights. I went into the kitchen and turned on the lights and they came on! Strange. He finally go up and we started to switch every fricking light on in the house. Some came on...some did not. Click, click, click. HUH? So, he went downstairs and checked the breakers and everything seemed to be fine. Nothing made sense. After that he went outside to his truck to get his meter to see if the electrical panel in the house had the right power coming to it. IT.DID.NOT. Everything was running on 120Volts, so the fridge, freezer etc. were not running. They need 220 volts. Fuck.

So we had to call Manitoba Hydro inthemiddleofthe freaking night.... to come and check our power.

The strangest part was when we were having lunch at home that afternoon before this happened, I was standing at the patio door (which was open) because my spoiled dog needs to come in and out as she pleases...and then I opened the fridge (which is right by the door) to get out some luncheon meat...when I heard a huge "pop" like someone was opening a can of coke but 20 times louder it scared the crap out of me .....meanwhile Gord was sitting at the table and was opening a can of diet lemonade, and I said to him...holymoly...there was a lot of pressure in that can...and he said I haven't even opened it yet! So, something must have blew then, and only showed up later at night.

So, we don't expect any miracles when you call Hydro that late at night...but they were here in 20 minutes. They just told us to go back to bed and they would take care of it. They turned off the power to the entire house and started to work on it.

Well, they were here the major portion of the night. The outside wall where the hydro comes in the house is right beside our bedroom. There was drilling, nailing, and men talking loudly out there for 3 hours. At one point they called in for another truck to bring in something, and our whole house was floked..ha ha..I meant to write "flooded" with amber emergency lights. (I'm tired) It looked like a war zone. Finally I had to close the curtains and the bedroom door. And we tried to go back to sleep. Finally around 4:00 AM we heard all our hydro coming back up. A hundred little beeps from every electronic appliance we have started to chirp. So, I got up again, for the 4,567th. time and went into the bathroom for the 4,567th. time to get my glasses so I could see where the fuck I was going. I needed to put my alarm back on my clock in the bedroom...because I didn't want to be late for work. I was so tired. That didn't go so well. I fumbled around there for about 10 minutes and hoped for the best. If I would only have put back up batteries in my alarm clock...I wouldn't have to worry about shit like this...would I? ....No, I steal those batteries when I need them for my camera or something else very important. Dumb ass am I.

So, the moral of this story is, if one day turns out good, the night will stink it up.

It's done...........

I took the afternoon off work. If I start looking for stuff late at night all I do is get frustrated...and lets not talk about Gord badgering me because "hey"... we have to have it in to the accountant by Friday. Damit...I know....I came home to a nice quite house, the dog didn't even notice me come home. She was snoring in the waterbed. And I had time to think. I got it all figured out.

I feel so free. That monkey is off my back.

And lets just see if I have learned my lesson this year, and do my accounting on a monthly basis instead of doing it at the end of the year. It's already April, so that means if I want to catch up I have to do 4 months worth of accounting right now!!! well I don't think so, because I'm all burned out from doing last years. And so goes my world of procrastination.

Screw it. Live for moment. Then bitch about it later.

Running reports

Quicken is my friend. Or so I thought. Either it screwed up or I did...we will see. Someone is going to get their ass kicked.

I have already got my ass covered up with Styrofoam...because I could well be me.

Pray for me. Because I got to figure out where 3000.00 in Parts went to. I know its there, but i can't put my freaking fingers on it..............so running reports...........LQQking...for the answer.

If I can't find it....it's journal entry time...

I want to say the "f" word so bad right now, but I'm trying to wean myself off of that.

But you get my drift.

hewwo

I've have been at the computer and at the books for seven straight hours.

hewwo.. I have been at the computer and at the books for seven straight hours...
hewwo.. I have been at the computer and at the books for seven straight hours... okay shut that damn thing off!

I am our accountants biggest nightmare...heh. And I am my worst enemy. Why, do I always leave it to the last moment..why, why why? okay shut that thing off too!!

I was talking to my old blogger friend KAT last week and she asked me why I always leave everything to the last moment...and I do! I said "like a dummy" I work better under pressure. She, who is the queen of lazy saw right through my feeble excuse. Damn I hate that. I am the queen, king and monkey of procrastination. Not so much with the lazy as much as I always put off what I don't like doing...forever. I will paint the entire house if it gets me out of putting numbers on my computer. I never used to be like that. I enjoyed trying out new accounting software program, testing out excel spreadsheets, but no so much anymore. I have most of them figured out so once the challenge is gone...apparently so is my attention span.

But I did create a new excel spreadsheet that I thought would save me time entering a lot of data in Quicken. It did and it didn't...because I was having so much fun creating it, I could have entered all that stuff in long before I finished taking the bugs out of the spreadsheet. Just another procrastination tactic. The funny...not really.. thing is, but I don't even realize I am doing it until ...oops ... I look at the time and go...WTF. Then I play with the dog, check for cob webs, and stand at the patio door and wait for my neighbour to throw over a branch on my yard.

It only takes a few kids on the street playing to distract me when I'm at home... or a bird..or piece of lint floating through the air. When I'm at work, and the office is full of Electricians and office peoplekins...I have no problem. I tune them out. I'm in the zone. Not so much at home.

I am attributing this ..uhh lack of motivation or to wearing my "Santa Pants" during the weekends. Perhaps they have magic powers? Now that I think of it, I always feel drawn to the basement when I am doing the accounting, and that is where the Christmas tree lives. And this year I didn't pack it up in a box, I just took off the decorations and put it in utility room. Plus, I didn't pack up my big Santa, I just left him the back bedroom on his own. Good God, no wonder, he is after my pants...just look at him. He wants me.

But in retrospect, I'm thinking that it's this 50" sonofagun that is taking up a little more of my time than I am used to.

Lord, she is lovely. And not blurry like in the pic. I'm just a fast picture taker.

Back to the books. Just got to reconcile and bunch of shit, but it will be ready for the accountant by Tuesday. Then we only have to wait a week two and throw up, when the final numbers are crunched and we will know how much we will have to pay.

Meanwhile... my husband is at the shop burning stuff in a barrel. We are doing a reno on the LITTLE HOUSE... if you remember the one that was trashed by one of our tenants.

Gord has become obsessed with burning the old wood the carpenters throw out "in a barrel"..which is not allowed by the City. We are on the outskirts, but still!! Finally today he took at whole bunch of stuff to the dump...but he is still burning. I'm hoping the city will figure it out and fine him $500.00 because he is nuts.

The doors to the Asylum are wide open...and someone needs to walk through them. Men.

Somebody should put me away

Oy...I just turned down the littlest and cutest boy scout "cub" (whatever) at the door. He wanted a donation for a project they were doing at the Community Centre.....and do you think I had a buck in my purse? No! I don't even have cheques fortheloveofmike...I use my debit card. I feel like a shit, and he had the longest eyelashes I have ever seen. And when he left he said "that's okay"... and just kept on looking down at his shoes. Whaaaa.. Gord isn't home yet, he is the guy who carries around the cash. I will have to go down to the centre and volunteer or something, because now I feel like a real dumbass. His mom was standing on the cul de sac watching him, and I bet she will be taking house numbers and cursing me for not giving that little cuteball a dime. He had badges and everything.

I don't buy the candy at the door anymore when the kids come promoting school outings etc., because ...I don't eat candy ... and plus the price of a chocolate bar has gone up a buck every year. Forgetaboutsellingmecandy...or Christmas wrapping, or dead frogs. Sometimes it gets a little too much. but this little feller was so cute I would have bought anything offa him, had I had a freaking cent in my pocket.


But...he looked so sad....I'm going to have save some dollar bills and tack them in the soles of my shoes for his sort of thing.


They don't take Mastercard... I asked...he said "huh"........ in his little "cub'" voice.


I hope the little "Cub" isn't mad at Auntie Joan..because he could grow up to be a big bear and burn down my house.

I am so sick and tired

Of Norton.

I have automatic renewal. Does it work. No. I'm taking this shit off of here and going back to AVG. Yes, my credit card expired last year, and I tried and tried to give them my new one. Apparently Mastercard (Canadian Tire Mastercard) want you to put all sorts of codes on it. I found all the codes on the back of the card, but NOOOOOOO...THAT WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Give me a freaking break. I love that they are protecting me, but when finally you can't even figure out whatinthehell they want...I just give up. I really do.

I need a drink.

The same thing happened to me with my laptop two weeks ago...finally I just switched cards and found one that didn't want 1,456 different security codes to process my order. Hey, it takes a lot to make me mad, but I KNEW I was going to have problems with them again. Screw it.

I'm going to ditch this computer very shortly anyway, and I will just use AVG until the time comes. I'm hot! Nothing makes me madder than Norton.

Rant is over.

The rain this past weekend has finally got rid of the snow. What is left is disgusting. My back yard looks like a swamp, or a slew.. take your pick. The birds are on acid. They are trying to eat, screw and find nesting material all at the same time. Normally I keep my patio door open for Penny to come in and out as she pleases this time of year, but I was seriously worried about the birds flying in the house. They were nuts.

My favourite pass time this time of year is watching my anal neighbour. (notice the use of the letter u) sorry it's a Canuck thing. Anywho, the guy is unbelievable. We only have had one warm day, and he is raking his frozen back yard. And he is throwing tree branches over the fence that he has deemed as "our branches" from our trees. If you thought Norton pissed me off tonight, this guy almost put me over the edge. I was waiting for him to go back into the house, and I was going to go outside and inspect the branches... to see if they came from our trees. But that stupid asshole just kept on scraping the ice off his grass. lordyloveadink!!

Even though I was pissed off, I left the branches where he had thrown them, BUT tomorrow, when I INSPECT them and if they don't look like my branches, ...over they go on his side. He's been doing this for 10 years now, and finally I'm going to take action. Maybe just one or two branches at a time and slowly increase the amount. Just to see if he thinks they..fell from the tree lately.. I'm going the screw with his head. And, I will mark them to see if they come back on my side!!

Heh, I love this shit. I know he is a work during lunch time, and I'm at home, so that's when I will be doing my sleuthing. I'm going to put a little yellow marker on all my branches, and if they come back....it's gotcha time. But I still don't know what I will do after that. I'm not good at confrontation, so what I need to do is get a Voodoo doll with his name on it and stick pins in it. Yeah, that's so much better than yelling at him.

So, basically what I am saying is: I'm not going to do shit all, and I will spend a lot of time marking and throwing branches around. It seems like a waste of time, but I just want to "win"...and if I see my marked branches coming back over the fence...I still win..because I was right. But on the downside I can't tell him I win.

So, do I win?

Note: We are moving next year, so I won't see him again.

To my blogger friend

When I first started blogging in 2004 I met a lady who took me under her wing and helped me through the process. I had been blogging for about a year before that, but never opened it up to the public. It was supposed to be my journal. But finally I got tired of talking to myself and put myself out there. It was a little scary at first, but once I got that first comment I was hooked! I was on a lot of chat lines etc. but it was very "immediate"...you had to be right on, and didn't really have time to think about what you wanted to say.

Last week my friend Mary Lou lost her youngest brother Mike to cancer. I just wanted to pay tribute to him and give my deepest sympathy to her family. Mary Lou is very special to me, not only because she was the first person I met on blogger, but because she has a huge heart, doesn't suffer fools lightly and tells it like it is, loves animals and nature to pieces...and is a talented producer in all the plays she directs.

Mary Lou, I know you and you sister Phyliss are grieving your loss this week, and I just wanted to tell you how much I am thinking of you...waiting and watching people die is hard. I have been there, so I know. I know.

Take care my friend.

Joaniebalonie...

The hams in the oven

I don't know squat about cooking a ham. This should be interesting. I would have preferred Rabbit but my sources have dried up since my dad died many years ago.

Not to gross anyone out, but we did always have rabbit at Easter. It was a tradition in the country. Jack Rabbit. Processed ( I didn't say killed) just before they turned from white to brown in spring. My dad's "wabbit pusher" has long since passed away, so I go without. I can get Rabbit here in the city, but it's not the same. I bought it once at a Italian market and the meat was white, it should be brown. I'm thinking they were not wild rabbits. My mom used to pot roast it....and it was so good.

I would bring the wine at Easter. Crackling Rose...remember that shit? We would all gather around the table, and dad would do the toast... First with the Happy Easter up your keister meester, and then we would raise our glasses of Cracking rose, and Dad would say....Crackling Rose Schmucks gut mit hose!! (hose being rabbit in low german). Oh how he loved to rhyme. And just being a silly dink. Damn I miss those days.

So now we got our own Easter traditions going on. We buy a new big motherfricking TV before Good Friday. And bigger than the last. I am sure God is looking down at us with a frown. This transition from a 32" to a 50" blew my head off. (needless to say our old one was an antique)...But I would have rather have had supper with my parents with the pot roasted Easter bunny and some cheap wine.

And here I am watching a 50" TV and eating ham.....it's all so decadent. BTW, the ham was good, I made a sauce for it, with Cinnamon...very very good, plus scalloped tators and carrots and peas on the side.

I didn't get a lick of bookwork done today. I was so busy with laundry, cleaning up the mess with the TV changeover...making a new batch of wine, transplanting plants, everything I could possibly do in order NOT TO do bookwork. I succeeded. We still can't go outside, as the backyard is swamped. And it finally started to rain. But the birds have finally come back. They were chirping with a vengeance this afternoon. I had a whole flock of Robins come in the back yard, and I finally had to go out in the back deck and tell them to KEEP IT DOWN! Good grief, they were nuts. And every now and then you would hear one of them hit a window...jeez they were crazed. I took a video of them, but I couldn't find my cord ...but I will show you and let you hear their deranged behaviour.

Off to watch more TV...shhhhhh. don't tell anyone, because I tell everyone I don't watch that much TV. Well, those days are over!

Eat your hearts out

I am watching the "Ten Commandments" on Easter Eve...on a 50 inch TV!!

Moses had just realized he is a Jew...and is getting back to his roots......I'm trying to stay awake long enough to see the parting of the Red Sea.... because that is my favourite part. On a 50 inch TV!! I don't know why I think this is so great, I watched this movie in a little" show hall" as we called it those days in Altona a million years ago and it was in CinemaScope..much larger than this. Why am I so impressed? I think its the Carbon Monoxide talking.

Right now slaves are being whipped, so I have turned back to my computer.

When Gord and his bro set the TV up tonight, I was less than impressed. It looked so out of place in our little TV room off the kitchen. But as I sit in my little office across from it, I can't stop watching it..........it's so fricking big!!

oh oh...here is the part when Yul Brenner says....bring the Hebrew in.....and is charging Moses with treason, because he is the son of Hebrew slaves.

Okay, I'm taking my glass of wine and going to sit in my old lady chair in front of the TV and wait for the Red Sea to part, then I can go to bed. ...and I know I will laugh out loud , when all the water leaps out of the path of the people, oxen, horses and such, but I never get tired of it. I just love it. It always inspiring to me. Even though it looks a little phony.

Happy Easter everyone. ... as my dad used to say: Happy Easter ..up your kiester mister.....what a guy!!...and then we would have Rabbit for supper... he broke all the laws.

The blind leading the blind

We had an interesting yet scary experience this afternoon.

The smoke alarm went off.

Gord: (sitting on the can) yells out, "take a towel and and wave it in front of it and make it stop."

Joan: I am waving at it, but it won't stop!

Gord: (getting his pants halfway back on) dashes to the hallway and watches me wave.

Joan: It won't stop!... It always stops, but I don't know why it is ringing because nothing is happening here.

Gord: Go down in the bottom level to see if there is any smoke.

Joan: I'm on it. I run down two flights of stairs; and there is nothing. Sometimes high humidity sets it off, but it wasn't humid. I come running back up with my observations.

Gord: 'Well, we got to stop this thing"..it was blowing out our ear drums...I have never heard it ring that loud.

He got a kitchen chair and put in the hallway so he could reach the smoke detector and was trying to disconnect it. (It's the wired in kind, not battery operated). Finally after 5 minutes of deafening ringing he got it disconnected.

Joan: It's still ringing.

Gord: Well, what the fuck!

He looks down on the hallway, and saw the Carbon Monoxide alarm that is in a wall plug, and said it must be that.

Joan: It's not ringing...but the sound was so loud ...air raid sirens man...I can't even tell where it was coming from. So I pressed the reset button, and the ringing did not stop, so I took the alarm out of the outlet and put in on the floor. And things kept on ringing. It was unplugged, so all should be good. Sirens abounded.

Gord: Take the CO detector outside, and lets see where its coming from.

Joan: Grabbed the little bastard and went running out the patio doors. The ringing in the house stopped, the ringing outside did not. This thing was so loud you couldn't discern where the noise was coming from...it made your ears bleed. So, yes it was coming from the Carbon Monoxide detector....then we had to make a decision...were we being gassed ... or not? The only way we could turn it off was by taking the auxiliary battery out of it and putting it back in. OMG the noise was incredible. I thought for sure we would die from the noise. I went through a few things I knew about Carbon Monoxide poisoning and asked him if he was dizzy, or he had flu like symptoms, and he said no...and neither did I. I checked with Penny, and she was chasing around balls in the house, so it didn't look like she was in any danger. I went around the house trying to smell smoke...ahem assehole...carbon monoxide doesn't have an odour.

So we plugged it back in, and turned the furnace on high heat just to see if the monitor would go off again. That would have been the only source of carbon monoxide.

Gord: I don't feel lightheaded.

Joan: My heart seems to beating alot.

Gord: It's supposed to.

Joan: I'm going on the internet.

Gord: Not again!

Joan: No, I'm taking the model number off the detector to see if I can find the manual for it that I threw out after we installed it.

Gord: Okay, but I was thinking you were just going to say farewell to your blogger friends...

Joan: Keep it up....or you are going to be picking up your teeth with your broken arm! I'm busy saving lives.

Gord: Who tells me he has a shit pile of stuff to at the little house we are renovating, is leaving.....leaving me here with a deadly chemical that will kill me and the dog. Although he did say the monitor was not working properly. But still!

Joan: Gets on the internet. And finds the model number and all the specs for the monitor. Scares herself a little bit...but doesn't that always happen when you google shit? Turns out that the monitor will only go off...as it did...when it was taken off the power source. And then there were instuctions on how to take the battery out and put it back in. Which we did. But, my question was....how did it get out the power source in the hallway wall? Well, it took me 2 minutes to figure that out after I read that....sonofabitch....

I had just taken out one of those pellets that you use in your dishwasher and peeled away the plastic coating and was about to throw in the dishwasher, when it broke apart and landed on my kitchen rug in front of the sink. It was everywhere. I wanted to make sure the dog didn't come and start licking up stuff, so I took the rug (which is pretty heavy).... and shook the rug in front of the sink to get rid of anything in there, then took the rug, and placed ... no shoved it in the hallway beside the CO detector. I guess I disconnected it, because it was just after that all hell broke loose.

And Gord just came home , and our ice maker in the freezer has gone to shit and there is frozen water (ice) everyfuckingwhere.

Who called this "Good Friday?"

And I'm not kidding...I't always something!!!!!!!!!

That big TV is still in the box

I'm kind of scared of it. It's still sitting down in the living room. Today I read the spec's. It's 127 pounds. How are we going to get it up here? Plus all the new stuff on it...phew... we couldn't even figure out our Beta...no.. VCR...no..make that the DVD player... Now we will have to re program what is left in our depleted brains cells.

Give me a computer, and all it's components, I am on it like stink. But TV shit..not so much. Plus we are changing providers tomorrow....lord, I am going go have to go outside tomorrow and scoop up a 10 year old kid who is playing hockey in the cul de sac and ask questions. We aren't setting the big guy until this weekend. So, I will have to get the kid's card.

I truly don't look forward for a 50 inch TV flashing around a small space like this. But, Gord in all his wisdom thinks he is doing me a favour. He keep buying stuff I don't want. I really don't need to keep up with TV technology, because I really don't give a shit. Now, if we were talking computers it would be a different story. Television tells you the story, and you can't talk back. But when you are on the computer you are able to tell a story, whether you are on chat lines, blogs, email, facebook, twitter or whateeverthehellyouwanttobe. It's your story, your opinion, no matter how boring it might be. I find it so much more satisfying than sitting in front of the television most times. But, I have this thing. I feel like I am wasting my time watching TV. I really do. Maybe once I retire..hahaaaaaa...I will be able to relax and not be constantly be thinking about ...what I should be doing. I don't do that when I write my blog, because I have carved out a small time line a few times a week to do that. But give me a good British Comedy, or a good movie I will sit down and watch it in spite of myself. And now, it will be on a 50" screen. I think I will have to put on my sunglasses. And suck it up.

The Ruskies were back.

The Russians were back to fix the outside of the house today. Now that we have a little warm weather. There was much Hugging and kissing, and drinking of the vodka at lunch time when we got home. Okay, no drinking of the vodka, and no hugging and kissing. But we did get hearty handshakes. The job only took about 4 hours so they were gone by the time I got home, and I was pleasantly surprised by their shoddy workmanship. I can't believe these guys, they DO NOT know how to caulk. Caulking is easy. They did a bang up job with all the wood work they had to do etc., but when it came down to caulking they flunked. Our bathroom looks like a grade fiver smeared putty on the edges of the surround panel.



Tonite when I came home, they had finished off the outside wood work but it needed putty on the window frames where they had nailed it...and it looks like someone put their hand on one side of their nose and blew a big horking booger in the crevices. And then after they ran out of booger juice, it looks like they took a diarrhea dump on the remaining panels on the front step. Apparently Russians are frugal, and see no need to seal off with any sealant made by Home Depot when bodily fluids will do the job.

This is the new overhang on the front step ... and they done good here. It was rotten, and now it looks unrotten. It's was ugly to begin with. I guess this was popular in the 80's when we bought the house... It really serves no purpose other than loading up with snow in winter and dumping it on your head when you go outside.

The window frames have booger snot on them. Apparently they added some stain before they blew.

Or... they backed up and took there pants off and blew a dirty fart. If they did that, I congratulate them, for getting on the target. Practice makes perfect.

And here they very carefully had squirted diarrhea between the mouldings and the side of the porch. But it looks like they were running low. I should have left them snacks.

All kidding aside, they did good. We paid them in rubles...was that wrong?

Hi Def

Remember this awkward space? Our little TV room off the kitchen?




Well guess what we bought today to make it look even more awkward

Something will have to go. I'm hoping there is a lot of Styrofoam in that box. Because it is seriously huge. 50 fricking inches. And we just blew off our "Bell" dish and went with a local provider which will be cheaper and gives us a ton more of channels. So, I might just be watching TV instead of blogging for awhile. Nah that will never happen. I'm very picky with the television watching. I just watched Pride and Prejudice for the 10th time, while getting our bookwork together for tax time. I can still do two things at once. I'm all prepped for the long weekend and will be doing my usual marathon of number crunching for three days.

It is still very cold here, I just can't believe it. I guess that is a good thing because the spring thaw will slow things down, and flooding will be a little less. I hope. Today the winds picked up and as I was getting out of my SUV at the store it took the door and smashed it in the the next car. OOPs. I checked the car and it only looked like it scraped off some of the dirt on it. I don't think I did any damage....but I got out there really fast. The wind was so strong it just took the door right out of my hand. There is not a clean car in this city, nor a car of truck that doesn't have major damage to the under carriage....with all the pot holes in the pavement.

I have my route to work figured out. If you would be driving behind me you would think I was a drunken ole bitch. I know where every pot hole is and I weave around them. I should be a Nas Car Driver...because I'm getting good at this. Paul Newman would give me the the two thumbs up. I usually drive in the left hand lane going to work, and the trick is to watch your passenger side mirror so you don't drive that asshole next to you off the road when you are doing your dipsie doodle manic looking drive, because you could graze him. There is nothing more scary in the the morning than drivers who looked glazed over, and are sipping coffee, and on their cell phones. You certainly don't want to take about 2 inches of their space, because they are on auto pilot. These are the guys who clunk through every pot hole on their lane, and have coffee all over their faces, and third degree burns on their private parts.

I read a sign on a church post today...it said "when the snow melts what happens to the white?" I'm thinking even the clergy is questioning God's plan this spring.

And by the way, we got a free 10 lb turkey at Super Store today when we bought our TV. Plus we used all the points we had there... plus coupons we had.. and we only paid about 600.00 bucks for the TV. Including taxes.... We rock. and we have a dead turkey. The Easter ham, has turned into turkey again.... Canadians can't get enough turkey.

Here we are again FOFriday

I give my biggest FO to: The weather. I am however looking forward to the flood it might bring next week. I'm bored. This flood could put us on the map like it did on 1997. We were even on NBC, CNN and all the US National news stations. But once it went away, nobody really cared. They just liked to look at a disaster.

Those that were affected have rebuilt since then, and newer and better flood ways and dyke's have been built, but the sigma lives on. We were within a week of having to move out of our house, only because an adjacent river backed up and was starting to flood in a direction they hadn't planned on. It was a learning experience for our Government, but they have since built dyke's to overcome that. Pheww...

But, apparently Joan and Gordon forgot about the flood of 1997 and bought a piece of property about 3 inches from the "bad Red River"... okay we are down about 1/4 a mile giveortake. Our property has been upgraded to flood levels, BUT STILL. I no likey this. Next week should give us a good idea what is in store for us once we build our house. I know floods don't happen every year, but I don't want to have to think about that every spring. It was bad enough when we had the leak in our foundation and our basement got wet every year. No likey, no likey.

On the brighter side, hippychick...who is designing our new house send me new drawings last night, that got me excited. I have to admit, I have been the naysayer about the new house, because I like to nay say. I don't like change. 2 years ago when Gord bought the property I thought he would sell it, I was secretly hoping, because I didn't want to move. But you know, I am finally getting on board. Gord has never ever been afraid to take chances, I however sit in my little world a fuss about every little thing.

We are approaching ..ahem...our senior years...geez....I can't even imagine that! I don't feel any older. Life just blended in. But we don't have any kidlets, so we should spend what money we have on making us happy before we take our dirt naps. We don't plan on leaving much behind should we take that big nap. I really like the word nap instead of dead. It keeps me grounded. arrrh. Anyway, if we are going to do it big this time...it's time to do it now. Health issues might get in the way later...Yessss I still worry about that. But, fuck it. If our property doesn't flood this spring it will be a sign to MOVE ON UP! And I'm taking all that baggage I carry around my neck and tossing it into the river. Let's get the next part of our life rolling.

I won an award

But, I'm still not sure why.

It's the Dardos award. Didn't she mean "Dink" Award? Whatever, I'm keeping this bitch, I have never won an award before. I was crowned with this by ms. Poolie who makes me laugh everyday. I think we have the same laugh gene. She says this award is given for the...get this folks....for

Premio Dardos Award. Premio Dardos means "prize darts" in Italian and is awarded for recognition of cultural, ethical, literary and personal values in the form of creative and original writing.


Well, blow me down and call me a clown. Shit, I'm not even Italian...but I had a uncle who was ..Luigi Pascale...whose real name was Uncle Frank.. He was a ladies man..he could charm the pants off a librarian. I'm thinking the rest of it is a stretch....but it won't stop me from writing absolute crap. More crap tomorrow, I wasn't finished with my flat faced bitch picture series. Now does that sound like someone who has personal values...I don't think so. So, I wouldn't be surprised if I was ummm taken off the list...

Shhh...I'm putting more of my fav blogs on that list this weekend. And all of you deserve it.