I am Memeless

Today was the first snowfall of the season, so of course I had to change my template.

I couldn't find the Meme Brenda said she sent in my email, and Dories link didn't work. What are you people trying to do to me? I guess I gotta make my own. This won't be pretty. And you have heard it all before.

What is your least favourite car:

1979 Lincoln Continental...in mint condition except for the brakes; don't get me started. If they fail some little sucker in a Honda is going to be crushed like a bug.

Does your husband ever piss you off:

Why, yes he does. Because he won't fix the brakes on the Lincoln before spring. He bought a new van yesterday, but I haven't seen it yet, so I am still doing my imitation of a kamikaze pilot on the streets of Winnipeg in the Lincoln..with shaky brakes. He has a myriad of faults I won't go into here right now. Oh yeah, he won't become computer literate....but makes me look up every boring thing he is interested in on the Internet. That sucks the big one.

Why do your shoes smell funny?

Because my backyard is still covered with leaves, hiding the dog's personal toilet. Unfortunately I didn't notice my shoes were covered in fecal matter until I walked in from the patio, through the kitchen, into the hallway, down the stairs to the front door to take off my shoes. A little to late with a trail of shit behind me.

Do you still make your own wine?

Yes I do. My inventory is a little low at the moment. I actually had to go to the liquor store and buy the real stuff. I have some brewing, and actually stepped up the process because I don't have the time to sit around waiting for it to do it's thing. I shaved a week off the processing time. Go me! You know the saying, "no wine is fine before it's time".... time is only in the palette of the beholder.

How is Penny Loafer doing?

Penny turned 8 in November. She has been an a amazing dog compared to the little darlings I had before her. No vet bills in 8 years other than check ups and her shots. Touch Wood! She is slowing down a bit, and I worry about her long back and try not to let her go crazy chasing the ball and squirrels outside. We have so many stairs in this god forsaken house, so it's a challenge for any dog to do the multitude of stairs.

Walks are still a challenge, she still wants a piece of every dog she encounters. So I have sneak around the neighbourhood. So, to keep the peace I put up with it, because I know she will never be any different. She is wonderful to any people that come to our home, but when she is outside it's a different story. She wants to protect us from any intruders. She is..who she is.

Why do you blog?

I don't know. Sometimes I want to just up and quit, and the next minute I want to sit down and write. It's a little crazy. All I know is I am glad I found blogging. I used to go on chat lines years ago, but that got old pretty quick. I don't really know why I do this...it's just something I love to do.

How has the weight loss been going?

Super, I am maintaining about 138 lbs. The perfect weight for me. I have never been obsessed with my weight, it has yo-yo ed from 135-160 over the last 30 years. Usually I can maintain 150...but just when I'm not looking or thinking about it, it goes up. Usually when I am in a happy place. When I am content and don't have a lot of worries. As soon as any shit hits the fan, I cannot eat and and I loose weight like crazy. But this time I am aware of what triggers my moods and even if I feel content, I don't just overeat. Hell, I don't ever overeat. I don't even like food that much. I just relaxed too much and make bad food choices. Not anymore.

I'm even wearing low rise jeans........I still got my mom jeans for comfort, but I got a few ass kicking low risers I wear when I wanna feel young.

What is your biggest fear?

Driving the Lincoln

What is your favourite food?

Barbecued Baby Back Ribs, with rice and salad. Forever. It's been a year since I tasted them. Lordy.

What is you favourite dessert?

I'm not much of a sweet eater, but if I had a choice....Banana Cream,Cherry or apple pie. I lurves anything pie.... with a little vanilla ice-cream on top. The rest can go the hell. Oh, I just forgot I like Carrot Cake, but without the icing. I used to like a cake my mom used to make when we were young. It was a angel food cake, and she would put an icing on it called "gone with the wind" icing. I loved it. It was light and a little crispy after it cooled down. I'm not a good baker, so I haven't even tried to figure it out.

How come you keep changing your templates?

Because I'm getting to old to keep changing my furniture around my house. I used to do that on a monthly basis. Gord never knew where the couch or the bed was going to be after he got home from work. I was ... like crazy....not like I am now...heh. I still pull a few switches, but not like I used to. So, my templates have become my "change of scenery"... it's much easier than trying to move that couch around...or my office...Lord I moved my computer to every corner you could imagine. Thank God for laptops!! I still use my desktop when I am writing my blogs, it just feels right.

What's for supper tonight?

Grilled chicken breasts in mesquite sauce...rice and salad. Dessert: Sliced apples. Have you tried the new Honey Crisp Apples that are out now....yummmers.

Do you have gas?

Why, yes I do. Did you just hear me fart? I apologize ... it was not lady like. It wasn't loud.. Gord always says the "smell was for the benefit of those that didn't hear it." I hope he enjoys it.

I will wrap up my homemade Meme...and you will be left with nothing you didn't know before. That's the way I like it.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my Merican friends....I'll be thinking of you while you are eating all your traditional dishes....like yams, green bean casseroles, deviled eggs, and of course Tom da Turkaaaay. And let's not forget the cornbread. I have never had a green bean casserole, deviled eggs or cornbread.... so invite me down next year, it sounds interesting. I had yams once, and it wasn't bad.

Happy Thanksgiving!!

balonie

Hitting the sack...

I got my memes all lined up for tomorow, thanks Brenda and Dorie...but this old broad has to get her ass to bed tonight. We have had so much crap going on tonight.....And some of it good....

Hey....that never happens.

Pot Roast and baked spuds on the menu

But not without some grief. Nothing ever goes right around here kids. The roast I bought looked "lean and mean." It was only $10.00 bucks that should have been my first hint. When I got it home, it was a fatty Mchatty. The front of it was lean looking as could be, but once I inspected it with my fat inspector eyes...I found fat and gristle to be running though dat dere piece of cow. So, I eviscerated it. I cut it up..I did! I took every piece of fat and gristle out of it, and was left with ... not much. That is the second time Safeway has fooled me with the look of the piece of beef....never again. Bastards! I usually go to Superstore for my roasts, but as luck would have it, Superstore is much further than Safeway, and because I don't have any brakes on my car, I have to take the shortest road home after work so I don't cause a horrible accident which could kill me and innocent people. Hey, don't worry, I know how to pump em when shit comes to shove.

You don't shop on the weekends? Nope. I shop as I need. I never know what I want for supper, and if I buy a whole crap load of stuff, it is stuffed away in the freezer and I never see it again. Yes, I know this is not thrifty. But it works for me.

I never thought I would say this, but would someone send me a Meme.

I can't possibly be talking about my car woes, and lame food issues anymore. I only have about 20 minutes to do this every night and it's getting old people...older than the dog shit in my back yard. Penny?...are you listening.

So, if you don't want to hear me talking about my car, dog shit, pot roasts and Angel Man..sigh.... GIVE ME A FRICKING MEME....RIGHT NOW! I promise, I will make it interesting...I won't embellish, haaaaa...

Yours truly

Balonie

Now isn't that a cute little guy?

He oozes sweetness...for some reason this little guy is still with me, through at least 4 computer crashes. I always find him even though my backup's were sporadic and sloppy.

A couple of years ago I made Christmas Cards with the little guy and the bird. It was a big undertaking because ...well you got to print all that shit out without your printer going AWOL. Which happened many a time. It would print the outside and it wouldn't print the inside...inside outside....let's just call the whole thing off!! Forget it! I like to do something homemade and special, like the cards ...

Let's remember the year I tried to crochet 5 afghans in the month of November, and got carpal tunnel syndrome in my wrist. One could say, she should have started in ...let's say July. Well you would be wrong, because I only move when my spirit moves me. When that force kicks my ass, I am off an running. Nothing stops me. Until my wrist turned on me. Jeez, I can't remember a more painful experience. I couldn't even help"hippychick" move the next summer because I couldn't move that sucker. It lasted a whole year. So, now I will just give presents that require no effort. But in my heart of hearts, I would love to do some homemade stuff, it just makes me feel so good. Maybe once I am retired I can do it at a slower pace and not get so wired. But I wouldn't count on that.

I got me some good fixin's in the oven. Sweet and Sour Pork Chops+meatballs. I have changed up the recipe a bit for our new lifestyle changes....but it sure smells good. I forgot to buy salad fixing yesterday, so we will have it with rice and green beans instead of salad.

It snowed today...yes the first snowfall of the season. And yes, the Lincoln still is without brakes and shit..... Gord's new truck should be here by next week. Wish me luck...while I kiss my ass goodbye. He will get them fixed tomorrow, but I still don't like driving that big mother F*n pimpmobile in the snow... If I don't scream "old fart" while driving it...nothing does. Now I will be the cautious "old broad" out there that pisses everyone on the road off. I hope Angel Man will magically appear in my passenger seat and guide me home. Then, I will take him and his fluffy feathers, jump into the HUGE backseat of the Lincoln and bless him.



buhbye for this year Angel Man... or maybe I will see you tomorrow?

Hey I have great news

I cleaned my fridge. hold on.....Don't be so quick to hit the delete button partners....

There is fridge cleaning... and there is fridge clean up. I did both. I have two hefty garbage bags waiting for de garbage mon. This also includes crap I cleaned out of my cupboards.

The house feels "light".... even as I sit here in my little office, I can hear angels singing in my kitchen. I haven't seen Angel Man yet, but he never shows up until Christmas...the little minx.

I went shopping today, and my brakes went out on me, again. I should stop walking so fast j/k.

Fucking car!!

The poor ole stinking Lincoln isn't used to being used as a family car, and now she is getting cranky and pissing out brake and power steering fluids. All she wants, is to put back in the garage for winter like she was for 20 years. I feel sorry for her, we used up what she had left by driving her so much this summer. Yeah...cry me a river...

I'll take Angel man off tomorrow....so get your fill of him today.... savour the moment.

I brought back Angel Man

He restores my soul... and he's not bad on the ole eye balls either. I bring him back every November..and again sometimes in December, because I like his feathers. I wonder what he is doing for a living right now? Probably making goose quilts in a convent ..with nuns hovering around him.... trying to smell him, while he diligently works at his craft of making goose quilt covers for the needy this time of year. He is my Santa.

Ever since my parents told me there wasn't a Santa (that was the day I set fire to the house) I have waited for him to return, then two years ago I found Angel Man and my hope was restored. ...and here he is again two years in a row. He must be real. Because his picture has not self destructed in my hard drive. I take that as a good sign.

Last year at Christmas I put out milk and cookies for him ..beside the fireplace....and they were untouched, and I was so sad. However, this year I have a plan. Knowing he is part..Angel and part hunky man.... I might set out some treats for the both of them to enjoy. For his Angelness part, I am putting out "clouds in a blanket" unlike pigs in a blanket it won't have a thick covering of lard. I was thinking .."air" trapped between a tempura coating, lightly fried in Canola oil. And for his manly side, I was thinking of going with beef. Until I realized I have a dog and it would be gone before he got down the chimney. So I looked at Angel Man again and again, and came to the conclusion, he probably is a vegetarian. So I am leaving him a head of broccoli wrapped up in ribbon. I was going to do Brussels sprouts, but they look like two balls tied in ribbon...and I didn't want him to get the wrong idea.

I have a google issue..get me a tissue

I am trying to translate a web site from French to English. Google says its done that, but when I get on the web site, it's FRENCH. And Google has says "this web site had now been translated to English." Lying bastards! Non. No comprehend...whatever!

Fortheloveofmike...you assholes (meaning the web site I am trying to go on) why are trying to sell your wares all over the world on your website, and you don't even take the time out to get your webmaster to allow for the choice of ....ENGLISH OR FRENCH? You let Google try to translate it... and you can see how well that went.

I can't believe I live in a country where we can't communicate. We were all told many years ago that if we were going to try to get jobs in this country we would have to be able to communicate in French and English. Our Government spent trillions of dollars putting both French and English on every products we buy, because Quebec demanded it. And now French is a language that is taught in most schools. I don't have a problem with that at all. Everyone should have a second language.

So, why couldn't I speak to the receptionist at the car dealership in Quebec I called today. I can't speak French, she can't speak English.. do we really live in the same country? I am confused. I may as well have called France. Quebec is only ONE Province in Canada, why do they have this power? Why is the rest of the countrty expected to speak their language? Yes, we have French speaking communities in our area, but they can also speak English for god's sake, they don't have to have read labels in French.

Most of this country is English speaking, and to force us to learn and speak French for one Province is absurd. They are the minority, it's up to them to make the change not the rest of us. I pay for that every fucking day I buy a can of soup...and Safeway is obligated to have the French and English sides showing equalling... on each brand and each kind of soup. It's mind boggling.

So that's my beef for tonite. Hopefully tomorrow I will lighten up, because I'm getting sick of myself. And of course the Canadian Government. Bastards!

I'm tired and I wanna go ta bed

Internet: Well, what are you waiting for balonie?

Balonie: What's it to you Internet Scminternet?

Internet: If you are tired, why are you tying up space and saying "dick" all?

Balonie: ummm.. ohh realllllllly.

Internet: Balonie, you might have to re-think posting absolute crap on our dime... every damn night.

Balonie: I pay my fricking Internet provider 40 bucks a month to bore you to death everyday. So put that in your pipe and smoke it .. I'll post whatever I wanna. And guess what, today I had two bowel movements. HA! How anal and boring is that.

Internet: We knew you were full of shit when you signed up, and I can see we were right.

Balonie: Listen up Internets.... when I signed up, I said WYSIWYG...what part of that didn't you understand?

Internet: What we understood by that was: What. You. See. Is. Women. Young. Going (nakid). We totally thought you were a porn site. We were so disappointed when we saw you had no interest in sex as we see it. How old are you anyway? We will unlink you from our porn sites. Your blog has no business in the sex trade. Could we interest you in a new venue for seniors..we call it CYCPOYSA. (Crafts.You.Can.Paint.On.Your.Spouces.Ass). A blog giving suggestions on what to paint, where to paint it, and what happened after you painted it. I'ts still a little sexy, but it will work well for all those that are a little slow on the draw..heh...and for the handicapped it would be a blessing. It's a win win as far as we see it on the Internet.

Balonie: Yeah, I'm in... I'll paint any one's ass for a price. What's your best offer?

Ha.. I love the guy with the rolling pin on my header

Her/his face says everything, no words are needed.

"Take one more step sucka...and you will be wearing this rolling pin." That's the way I've been looking at Gord these days...as he is still looking for a van ..SO I CAN HAVE MY TRUCK BACK!...ohhh sorry I hope you had your volume turned down.

The search is still on. Tomorrow ...we should have a resolution. Or not %^&%$$

And it can not come soon enough. nuff said.

My last load of laundry is still sitting in the dryer from yesterday. I decided it wasn't ripe enough, so I let it sit there one more day, until I need something to wear from that load.

I had such a shit pile of crap to do today after work, I almost stuck my head in the oven. But once I put the chicken in for supper, I was glad I didn't put my head in that dirty pile of crap. I have a self cleaning oven!! But it never seems to clean itself. Do I have to push a button or something? Yeah I know I do. But I don't. It takes two hours, and I have to be in attendance, and I rarely am in attendance in my kitchen for two hours at a stretch. So, for now it looks like the bottom of one of those grease pits where you get your cars oil changed.

You know what pisses me off. Most American companies are still only giving us our money at par. Bastards! They were only too fricking happy to charge our asses off all these years when their money was worth more than ours, and now they won't calculate the exchange rate on a daily basis, like we used to have to pay with theirs. I'm going to start glaring at their flag. I know they don't take kindly to any kind of flag shenanigans... so youse Americans I'm Glaring.. I didn't say I was going to burn it or anything, but if my glare gets too intense, it might just ignite, and that would not be my fault. We have been paying exchange since the 60's fortheloveofmike! Give us a little break..would ya. Phone your President, and tell them Balonie .... is a little ticked.

A girl can't get nuttin done

This girl, had her share of senior moments today....as much as I hate that term, it applied.

Today was a holiday, and I started my laundry at 11:06 AM. (yes I got up before 12:00) on a holiday Monday. I threw the first load in, went back upstairs and had my coffee and read the newspaper. Gord had to go, so I threw some lunch together, cleaned up and did some blog walking. I went back downstairs about 1/2 an hour later, and found that my washer had taken a walk around the laundry room. I guess the load must have been unbalanced and she took herself for a walk. I pushed it back against the wall and aligned it up with the dryer. I thought I would just be able to put the timer back on spin cycle and away she would go. But no. click..click...click. Son of a bitch, I really didn't need this today, because I did babee showering yesterday on my laundry day, ...and I wanted this day FOR MY SELF. So, finally I had to phone my appliance repairman husband. Yes, he mumbled on the phone, I will come home and ..mumble mumble...

He got here around 2:00 PM. He went downstairs, stuck a little screwdriver on something or other and that bad ass started to spin. Well, shit. Just to make a long story short, I tried to put it back on spin cycle when I had the lid open.....welllll, yeah I guess it won't start to spin. Someone could loose a limb. He gave the evil eye and went back to work, and charged me 35.00 bucks for the service call. You would think I would get a family discount, because like we are MARRIED.

It didn't end there. When your day has gone to hell it will stay in hell.
It was almost 2:30 before I found enough change in all my winter jackets and various purses to pay him. heh..

So, I spun the wet clothes out in the washer (with the lid closed this time) and put them in the dryer and put another load in the washer. Then I parked my ass at the kitchen table and did some surfing on the Internet on my laptop. About half an hour I went back down to check the dryer....and they were wet! WTF! Well, I had forgot to turn the dryer on. Good grief! I took the clothes out of the washer that were already washed, threw them on top of the dryer, and threw in another load into the washer. Then I turned on the dryer again, to dry the FIRST LOAD. Can you follow me?

I went back upstairs and decided I had to go and pick up a few groceries while the FIRST load was drying (again). I came back an hour later. Went back down stairs, opened the dryer door, and they were still very very damp!! OYY. Then I looked on the dryer settings, fortheloveoflint, I had it on FLUFF. Cold setting. People, the time was now 5:00 PM in the afternoon and I hadn't finished one stinking load of laundry. I remember putting it on FLUFF or something like that last week to dry some pillows. And left it there.

It's 11:15 PM...and the last load just finished. They were big loads mind you, I don't just put two items in a load, I cram that sucker. And I wonder why my clothes are always wrinkled. Don't tell Gord. I don't need another lecture.

Enough with the negativity

I loved the babee shower. And yes, I fell in love with a babee in attendance. I need this kid, and for some reason she liked me, even though I tapped her on the head with my straw from a glass of coke I was sipping on, 14 times. She wanted more. I turned around at one point and started talking to the people the table, and they would say..Joan..the kid is back for more. Then I would take my straw, and tap her curly head again...and again. Then I fell in love once again. I could do no wrong. Too bad my hormones only started to kick when I turned 62. I might of just made one for myself. Or, I just now started to like the little tots. I have always liked kids, but It's been over twenty years since I have been exposed to them, and hey, they are cute little midgets.

She looks just like her mom, my cousins daughter Jody.


It was fun, they had a private room rented out at "Boston Pizza"...and we were all served pizza and coffee and drinks....and later after the presents were opened we had cake.

It was perfect. And I feel I was such an asshole and wimpy scardy cat. What is wrong with me?

I had such a blast going there with my Cousins wife, who just lives down the street, she offered to pick me up...so I didn't have to embarrass myself driving the stinking Lincoln to a reputable part of town. I did not need pimps offering me deals at a Babee Shower. Ev is such a hoot. We laughed so hard, my ribs hurt. I just love her.

So, my fears went unfounded as usual, and I knew they would. Maybe I should be a canditate for Prozac? Nahhh, I just have to turn my body around and try to kick my ass.

More pics from the shower I didn't want to go to... a little dark, because the room was dark.
This is Portia.....I liked her too.

Melissa, the soon to be Mom with Portia helping opening the presents

My fav niece Lisa....the love of my life. That piece of pizza seems to be floating near Ev on the left, all I would have had done was push it up...and she would have been wearing it. But I didn't. Because she makes me laugh... and of course she was driving ms. balonie home.. I used my better judgement.

It's Saturday Nite Live...........

Yes, it's me Gilda

Sadly, It's just me joanie balonie, the wannabe.

I have to go to baby shower tomorrow, and I am fretting, I don't like shit like that.

All my relatives will be there I don't even really know who she is...well I know who she is, but I don't really know her.

I know I will have a bang up time with my cousins, so I'm going, but I feel a dark cloud over my head. I bought a new pair of jeans today to wear to the baby shower, I hope the baby likes them. I look so cool in them. I have the ass of a 20 year old. If you could erase my face, I'd be a babe. Damn fine jeans. Damn old face.

I hate baby showers. I hope they don't do all the stupid stuff.. and let us go after two hours of so...palesssse.

Just you watch, tomorrow night I will be full of piss and vineger, and showing all the the shower pics. But for now, I hate them. And I don't want to go. And I think I might have the flu...or pink eye...or a bladder infection. Opp's jest fell off my chair, and I think I wrenched my shoulder. Let's see if that get's me off the hook.

The two people I loved more than life itself

Would have been married 71 years on Sunday. Here they are cleaning up the garden at my house the year before my dad died. They loved our shared garden. I wasn't helping... as you might have noticed, I was sitting at the picnic table have a martini. Yelling at them...hey.. people, this Garden won't clean itself up...hubba hubba. I offered up my garden to my parents after they retired (when my dad was 72) go figure. They used to have a garden plot closer to them, but after we bought our new house, and it had the world's largest garden.....I had to give it to them, before they found out I had a "black thumb". I am sure my mom thought she had taught me all the gardening stuff when we lived in the country. But, I was not paying attention, because if she would have planted "boys"...I would have been all over that. But that didn't happen. I didn't plant, weed and harvest nuthin, that didn't have boys in it.

We had a great time in our shared garden for about ten years. Mom and Dad would come over about twice a week to weed, water and fondle the plants after I came home after work. I really looked forward to those visits. My dogs were so crazy about them too, they knew the precise time they would arrive on those two days, and went looney when they saw them pulling up the driveway. Wiggles, my little black poodle couldn't wait till Mom (who always drank Pepsi) would put down her glass and give her what was left of it. How we laughed. We ususally sat at the old time picnic table ..the bench type. But I had lawn chairs scattered around the garden area too, and one day my dad decided to have a rest on one of them. Unfortunatley the ground was uneven and he went over backwards!!! God, it scared the crap out of me...but he just rolled out of it...got up, with his drink in hand. He did not spill a drop. We laughed some more.


My dad was my fishing buddy, or maybe I was his. We loved fishing. In my younger years we would fish anywhere there was a body of water. He taught me how to bait a hook, how to tell if a fish was nibbling, and how to reel him in. My mom taught me how to cook them. Catfish.... yummm ... I can just taste them now fried in butter. My bro and me like the tails best. Mom used to crisp them up in the pan just for us. I think Ketchup was involved later.

How I miss those days. Family. I don't have any left except my brother and his family, but it's just not the same without the parents. We seem to go our own ways.

Happy Anniversay you two.....you don't know how lonely it is without you.

I'm not a quitter...

I'll just fight to the end.

My bud Special K fell by the wayside yesterday too with NABLOPOMO, because she fell asleep after a hard day on the streets of Calgary on her comfy sofa. Yeah, I know..two fells in a sentence is kinda weird, but how could I have prevented that. Now, I could have restructured that sentence, by saying my friend Special K fell asleep by the wayside yesterday after a hard day on the streets of Calgary, oops that may have made her look like a hooker, so I chose not to say that. OR, I could have said, my friend from Calgary fell asleep because Calgary has hard streets. Never the less, it's bye bye NABLOPOMO for the both of us. She didn't seem to have the spirit to go on. Well, I'm just a little (alot) older than her, and I will fight thems NABLOPOMO people. Just because you lost a limb, doesn't make you not want to go back to war! Heh..... I am an crusty ole bitch. And I only restructure my sentences to suit myself.

Are you there Kat?.....let's show them what we are made of. Come on....you can do it...momma says!

Actually, I went through the Randonizer today, and there are a ton of people who only heard of it after it started and they got on board late. So, it really isn't a big deal. Yes, I knew the rules, but I don't think it's meant to be a marathon. Do your best...and meet a lot of new people...that is the actual spirit of this I think. I'm going to enjoy it whether I missed a day or not.

I'm still pretending Nablopomo doesn't know something I am hiding

Ahhh shits...they will catch me. I tried to change the dates in (edit posts)..I know!, I was going to cheat. What does that say about my character?...well, maybe I always like to win. I totally fucked myself up. I have to pay the consequences..........unless they don't notice...heh

If I post really small, I just might be under their radar.... What if they have a prize for the blogger that try's to screw the NABLOPOMO system? I would think they would have something like a "Creative explanation for not posting on the day you were supposed to." AND still give me a prize for going to bed with a really hot 63 year old guy with a gimpy leg and a heart condition and forgot about posting. I should win a prize for that. I should win the Nobel prize.

I blew NABLOPOMO

I forgot to post yesterday. I need a whack on the ass. I'm no longer in the running, I'm a loser.

I'm just paying em back for not giving me a prize last year. heh...not really! Too much going around here I guess. I remembered it about 12:15 dang!! OR maybe they won't notice.....shhhhh be very quite.... I will carry on with my boyfriend thingie anyway, but that's not too interesting. It didn't end well. Opps, I gave away the ending. Can't I do anything right? Fortheloveofreesespieces PEOPLE! hmmmm Reeces Peanut Butter cups...smooth and yet not too smooth, peanutbuttery yet not to peanutbuttery. There I said Nut and Butt in one word. That should put in back in NABLOPOMO good books again, for being so smart. I think I'm back in folks!

No snow here yet...cross yer fingers and toes for me. I'm still driving the big ole beast. First I spelled that breast.. my mistake..ha! I'm driving the big ole breast. yeahhhhh, I drive my breasts, like cattle on a ranch..very small cattle. My cattle seem to be getting smaller every day. They don't mooo like used to. Now they are going nayeeee.. like goats or something. By golly wouldn't sound effects be great on blogger, let me go over there and give them my new idea for a better blogger experience. If you could hear my breasts talking to each other.... Cool.

Breast #1 to breast #2: Hey skin with a nipple...what's shaking?

Breast #2 to breast #1: Fuck you

Breast #1 to breast #2: Chill out man, have you ever heard about gel bra's?

Breast #2 to breast #1: Yeah, but it don't make em any bigger stupid.

Breast #1 to breast #2: Hey, don't be getting your nipples all in bunch.. I was just trying to help ..flatty Mchatties. I'm in the same boat, but without the attitude.

Breast #2 to breast #1: Duh...well yeah, you were the girl who wouldn't agree with the implants, you flat piece of shit. We needed two to tango my friend.

Breast #1 to breast #2: Oh yeah, I forgot about that...we would have looked kind of silly on Joan. One big cushy one on the left and skin on a nipple on the right.

Breast #2 to breast #1: Yeah so lets do it.....just the one...she is going to be so pissed.

Bastards!!

You know what yanks my chain?

Crappy outside Christmas lights.

Everyone in our neighbourhood decided it was a good day to put up their Christmas lights, before the snow starts to fly. Well, it turned dark quite early today, and I got to see the fruits of their labour. Friends, it wasn't a purty sight.

The people behind us in the next bay put up a numbered house light yesterday. I thought that was kinda neat. TODAY...they put up 24,678 strands of lights that make no sense. Some blink, some don't...there is no rhyme or reason to it. It.is.fucking.ugly. This is what I will have to look out to everyday in my backyard until spring. I hate them. They just spoiled my Christmas. Bastards! Couldn't they have put a cohesive plan together, taking in account that I have to look at this shit every night until we get daylight savings time back? I give them a 0- out of ten.

Yes, I enjoyed the extra hour of sleep this morning, didn't you? Yesterday I changed out all the bedding for winter. I aired out our feather bed top which sits on top of our water bed and put it on the deck railing and whacked the shit out it a hundred times...
You can't wash these things and I swear I saw in my minds eye my grandma wacking her rugs! We are from some wacky stock. We are whacked. Then I got out my "down" comforter up and threw it on the deck railing to air out....only to have a a bird shit on it. Gawwd, what were the odds? Give me a break. But after everything was cleaned up, aired out, clean sheets and pillow cases .....it smelled lovely, and a good sleep was had by all.

I even washed all my windows, inside and out for the first time in 3 years............yeah I know I got lazy. Holy mackerel everything looks so clean.

Then I took my Venetian blinds down from the kitchen window, to clean them in the tub. I haven't paid too much attention to them, they are just there, and I just adjust them if it's too sunny in the room or too dark. I took a good look at them when I got them off the window. I was appalled. I screamed in horror. They were filthy. I don't know how I didn't notice it. I remembered they were dirt cheap ...like about $12.00 bucks, so instead of trying to scrub 4,500 slats in the tub. It's all about the effort. So I bought a new one. And again, Zellers came through...they were still 12.00 bucks, and this time I have a nice taupe colour. Win.win. No effort on my part except to get them back on the same tract. It was a little difficult ...climbing up on a wobbly chair, and then climbing on the counter top with a 45x45 blind in hand..then doing a balancing act trying to put it in the old tract. I hit my head on the overhead light ...maybe 13 times, fortunately the globe didn't break.

I didn't have to put new hardware in, because this was the same as the old blind I had before, anywho.... I forgot the shortcuts I had taken to get the other one to stay upright and not come tumbling off and hit the floor, and scare the dog, and make me want to GIT CRAZZY.

Numereo 1.... I forgot the blind was too long for the window, and you have to take X number of slats out of it before you install it. THAT took me ... don't ask .. I haven't even got the patience to tell you...how much that pissed me off.

After all that shit......when everything was in place, I got back up on the chair, climbed on the counter with this friggin blind, put it in the old hardware on top of the window, and it fell off. With a very loud bang. Wellfortheloveofmervgriffin... I was somewhat pissed. The dog was pasted to the patio door, trying to get out, because the sky was falling, and I couldn't help her because I was standing on my kitchen counter which is made for preparing food, not for walking on. I inched my way down to the chair, and then to the the floor and let Penny the wienie out before she pissed herself.

I assessed the situation, and realized the last time I installed the hardware, I had modified the brackets. And when I took off the old blind my modifications had not been modified when I put up the new one. Once I remembered that, it was 1,2,3, 4 what are we waiting for....I got back up on the chair, up on the counter, hit my head on the overhead light twice, swiped some cobwebs, and put the screws in the right places so it wouldn't fall off again.

I don't think Penny will ever come in again. It was very stressful. She might be an outside dog from now on in. Nahhh...she's sleeping under all my newly cleaned, dog haired removed bedding with her master.

It's supposed to snow tomorrow....I hope Gord finds a new truck soon because I don't want to be driving that stinkin Lincoln in the snow....I want my Explorer back...now! I might just have to take the bus to work...not. It takes me 10 minutes to get to work from home, with a bus I have to transfer twice, and walk half a mile. Nice.

Larry pulled into our driveway two days later

And asked me if I wanted to go for a ride. I said ohhh yeah. I went in and asked my parents if I could go, and they said yes, but I had be home by 10:00PM. (They met him).

We drove around our little town for about an hour and talked, got to know each other and had a hamburger at the the Dairy Queen, and headed back home. And we had a goodnite kiss....oy, ... now I was in love.

He was back the next evening (you have to remember this was a time when picking up a phone was not an option we lived to two different countries, but only 7 miles apart .. and his parents would have shot him if called long distance.)
... at my doorstep.

He asked if I wanted to go for another ride. I asked my parents and they said yes, but I had to finish my homework first. He offered to help. We sat at the kitchen table, and I batted my long eyelashes at him with much vigor, he almost fell off his chair. He was smitten with me. We managed to get the algebra questions done with and then we would be on our way. As we were leaving Mom said I had to be home by 9:00 PM.... so that just left us .. 1 hour to kiss our faces off. It's funny I was only used to kissing one guy, my first boyfriend, and this guy kissed differently...not in bad way ... different. I was still a virgin kisser. More on kissing as this goes by......to be continued....

It's just and me again ... day 2

I'm still chuckling about the password to NABLOPOMO...... **********it just breaks me up.
OMG.. maybe I shouldn't have told the whole world the password! ...I was just kidding it was "canopener." Yeah. Or maybe "spatula." I don't want "Fussy"... coming over here and rearranging my face...or my kitchen. I think she could kick some serious ass.

I'm having my Friday Night...winefest....sit down and join me. I had to change wine glasses, for some reason I took one of the large wine glasses, only meant to be used by guests who drink red wine. I use the smaller version because I drink white wine, and I like mine cold...very cold. So I only pour a little bit at a time so it doesn't get warm. Unfortunately, I have to go back to the trough 55 times before a red wine drinker finishes off their glass. It makes me look bad. And for that I am unapologetic, because I hate warm wine. Red wine drinkers who come to my house, please don't judge me... I have only two ounces of wine in my glass while you have about 10 ounces, and you wonder why I am flying to the fridge refilling my glass with 2 more ounces compared to your 10 ounces. Plus all the running to the fridge, keeps me sober while you are slowly melting down in my kitchen chairs. I win. I always do.

I was thinking about the 60's today. And you know, I don't remember as much as I thought I did. It was a really long time ago. I have left a trail of brain cells scattered all over the Canadian Shield. And a few in the USA.

In 1960 I dated a guy from the USA. Larry. Tall, handsome, and not from Canada. That was the attraction. Even though he only lived 10 miles from my house, he lived in a different world... the USA.

We lived in a small community on the border of North Dakota. I first met him just after I had broken up with Ron..(Gordon's brother) ...yeah I know... but that is another story.

My friend Dolores and I had hitchhiked to **** North Dakota to go swimming. **** was the only town within a radius of a hundred miles that had a community pool. Hitchhiking in those days only meant you thumbed a ride with a local farmer or someone you knew.

After we went swimming we decided to take in a movie at the local "showhall".... I have no idea if I told my parents where I was, but then again I can't remember. We went to the movie and after we got out, we still didn't know how were going to get home. It must have been 10:00pm. But while we were in the movie, we met two guys from ****. They were sitting a few seats away from us and we were kibitzing back and forth... they asked us where we were from and we giggled like Gidget...and played the game...and wouldn't tell them, and they kept asking, and we kept giggling. So, when the movie finally got out, they were right behind us.

Larry had a car. A huge 1958 Buick. As he and his friend got in his car, they asked us if we wanted to go for a spin. We blushed and gushed, and said no, we were just looking for some Canadians who had got out of the show at the same time to give us a lift home. (All the Canucks went to the movies in ****) .. so all you had to do was find someone from your town, and get a lift home. But Larry was insistent. I looked at Dolores, and she looked back at me.....we were on the same radar...yes....they are both cute. Let's go for it. And we did. giggle. giggle.giggle.

They drove us back home across the border and were gentlemen. No groping. Just the getting to know you thang. We were just pissing our pants...guys from the "States "liked us!! " WHOOOO. We couldn't wait for school to start on Monday to tell everyone ... we scored two American Guys.

Two days later....Larry showed up at my house...........

to be continued.....

Assaholic

I just came across this word today. And I rolled it around my tongue for a time..assaholic..assaholic...and holy crap it was a perfect fit. This is who I am. I AM AN ASSAHOLIC!

No more shrinks.

I know my problem now..... I looked in the phone book, and there doesn't seem to be a Assaholic hotline. Bastards!

So, how do I solve my problem? How do I UNASS myself?

I know I was going to talk about the "60's" and shit today, but I haven't had time to scan the pics, that will come..after all I have fucking month to bare my soul. I hope God isn't looking.

What I want to know, is how do I become a better person...and not the jackass I have been for ...let's see ..the last 62 years. I have two problems, I am a Assaholic and Jackasserist.

I don't see a very bright future....I need some intervention.

Bring it on!!

How cool were the 60's

This is a pic I have posted before of Gord (the little one) and his bro in about 1959 or there about. Gord's the one on bike on the other one. They were very cool in the leather, and the Black and White jackets, along with their fancy boots, plus a motorcycle...HEY..And we say our kids are spoiled these days with all the trends...oy... They look like they just walked out of a old Marlon Brando or James Dean movie set....this was 1959...the boomer kids "were starting to be seen .. and heard." My grandpa always said..kids should be seen...but not heard...he always gave me a nickel to disappear. I always talked long enough to get the nickel. heh

I might just make this my theme for the month of November including the 70's and 80's, someone might be interested in how we (the baby boomer's) managed to survive the revival
in our own special way. And yes, there was some drugs, some sex and some rock and roll...but given my Mennonite background I was the world's worst hippy. I walked and talked it...but I never really embraced it. I was a wannabee. I wore flowers in my hair, tossed my bra in the air, and drenched myself in patchouli and said "fuck the system man." I had no idea what I was talking about. More about that in the coming weeks. God, I was so stupid... I laugh out loud sometime when I think back....like what the hell were you thinking?

I can't find any pictures of the time I fell (jumped) off the boat without my clothes on. But, when my friends all get together the subject always seems to come up. Doesn't anyone my age start forgetting shit?... you would think!!! But, they don't. It's okay, I got a lot of crap on them too.

So stay tuned....I think I'm on a roll.

Just getting ready for NABLOPOMO

I'm saving all my words of wisdom. I don't want to waste them on my free time.

Thirty days of barking me head off...will certainly put you to sleep. God, someone send me a meme!!! Halp. I need some material. I don't want Youtube you to death either, because that gets a little annoying.

I will have dredge up my past.........ohhhhhnoooo....with pic's.......ohhhhhhnooo.....nobody should know what a douche I was. But oh well, who gives a shit I'm just another blogger in the whole scheme of things. Think of me as nobody you ever read. Good. Then. I will carry on as if you never heard of me and we can start our relationships over...and I can copy all my old blogs in November........nahhhhh I'm not the desperate....I will just make shit up. Like I always do.

Speaking of meatloaf, we had a really good supper tonight. I made a good beef gravy with mushrooms and onions...yummers ... but I didn't have any potatoes in the pantry, so I made "Hot Meatloaf Sandwiches" and smoothered them in gravy along with a shit pile of veggies. it was really good...and low fat mind you. Alway that. It's hard sometimes, but I find a way. I have had just about "Chickened out" these last few weeks...I'm so tired of chicken I could just about kick a chicken in the ass if I saw one, which is unlikely in the city. But, if I did see one, I would kick him/her. Little peckers! I need me some ribs!!! Baby back ribs! NOW. And bacon and eggs......lordy what I'd give for a nice breakfast of bacon and eggs with hash browns...and tomato slices...I'm drooling on my keyboard. The day will come again. Waiting is the worst part. I miss my Salisbury House hamburgers too.......ohhhhh will it never end.

We are still losing weight...I'm 135 now, so I could possibly incorporate some of the old stuff, but Gord is a standstill, so I'm waiting for him. It's always so hard to loose those last 20 pounds, but it will come. I'm a person who looses her appetite at the first sign of stress, and Gord eats more if he is stressed....so never the twain shall meet. >...time to get rid of the stress.

So...send me memes..... Q&A....anything that will get me through the month of November without me embarrassing myself with pictures of the time I fell off the boat without my bathing suit. Deal?

Hello Friday

I greet you with all my heart and soul. I just put in a CD with all the waves and shit washing up on the beach to sooth my sorry soul and then it screwed up. I heard one wave...one bird chirping...a little too loud, ..and then they went away...

Okay, I got them back, now the birds are really annoying me...make them stop. Ohhh, now we have waves, I like them...and a little thunder and rain.

Hello, what time is it? I think I just dozed off.

It's raining a little harder than I anticipated in my CD world. I'm not liking the thunder, but I'm used to that shit. Fuck, now I have to pee...all that frickin rain...... to late. I just pissed my pants. The rain is letting up right now....just a drizzle....what's next?

Frickin Frogs.... now the frogs are mating, and it's making me nauseous. Two green things sitting on top of each other slimming themselves into reproduction.

Hey, here comes the water part again, this time I really have to GO.....BRB.

I think it's a flood! Get out the Ark!

..I have to wait a moment before I really get what is coming next.

I think it is God calling the animals into the Ark, but I can't be sure. He sound like Johnny Carson....with a birdie voice.

Yes, the storm is about to start, ohhh my it's getting loud. My bladder is empty, so if the CD tries to put anymore water tracks on it....I win... it's all in my pants already. A word to the wise, if you have to pee when you hear water running...don't listen to CD's like this.

Okay, another bird. Two more chirps...and I'm gonna get out my sling shot.

That is what a bad week does to ya....nature starts to piss you off.

Hold on...I'm just hearing the geese overhead ..... good thing it's on a CD or I would have goose shit on my deck.
I'm starting to get more cheerful.

I am such a bitch...heh

Oy..dis week she has been a bitch

If I can't even post once a week, how am I going to post once a month in November? I think I have post partum postnomoreitious. Yeah, that's the ticket.

To top it all off, one of my fucking neighbours is celebrating something (he probably just got laid) I don't know, by blowing up firecrackers....much to my dog's dismay. I'll have to get her off the couch in front of the window, before she shits herself!! Lord, the minute I sit down to type a WORD...everything in the world takes precedence...everything.....

Gord....where are my shoes? ...try looking at your feet dumbo

Gord... can you get out of blogger and check our bank statement?....noooooo

Penny... I'm hungry...where are the snacks....bastard

Phone call.... You just won a trip to an undisclosed location, and we want your credit card number to confirm you actually want to go nowhere. Arseholes!

Email: A facebook invitation........gawwwd almighty... no I don't want to join your group and poke you...maybe I would if I was a male...but being female...I got nuttin to poke with ..other than my middle finger... if you get my drift.

It's garbage day...and I just brought out all the garbage to the front street, as Gord was coming up the driveway. He parked his truck and still hasn't come in, so hopefully he has parked his ass in one of those cans.. it will save me the trouble. He will be gone by morning.

It's been one of those weeks my friends, when you want to make it all go away.

Everything I have made for supper this week tasted like shit. Everything. How can you screw up nothing? Yeah...I made stuff, but it tasted like paper. I should have omitted the fibre I thought it needed to make it a healthy meal. And when you use a newspaper that uses a lot of coloured ink.... there is a surprise waiting for you in the morning.

Then there is the wine fiasco... I ran out of my homemade stuff! And had to go to the liquor store to buy the real stuff. Apparently, the "real stuff" has a little more kick to it than mine. This caught me off guard, because I put paper in my supper. heh.... who knew?

Then, I got my pay cheque today...minus two days off of work from when I was sick last week. I phoned our head office and asked them....like who the hell is going to pay my MasterCard if you arseholes are going to keep deducting my time when I am not at work! The answer, was...tough nuggies...no workie, no pay...bastards!!

I'm not in a good place. Fortheloveoftakingagunandblowingmyheadoff! But, of course I am kidding, we have gun laws in Canada, and that would be against the law....and I'm all about the law.

I'm thinking about taking my aggression out to the Pumpkins.. I'm going to be kicking the shit of them. Why not. Everyone takes knives to them this time of year, why can't I kick the shit out of them? It's all about aggression isn't it. People feel the need to cut up a perfectly good piece of squash ... carve the funny faces in it....put a candle in the centre and burn it's guts out...and kick it to the curb. Nah...I couldn't kick a pumpkin...I couldn't even kick a curb. So, I have to find something I can kick, like my ass. If I position myself correctly, I could manage it. If I fail, it's off the chiropractor I go...that's they are there for. Help those, that are stupid.

Next week will be a better week. We all have the crap going on.

I'm just glad I finished one THIS WEEK!

Don't bug me

This is a pic my friend Kay said I could have last year.... I love it. Thanks Kay!!

I'm cooking fish.
and it took me so long to catch them. The little bastards... now, I'm too tired to tell you about my exciting life.

I'll be back...tomorrow.... be afraid.

I'm stewing

I bet you thought I was mad...wrongo...I am making stew. A lean stew, a keen stew, a rough stew, a tough stew, made from cattle that hunted on their own. (old poem that I just trashed).

Nevermind.

When I told Gord we were having Stew for supper tonight, he started singing a VERY old song. Stu Ball was a Race Horse..Haaaaa I laughed my ass off. You have to be ancient...but I loved that song... Stu ball never drank water...he only drank wine...my kinda horse.

I'm off the cold med's and back to what one might suggest as a normal human being.

Damn, that free range stew is smelling mighty good about now, I only cut myself 4576 times cutting up the veggies and the beef. There is always a price to pay for organics...and if I have to do some "blood letting"...short of of leeches, hey, I'm your girl. The problem is my brand new sharp knife... I am used to cutting up shit with a knife that is as dull as I am. I slice and dice and I get pissed off ...but never thinking, fortheloveofwiltshure (stay sharp)..would there be a knife that would get all the jobs required in the kitchen done? So I bought me one of those big boys at Canadian Tire last week. And later a package of Fred Flintstone bandages. It was a good match.

We got all the crap off the back 40 and the deck today, tables, chairs, etc. and sent them to THE SHED. They don't like Mr. Shed. Sometimes in winter I see them trying escape. The chairs are the worst, they inch themselves in front of the doorway...and because there are 6 of those bastards ..they rule, and try to bust out. There is no stopping them. They want to be sat upon. They miss my small, but delicate farts on a summers eve, Penny's hairy ass, and Gord's big one. Chairs are people too. So, when I see them doing the "rumba" at the shed door, I shed a little tear, because they miss us, as we do them. Poor little bastards. We will see them again in spring, I'll fart in them, the dog will drool, and Gord will sink his portly ass in them. All will be well with the world.

Kidding aside...

I say this, as I am thinking about my "mentor" Mary Lou who's brother might not be so lucky to see the spring. I know how difficult it is when Cancer strikes a family. It doesn't only take out the member, but it takes out a piece of you and chews you into pieces. And you don't know which way to turn. You can give it to God...but no matter how you choose to deal with it...it's yours. One step at a time throughout the process...one step at a time. And Mary Lou if you are reading... I love you..and thanks for being my friend and we will get through this together, you helped when my Gord had his heart attack. I'm here for you my friend.

Is it just me?

In the last month, I have had 5 bloggers pack it in for one reason or another. What's up? I don't have all of them on my links, but I know how it feels when life gets overwhelming and you just don't want to share your trials and tribulations with anyone....and bury you head in the sand. I am half way in between that. I'm still blogging, but I feel I hold back more than I used to. I can't seem to get my shit happening. My words appear stunted to me after I read them, instead of flowing...to careful..to cautious... very unlike the ole days when I used to "let er rip."

I can't wait to get there again.

I am back at my work station

The mailman "trembled" when he saw me at my desk this morning. He cupped his hands around my jowls, stared into my vacant eyes and lamented on how much he had missed me. I missed him too. We are soul Canada Post sisters and brothers. There is nothing better than mail....REAL mail. In summer he wears shorts (Canada Post approved). They are not that becoming, because it's apparent to me he either had Rickets as a child or rode a lot of horses. But, such as it is, he feels comfortable wearing them. Most days, when I get into the office, I forget to unlock the front door...and when the Postman comes saddling up the walk, I can't there fast enough to unlock the door. But some days, I not at my work station, I am in the "can" reading a DELL flyer. My other work mate...is totally unaware of what happens 10 feet away from him in another room ..because he is in a internet stupor..............

Then Postie does the old ...grab the door trick .. when he thinks it is open .. and damn near falls over backwards on his ample arse when it doesn't open, because Canada Post tells all their drivers to get in...and get out..fast. So...I run like hell............. my ass is on fire when I hear he is trying to open the door, because...we got a mail thang going on. I always apologize for the rudeness of my company and myself, for dislocating all the joints in his left arm. And I didn't even get to the end of the DELL flyer...but that will be for another exciting day in the "can."

I found a shit pile of work to do today on my desk. Doesn't anyone know how to do anything while you are away? My boss was almost dripping with glee...with the amount of it. Bastards!

Ya...I loves them all alot..and was happy to be back in the clan. 4 days at home feeling crappy, was moreandenoughforme.

Some good news, Gord finally bought a new van. If all goes well, I can stop driving the Stinkin Lincoln before the snow flies. I will miss being propositioned at red lights...by senior citizens.

Speaking of which....ya know how I hates to be asked if I am a senior citizen at Safeway on Seniors Wednesday 10 PERCENT OFF...AND I AM NOT...Our Safeway just got a new facelift these last few weeks, and we have all new shit in there. It's really cool..Starbucks and everything..yeah like I ever had one....anyway....I had all my groceries lined up...and I was waiting for the the question by this 18 year old boy at the till.

I had my guns in my holster...waiting to shoot that son of a bitch.

He put through my order, while I was watching the screen, and then I caught him taking "just a glance" at me..... I felt it.....and he punched in the 10 percent seniors discount without asking me a question. He was about 18 and everyone looks like they are 65 to him....heh..I fooled him. I very much appreciated him not asking......you go out feeling a little ole but it's okay. Even tho you are.

Went in to have my eyes tested for the glasses and my optomitrist had just got a new fancy dancy machine that blows air in your eyes to see if you had problems instead of the usual crap they put in your eyes. And when he tested my eyes, he said the readings were high, and continued to punch air into them at least 10 times, to make sure. Then he told me that with this new machine he had already sent 4 people to their doctors to make sure his reading were right, two came back good..two came back with problems, and said when I came back to pick up my glasses he would do the the test again. Fuck that. I made an appointment with my own doctor, because I don't trust him. If I got it, I want to be there with a doctor, not a Optometrist.

Does Blogger offer braille blogging... scares me. Hey.. life after 60 ain't no cake walk.

See that empty chair

This is my office, and I'm at home with a fever and a cold. My ass should be in that ugly chair.

There is no chicken soup in the larder to cure me. I'm depending on Tylenol to do the job. So far it's not doing sweet bugger all. I wish I was back there in my chair. I often dream of getting a day off work and wile the day away at home on my computer; but I didn't factor in snot running out of my nose, down my arms and on to my keyboard. It's not pretty. Be careful what you wish for.

I tried to sleep in this morning, but Gord's damn cell phone kept ringing, the dog was outside barking at squirrels, and the straw that broke the camels back was when the door bell rang. Fuck, I was mad. Guess who it was? Yes, a Jehovah Witness, I shit you not!!! That conversation was very short. Who comes knocking on your door at 9:30 on a Monday morning spreading the Gospel? A Jehovah Witness, that's who. He left wearing the Watchtower.... after I blew my nose in it. Then I gave up, put on a pot of coffee and stared vacantly into the abyss. My fever was raging so much so the wash cloth I was holding to my forehead had steam coming out of it. I was muttering. I muttered so much I could not even understand what I was muttering. Gord told me to speak up...but I couldn't... because all I wanted to do was mutter. Finally he got fed up with me and told me to go back to bed and he was going to work. "Yeah," I muttered, that's easy for you to say because you don't have a head full of snot, your eyes aren't bulging out of their sockets, and you aren't sneezing so hard that it caused you to piss your pants .. just a little...Ohhh no buddy, not you!...yeah, go to work and leave me here to drown in a puddle of bodily fluids. He never understood a word I said, because I was still muttering. bldhfhdmff.

So, here I sit, I can't sleep because the birds are chirping too loud and the sun is shining too brightly. I want to go back to work. This day is wasted. Maybe a glass of wine might help? It would certainly dehydrate me a bit, so my nose would stop running...but it's only 2:00 PM and happy hour doesn't start until 5:30 sharp. Now, the fridge is running, lawd...will the noise ever end?

I think another Tylenol is in order. I can't remember what time it was when I took my last one, so I think it might not have been that long ago. Should I take another one and hope I don't OD? ... or should I have a tall glass of Neo Citran? Problem solved... I cracked open a coke. Now I feel all jittery from the caffeine and sugar. I'm mumbling at quite a rate now.

I'm looking around the kitchen at all that needs to be done. Dishes are piled in the sink, the floor is scattered with leaves the dog has brought in, the place mats on the table have gunk of them, my computer screen has fly shit on it, and coffee in the coffeemaker has long lost it lustre. Did I mention the leaves are blowing around outside, and it's so loud!! I think the combination of Tylenol, coke and coffee have increased my ability to hear. That, or my ears have grown. Why yes, they do look abnormally large. I'm also becoming aware that the coke, Tylenol and coffee cocktail have increased my ability to be a better writer. I could just keep on writing and writing. Hey how about a few pictures? Or maybe I should change my template. I'm feeling very alert. I think I'll crack open another can of coke.

This is the front of my desk in my office, where I very much want to be today. Notice everything is clean and orderly. I don't like work stuff cluttering up my desk and my computer station, so I don't do any. My job is to sit here and wait for the mailman every morning. I wonder if he missed me today? Who will open the mail? Who will distribute the mail? Or will there even be mail service if I'm not there? Probably not. What would be the point? This is a picture of my bro, me and my doll named Suzy.

She had a wooden head.

My feet are getting cold. Finally that stinking fridge quit running, maybe I can get some sleep. Nope. I'm still wide awake. Isn't there a law that says airplanes cannot fly over your house from 9:00 AM - 5:00 PM? They are so loud! I think I will Google that. Nope, no such law...but there should be one.

Remember when you were young and went drinking in the bush? Then when you would finish off a beer, you would say... "another dead soldier." That was pretty rude. But, I just said that to my coke can..heh. I'll have to check my Tylenol stash, I should have really counted them before I started to take them so I would know exactly how many I took. I'll wait another 15 minutes, because my buzz is fading. I can't find my purse. Nothing is going right today.

Did I tell youse guys a deer hit our house? Yesiree. Last Tuesday whilst I was in the shower I heard such a clatter, and I jumped out of the tub to see what was the matter. What did to my wondering eyes appear ... but a tiny reindeer trying to get in our living room window. I don't know how or why it ended up in our cul de sac, but apparently it thought the window was an opening to the rest of the road. We are in the centre, so I guess when the road ended the deer just forged ahead. Boy, did it ever make a loud noise. I'm just glad it didn't break the window and get hurt. The dog started barking and finally scared it away. Poor little thing. I'm glad it didn't happen today, because that would have been more noise than I could bear.

I think it's time I get a plan of action hatched to eliminate all the sounds in my head. BRB

I unplugged the fridge, shot up all the birds in the back yard, called in a bomb threat at the airport, and put in a formal complaint to the Jehovah Witness organization. The sun is still shining a little too brightly, but I closed the drapes. The dog is hiding. That's fine as long as she does it quietly...I have no problem with that.

Oh fortheloveofrugrats! Elementary school just let out. Buses are bussing, children are screaming and patrols are patrolling loudly! Nothing good can come from this. I can't close the window, because when I do I feel the vapours coming on....I need the fresh air. Bastards! I should have been a cone head, I don't think they had ears.

Time to to pack it in and try to get a little rest before nightfall. I sure as hell hope IT doesn't FALL to loudly, because that would put the icing on the cake.

I can't find my delete button, so I guess I'll have to post this. zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Leaf Blower Hell

All the leaves are coming down, and it's not surprising because it is fall after all, but I forgot how messy it was. I like fall mind you, but in someone else's backyard. What a nuisance. If I would have had half a brain and part of an arsehole when we moved in here some 30 years ago, I would not have planted every tree God created. Trust me I have them all. And if I didn't plant them on purpose, I would let seedling trees grow at their will. I'm a kind gardener, and don't uproot what nature deems as a good place for a tree to grow. Even if they grow through the foundation of my basement. I never have had "good sense." I am also lazy. If the seedlings are out of the reach of the lawnmower they get to live in my backyard, along the back fence. If they pop in my lawn, I am quick to murder them. That stinking plum tree roots everywhere.


I just thought of this, remember our old lawnmower "Jake the Snake"...who had a mind of his own and would just run off if I wasn't watching him....well Gord fixed him all up, and is trying to sell that evil bastard. Jake is bright red, just like the devil, and he is just sitting the garage waiting for his new home. We got him advertised in the "Buy and Sell" .... and I wouldn't want to be his new owner for all the tea in China. He be evil. I can hear rumblings in the garage late at night...and when Jake gets his mad on, push off! I swear to God he was trying to get out of the garage last night, I could hear something banging on the inside of the garage door. He's a bastard, thru and thru. I know what he wants, he wants someone to pull his cord now that he is in prime condition. Do I have sucker written on my forehead? uh uh...once he gets started, he will be gone...without even waving his "grass catcher" goodbye. I want him to suffer in his new home, for all the grief he caused me over the last 20 years. There was..the ... I'm sorry bitch, but if you shut me off in the middle of a job...I will not start again for precisely 1/2 hour and screw up your lawn mowing experience! I hated him. He hated me.


I'm going through the same experience with the "Stinking Lincoln" now. Same shit. They have both been parked in the same garage for quite awhile so I think they have started to plot against me. Maybe it was the Lincoln (Fat Kat) that was trying to get out of the garage last night??... because I kicked her ass on Saturday afternoon. That no good..piece of 1970's crap, stalled on me 5,689 times while I was trying to come home from SuperStore yesterday. I pulled out the gas bar...and I should have known...I should have...I really should have known, just like Jake the Snake, she doesn't like to be started and shut down too quickly....like Jake she needs her 1/2 hour nap. I sat there in the middle of a very busy parking lot, blocking an entire lane, with people giving me the evil eye. Like... you old fart...get into the the year 2007, stupeedo....who drives gas guzzlers like that anymore? I had my groceries in the back in PLASTIC BAGS, and women with small children threatened to kill me for not using "green friendly bags", Well, shit!!! Try riding in my moccasins...my husband won't give me my truck back until he gets his new one....I'm going to make him sorry too. Every time I ask...when will your new truck be here?, he says he doesn't know, well guess what...I will shut down for 1/2 hour like Jake and Fat Kat. Yeah...don't make me kick your ass! And maybe I will shut down for a year... so don't piss me off. It would be hard to start me after a year, because rust happens.


Okay, back to my title....leaf blower hell.....


When I first got my leaf blower, I managed to blow everything off my deck, including all my plants, because I wasn't sure how to use it. This year, I have only been using it to scare my dog. But, today I had some serious leaf blowing to do, because my deck looked like ...ummm shit, full of dead branches, leaves, bird poop ...etc.


So, I took out my handy dandy electric leaf blower and started to blow. I aimed it a Penny first because she loves to chase it. But I didn't want to get all that shit in her eyes and chased her off the deck. I went around in circles.. I have not learned any lessons from last year.... Start from the back, and blow to the front.... easy enough... And if there there are any leaves hanging around, don't try to get them again, because you will destroy the balance of nature. Those leaves will wind up behind you again....and again...and again... and you will get dizzy trying to get them all off the deck. And fall down. The trick is to lift up the leaf blower after you got everything where you want it to be, and not doing spastic shit like trying to blow birds off the trees. Lardy. I'm telling you it's a power trip. Dogs, birds and squirrels don't mess with you. I like that kind of respect. Rodney and I never got any. Now we might.

SIL wasn't able to come over for my birthday last weekend so she brought me a Apple Pie...it was so good....I'm up a pound. I have to be careful, I'm eating too much crap.


It was good addition to my pot roast last night





And the cupcakes I got for SIL because it was her birthday this weekend too.

It's crazy in October around here, my BDay, Sheila's BDay, Gord's BDay and our Anniversary later this month. Always an excuse to eat stuff you don't normally eat.

Back to the drawing board.

I'm a little ticked of at Signgenerator

I can't change the wording on my Senior Citizens Motel sign. This is giving me no end of grief.

Do you think Special K had something to do with it? ....

Something is fucked up. I will try again.

Because I have such a good sign to put up....... I can hardly keep it to myself.

That smirk....

Everytime I leave a comment and my picture comes up...it looks like I am smirking. I probably am. I gotta a jerk smirk thing going on.

There was a lot of metal "under the tables" when I was younger and when I stood up and hit my head under them, it left a dent in my front lobal area, and created "the smirk." Nowaday I usually use it for good. In yesteryear, I used it for "are you fucking nuts"..."how come you are such an asshole?" ... and "what toliet did you just crawl out of"?...you know the creative shit. I also smirked a lot playing cards. That my friends were some of my finest moments! ...other than getting my brother to eat rabbit turds.

You don't want to play cards with me. I get all cocky. Even if I don't know the game,(which I never do) Unless you want to count "31" or "blackjack".... I'm your girl. But I need a few freebie rounds to remember how to play it....

After the rare "under the table" concussion I suffered in 1972, balonie was born.... I was going to keep this for November when I have to post every stinking day of the month, but I couldn't. I just needed to get it out NOW. If she rears her ugly head in November, at least I will have it documented, and you will know where all the bodies are buried.

Some how all this seems a little fragmented... seee ... she is here and it's started all over again. Lawdy.. help me! No good can come from this.

It's getting busy around the blogging world

Don't forget about http://www.nablopomo.com/ I have yet to put it up the sidebar. It will come tomorrow.

You have to blog everyday in November. I didn't win a prize last year, so I'm still got a few crabs up my ass about that. But, it is so much fun so see who joins in and we can see all the different blogs out there. Sometimes we just get in our inner circle..

But don't got farting around too much, come back here now and again...cause I loves you all.

Delurk ye jerks..just kidding