Santa had a flat..and running off at the mouth

Yep, that would kick Santa's ass!

I laugh at this one every year, I don't know why, but it just tickles that little teenie funnybone I got going under my rib cage. And it hurts to laugh today because I carried 8000 lbs. of groceries in a carrying cart. Do you wanna know why? Because I never think ahead. My list only contained 3 items. What did I come out with? 987 items. So there you go. That 12 pack of diet cherry fresca was a very unwise move. I think it took out one of my ribs (and now it hurts when I laugh) when I was hauling it to the check out counter.

Guess what? I'm having a real Christmas!!! Just like the one's we used to know. Seriously, my bro is staying in the city for Christmas this year and for the first time since my mom died in 1999, we will be getting together on CHRISTMAS DAY. Usually we meet up around the New Year and do something lame. They always go out of town to her parents place. But this year her parents have sold their home, and are in a care home. It's sad, but I guess the time has come.



This is for real. My nieces will all be there, and we will laugh. We will poke fun at each other and laugh some more at how really dorkie we all are. I will make fun of their low rise jeans with their panties showing. Mind you...I could wear them now too. I tried on a pair of jeans today, and they fit...but you know what? They felt drafty. How oldfartish is that? But I felt a distinct "draft" where the waist left off on my belly and where my bra started. Lord, don't let me start complaining about drafts...it's a sure sign of youknowwhat. This would be a good seque for one of my prolific poems, but I will spare you. But if I would have, it would have been something about being drafty and daft.


The week is coming to an end and I have a trillion things to do. Tomorrow a short wine and cheesy thing at the neighbours, Friday our company Christmas party ( and I haven't even shortened my black dress pants). I was hoping I would grow up...like that would happen.

I have next week off; but that is full too. Christmas at the bro's, and Gord's family over here on boxing day. I have stressed over the menu for a month. Remember last year when I finally decided on KFC? I still haven't forgiven myself for that, because Gord had the H.A. a month later. So we are having ribs HA.. Yeah I know the KFC had nothing to do with it, it was only the thirty years of scarfing down burgers and lunch, and God knows what else he was eating while he was not at my table. That is now history. So, I am not going subject my guests to my meager offerings we usually eat at home.

The menu is:

Baby Back Ribs (in my special sauce) ...which probably is not special at all, but I like it.
Chicken Fingers ...baked not deep fried with a low cal dipping sauce (no one will notice, because it's so good).
Tradition says I have to have meat balls, so SIL will be bringing her meatballs no matter the menu. That is fine, I love them. I always try in incorporate them in my dinner.

Caesar Salad..made to order from my fav grocery store. Low cal...yet yummy.

My 3 bean salad I have perfected since last year

Basmati rice to soak up the juices of the the ribs.

Whole wheat rolls and real butter.

My niece brings the "before" snacks, so I don't have to worry about that. I just have to remember to buy a couple of jars of herring....because I am surrounded by Germans...und ifs dey do nots gets da herring, they get Hitler faces...and yell achtung. It's scares me, so I try very hard to have the exact Herring they approve of. It has to be herring fillets in wine sauce. Some how that doesn't seem right. Should it not be big ugly herrings in a barrel of vinegar? One year I bought Herring that was not on their approved list, and almost lost a limb.Those krauts know their herring, and if you mess with it... gas chamber mein herr. I'm lucky to be alive. Gord explained to his relatives that because I was a Mennonite I was on the lowly totem pole of the Germanic hierarchy. All the Tanta's nodded and put their knitting needles back in their bags. Phew. Death by knitting needle could be painful. Especially if you got one poked in your favourite eye.

Opps ran on again....

Dessert. I was going to make chocolate pie, only because I want it. But, I changed my mind and will get dainties and serve them on one of those old fashioned tiered serving trays. I'm trying to do everything without to much fuss... and I think I can handle this.


My Bro is doing so much better after he had his pace maker INSTALLED... It's much like the Command Start you have installed in your car. The only difference is that he doesn't have to use the remote control. It does it all by itself. He is walking again without too much pain, but still needs his scooter to go on shopping trips. Personally, I can only relate the the word "scooter," is when my dog slides on her ass on my rug. Another reason for wood flooring. Slide all you want Penny, and with any luck you will get there faster than before, and it will be easier to clean up. Win win... Look at how I am counting my blessings..it must be Christmas.



Damn near burned the house down on Saturday. You know those little voltive candles? I took them out of the cupboard, I hadn't used them since last year, and they smelled a little rancid. I didn't think too much of it and put them in the holders. I sat at the computer for a few moments and then the phone rang....I left the room, and within 5 minutes I could smell something and they had burst into fire!! They were situated right beside my straw nativity scene in the dining room. Shite. Thankyoulord it didn't catch fire. I huffed and puffed and blew the flames down.



What's next? Yesterday I burnt the rice for supper because I could not wait 2 minutes before leaving the room to do something else. Yes, it was minute rice... and it was the second minute that fucked me up. or the 5th. I can't get the burned shit off my fav pot. I am going to burn my house down shortly. Just give me enough time.


Psssst: Gord doesn't read my blog, because he says his fingers are too big for the the keys on my keyboard....but maybe he just doesn't know how to TURN ON THE COMPUTER..anyway ... I bought him a GPS system for his truck for Christmas. Are you thinking like I am, how can he ever use that when he can't even use a computer? Well, hell, yeah. He can do whatever he WANTS! Because he needs his cell phone and then....opps... all of a sudden he got smart with technology. He wants the GPS.. he will find a way to get smart with that. I promise.

Holy moldy this is long. Shut up.

I started this blog on Monday WYSIWYG..its stupid and I'm tired

We are just coming down from the latest blizzard today.......again. It has been non stop for three weeks in a row. Isn't it technically still Fall? Well Fall fell on it's ASS.


Fall fell 0n it's ass
And it's been a little shitty
So now it's time
To put on the mitties....


How much lamer could I have made that..... give me a minute...


Old man winter is going down to 38 below tonight. And guess who doesn't have a plug for her block heater. Moi~~ Plow Boy, in all his wisdom jammed the cord in the equipment he needed to put the snow blade on underneath the bumper. I...know ... it makes no sense...but there it is in black and white. I said it. Just to tell you how unbelievably dysfunctional we (he) are...it's always something, or have I said that before. And now I can't even put my baby in the garage to keep her warm.


We have a two car garage. Got it so far? Okay. Thanks for that. The stinking Lincoln has priority in the garage, because she is old, and HE doesn't want her to get all frosty and shit.

We had some work done in the garage this week ...think back to spring...when our basement flooded....the water was coming in from the side of the garage that meets the house. This is where Stinky Lincoln lives and she had to get out. We parked her on the side of our driveway. I will call it her "Naughty Spot." She pissed me off so many times this summer, and if it were up to me, she would winter there. I know she was pissed at me as much as I was at her when she refused to use her brakes just to scare the crap out of me. She wanted to be in garage all snuggled in. Bitch. To fricking bad she played me one too many times this summer.



Opps I just felt another poem coming on


Stinking Lincoln


I know you think you are a looker


But when I drove you


I felt like a hooker





Anywho, she is still out in her "Naughty spot"... and my truck in is her place...haaaaa. And she is covered with snow ..OUTSIDE... I want to see who is going to win this one.





You may have noticed I said we had a two car garage. Not if you are married to someone who fills up the other side with ...ummm used appliances. Don't ask.





Just a note, to anyone who has problems like I do with "glare." My eyes are so sensitive to some lights, and especially the white lights on the Christmas tree I bought this year. Today, I found a dimmer switch for Christmas tree lights at Canadian Tire...score! ahhhh the tree looks so lovely to me now. I can look at it, and it's very pretty.



I was going to make a fire in the fireplace today, but after doing 2 hours of Christmas shopping after work, I plumb forgot to buy a phoney balonie log. We have to get this sucker converted to gas, I hate those stinky waxy logs. At this point an Electric Fireplace insert would be just fine with me. Years ago we burned real wood, but as we grew older...(do you actually grow) when you get older? hmmm. Just thinking out loud..(or would that be thinking out typing)? hmmm once again. Who knew I was a thinker. Nobody, that's who!!



Opps I just felt another poem coming on:



There once was a girl named balonie

Who never had a thought in her head

And when she was asked to explain herself

This is what she said.



This Christmas I asked Santa to bring me

A basket full of brains

Because my old one's were getting weary

Instead he brought me a train.



I think Santa stinks.

Yours truly,

balonie

and if you have read this far...I really feel sorry taking up your valuable time

I haven't done pic's in ages

I've been meaning to put up pics for some time now, and I haven't because there never seems to be enough moments in the day...nevermind minutes or hours. I'm getting pretty tired of that shit. I have had exactly 5 days off since last Christmas. My heart, body and mind grow weary. It's quite here tonight, Gord has gone to a meeting and it's just me and a pot of split pea and ham soup. Which is smelling mighty fine right now. I put it on a little late, but it should be ready...when I am. Exhaling.............



I've been getting ready for the holidays since two weeks ago, and was doing some house cleaning and wanted to show you my progress. I actually cleaned out my fridge. Gone were the fuzzy green peppers, mushrooms, and cabbage ( I have no idea I had cabbage..whoa). +39 Tupperware containers containing .. some reddish stuff yuk. I took a big brush to the fridge and cleaned her up, and then I tackled my very grungy cupboards ......oy it's not for the faint of heart.

She is clean as a whistle... except I can't open the door to the freezer section wide enough, because my patio doors are in the way....so I can't get out the bin at the bottom to clean it. So it stayed ...ummm the way it was. You can't see it...thankdelord.

And look how shiny her coat is. Oops she's not dog, but a shiny coat has she. I even got all the mineral deposits out of the ice maker thingofamajig. Okay, I got a some of it off, but that sucker is a bitch.

On to cupboard cleaning ...stepfordwifestyle:

All my plastic shit is in order. Lids are all in a big container, instead of strewn around the entire cupboard. Measuring cups are in order...bowls etc. are placed back into the sized containers. You know when you have 3 bowls small medium and large, and you never put them back .. one on top of each other..and they start to mutate and start to live a life of their own. You can never find the little one, because it has migrated to the back of the cupboard along with 5000 lids from your frigging Tupperware shit, and those lids don't even have a home, because between you and me, God has taken some of those containers home, and forgot the lids.

This is a "before" picture...of my upper cupboard. Not to pretty is it? I have a noodle fetish. I throw things in this cupboard...or I should say I throw noodles at this cupboard. No, I just chuck everything I haven't got a place for in this cupboard. Unfortunately, I did not take the after picture, because you would have seen all those noodles in a row in noodle containers. I have a filing noodle system going on. I assure you no mice were trapped in there...but it could have happened.

This is a under exposed picture of my boy "slim".... for some reason I can't take a decent picture of him at night...schweinhund!! I think I had my settings farted up...sue me. And my lampshade is crooked, or was the picture taker..crooked.. it's a toss up.

My little critters on the Christmas tree..holiday tradition

Remember Gingerbread man and Ben the moose.......
Gingerbread man is unaware...and singing German Christmas carols....while Ben (the gay moose) is just starting to make his moves. I don't know how it ended, I left them there, and the next morning I found gingerbread man on his cell phone calling his homeys....and saying "score." So, I'm thinking he and Ben will be okay. So that a relief, I hate decent ion under my tree.

Well I had more, but blogger said...E-nuff you cannot post anymore pictures HERE, because it's for free, or for some other dumb ass reason.... you didn't miss anything, the rest were probably of my ugly lazy boy chairs from the the 1990's. I like to show off my stuff held up by duct tape.

Guess what I found?

Bling!!! I'll be blinging everything from now on.

I have no common sense.

snowy day

Make custom Glitter Graphics

heh I kicked balonies ass

Yes, I was a little lax, and didn't expect her to come for a visit in my head; but she made one very important mistake...while she was bitching about me here on my blog, I was asleep, dreaming of better times...and sugar plums were dancing in my head. When, one too many sugar plums danced a wee to hard and it woke me up!! I knew who the culprit had been. Balonie! I ran to my computer as fast as I could, only to find she had posted already.

She had me by the balls, because I was very busy at work, and stressing about Christmas and whatever. But, she is safely tucked in behind my "hard drive"..... until when? I don't know.

I have been moving my Christmas Tree around for an hour. I love it, but it's too bright! It's a prelit one with white lights, and you could light up the whole street with this sucker. I like some mood lighting at Christmas. This tree is glaring at me. It makes me edgy, I want calm. Why don't they put amber lights on them..

So, as much as I didn't want to stress out with the tree, I will do it again. I will move it 564 times, and probably take all the prelit shit off of it and put on some LED lights that don't hurt my peepers. I hate the bright lights. I have always been that way. Glare... I can't find a "slim tree" with LED coloured lights on it. I prefer multi coloured lights......it's so much more like Christmas. So, Slim might just get a changeover tomorrow.... I never quit this at Christmas... please put an axe to my head. I knew I was going to do this, just when I thought it was going to be easy. Balonie has a point. Except about my moustache..... the little bitch.

Wish me luck, because I need it.

Just a note: Where is JimBob? I haven't seen him for ages... I owe the guy 5 bucks! Or maybe I'm boring the crap out of him. I hope he is okay...Mary Lou? have you heard from him.

Balonie needs to speak..beware

I caught Joan at a low point today...and decided to push her out. She's been keeping me at bay for almost a year, but today I put the metal to the pedal and booted her off this blog. She is gone. I can't stand her~ she is a walking turd.



Well, hello! So nice to see you assholes again. Joan was getting a little too complacent and didn't see me coming. I have a lot of shit to clean up around here. She blogs about weather, her stinking dog, and whined forever about the Lincoln. Cry me a fucking river. Take a bus, bitch, if you don't like the way the brakes are working, open the door and stick your foot out and slow er down you wuss. Also, try not to talk about your cooking. I have been watching you, and it stinks! I'm sure Gord is sleeping in the garage in the Lincoln by now trying to get away from your bean salads, no salt, no fat, no nothing casseroles. Your not getting any younger, and by the size of your jowls, no man will have you unless they are into farmyard sex.



I don't know what anyone sees in her...loser. You know what she did last week? No, I guess you don't, because she NEVER ever admits she made a mistake. She just sugar coats it all.



Well, I'll tell you what she did last week, she missed a day. I knew she was fucked all week, and was one day behind, but because she ignores me, and won't let me in.... I can't tell her IT'S NOT THURSDAY STUPID, IT'S FRIDAY. I was watching (hoovering) when this happened on ummm Friday morning at work:



Rob, one of the electricians at work was at her desk when she came into work. He was at the computer because the others were being used.



As far as I could see ...which is not that far, because she puts me at the back of her small brain half the time, Rob was innocently filling out a work order. Her boss, John calls out to Rob. "Rob" did you finish ...job so and so today. Rob says yes I did, I wanted to finish it off before the weekend. Boss say...ummm it's only Thursday. Rob looks at Joan, then Joan looks at boss with a blank stare. Joan says to Rob, "today is Thursday"...what is wrong with you. Rob, is still processing all this information, and Joan had no idea boss was kidding Rob...because SHE thought it was Thursday...not Friday. Boss and Rob go for coffee, and she forgot the entire conversation.

Around 4:00 PM Boss comes to Joan, and says.." We should get this package out today, the customer needs it for Monday". Joan "no brains" ...say no, it's to late for the courier, I will send it tomorrow. Boss, looks a little perplexed, and said.."are you coming in tomorrow"? Joan says..."yeah"...aren't you? Boss says "no" I've got better stuff do with my Saturdays....huh?

I was watching her....and she was like a Janet from another planet!!! I think I have finally wore her down!! She was looking at the calendar trying figure out what day it was, fortheloveofadipshit!! Boss said to her, I thought you knew I was kidding when I told Rob it was Thursday, heh...no she did not, she thought it was Thursday.

She looked a little dazed after that. A day lost in the week will do that to you. That's when I knew she was weak, at it was my time to pounce and get rid of her.

She sat in her chair for about twenty minutes and tried to process it all. Glancing at the calendar again, just to be sure..........now she started to panic..... She hadn't done the Friday computer back-ups, watered the plants, or planned her menu for Friday night low cal pizza. It was so funny to watch her, she looked so confused, yet every now and again, I saw her smile... and I knew she was thinking about sleeping in a day earlier than expected. She drove home that night in a different time zone, still not getting it; and trying desperately to figure out...how she lost a day???

I was still laying low, hiding behind some brain cells she has already killed...and laughing. She actually attributed loosing that day was because she did not make supper on Monday. Her hairy assed husband had not come home that evening because he had a meeting. This event, had screwed up her entire week! A might too organized wouldn't you think? Someone should take a bat to her.

So, now that I'm in charge, things around here will change.

.. Quit talking about yourself and your Christmas trees and shit, nobody cares about that. If you want people to come and read your blog you gotta be like the Pioneer Woman's blog (sorry I don't have the link) because she has me BLOCKED...the bitch...anyway I like that Pioneer Woman, she has some balls unlike someone I know. And she can cook too. And she used butter in everything she cooks on The Pioneer Lady Cooks blog. No wonder I have so many brain cells to hide behind, there is no fat to lubricate them in her diet. What good are size 10 pants if your brainal matter is only size .004.

... Quit worrying about every fucking damn thing. You are making it easier and easier for me to take over..........while I don't mind, I hate to see someone turn into a basket case for no reason...so buck up buttercup....

... Quit trying to control Gord's life. He will be just fine without your infinite wisdom. He is not a child, he is a grown up, treat him like one. If he screws up...hey that's life.

...Get some clothes, you look like a refugee. Those baggy old pants do nothing for your new found figure...You could have found a few sugar daddy's when you were driving the Lincoln if you would not have been wearing your pyjamas.

...Get Christmas happening, instead of dwelling on last year, when Gord wasn't feeling good, and you didn't know he had a problem. He is fine now, enjoy it... who knows what next year will bring.

I don't know how long I will be in her head...normally it's only a week or so, but while I'm here...someone ..... please, tell her to shave her moustache...good lord, she looks like a man.

Slim is still not dressed

He will sit there nakid until the weekend, because I just don't have the time to drag up his Christmas clothes from the basement. It's dark by the time I get home, and I'm always in a hurry trying to get my shit together. But he is settling in. Gettin the feel of the place. Little does he know, he will be moving across the room, poor thang. I hope he doesn't drop all his phony needles with the stress of it all. I might just have to give him a hug before the big move.

My desktop, didn't like the move to the office downstairs. She is such a bitch!! Before I went to bed last night I went down to turn her off, and she was screaming....."my memory..my memory...I have lost my memory!! Well, I tried to settle her down and clicked her head (desktop)...wrong thing to do, because apparently that is where her memory is stored. Not unlike us humans. It's all in the frontal lobe. She was waving me bye-bye, and there was nothing I could to stop her from slowly fading away. And she couldn't even shut herself down. There is no 911 number to call when you oldest best friend is having an incident, so I manually "put her down." It was very sad.

But to be honest, I think I know what her problem is. She was so jealous of my laptop which was now #1, she got depressed. Shit like that happens! I went back down to the office tonight and tried to fire her up. She came back up slowly as usual and stuck tongue out at me. SHE is such a whiner. All she wanted to do was scare me. She knows another computer is not in the budget.

Isn't my life sad. I make friends with plastic Christmas trees, and old computers. I don't even want to go in the basement and see the havoc my old tree has generated now that "Slim" is the centre of attention. It's probably a nightmare. She probably farted on my nativity scene the little minx. I almost said bastard, but it just sounds so ugly...I'm going to stop that.

Is there a "rainbow bridge" for old computers and Christmas trees?

I'm sure that is how "bag ladies" start collecting. That will me in a few years and I will probably hear them talking to me...and I won't have any teeth. The conversation will be da da dimwittydo..
But hey, I do that now.

I will be phoning the Salvation Army, and get them to pick up all the dead, but haunting relics in this house....just to stop the fighting!!!

Busy weekend

I'm getting ready for Christmas. I wasn't going to this year, I had planned to travel to Vancouver, or abroad, or maybe to Prince Edward Island, but the best made plans usually go in the shitter. And the did. I am glad it turned out this way. I would have missed family and friends.

I reclaimed my dining room yesterday. I had turned it into an office and it was pissing me off. I hauled my desk top computer and all the paraphernalia downstairs where I have a perfectly good office with a huge desk made for computing. I still kept a desk up here, because we need to have all our business stuff at hand, instead of running downstairs, and I have my laptop up here. I didn't think I had it in me anymore to do those big moves, but man I loved it. I pushed and shoved furniture around, cleaned, vacuumed, took down the network, put it back together ...without screwing it up. I put little post it notes on some of the cords to the router and what not so I wouldn't forget where they all go, but I didn't need it. I was a computer genius.

I have to recommend more neighbours like I have to you.... I didn't have any Internet last night because I only hooked it up everything back up this morning.....but someone around here has a much better system than me, because my wireless laptop was so fast last night, I had to run around and try to catch it. I stole the Internet. I hope they don't mind. I could always see who was latching on to mine before I encrypted it (I think that is the word..I don't know)..her name was Karen, well Karen if you are reading this...PAYBACK!

I think I may have loosened some of my vertebrae...I seem to be leaning to the left a tad, not politically, only physically.

Then, today I decided to go out a buy a new Christmas Tree. What I decided on was a narrow prelate flocked tree. I like my men that way too. That was probably the attraction. Anywho. I couldn't find a "flocked" narrow tall Christmas tree, and I had a very short time line to do it in. Because, once I get something in my head...I HAVE TO DO IT RIGHT NOW! Well of course they didn't have a flocked one, but I found a narrow 7 footer prelit for 80.00 bucks~~ Score. Of course I had to carry this bastard from the cart to the truck, and from the truck to the house, and then set it up...WITHOUT INSTRUCTIONS... At this point all I could do was walk, nevermind twisting my body trying to put this thing together. But it was easy. Obviously those who put make these trees had my back. And you know, it's very pretty, it suits my living room so much better than the wide ones. I always had such a hard time re-arranging everything to suit the damn tree! He is a cutie. I think I will call him "Slim." I haven't decorated "Slim" yet, because of the aforementioned difficulties in moving one leg before the other, but once the pain killers take effect, I might just go back down and finish him off. heh...ah Slim, me manly Christmas tree.

I will take pictures once I get this all together. I am actually excited about Christmas, and last spring and summer I thought I would never be again. Hope springs eternal.

I can't believe I can actually see my dining room table with out my desktop, printer, scanner, monitor etc. on it. It looks so grown up. Mind you the table is a beautiful teak table, and the chair are cheapo whatever...they will do until we really grow up.

Gotta fly Desperate Housewife's is on. Spell check didn't work...whatyouseeiswhatyouget.

House frau life

I wonder if anyone really appreciates me?...I'm looking at you Gordon. I just did a marathon after work tonight. I do it most days, but I think it goes unnoticed....it's all just here when he gets home and I make it look easy. Why, sure I am usually sitting at my computer when he finally gets home, the I get up and finish off all the prep I had done before.

Fer an instance...

I left work at 4:30 PM. Braved the icy roads to Safeway. I was missing a few items for the supper I had conjured up in my head on my coffee break. Picked up some fish for supper, and began worrying about tomorrows lunch...I'm beginning to hate sandwich meat from the deli, because it has so much salt in it. We only have about 45 minutes to meet and eat at home and go back to work, so it always has to be something fast. I always have a huge bowl of fat free 3 bean salad on hand (it lasts a week)...and it's really good, so that is our veggie, but we only have time to slap a sandwich together after that. So, I thought I would buy a huge box of frozen chicken breasts that were on sale, and bake them in the oven the night before for sandwiches. Lots of times we have leftover beef, chicken etc. but not always.

So I bought a box of frozen chicken breasts (that were on sale). When I got home I had to deprogram the dog, who was had been waiting for me since lunch, play...fake play... whatever... I needed to get the show on the road. After dragging in all my groceries, up a flight of stairs... to the kitchen I was getting a little tired...anyway, the show must go on.

Penny wasn't finished with me yet, we had to throw the ball out the patio door, 4,769 times. Then I lifted my groceries up on the counter and put them away. I realized then, I had bought a huge box of chicken breasts that would need re-packaging in freezer bags...shit. Now I had to repackage it all. I did it. Just a note, those cheap boxed chicken breasts looked abused. It looked like someone had run after them with a sword and tried to swipe off their little breasts. It was ugly. Bastards... But, fortunately I had freezer bags, I never have anything I need! So, I put their little breast souls to rest in a nice freezer baggy. This was time consuming, I had not even started supper yet. It was 6:10 PM when I finished putting them in the freezer. I left out 3 of them for our lunch for tomorrow. I defrosted them, and put a little sauce and them and put them in the oven to bake.

Then I needed to wash out a few pots and pans from the night before that didn't fit in the dishwasher...did that. I put in a new load of dishes that had accumulated under my double sink that I was hiding from two days ago. okay. I know.

Start to make supper. I bought frozen Basa fillets. Ahhhhh...crap another problem. I took two fillets out of the bag and put them under warm water to thaw them out. My microwave defrost cycle isn't kind to fish. So I have to give them a bath.....then did other stuff, clean .. wipe..ignore the dog, pour myself a very large glass of wine. Smell chicken baking ..yum. But that is not for supper, so forget about that asshole. (I was talking to myself).

Dog needs another ball run out the back door. By now, I'm saying...go and freeze your girly parts off, because this is getting OLD. I let dog sit at the door until she learns her lesson. I take her frozen body in the kitchen and put her in the oven to thaw out. Just kidding, I put her the microwave, it would have taken too long in the oven. Anyway, play time had ended, because I had shit to do and I needed all my appliances for cooking, not for dog thawing.

The bean salad had to be put in a smaller container, along with more fresh onions, which I chopped up.

Now I needed to bread the fish. I got together 3 dishes, one for cornflakes crumbs, one for whole wheat flour, and one for the egg mixture for breading. Dipped and flipped and breaded those fillets and put them aside.

By this time my chicken breasts were done. Took them out to cool.

I always make Gord fresh juice every night when he comes home. He is a juice junky. So instead of the crap he was drinking before his "incident".. I make my own. It's not that much work, just throw in a orange, strawberries, blueberries, a half a can of diet Fresca cherry drink or whatever you have on hand...non sweetened pineapple etc. and blend it up. He loves it. Sometime I put in a half of banana...or whatever.

Then, I got the asparagus from the crisper, and popped off the ends and put them in a pot to boil. Then I got out my low fat taters from the freezer and stuck them in the oven.

Waited for the the fish to cook..... then we had supper... mannnnn. It was yummy.

I am always so rushed after work, maybe I'm not organized enough, but there never seems to be enough time. Especially now, that we eat two meals a day at home. I'm always planning something new in my head.

Then I am so tired after that I don't have me no more jam...I turn to jelly and go to bed, and it starts all over again the next day. jam..to jelly. No wonder I couldn't keep up with posting every day this month. Especially with our car and tenant troubles this month. I am surprised I did as much as I did. But, at least talking about it keeps me sane.

I always look forward to the weekends, even if I know full well something will come up and I can't do what I want to do. Something always comes up. I know some of my friends don't understand why I don't do more for myself. For me alone. Well, it's hard to explain. Gord and I are in this life experience for better or worse. Yes, we bitch, natter and clatter...but, we always have had each others back. No matter what. Not your normal marriage probably, but it's ours. It's been a rough go this year with his "incident", our vehicles, etc. and now tenants moving out of our rental building. But, fuck...we are still alive to talk about it. No point feeling sorry for yourself; jest get up in the morning and do it all over again, and hope you get it right the next time.

I so envy some of our neighbours...they have all retired at the age of 55. Where did we go wrong? I'll tell you where, we didn't work for the man, we have our own business. And it took a little longer to hit the jackpot than we thought. It will come. We have a good plan.

Lozza more snow on the way tonight

I don't care...bring it on. I have a 4 wheel drive.

Gord isn't home yet, our rental building has slowly become almost "vacant"...so we are scrambling for tenants. This happens every 5 years or so. So he has been advertising, etc. and is showing the offices to a potential tenant tonight. It's funny how that goes, every now and again when leases are up, or it's time to move on with those that don't have one....poof they are gone! I hate being a Landlord. I hate it with all my heart. But, this is our second income, and it will have to stay that way until we sell the building, and it couldn't come soon enough for me. Once we retire, that will be our cash in the bag. Until then..."grief."


I remembered to charge my cell phone tonight. I never do. I always wonder why nobody phones me. But, now that ole man winter has set in, I'm thinking ..hey.. I might just need to phone someone to pick me out of a ditch or something. So, I'm getting a little better at this, but the only problem is.......... I forget to take it out of the charger in the mornings... I could be dead in a ditch and no one would know. On second thought, if I would be dead in a ditch, I wouldn't have need the phone, would I? Perhaps it's time I went to bed, I seem to be going in circles tonight.

I didn't I'm still here

I need to tell you about my Christmas Tree challenges. I want a new (artificial tree) this year. I am going away from the traditional, and want a prelit frosty looking one. I think it's called "flocked." hmmmmm... yeah. I want a flocked Christmas tree. They look beautiful. I did say flocked didn't I? ...with out laughing....ahhhaaa now I can't stop laughing. I was all over the Internet today trying to buy one, and apparently flocked trees are more expensive than virgin trees. What gives? So, I'm thinking I will just have to buy a big ole can of phony snow and flock my old tree. I never thought I'd be that lonely. But a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

I hope she/he respects me in the morning.

balonie.....

People

I got my my Explorer back. No more Stinkin Lincoln. It was sticky business, and it almost came to the last moment before the big snowfall before we could put er back to bed. Phewwwww. Long story short, Gord found a van that he doesn't really like, and it's my fault because he didn't buy one earlier. Hey, I have big shoulders, lay it on man!

He had to back peddle a little last week when the brakes became wonky, and he took it out during a mild snowfall, and spun out and ended up backwards in someones driveway. He always told me, don't worry about the brakes...just keep on pumping them...they will stop! Fortheloveofcanadiantire.....take it in and get it fixed....no, they still stop if you pump them!! He had a van lined up that very afternoon. Isn't that funny, I bitch about something and until he experiences it...it's not a problem. Jest us ole folks nattering.

That chapter is over. I am sure a new chapter will open. OY VEY... I should have been Jewish, because it is really "always something" around here, you don't know the half of it, and the guilt...oy.

Lots of snow here today. But who gives a shit, I got a 4 wheel drive....winter can kiss my snowy white ass.

My poor Penny Loafer, was really disappointed today when I wouldn't go down and play with her in the snow tonite. The winds were just a howling, and I didn't have the jam to jam with her out in the cold. She is looking at me right now, with those huge sad brown eyes, and it is breaking my heart. But do I want to freeze my ass off? No. Do I want to disappoint a little doggie who has been patiently waiting for me to come home all day in anticipation of playing ball in the back yard? No. So what should I do? Fuck it..... I'm going out...where are my boots?

Just a minute I have a meme type thing to do

This is from Dorie...thanks!

You are supposed to go on Google and type in your name (Joan) needs, and see what comes up.

Mine came up...Open Book: All your Pope Joan needs? I didn't know women could be Pope. You guys can call me "Your Popeness." heh!

I liked the second one best: Its came up "Joan Needs A Man" ha~

The next one was to answer a question using the first letter of your name (J)

Musical Group: Jam Tart ~ is my nose growing?
3 letter word: Jam
Gift I'd Like: A jar of JAM
A vehicle or transport: Jaguar -- cause they gotta lot of JAM
TV Show: JAM - Jam is a British comedy television series created by Chris Morris. It was based on the earlier BBC Radio 1 show, Blue Jam, and consisted of a series of unsettling sketches unfolding over an ambient soundtrack- see I did my homework!
Country: Jamaica Mon
Boys Name: Jamel
Alcoholic Drink: Apple Jamtini
Occupation: Jam Broker
Flower: Jamcyle Lily
Celebrity: Prince Jammy (look it up!)
A word you shout: JUCK THAT FAM

okay, i made a few up.

I know

Joanie balonie....is a turd opps I meant tired...to many diversions.... lots of stuff to tell. Let's talk on Sunday. Put on your helmuts.

I am Memeless

Today was the first snowfall of the season, so of course I had to change my template.

I couldn't find the Meme Brenda said she sent in my email, and Dories link didn't work. What are you people trying to do to me? I guess I gotta make my own. This won't be pretty. And you have heard it all before.

What is your least favourite car:

1979 Lincoln Continental...in mint condition except for the brakes; don't get me started. If they fail some little sucker in a Honda is going to be crushed like a bug.

Does your husband ever piss you off:

Why, yes he does. Because he won't fix the brakes on the Lincoln before spring. He bought a new van yesterday, but I haven't seen it yet, so I am still doing my imitation of a kamikaze pilot on the streets of Winnipeg in the Lincoln..with shaky brakes. He has a myriad of faults I won't go into here right now. Oh yeah, he won't become computer literate....but makes me look up every boring thing he is interested in on the Internet. That sucks the big one.

Why do your shoes smell funny?

Because my backyard is still covered with leaves, hiding the dog's personal toilet. Unfortunately I didn't notice my shoes were covered in fecal matter until I walked in from the patio, through the kitchen, into the hallway, down the stairs to the front door to take off my shoes. A little to late with a trail of shit behind me.

Do you still make your own wine?

Yes I do. My inventory is a little low at the moment. I actually had to go to the liquor store and buy the real stuff. I have some brewing, and actually stepped up the process because I don't have the time to sit around waiting for it to do it's thing. I shaved a week off the processing time. Go me! You know the saying, "no wine is fine before it's time".... time is only in the palette of the beholder.

How is Penny Loafer doing?

Penny turned 8 in November. She has been an a amazing dog compared to the little darlings I had before her. No vet bills in 8 years other than check ups and her shots. Touch Wood! She is slowing down a bit, and I worry about her long back and try not to let her go crazy chasing the ball and squirrels outside. We have so many stairs in this god forsaken house, so it's a challenge for any dog to do the multitude of stairs.

Walks are still a challenge, she still wants a piece of every dog she encounters. So I have sneak around the neighbourhood. So, to keep the peace I put up with it, because I know she will never be any different. She is wonderful to any people that come to our home, but when she is outside it's a different story. She wants to protect us from any intruders. She is..who she is.

Why do you blog?

I don't know. Sometimes I want to just up and quit, and the next minute I want to sit down and write. It's a little crazy. All I know is I am glad I found blogging. I used to go on chat lines years ago, but that got old pretty quick. I don't really know why I do this...it's just something I love to do.

How has the weight loss been going?

Super, I am maintaining about 138 lbs. The perfect weight for me. I have never been obsessed with my weight, it has yo-yo ed from 135-160 over the last 30 years. Usually I can maintain 150...but just when I'm not looking or thinking about it, it goes up. Usually when I am in a happy place. When I am content and don't have a lot of worries. As soon as any shit hits the fan, I cannot eat and and I loose weight like crazy. But this time I am aware of what triggers my moods and even if I feel content, I don't just overeat. Hell, I don't ever overeat. I don't even like food that much. I just relaxed too much and make bad food choices. Not anymore.

I'm even wearing low rise jeans........I still got my mom jeans for comfort, but I got a few ass kicking low risers I wear when I wanna feel young.

What is your biggest fear?

Driving the Lincoln

What is your favourite food?

Barbecued Baby Back Ribs, with rice and salad. Forever. It's been a year since I tasted them. Lordy.

What is you favourite dessert?

I'm not much of a sweet eater, but if I had a choice....Banana Cream,Cherry or apple pie. I lurves anything pie.... with a little vanilla ice-cream on top. The rest can go the hell. Oh, I just forgot I like Carrot Cake, but without the icing. I used to like a cake my mom used to make when we were young. It was a angel food cake, and she would put an icing on it called "gone with the wind" icing. I loved it. It was light and a little crispy after it cooled down. I'm not a good baker, so I haven't even tried to figure it out.

How come you keep changing your templates?

Because I'm getting to old to keep changing my furniture around my house. I used to do that on a monthly basis. Gord never knew where the couch or the bed was going to be after he got home from work. I was ... like crazy....not like I am now...heh. I still pull a few switches, but not like I used to. So, my templates have become my "change of scenery"... it's much easier than trying to move that couch around...or my office...Lord I moved my computer to every corner you could imagine. Thank God for laptops!! I still use my desktop when I am writing my blogs, it just feels right.

What's for supper tonight?

Grilled chicken breasts in mesquite sauce...rice and salad. Dessert: Sliced apples. Have you tried the new Honey Crisp Apples that are out now....yummmers.

Do you have gas?

Why, yes I do. Did you just hear me fart? I apologize ... it was not lady like. It wasn't loud.. Gord always says the "smell was for the benefit of those that didn't hear it." I hope he enjoys it.

I will wrap up my homemade Meme...and you will be left with nothing you didn't know before. That's the way I like it.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my Merican friends....I'll be thinking of you while you are eating all your traditional dishes....like yams, green bean casseroles, deviled eggs, and of course Tom da Turkaaaay. And let's not forget the cornbread. I have never had a green bean casserole, deviled eggs or cornbread.... so invite me down next year, it sounds interesting. I had yams once, and it wasn't bad.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

balonie

Hitting the sack...

I got my memes all lined up for tomorow, thanks Brenda and Dorie...but this old broad has to get her ass to bed tonight. We have had so much crap going on tonight.....And some of it good....

Hey....that never happens.

Pot Roast and baked spuds on the menu

But not without some grief. Nothing ever goes right around here kids. The roast I bought looked "lean and mean." It was only $10.00 bucks that should have been my first hint. When I got it home, it was a fatty Mchatty. The front of it was lean looking as could be, but once I inspected it with my fat inspector eyes...I found fat and gristle to be running though dat dere piece of cow. So, I eviscerated it. I cut it up..I did! I took every piece of fat and gristle out of it, and was left with ... not much. That is the second time Safeway has fooled me with the look of the piece of beef....never again. Bastards! I usually go to Superstore for my roasts, but as luck would have it, Superstore is much further than Safeway, and because I don't have any brakes on my car, I have to take the shortest road home after work so I don't cause a horrible accident which could kill me and innocent people. Hey, don't worry, I know how to pump em when shit comes to shove.

You don't shop on the weekends? Nope. I shop as I need. I never know what I want for supper, and if I buy a whole crap load of stuff, it is stuffed away in the freezer and I never see it again. Yes, I know this is not thrifty. But it works for me.

I never thought I would say this, but would someone send me a Meme.

I can't possibly be talking about my car woes, and lame food issues anymore. I only have about 20 minutes to do this every night and it's getting old people...older than the dog shit in my back yard. Penny?...are you listening.

So, if you don't want to hear me talking about my car, dog shit, pot roasts and Angel Man..sigh.... GIVE ME A FRICKING MEME....RIGHT NOW! I promise, I will make it interesting...I won't embellish, haaaaa...

Yours truly

Balonie

Now isn't that a cute little guy?

He oozes sweetness...for some reason this little guy is still with me, through at least 4 computer crashes. I always find him even though my backup's were sporadic and sloppy.

A couple of years ago I made Christmas Cards with the little guy and the bird. It was a big undertaking because ...well you got to print all that shit out without your printer going AWOL. Which happened many a time. It would print the outside and it wouldn't print the inside...inside outside....let's just call the whole thing off!! Forget it! I like to do something homemade and special, like the cards ...

Let's remember the year I tried to crochet 5 afghans in the month of November, and got carpal tunnel syndrome in my wrist. One could say, she should have started in ...let's say July. Well you would be wrong, because I only move when my spirit moves me. When that force kicks my ass, I am off an running. Nothing stops me. Until my wrist turned on me. Jeez, I can't remember a more painful experience. I couldn't even help"hippychick" move the next summer because I couldn't move that sucker. It lasted a whole year. So, now I will just give presents that require no effort. But in my heart of hearts, I would love to do some homemade stuff, it just makes me feel so good. Maybe once I am retired I can do it at a slower pace and not get so wired. But I wouldn't count on that.

I got me some good fixin's in the oven. Sweet and Sour Pork Chops+meatballs. I have changed up the recipe a bit for our new lifestyle changes....but it sure smells good. I forgot to buy salad fixing yesterday, so we will have it with rice and green beans instead of salad.

It snowed today...yes the first snowfall of the season. And yes, the Lincoln still is without brakes and shit..... Gord's new truck should be here by next week. Wish me luck...while I kiss my ass goodbye. He will get them fixed tomorrow, but I still don't like driving that big mother F*n pimpmobile in the snow... If I don't scream "old fart" while driving it...nothing does. Now I will be the cautious "old broad" out there that pisses everyone on the road off. I hope Angel Man will magically appear in my passenger seat and guide me home. Then, I will take him and his fluffy feathers, jump into the HUGE backseat of the Lincoln and bless him.



buhbye for this year Angel Man... or maybe I will see you tomorrow?

Hey I have great news

I cleaned my fridge. hold on.....Don't be so quick to hit the delete button partners....

There is fridge cleaning... and there is fridge clean up. I did both. I have two hefty garbage bags waiting for de garbage mon. This also includes crap I cleaned out of my cupboards.

The house feels "light".... even as I sit here in my little office, I can hear angels singing in my kitchen. I haven't seen Angel Man yet, but he never shows up until Christmas...the little minx.

I went shopping today, and my brakes went out on me, again. I should stop walking so fast j/k.

Fucking car!!

The poor ole stinking Lincoln isn't used to being used as a family car, and now she is getting cranky and pissing out brake and power steering fluids. All she wants, is to put back in the garage for winter like she was for 20 years. I feel sorry for her, we used up what she had left by driving her so much this summer. Yeah...cry me a river...

I'll take Angel man off tomorrow....so get your fill of him today.... savour the moment.

I brought back Angel Man

He restores my soul... and he's not bad on the ole eye balls either. I bring him back every November..and again sometimes in December, because I like his feathers. I wonder what he is doing for a living right now? Probably making goose quilts in a convent ..with nuns hovering around him.... trying to smell him, while he diligently works at his craft of making goose quilt covers for the needy this time of year. He is my Santa.

Ever since my parents told me there wasn't a Santa (that was the day I set fire to the house) I have waited for him to return, then two years ago I found Angel Man and my hope was restored. ...and here he is again two years in a row. He must be real. Because his picture has not self destructed in my hard drive. I take that as a good sign.

Last year at Christmas I put out milk and cookies for him ..beside the fireplace....and they were untouched, and I was so sad. However, this year I have a plan. Knowing he is part..Angel and part hunky man.... I might set out some treats for the both of them to enjoy. For his Angelness part, I am putting out "clouds in a blanket" unlike pigs in a blanket it won't have a thick covering of lard. I was thinking .."air" trapped between a tempura coating, lightly fried in Canola oil. And for his manly side, I was thinking of going with beef. Until I realized I have a dog and it would be gone before he got down the chimney. So I looked at Angel Man again and again, and came to the conclusion, he probably is a vegetarian. So I am leaving him a head of broccoli wrapped up in ribbon. I was going to do Brussels sprouts, but they look like two balls tied in ribbon...and I didn't want him to get the wrong idea.

I have a google issue..get me a tissue

I am trying to translate a web site from French to English. Google says its done that, but when I get on the web site, it's FRENCH. And Google has says "this web site had now been translated to English." Lying bastards! Non. No comprehend...whatever!

Fortheloveofmike...you assholes (meaning the web site I am trying to go on) why are trying to sell your wares all over the world on your website, and you don't even take the time out to get your webmaster to allow for the choice of ....ENGLISH OR FRENCH? You let Google try to translate it... and you can see how well that went.

I can't believe I live in a country where we can't communicate. We were all told many years ago that if we were going to try to get jobs in this country we would have to be able to communicate in French and English. Our Government spent trillions of dollars putting both French and English on every products we buy, because Quebec demanded it. And now French is a language that is taught in most schools. I don't have a problem with that at all. Everyone should have a second language.

So, why couldn't I speak to the receptionist at the car dealership in Quebec I called today. I can't speak French, she can't speak English.. do we really live in the same country? I am confused. I may as well have called France. Quebec is only ONE Province in Canada, why do they have this power? Why is the rest of the countrty expected to speak their language? Yes, we have French speaking communities in our area, but they can also speak English for god's sake, they don't have to have read labels in French.

Most of this country is English speaking, and to force us to learn and speak French for one Province is absurd. They are the minority, it's up to them to make the change not the rest of us. I pay for that every fucking day I buy a can of soup...and Safeway is obligated to have the French and English sides showing equalling... on each brand and each kind of soup. It's mind boggling.

So that's my beef for tonite. Hopefully tomorrow I will lighten up, because I'm getting sick of myself. And of course the Canadian Government. Bastards!

I'm tired and I wanna go ta bed

Internet: Well, what are you waiting for balonie?

Balonie: What's it to you Internet Scminternet?

Internet: If you are tired, why are you tying up space and saying "dick" all?

Balonie: ummm.. ohh realllllllly.

Internet: Balonie, you might have to re-think posting absolute crap on our dime... every damn night.

Balonie: I pay my fricking Internet provider 40 bucks a month to bore you to death everyday. So put that in your pipe and smoke it .. I'll post whatever I wanna. And guess what, today I had two bowel movements. HA! How anal and boring is that.

Internet: We knew you were full of shit when you signed up, and I can see we were right.

Balonie: Listen up Internets.... when I signed up, I said WYSIWYG...what part of that didn't you understand?

Internet: What we understood by that was: What. You. See. Is. Women. Young. Going (nakid). We totally thought you were a porn site. We were so disappointed when we saw you had no interest in sex as we see it. How old are you anyway? We will unlink you from our porn sites. Your blog has no business in the sex trade. Could we interest you in a new venue for seniors..we call it CYCPOYSA. (Crafts.You.Can.Paint.On.Your.Spouces.Ass). A blog giving suggestions on what to paint, where to paint it, and what happened after you painted it. I'ts still a little sexy, but it will work well for all those that are a little slow on the draw..heh...and for the handicapped it would be a blessing. It's a win win as far as we see it on the Internet.

Balonie: Yeah, I'm in... I'll paint any one's ass for a price. What's your best offer?

Ha.. I love the guy with the rolling pin on my header

Her/his face says everything, no words are needed.

"Take one more step sucka...and you will be wearing this rolling pin." That's the way I've been looking at Gord these days...as he is still looking for a van ..SO I CAN HAVE MY TRUCK BACK!...ohhh sorry I hope you had your volume turned down.

The search is still on. Tomorrow ...we should have a resolution. Or not %^&%$$

And it can not come soon enough. nuff said.

My last load of laundry is still sitting in the dryer from yesterday. I decided it wasn't ripe enough, so I let it sit there one more day, until I need something to wear from that load.

I had such a shit pile of crap to do today after work, I almost stuck my head in the oven. But once I put the chicken in for supper, I was glad I didn't put my head in that dirty pile of crap. I have a self cleaning oven!! But it never seems to clean itself. Do I have to push a button or something? Yeah I know I do. But I don't. It takes two hours, and I have to be in attendance, and I rarely am in attendance in my kitchen for two hours at a stretch. So, for now it looks like the bottom of one of those grease pits where you get your cars oil changed.

You know what pisses me off. Most American companies are still only giving us our money at par. Bastards! They were only too fricking happy to charge our asses off all these years when their money was worth more than ours, and now they won't calculate the exchange rate on a daily basis, like we used to have to pay with theirs. I'm going to start glaring at their flag. I know they don't take kindly to any kind of flag shenanigans... so youse Americans I'm Glaring.. I didn't say I was going to burn it or anything, but if my glare gets too intense, it might just ignite, and that would not be my fault. We have been paying exchange since the 60's fortheloveofmike! Give us a little break..would ya. Phone your President, and tell them Balonie .... is a little ticked.

A girl can't get nuttin done

This girl, had her share of senior moments today....as much as I hate that term, it applied.

Today was a holiday, and I started my laundry at 11:06 AM. (yes I got up before 12:00) on a holiday Monday. I threw the first load in, went back upstairs and had my coffee and read the newspaper. Gord had to go, so I threw some lunch together, cleaned up and did some blog walking. I went back downstairs about 1/2 an hour later, and found that my washer had taken a walk around the laundry room. I guess the load must have been unbalanced and she took herself for a walk. I pushed it back against the wall and aligned it up with the dryer. I thought I would just be able to put the timer back on spin cycle and away she would go. But no. click..click...click. Son of a bitch, I really didn't need this today, because I did babee showering yesterday on my laundry day, ...and I wanted this day FOR MY SELF. So, finally I had to phone my appliance repairman husband. Yes, he mumbled on the phone, I will come home and ..mumble mumble...

He got here around 2:00 PM. He went downstairs, stuck a little screwdriver on something or other and that bad ass started to spin. Well, shit. Just to make a long story short, I tried to put it back on spin cycle when I had the lid open.....welllll, yeah I guess it won't start to spin. Someone could loose a limb. He gave the evil eye and went back to work, and charged me 35.00 bucks for the service call. You would think I would get a family discount, because like we are MARRIED.

It didn't end there. When your day has gone to hell it will stay in hell.
It was almost 2:30 before I found enough change in all my winter jackets and various purses to pay him. heh..

So, I spun the wet clothes out in the washer (with the lid closed this time) and put them in the dryer and put another load in the washer. Then I parked my ass at the kitchen table and did some surfing on the Internet on my laptop. About half an hour I went back down to check the dryer....and they were wet! WTF! Well, I had forgot to turn the dryer on. Good grief! I took the clothes out of the washer that were already washed, threw them on top of the dryer, and threw in another load into the washer. Then I turned on the dryer again, to dry the FIRST LOAD. Can you follow me?

I went back upstairs and decided I had to go and pick up a few groceries while the FIRST load was drying (again). I came back an hour later. Went back down stairs, opened the dryer door, and they were still very very damp!! OYY. Then I looked on the dryer settings, fortheloveoflint, I had it on FLUFF. Cold setting. People, the time was now 5:00 PM in the afternoon and I hadn't finished one stinking load of laundry. I remember putting it on FLUFF or something like that last week to dry some pillows. And left it there.

It's 11:15 PM...and the last load just finished. They were big loads mind you, I don't just put two items in a load, I cram that sucker. And I wonder why my clothes are always wrinkled. Don't tell Gord. I don't need another lecture.

Enough with the negativity

I loved the babee shower. And yes, I fell in love with a babee in attendance. I need this kid, and for some reason she liked me, even though I tapped her on the head with my straw from a glass of coke I was sipping on, 14 times. She wanted more. I turned around at one point and started talking to the people the table, and they would say..Joan..the kid is back for more. Then I would take my straw, and tap her curly head again...and again. Then I fell in love once again. I could do no wrong. Too bad my hormones only started to kick when I turned 62. I might of just made one for myself. Or, I just now started to like the little tots. I have always liked kids, but It's been over twenty years since I have been exposed to them, and hey, they are cute little midgets.

She looks just like her mom, my cousins daughter Jody.


It was fun, they had a private room rented out at "Boston Pizza"...and we were all served pizza and coffee and drinks....and later after the presents were opened we had cake.

It was perfect. And I feel I was such an asshole and wimpy scardy cat. What is wrong with me?

I had such a blast going there with my Cousins wife, who just lives down the street, she offered to pick me up...so I didn't have to embarrass myself driving the stinking Lincoln to a reputable part of town. I did not need pimps offering me deals at a Babee Shower. Ev is such a hoot. We laughed so hard, my ribs hurt. I just love her.

So, my fears went unfounded as usual, and I knew they would. Maybe I should be a canditate for Prozac? Nahhh, I just have to turn my body around and try to kick my ass.

More pics from the shower I didn't want to go to... a little dark, because the room was dark.
This is Portia.....I liked her too.

Melissa, the soon to be Mom with Portia helping opening the presents

My fav niece Lisa....the love of my life. That piece of pizza seems to be floating near Ev on the left, all I would have had done was push it up...and she would have been wearing it. But I didn't. Because she makes me laugh... and of course she was driving ms. balonie home.. I used my better judgement.

It's Saturday Nite Live...........

Yes, it's me Gilda

Sadly, It's just me joanie balonie, the wannabe.

I have to go to baby shower tomorrow, and I am fretting, I don't like shit like that.

All my relatives will be there I don't even really know who she is...well I know who she is, but I don't really know her.

I know I will have a bang up time with my cousins, so I'm going, but I feel a dark cloud over my head. I bought a new pair of jeans today to wear to the baby shower, I hope the baby likes them. I look so cool in them. I have the ass of a 20 year old. If you could erase my face, I'd be a babe. Damn fine jeans. Damn old face.

I hate baby showers. I hope they don't do all the stupid stuff.. and let us go after two hours of so...palesssse.

Just you watch, tomorrow night I will be full of piss and vineger, and showing all the the shower pics. But for now, I hate them. And I don't want to go. And I think I might have the flu...or pink eye...or a bladder infection. Opp's jest fell off my chair, and I think I wrenched my shoulder. Let's see if that get's me off the hook.

The two people I loved more than life itself

Would have been married 71 years on Sunday. Here they are cleaning up the garden at my house the year before my dad died. They loved our shared garden. I wasn't helping... as you might have noticed, I was sitting at the picnic table have a martini. Yelling at them...hey.. people, this Garden won't clean itself up...hubba hubba. I offered up my garden to my parents after they retired (when my dad was 72) go figure. They used to have a garden plot closer to them, but after we bought our new house, and it had the world's largest garden.....I had to give it to them, before they found out I had a "black thumb". I am sure my mom thought she had taught me all the gardening stuff when we lived in the country. But, I was not paying attention, because if she would have planted "boys"...I would have been all over that. But that didn't happen. I didn't plant, weed and harvest nuthin, that didn't have boys in it.

We had a great time in our shared garden for about ten years. Mom and Dad would come over about twice a week to weed, water and fondle the plants after I came home after work. I really looked forward to those visits. My dogs were so crazy about them too, they knew the precise time they would arrive on those two days, and went looney when they saw them pulling up the driveway. Wiggles, my little black poodle couldn't wait till Mom (who always drank Pepsi) would put down her glass and give her what was left of it. How we laughed. We ususally sat at the old time picnic table ..the bench type. But I had lawn chairs scattered around the garden area too, and one day my dad decided to have a rest on one of them. Unfortunatley the ground was uneven and he went over backwards!!! God, it scared the crap out of me...but he just rolled out of it...got up, with his drink in hand. He did not spill a drop. We laughed some more.


My dad was my fishing buddy, or maybe I was his. We loved fishing. In my younger years we would fish anywhere there was a body of water. He taught me how to bait a hook, how to tell if a fish was nibbling, and how to reel him in. My mom taught me how to cook them. Catfish.... yummm ... I can just taste them now fried in butter. My bro and me like the tails best. Mom used to crisp them up in the pan just for us. I think Ketchup was involved later.

How I miss those days. Family. I don't have any left except my brother and his family, but it's just not the same without the parents. We seem to go our own ways.

Happy Anniversay you two.....you don't know how lonely it is without you.

I'm not a quitter...

I'll just fight to the end.

My bud Special K fell by the wayside yesterday too with NABLOPOMO, because she fell asleep after a hard day on the streets of Calgary on her comfy sofa. Yeah, I know..two fells in a sentence is kinda weird, but how could I have prevented that. Now, I could have restructured that sentence, by saying my friend Special K fell asleep by the wayside yesterday after a hard day on the streets of Calgary, oops that may have made her look like a hooker, so I chose not to say that. OR, I could have said, my friend from Calgary fell asleep because Calgary has hard streets. Never the less, it's bye bye NABLOPOMO for the both of us. She didn't seem to have the spirit to go on. Well, I'm just a little (alot) older than her, and I will fight thems NABLOPOMO people. Just because you lost a limb, doesn't make you not want to go back to war! Heh..... I am an crusty ole bitch. And I only restructure my sentences to suit myself.

Are you there Kat?.....let's show them what we are made of. Come on....you can do it...momma says!

Actually, I went through the Randonizer today, and there are a ton of people who only heard of it after it started and they got on board late. So, it really isn't a big deal. Yes, I knew the rules, but I don't think it's meant to be a marathon. Do your best...and meet a lot of new people...that is the actual spirit of this I think. I'm going to enjoy it whether I missed a day or not.

I'm still pretending Nablopomo doesn't know something I am hiding

Ahhh shits...they will catch me. I tried to change the dates in (edit posts)..I know!, I was going to cheat. What does that say about my character?...well, maybe I always like to win. I totally fucked myself up. I have to pay the consequences..........unless they don't notice...heh

If I post really small, I just might be under their radar.... What if they have a prize for the blogger that try's to screw the NABLOPOMO system? I would think they would have something like a "Creative explanation for not posting on the day you were supposed to." AND still give me a prize for going to bed with a really hot 63 year old guy with a gimpy leg and a heart condition and forgot about posting. I should win a prize for that. I should win the Nobel prize.